Son Jokes

183 son jokes and hilarious son puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about son that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

These humorous son jokes will have you and your family laughing out loud! From young Johnny to Mommy, there's something for everyone. These mother-son jokes will make you laugh, remember, and appreciate your own family dynamic. With a variety of topics ranging from John Koy's son to modern-day young children, these son jokes bring a classic smile to your face.

Quick Jump To

Short Son Jokes
Son One Liners
Your Son Jokes
My Son Jokes
Dad And Son Jokes
Father And Son Jokes
Mother Son Jokes
More Son Jokes

Funniest Son Short Jokes

Short son jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The son humour may include short mommy jokes also.

Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay." Mom: *Stares at Dad*
Dad: *Clenches fist*
Mom: "Don't!"
Dad: *Sweats Profusely*
Mom: "..."
Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
Son In iraq I killed 15 people. Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic
Dad:Never said I was a good one
My son kept chewing on electrical chords, so I grounded him... He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
The son went to his dad and asked him, "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" So the dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
The son replied, "But Dad, I only see two."
A child asks his father what "gay" means The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
My wife beamed at me with pride and said, Wow! I never thought our son would go that far! I said, This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter.
What does gay mean? asked a son to his father.
"It means 'happy,'" the father answered.
"Oh," replied the son, "so are you gay, then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
My son came home as I was taking his door off it's hinges and asked Dad what are you doing?
We've updated our privacy policy
Father: Son, you were adopted. Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.

Share These Son Jokes With Friends

Son One Liners

Which son one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with son? I can suggest the ones about johnny and niece.

Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses? No son, have you seen my dad glasses?
6 yr old son made this up. What do exploding pandas eat? BAMBOOM!
Did you know that Stephen King has a son named joe? I'm not joking, but he is
My son is 2934 days old today. He was born on 12/12/12.
"Son you're just not cut out to be a mime." "Is it something I said?"
"Yes."
Son: "Dad, Am I adopted"? Dad: "Not yet. We still haven't found anyone who wants you."
My son identifies as a crescent moon. I'm worried, but my wife says it's just a phase.
One man's trash is another Man's treasure Is not the way to tell your son he is adopted.
Today my son asked me, Dad are we pyromaniacs? I replied: yes, we arson.
A man is washing his car with his son. The son asks: "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"
Dad joke..... Dad: what are you drinking, son?
Son: Soy Milk
Dad: Hola Milk, soy padre
Son: Dad, how do stars die? Dad: Drugs, usually.
From my 7 year-old son: What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks? You.
Why I oughta...!
I met an Anti-Vaxxer today... Unfortunately, I couldn't meet his son.
I became a proud father today.... My son's 4 but he's been pretty annoying until now

Your Son Jokes

Here is a list of funny your son jokes and even better your son puns that will make you laugh with friends.

My wife gets upset when I steal her kitchen utensils... But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette... It went in one ear and out the other.
I heard my son say his first words to me today... "where have you been the last 20 years?"
A boy asks his father Dad, what does 'gay' mean? Father: It means 'to be happy'.
Son: Are you gay?
Father: No, son. I have a wife.
Told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids... In one ear, out the other.
I was dismayed this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine. She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
Son, you're adopted "I Knew it! I want to meet my biological parents."
"We are your biological parents, your adoptive parents will come for you tomorrow."
I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Son, I killed 12 people in Afghanistan Son: Dad you were a cook.
Dad:Never said I was a good one
My son asked me, Dad, can we watch Spider Man—Far from Home tonight? I said, Why? It is the same movie if you watch it nearby.

My Son Jokes

Here is a list of funny my son jokes and even better my son puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Kim and Kanye's divorce is rough on their son, North West. It's like he's getting pulled in two different directions.
My son, Luke, loves how I named our kids after Star Wars characters... My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
My son started dating a goalie for a women's soccer team and asked me what I thought of her. I said "Son, she's a keeper."
A man is washing his car with his son... ...after a while the boy says to his Father Dad, why can't we just use a sponge?
What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital? Plastic surgery.
[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]
My 12 year old son tried coffee for the first time today "It tastes like dirt!"
I told him it was just ground this morning.
"Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted," my dad told me. "Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.
"Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour."
I bought my son a puppy for his birthday, but I accidentally backed over him in the driveway and killed him... Sure is gonna be tough raising this puppy without him.
Police officer: "I'm here to inform you that your son burned down the school" Parents: "arson?"
Police officer: "yes, your son"
My son accidentally glued his autobiography to himself That's his story and he's sticking to it.

Dad And Son Jokes

Here is a list of funny dad and son jokes and even better dad and son puns that will make you laugh with friends.

"Remember, son, a smart person always has doubts about something. Only a total idiot can be 100% sure about everything." "Dad, are you sure?"
"Absolutely."
Son: why is my sister called Teresa? Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram
Son: Thanks dad
Dad: No problem Alan
A boy asked his father, "Dad, what does gay mean?" "It means happy son." Replied the father.
Then the boy asked, "Then Dad, are you gay?"
"No son, I am married." the father replied.
Son asks dad how much does marriage cost? Dad: i don't know son I'm still paying for it
My son asked me, Dad, can I eat the last piece of cake in the fridge? I smiled and said, Sure..." "But the dining room would probably be more comfortable.
"Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe?" "Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"
"Not this time. Our dog died."
I washed the car with my 5 year old son today. When we finished, he said, Next time dad, can you use a sponge?
Son: "Dad, what's the difference between toilet paper and a curtain?" Dad: "I don't know." Son: "So it was you."
Son: Dad, why is my sister named Teresa? Dad: She's named after something your mother loves, Easter! It's an anagram.
Son: Thanks dad.
Dad: No problem Alan.
I told my son he couldn't get a fidget spinner because his dad and I have tried so hard to make sure he didn't become autistic... Unfortunately he died of measles a couple days ago

Father And Son Jokes

Here is a list of funny father and son jokes and even better father and son puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
Father: Hey son what are you drinking? Son: Soy-milk
Father: Hola milk, soy tu padre
A son says to his father: "Dad, I'm thinking about a career in organized crime." Father: "Government or private sector?"
A father and his son are visited by the Child Protective Services. The agent asks the son, "Do you know why we are visiting you today?" The son thought a bit and replied: "Beats Me"
Father: Son you were adopted Son: I knew it I want to meet my real parents
Father: We are your real parents your new ones are coming in 20 minutes
Son: "Dad why was my sister named Madonna?" Father: "Because your mother always thought the world needed another Madonna"
Son: "Thanks, dad."
Father: "No problem, Holocaust."
Why do Jewish fathers have their sons circumcised?
They know Jewish women can't resist anything with 10% off.
My son just became a father for the first time today… And in passing on the paternal torch, when he asked me where I kept all my dad jokes, I told him…they were stored in my dadabase.…
The last thing my father said to me before he kicked the bucket Hey, son. Check out how far I can kick this bucket
A little boy went up to his father and asked, Dad, where did my intelligence come from? His father replied, well, son, you probably got it from your mom, because I still have mine.

Mother Son Jokes

Here is a list of funny mother son jokes and even better mother son puns that will make you laugh with friends.

My son just said, "Dad, can you tell me what gay means?" "It means to be happy," I replied.
"Are you gay, dad?"
"No, son. I married your mother"
One day the youngest son asks his mother, "Mom, why do I look so different from all my siblings?".... The mother says "Son, from what I remember about that party, you are lucky that you don't bark".
Son: Dad why is our food so cold and bland? Dad: It's because your mother put her heart and soul into it.
So a finch asks his mother... "Mom, why does my beak look different than yours?"
She replies, "Well son, I hate to break it to you, but you're adapted."
A mom asked her son, "Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?" He stared and replied, "My name's Paul."
A mother walks in on her son playing with his privates. "Oh no..."
"What's wrong"
"Those soldiers were gonna be your Christmas present"
A child asks his mother "mom, what is dark humor?" The mother responds: do you see that man without hands? Tell him to clap. On wich the son says: but mom I'm blind. And the mom responds: Exactly.
I should have suspected my husband was lazy; on our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."
A mother was tucking her son in one night she really wanted a daughter
A mother walks in on her son playing with his privates... "You really like those new toy soldiers, don't you?"

Hilarious Son Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about son you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean slaps jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make son pranks.

I had the best Dad moment last night... actual conversation with my 8 year old

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.

Virginity in school

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a v**...."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."

two h**... trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud? .
God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232 .
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the o**... turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought .

Courtesy of my youngest child - why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore t**... and cough?

Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
My youngest son thought of this all by himself...he's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska.

My son asked why sStar Wars movies came out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3…

I answered in my best yoda impersonation: 'in charge of scheduling, I was'
My son loved it, I heard a sigh from my SO, and when I looked at her, she just shook her head.

I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.

He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.

Son, I found a c**... in your room.

Gee thanks, Grandpa!
Why are you calling me Grandpa?
Because I couldn't find it yesterday.

I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son"

"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."
He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"

Genie: I will grant you 3 wishes.

Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.
Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does.
Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.
Genie: You son of a ........

My dad first talked to me about s**... when I was going to college.

He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist."
"Dad," I said, "I have condoms."
And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."

A boy and his dad are talking.

"Hey Dad."
"Yes son?"
"Did you ever get shot in the army?"
He looks at his son in silence. Tears start to form in the Dad's eyes, and he quietly replies;
"No, but I was shot in the leggy."

I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.

On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.
As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

Son: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Me: I don't know; how many?
Son: Ten tickles.
Me: Yeah, but only the male octopus is ticklish.
Son: Huh?
Me: Yeah, the females are not ticklish at all; just the males. You know how you can tell if an octopus is a male octopus?
Son: No; how?
Me: Test tickles.
Son: ...
Son: ...that's inappropriate.

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they'll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

A couple just had their first son , the husband is half Irish and half Indian , the wife half chinese and half Italian both wishes to have their son name after their heritage ..

After much argument they decided on the name.
Ravi O'Lee

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?
God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the o**... turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought.

My 7 year old son came in from school today and asked me:

"Dad, what kind of mouse can walk on 2 legs?"
"Erm, I don't know" I replied
"Mickey Mouse" he replied laughing
"Dad, what kind of duck can walk on 2 legs"
"Donald Duck" I replied
"No, all ducks you idiot"

My buddy just came to me all depressed and said My son flunked the third grade, and I just don't know how to break it to him.

So I said well…probably better tell him pretty slowly, so the little d**... will get it."

Four guys are playing golf together and talking about how successful their sons are.

The first says, "My son is so successful, he's VP of his company and just gave his best friend a car. "
The second says, " That's nothing, my son is CEO of his company and just gave his best friend a house."
The third says, "Well, my son owns 3 highly profitable companies and just gave his best friend a jet."
They look expectantly at the last guy who says, "My son is a gay e**... who gets showered with love and admiration. He just got a car, a house, and a jet from three of his clients."

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.
Wife: actually I'm holding my son.
Kidnapper: [getting frustrated] then who the heck just asked for chocolate milk with a straw and made us cut the crust off his PB&J?
Wife: oh god.
Kidnapper: what?
Wife. you have my husband.

A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father. Dad, what music did you like growing up?

I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin, the father replies.
Who? the son asks.
Yeah, the dad responds, I liked them too.

I was so exhausted when I went to bed that I slept right through my son and his friends having a r... w... and heavy metal party in the yard all thru the night. As the sun came up, the party was still in full swing and my phone had blown up with messages complaining about the noise and the smell.

So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs 'WHAT'S GOIN' ON?'

The son of a b**...

Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself...
"2+5, the son of a b**... is 7"
"3+6, the son of a b**... is 9"
His mother heard this & asked, " Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?"
"Oh Mom. Don't disturb. I am doing my maths homework"
Mom: "Is this how your teacher taught you?"
"Yes mom "
Infuriated mother picked up her cell phone and called the teacher:
"Are you teaching maths to children by saying... 2+2, the son of a b**... is 4?"
There was silence for a moment
Then the teacher started laughing :
"What I taught them was... 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4."
***

Two young boys walked into a drug store, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him... He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either"

I've spent an hour and a half now trying to explain "sunk cost fallacy" to my son

He's no nearer understanding it than when we started, and it's giving me a serious headache.
But if I quit now I'll have had all this for nothing!

I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son."

"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."
He scratched his head, "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"

Sir, your son was smoking m**... at school during the class!

Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.
-- Did he say where he got it?
-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.
The father, cleaning his tears:
-- Did he really say that?

Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.

When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.

A mother is helping her son study for a geography test.

She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"
"Berlin," says the boy.
"What is the capital of France?"
"Berlin," says the boy.
"What is the capital of Russia?"
"Berlin," says the boy.
"Good job, Adolf, you'll do great on your test tomorrow."

This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.

My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.

My 10 year old son made this one up. Why doesn't a snowman wear snow pants?

Because his snow b**... are too big.

Then Ok!

Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
Son: "No."
Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter."
Son: "Then Ok!" \*\*
\*\* Dad goes to Bill Gates. \*\*
Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son."
Bill Gates: "No."
Dad: "My son is the CEO of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Then ok!"
\*\*Dad goes to the President of the World Bank. \*\*
Dad: "Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank."
President: "No!"
Dad: "He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates."
President: "Then OK."

My Son is such a c**t...

I bought him a new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

My 9 year old son just asked me to pretend I was a police officer arresting him for downloading the entire Wikipedia. Me: Young man, you're under arrest for downloading the entire Wikipedia!

Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

My son just asked me where p**... comes from, I gave him a detailed explanation, where he then stood in stunned silence.

Then he asked, What about Tigger?

Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay."

Mom: *Stares at Dad*
Dad: *Clenches fist*
Mom: "Don't!"
Dad: *Sweats Profusely*
Mom: "..."
Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
Son: "No dad, I'm serious!"
Dad: "You're serious? I thought you were Gay!"

Dear Dad, $chool i$ great. I'm making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on

Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad

The new father

A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.
"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."
"Dad you dont mea-"
"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.
"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."
"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."

My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.

My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.
Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"
Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."
Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.

Mom: Son, why dont you talk to Mark anymore? You used to be best friends.

Son: Well would you talk to someone who is s**..., uses drugs and is an alchocolic?
Mom: Of course not.
Son: Well neither would he.

My husband said our infant son could microwave...

And then shook his arm really fast.
(True story, please groan with me.)