Howlingly Hilarious Song Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
A man and wife went to a new dance club...
The first song was "The Twist," so they did the twist.
The second song was "The Monster Mash," so they did the monster mash.
The third song was "Come on, Eileen." They were thrown out.
Anyone else hear the new Whitney Houston song they just released?
No? Well it's very underground right now.
What happens if you play a country song backward?
You get your house back, your dog back, your wife back, and you sober up.
A man goes to the doctor ...
... and says "Doctor, I'm having a really strange problem. I can't get the song *What's New, p**...* out of my head.
Doctor says, "Well, it sounds like you may have Tom Jones' Disease."
The man opens his eyes wide. "I never heard of that before," he said. "Is it rare?"
Doctor shakes his head. "It's not unusual."
So I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar...
and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
If I had a dollar for everytime I heard someone sing a Macklemore song out loud...
...I would have 20 dollars in my pocket
An observation by Adam Hills
"I have a slight theory as to why there's such a high percentage of obesity in America as compared to the rest of the world. I think it's because in 1984, a group of English and Irish musicians got together and put out a song that told us to 'feed the world'.
And then a year later, a group of American singers told us, 'We Are the World'"
Patient asks his doctor...
A patient asks his doctor, "If I gave up women, wine, and song, would I live longer?" The doctor replies, "No, but it will feel longer."
Song you sing to your dad on Father's Day?
Glad You Came.
So apparently Justin Timberlake is going to write a song for all the people that have been devastated by the crisis in Ukraine.
It's going to be called 'Crimea River'.
A guy goes to see his doctor...
He says to his doctor:
>Man: "Doctor, I can't get that song "She's a Lady" out of my head... I keep singing it over and over, but it just won't go away...."
>Doctor: "Hmmm.... sounds like a case of Tom Jones Syndrome."
>Man: "Oh no.... Is it serious?"
>Doctor: "Well, it's not unusual."
You can explore song band reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean song album dad jokes. There are also song puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A misunderstanding
A girl is driving down the highway listening to the radio when a song comes on that she really, really likes. The DJ says the name of that song was "Hot lips and tender kisses." The girl says to herself I've got to buy that record. She pulls over and looks up the phone number for the nearest record store. She dials the number but makes a mistake while dialing and instead of calling a record store she has called an auto mechanic. The phone rings and the mechanic picks up the phone. The girl says, excitedly, "Do you have hot lips and tender kisses?" The mechanic is a little confused, but responds, "No, but I've got hot pants and seven inches." The girl responds, "Is that a record?" The mechanic says, "No, but it's better than average."
I have a rather unique talent. You can give me any girl's name and I know a song for that name.
Try me!
A Mongolian man tells his friend a story
When I came home late last night, I found my wife with another man. I was furious, and to hold myself back, I sat down and drank from a bottle that was left on the table. Then, I sang a song to cheer myself up. When I felt a little better, I looked around, and said to myself, 'Shit, this isn't my house,'.
My son asked me what it was like to be married
I deleted all the music off his iPod except one song.
Dear JUSTIN BEIBER haters...
Dear JUSTIN BEIBER haters*
.
.
.
I owe my life to justin.
On march 9th, 2012 I was in a coma for 6 months after a terrible car c**....
One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song, So I got up and turned the radio off.
When an artist covers another artist's song, it's flattering. When a comedian tells another comedian's joke, it's
Carlos Mencia
Muslim Band
I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.
They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.
They performed songs like:
"Losing my Head over You",
"Rocket Launcher Man",
"You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".
Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down!
Then I heard this Muslim guy saying he had the entire Koran on a DVD.
I was interested, so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"
Well that was when the trouble started.
I wrote a song about a coal digger having s**... with a 15 year old.
I call it 'A Miner in a Minor' in A minor.
I love the way Pitbull says "Mr.World Wide" at the start of a song.
Because it gives me time to change the station.
Every N.W.A song
Verse 1: Sellin' crack rocks and shootin' muthafuckas!
Verse 2: Police pull me over just 'cause I'm brown.
What's the best song for a t**...
You've got a friend in me.
iPod Shuffle
Today, I was playing my iPod on shuffle. The song, "This is Not the End" by The Bravery came on. The next song was "This is the End" by She Wants Revenge. It was followed by "The End." by My Chemical Romance. As soon as the songs finished, the battery promptly died. I think my iPod left a s**... note.
How do you know Justin Bieber is Canadian?
Only a Canadian could get a #1 on Billboard with a song called Sorry.
My life is just like Rihanna's new song.
Work work work work work and the rest I can't really understand!
Which chord is essential to every Christian song?
Gsus
I made a song about a tortilla
Actually it's more of a wrap.
Congratulations to Ukraine to winning the Eurovision Song Contest.
Can't wait for Russia to host it next year.
I can fit the lyrics of the song 'Uptown Funk' into any conversation that I have...
Don't believe me? Just watch!
I'm writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced.
There's a lovely key change at the end.
A grave digger...
A grave digger hears a story about how Mozart had an unfinished song folded up in his coat pocket when he was buried.
The grave digger goes to the cemetery where Mozart was buried, and starts digging at the composer's grave.
The grave digger hits the coffin.
The grave digger opens the coffin, and sees Mozart holding the unfinished piece, and erasing each note on at a time.
The grave digger yells, "What are you doing?!"
Mozart responds with, "Decomposing."
What is Putin's favorite Justin Timberlake song?
Crimea River...
What do you call a bird who never remembers song lyrics?
A hummingbird
What is Putins favorite song to play for Ukraine?
Crimea-River
A man goes to jail.
A man was sentenced to death. By tradition, the man can request one last meal
"So what will it Be?" the executioner asked
"Instead of food, can I request to sing one last song? But you must let me finish the song"
Confused by this, the executioner agreed to let the man sing
The man begins "1,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall..."
With the rise of self-driving vehicles...
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too
My wife's favorite song is "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers. She says so every time it's on the radio.
I reply "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know..."
What do you call a religious song from Helsinki that describes the end of a Mortal Kombat match?
A Finnish Hymn
What do you call a song with a Chris Brown feature?
An instant hit.
I've just written a song about tortillas
Actually, it's more of a rap.
I wrote a song about a tortilla.
Well it's actually more like a wrap.
Prisoner's Christmas Song
*You better watch out*
*You better not cry*
*You better not pout*
*I'm going in dry*
With the rise of self driving vehicles,
we shall soon hear a country song about a guy's truck leaving him too.
What song do friends with benefits usually play?
You've got a friend in me.
Why did the ants wait until the bear's favourite song came on before stealing his jelly?
Because nobody would understand what was going on when he yelled "YO! THAT'S MY JAM!"
Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time?
I mean, where did it come from where did it go?
I got kicked out of my aunt's f**... for singing a song...
It was the Pink Panther theme. Dead aunt, dead aunt, dead aunt dead aunt dead aunt...
Guy calls in on radio show
**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'
**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?
**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan
Now that vehicles are driving themselves...
It won't be long until a country singer writes a song about their truck leaving them too.
Did you hear about the musician who played through the silent part of a song?
He was charged with resisting a rest
What's the official song of the Anti Vaxx movement?
Down With the Sickness
It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green.
That would've been sublime.
Last Request
Two convicts who were about to be executed, The warden says to the first one, 'Do you have a last request?'
The convict says, 'Yes, I'd like to hear the song Achy Breaky Heart one last time.'The Warden says, 'OK, I think we can arrange that.' Then he says to the second convict, 'How about you?' The second convict says, 'Yeah, kill me first.'
Japanese Banking Crisis
Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.
In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.
Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.
Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.
My wife suggested for s**... we do something from a song...
Her friend Eileen wasnt to happy about it.
Guy: "I lost my virginity to Barry White."
Girl: "Me, too! What song was it for you?"
Guy: "Song?"
Financial collapse in Japan
Origami Bank has folded.
Sumo Bank has gone belly up.
Bonsai Bank has had to cut back some of its branches.
Karaoke Bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.
There's something fishy going on at Sushi Bank...shareholders are afraid they might get a raw deal.
Kamikaze Bank shares have nose-dived.
500 jobs at Karate Bank have been chopped.
I love how Pit Bull announces himself at the beginning of every song
giving us time to change the song.
What's Princess Leia's favourite song?
Riding solo - Jason Derulo
I played bass on the original s**... Doo theme song way back in 1969 and then went on to play with Metallica. AMA!
Fine, I didn't actually play the bass on the s**... Doo theme song, or in any band for that matter, but I'd have gotten away with it if it weren't for you metaling kids!
An American spy comes into a Soviet bar
And orders a drink.
"No drink for US spies" said the barkeep.
The spy goes pale. He pulls out a bottle of v**... and drains it in one big gulp.
"You drink like Russian, but you are American spy"
The spy pulls out his accordeon and plays a wonderful Russian folk song, everyone in the bar tearing up, including the barkeep.
"You sing like Russian", he said under tears, "but you are American spy"
He starts dancing the Kozachok, worthy of the Bolshoy dancers.
"You dance like Russian, but you are American spy"
"Ok, you got me. But how do you know?"
"There are no black Russians"
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers
The first boy says, My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.
The second boy says, That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.
The third boy says, I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!
My daughter made this tonight: What's the favourite song of sloths?
Don't Hurry, Be Happy
Justin Timberlake is bad at geography
He sings this song, "Crimea River", but I checked, and Crimea is a peninsula, not a river.
Me: I'm terrified of the song 'I Want it That Way'
Therapist: Tell me why?
Me: **screams**
What happens when you play a country song backwards?
You get:
- your wife back
- your house back
- your truck back
- your dog back
I'm starting to suspect I was cloned from my older brother
All my genes are hand-me-downs
*Adapted from a song by His Royal Weirdness
I hate it when you get a Cranberries song stuck in your head...
.. In your head
In your head.
In your head.
Did you know Mortal Kombat was actually based on an old Scandinavian worship song?
A Finnish Hymn.
Did you know Mortal Kombat was based on an old Scandinavian song?
A Finnish hymn.
They say if you play the new Luke Bryan song backwards, you will hear a Satanic message. But that's not the worst part
...if you play it forwards, you'll hear the new Luke Bryan song.
Mortal Kombat
Did you know mortal kombat is based on an old nordic folk song?
Well it's technically a Finnish hymn
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing us a song, Chickpeas can only hummus one!
No one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead people drive by the cemetery and honk their horns in respect. One man drives by blasting Another One Bites The Dust
The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.
What Christmas song do they play at the mental hospital?
Do you see what I see?
Japanese banks
The recent tsunami in Japan has badly affected the banking sector.
Origami bank has folded.
Sumo bank has gone belly up.
Bonsai bank has cut back some of its branches.
Karaoke bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.
Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.
Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped.
Due to the rise of autonomous vehicles
It's only a matter of time until a country singer makes a song about his truck leaving them.
Fun Fact: The Mortal Kombat theme was actually inspired by an old European song of praise.
It was a Finnish hymn.
What do you get if you play a country song backwards?
You get your wife back, you get your truck back, you get your dog back.
Did you know Mortal Kombat is based off a scandinavian church song?
It was called Finnish Hymn.
Just realized that the song "Take On Me" was released almost 38 years ago...
Bit of an A-ha moment for me.
What happens if you play a country song backwards?
You get your girl back. You get your truck back. You get your dog back
What kind of song did Sub-Zero, Raiden, and Scorpion sing at their Scandinavian church?
Finnish Hymn!
"God Save the Queen" seems an ill-fitting anthem following the coronation of King Charles III
The obvious choice for the replacement is the "Charles in Charge" theme song.
Avril Lavigne could have just called her song Skater boy instead of Sk8er Boi.
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
A man bought himself an expensive new car
He was a superstitious fellow and wanted to keep anything bad from happening, so he invited a priest, an imam and a rabbi over to bless the vehicle.
First, the priest sprinkled holy water on the hood.
Next, the imam led everyone in a prayer to the vehicles' greatness.
Then finally, the rabbi sang a song & cut off the end of the tailpipe.
The Mortal Kombat theme song
Was adapted from an old Scandinavian church song.
It's a Finnish Hymn.
Want to know Quasimodo's favorite Christmas song?
Jingle bells!
What's a cow's favourite Beatles song?
Hay Chewed
I think "Scarborough Fair" is Simon & Garfunkel's most haunting song
To this day, I still wonder, "*Did* Parsley save Rosemary in time?"
Heard a Beach Boys song that sang, We could be married…And then we'd be happy…
And I was like Whoa, fellas - you can't have it both ways.
Two recovering alcoholics decided to write a song together...
but they couldn't get past the first two bars.
What is a baker's favorite song by The Cars ?
Just What I Kneaded
Wife convinces husband to make a play list for when they're in the bedroom.
Wife: OK what's the first song you want?
Husband: Spiderbait - Black Betty.
Wife: I don't know that one. I look forward to hearing it. What's your next song?
Husband: The playlist doesn't have to be that long.
What song is played in museums?
U Can't Touch This
