Someone Who Plays Jokes
90 someone who plays jokes and hilarious someone who plays puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about someone who plays that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Someone Who Plays Short Jokes
Short someone who plays jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The someone who plays humour may include short league player jokes also.
- A friend gave me a free guitar the other day, but I've been having trouble playing it I guess I can't complain though, it's not often someone just gives you something with no strings attached
- The first joke I invented all on my own (age ~5-6) Why don't pirates like playing cards?
There's always someone walking across the deck. - No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say... I play a little guitar!"
- If you are ever lost in the woods... Just start playing a game of solitaire and someone will appear behind you with guidance on your next move.
- If you're a tall person and someone asks you if you play basketball Ask them if they play mini golf
- I never forget the time when we were at the party, playing truth and dare and someone dared me to go home
- What's the definition of a gentleman? Someone who knows how to play the accordion...but doesn't
- Someone at a sports event says In all of my years as a spud, I have never seen a play as amazing as that one . Who was that someone? The common tater
- Someone gave me a white noise machine to help me sleep. It didn't work. Then again, its hard to sleep with Vanilla Ice playing in the background
- Spouses are a lot like old toys at home You realize their importance only when someone else starts to play with them
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Someone Who Plays One Liners
Which someone who plays one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with someone who plays? I can suggest the ones about football player and actor played.
- Where do you take someone that got hurt playing peek a boo? To the I.C.U
- How can you tell if someone plays the accordion? They’ll tell you.
- I found out someone's been impersonating me... Well two can play at that game.
- I saw someone playing the guitar with a pool stick. It was acoustic.
- How can you tell if someone plays Wordle? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
- So I was playing poker with a few lepers... when someone threw in a hand.
- What do you call someone who plays in multiple bands? PolyJAMorous!
- What do you call someone who is tired of playing a cardgame? Cardboard
- Q: What do you call someone without a nose or a body?
A: Nobodynose. - What do you call someone who's tired of playing monopoly? A bored gamer.
- Someone sent me good vibes today I'm not even sure I know how to play these things
- What do you call someone who teaches people how to play the French horn? A tooter.
- What do you call someone who's bad at reading and playing music? Helen Keller
- If somebody makes a play just to insult someone... Would it be called a diss-play?
- How do you call someone who plays Basketball and wears a horned helmet? Lebronze Age
Someone Who Plays Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about someone who plays you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean guitar player jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make someone who plays pranks.
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking.
They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired.
Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?"
Watson yawns and tries to play the game.
LWell, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny."
"No, my friend. It’s much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Poker
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when p**... Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell p**...'s wife... who will it be?"
They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me."
Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, "Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home."
"Tell him to drop dead!", says Murphy's wife.
"I'll go tell him," says Gallagher.
Tom and his hot wife were playing golf when the ball suddenly goes inside someone's house :
Tom and his hot wife were playing golf when the ball suddenly goes inside someone's house :
They enter the house and see a broken bottle and a man.
Man: I want to thank you. I am a genie who was trapped for 1000 years in the bottle. I will give you both 1 wish each, and I will keep 1 wish for myself.
Tom: I want a billion dollars!
Wife: I want a house in every country of the world. ??
Genie: Done. Done.
Tom : And what is your wish genie?
Genie: Well, since I haven't loved a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.
Tom said: Emm Ok! You're getting us a lot of money. I guess I don't mind. ??
The genie took the wife upstairs and slept with her for two hours.
After it was over he asked her: How old is your husband?
Wife answers: 35.
Genie: Really? And he still believes in genie stories
Russian Americans on chess (true story)
I was working with a Russian bike mechanic named Dmitri when my friend who came into the shop frequently started dating someone who was extremely good at chess. The chess player came into the shop one day so I said to Dmitri "Hey, Dmitri, you play chess don't you?"
"No. No, no not play chess."
"What do you mean 'not play chess'? I thought you all were supposed to be good at that kinda thing."
"No, no, prefer checkers"
"Checkers?! Why don't you like chess, Dmitri?"
"Because! If smart good at chess, not be bike mechanic! And when bored play chess fall asleep and (he slumps forwad) *pop* out your eye! Checkers only bruises."
I got really angry and shouted at Bono when he played a prank on me recently.
He really had to know you can get seriously hurt if you fall backwards over someone.
But thats what happens when people push me over the edge.
The three most important things to have in a survival situation.
Every survival kit needs to have three things.
1) A zippo: Trusty lighter to start fires to cook food and keep warm.
2) A good knife: Something to be able to help build a shelter and hunt.
3) A standard deck of playing cards: As soon as you realize you're stranded, deal out a game of solitaire on the ground. About half way through your game, someone will come up behind you and say "That can go there." Boom, you're saved.
Someone stole a NFL playbook, uploaded it to the internet.
All the plays were bootlegs.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
26 blondes and one brunet are on a plane
26 blonde girls and one brunet girls are on a play. They were flying along when they hit some turbulence. The pilot comes onto the speaker and says "the plane is to heavy we need to drop all unnecessary items." The people franticly grab all the thing they don't need and throw it out.
The pilot comes back on the loud speaker and says, "we are still to heavy we have to drop all the luggage." Again the people franticly begin to discard all there luggage.
The pilot comes on again and says "we are still too heavy we have to drop the floor.", so the pilot flicks the switch and everyone is hanging on by s**... the roof. When the pilot says "we are still to heavy someone has to jump.
Everyone is reluctant but finally the brunet (who is around 60) says i have live a long and happy life I will jump to save your live because you are still young and still can make something with your life. I am worn out and poor. I have nothing left.
all the blondes start to clap
A blond is hiking through the woods when she hears someone counting up ahead.
She emerges from the tree line to find a brunette doing jumping jacks on a set of train tracks repeating, "10, 10, 10..." upon every jump.
The blonde says to the brunette, "Excuse me for wondering, but what exactly are you doing?"
The brunette replies, "It's a great game I just learned called '10' but I have no one to play with. Want to join me?"
"You bet!" So the blonde jumps onto the train tracks with glee and they both do jumping jacks and count together for a several minutes.
As you suspect, it wasn't long before the a train comes barreling around the bend striking the blonde but missing the brunette who jumps off in the nick of time.
The brunette, completely unphased, gets back on the tracks and begins jumping and counting again.
"11, 11, 11..."
My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]
A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I lost my job at the s**... Hotline.
Whenever I put someone on hold, I'd play Van Halen's 'Jump'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Poker is like s**...
If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand
Edit 1: when you cheat in poker you have a partner
Edit 2: this is getting more upvotes than I thought it would get but before someone calls me out on it. This was a Mae West quote about bridge and several Internet memes put poker instead of bridge because more people play poker than bridge and when you cheat in poker you have partners(the poker strategy is called collusion)
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A man was preparing for his first solo flight over the wilds of Alaska.....
And during the pre-flight check, he pulled out the emergency kit and opened it. Inside he found just a single deck of cards and nothing else.
Turning to the old grizzled flying vet, he asks "Hey bud, sorry to seem concerned but why does the emergency kit only contain a deck of cards?"
The vet laugh heartily at the question. He answers "That's all you'll ever need here in the wild!"
Confused and growing concerned, the pilot asks "Don't....don't we need a gun, matches, fire starter, bullets and water to survive?"
The vet looks at him as replies "No man. If you ever c**..., just pull out the deck of cards and start playing solitaire. Eventually someone will show up and tell you that you're playing it wrong."
Mozart
So the year is 1791, and Mozart has just died. It's a big deal in Vienna, everyone is sad blah blah blah blah. A few days after he is buried, someone is walking through the graveyard and hears a strange noise. Intrigued by the noise he follows it until it gets louder, louder, and finally he finds himself standing above Mozart's grave. Naturally this is a matter of curiosity in Vienna, and soon people from all over come to hear this strange sound coming from Mozart's grave. No one can identify the noise coming from the grave, so finally they bring in an expert on Mozart's music to see if he can identify it. After listening for a few minutes, the expert says "Well this is Mozart's 6th symphony, but it's playing backwards." He listens a bit longer and he hears Mozart's 5th symphony, 4th symphony, 3rd, 2nd, 1st but all being played backwards. The people of Vienna ask the expert how this strange music can be coming from the grave. "It's no big deal" he answers. "Mozart is just *decomposing*."
What did the pianist do when someone smashed his piano?
He played many more pieces.
A scout master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.
What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert? he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand.
Yes, Davey, what are the three most important things you would bring with you? asked the scout master.
Davey replied, A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards.
Why is that, Davey? asked the scout master.
Well, answered Davey, the compass is to find the right direction, and the water is to prevent dehydration.
And what about the deck of cards? asked the scout master impatiently.
Davey replied, Well, sir, as soon as you start playing solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, 'Put that red nine on top of that black ten.'
A bass player was playing
And someone heard him.
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What do you call someone who only plays as the Confederacy in Star Wars Battlefront?
CIS s**...
Just noticed that the use by date on my crumpets was April 1st
I was sure that someone was playing a joke on me.
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A little jewish girl was playing with an ashtray...
h**... comes in and says: "Are you looking for someone?"
I wish someone would actually name the actor who plays Wolverine
Everyone I know just calls him Huge Jacked Man
Why do the Chinese like to play with swords?
Hello did someone call my name?
Guess what I caught today...
someone who still plays pokemon
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My daughter walked into our bedroom to catch us having s**....
"What are you doing?" she asked in shock.
"Making you someone to play with," I said.
"A brother?" she asked excitingly.
"No, a cousin," I replied. "Now go and watch out for your mother coming home."
Why can't someone with a broken arm perform in a play?
Because they're already in the cast
If you play the United video backwards...
It looks like someone boarding a Spirit Airlines flight
If you want to breakup with someone but don't know how to do it..
Just put together some IKEA furniture and let it play out.
Overheard at work
"Stop messing around with the dust rag! You shouldn't play with the stuff you work with!"
"Someone didn't tell that to Bill Clinton."
Me as a game maker.
I want to make a game named
"With your emotions" so when someone asks me "What are you playing?" I can say " I am Playing with your emotions"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's a good thing they shut down production of House of Cards
It's be too unrealistic to have someone playing the US president who has been accused of s**... misconduct.
Don't you just hate it when someone plays hard to get?
One person even went so far as to putting a restraining order on me.
What do you call someone who plays football?
A football player.
Never annoy someone with bird puns...
Cos Toucan play that game
(Am I egging y'all on?)
I get it... I'll show myself the eggsit
An original.
The casting of the movie Grease was a slow process. They'd soon found their Sandy in Olivia Newton-John, but they just couldn't find someone to play Danny.
After weeks of Olivia reading lines with various actors and failing to have any chemistry with them the movie looked like it could be a flop until a casting agent bursts in.
'I've found our Danny' he cried.
Olivia replied, 'who is he?'
'John somebody, I can't remember his surname, but he says he knows you'
It was not much of a clue as Olivia knew ten John's.
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Role playing can spice up your s**... life.
Pretend to be someone who's good at s**....
Isn't it funny why we hate rain but bathe in water.
We eat apples but duck if someone throws one at you.
We play with soccerballs but duck if one flys towards you.
I was playing in the park the other day...
I was having so much fun until someone phoned the police on me. I thought I'd be okay, I had my ankle bracelet on and everything...
If there's any doubt about what parts of The Hunger Games match the books, we can be sure at least one thing is true to the series; The sound played after someone dies during the games.
That's definitely cannon.
The Golf Cheat
Wife: Why are you hanging around the house so much? You used to be out on the golf course 3 or 4 times a week!
Husband: I don't have anyone to play golf with.
W: Why don't you play with Bob, you always used to?
H: Bob? HA!! Would you play with someone who demands retakes of every poor tee shot, kicks your ball into the rough when he thinks you're not looking, fudges his scorecard, and swears and throws his clubs when it's not going his way??
W: That's dreadful, of course not!!
H: Neither will Bob.
Why can't US Presidents play bridge together?
Because Donald gets confused whenever someone makes a bid of No Trumps.
What do Spanish speakers say when they find someone illegally crossing their land?
This is bad. Alexa play trespassito.
'No Nut November' was going pretty good for me until
someone played 'Beat it' by Michael Jackson.
Everyone is so worried that Stan Lee's cameos are over
but someone has to play uncle Ben in the new spiderman.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What do you call someone who plays the t**...?
A trombonist
Yeah I know what you were expecting
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What do you call someone who plays the same song over and over on his didgeridoo?
An unoriginal aboriginal.
After an orchestra drummer performed particularly poorly, the conductor sarcastically told him, "when they find someone who can't play any instrument, they give him two sticks and make him the drummer."
The drummer retorted, "and if he can't play that either, they take away one stick and make him the conductor."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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'What time is it?'
'Dunno. Pass me that t**... and I'll find out.'
*plays t**... loudly*
Someone shouts: 'WHO'S THAT PLAYING THE t**... AT 2AM?'
A man compalins to his wife about not having anyone to play golf with. His wife said "Well what about your friend Clyde?" The men replied "Would you want to play with someone who cheats on his score and moves the ball when you aren't looking?" "No, I guess not" replied his wife. The man said....
"Neither would Clyde"
The community theater recently posted auditions for Aladdin and a Christmas play
On audition day, local news reporter Thi Xix Hao spotted someone crying outside the audition room.
What's wrong? he asked.
The dejected man looked up. You look familiar he said.
I am local news reporter, Thi Xix Hao. You also look familiar to me
I am Chad Kroeger, lead singer of Nickelback the man said in between sobs.
Ah said Thi Xix Hao. So what troubles you?
Never made it as a wiseman. Couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing. And, Thi Xix Hao, you remind me…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Guy hears incredible piano music coming from a bar...
So he walks in and there's a guy about a foot tall that is beautifully playing any song someone requests. The guy is totally perplexed and asked the bartender how they found him. Bartender points to a genie sitting at the end of the bar and tells him he'll grant any wishes you want.
The guy walks up to the genie and says "I wish I had a million bucks!" p**..., there's a million ducks that appeared out of nowhere.
Guy tells the bartender the genie got it wrong. Bartender replies "you think I wished for a 12 inch pianist'?