solved Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious solved puns

Apparently as a 4-year old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

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The doctor gave me six months to live, so I shot him.

The judge gave me 50 years. Problem solved.

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The doctor gave me 4 months to live.

So I shot him. Judge gave me 20 years. Problem Solved.

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Our neighbour's dog crapped in our garden, so my wife asked me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence.

I don't know what that solved. We still have dog shit in our garden and the neighbours have our shovel.

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Why is there no black character in the game "Clue"?

Because then it would be called "Solved."

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The neighbor's dog shit in our garden, so my wife told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence…

I don't see what that solved.

Now we've got dog shit in our garden and the neighbors have our shovel…

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The doctor gave me 5 month to live.

So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.

And the judge gave me 25 years.

Problem solved.

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My doctor said I have 2 weeks to live...

So I shot him. Problem solved, the judge gave me 20 years.

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Why are there no black people in the game Clue?

Because then, it would be called Solved.

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A Mathematician is given a psychological test.

The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."

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Why are no murders solved in West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA and no one has any teeth.

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11 Blondes and a brunette

There are 12 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 11 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.

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I'm from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming

Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.

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Despite all the flak the public gives him, Trump has already solved the immigration problem in just a few days after becoming President-elect

Just ask yourself, who would want to sneak into America now?

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The doctor gave me 6 months to live. So I killed him

The Judge gave me 80 years. Problem solved.

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The doctor gave me 1 month to live

So I shot him. The judge gave me 20 years. Problem solved.

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My chemistry teacher is a damn liar!

He said that alcohol is a solvent. I've been drinking for years and it hasn't solved any of my problems.

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Why can't redneck murder mysteries be solved?

Because all the DNA is the same and there are no dental records.

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I tried to buy some cough syrup earlier, but apparently you need photographic ID.

Anyhow, I solved the problem.

I bought a huge box of laxatives and took them all - now I'm far too scared to cough.

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I was having problems with my computer

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Joshua, the 11 year old next door, who plays League of Legends every day, all night long.

Joshua clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID Ten T error?

What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

Joshua grinned, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No", I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like that little boy.

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Donald Trump is out one winter day...

walking around and enjoying the snow when he sees that someone had peed 'Donald sucks' in the snow. Furious, he called his Secret Service agents and yells "I want to know who did this!!".

A few days later his lead agent comes back and says "We solved it sir, but there's bad news and worse news. The bad news is that it's Mike Pence's urine".

Donal gasps "what the hell could be worse than that?"

"It's Melania's handwriting."

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Blonde Joke

There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.

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Nervous about flying

I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it
didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering.

I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," she said.
Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she had solved the problem by
turning off all the lights.

A passenger across the aisle who had been watching me leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines."

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A man walks into a doctor's office with stomach problems

The doctor runs some tests and tells the man it can be solved, but he has to take a suppository once a day for two weeks. The doctor inserts the first one to show the patient how it is done.

The next day the man is trying to insert the medication, but is too squeamish to do it. So he asks his wife to help. Gladly she says yes and the man bends over as the wife braces herself with one hand on his should and the other to insert the medication. As the wife is about to insert the suppository the man jumps up shock.

"what's wrong, did I hurt you?" asks the wife.

"No" said the husband "I just realized the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders when he gave me the medication"

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What do locking the keys in your car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common?

both can be solved with a coat hanger

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A man goes to a doctor for incontinence...

A man goes to the doctor for incontinence.

Man: Doc, I have a problem. I keep peeing in bed in the middle of the night.

Doc: Why? What's the problem.

Man: Well, in the middle of the night, right around midnight, this little elf appears. He climbs up in my bed, goes up to my ear and asks, "Did you pee yet?" and I say "No". Then he asks me, "Well, what you are waiting for?" and that's when I pee.

Doc: Well, this is very easy. Tonight, don't do anything differently. Go to bed and when the elf shows up and asks you if you've pee'd yet, just say "yes" and the problem will be solved.

So the guy goes home and gets into bed. Right on schedule, at around midnight, the elf shows up. He climbs on the bed and whispers in the man's ear..

Elf: Did you pee yet?

Man: YES!

Elf: Did you poop?

Man: No

Elf: Well what are you waiting for?

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Yesterday, I had a problem with my computer so I called Eric...

Yesterday, I had a problem with my computer so I called Eric, a friend of mine who is very skilled with technology.

He solved the problem quickly and easily. As he was leaving, I asked him what the problem was. He replied that the issue was an "ID ten T" error.

I didn't want to appear stupid, but I enquired "What is an 'ID ten T' error?"
He replied "Write it down, I think you'll figure it out."

I wrote it down: ID10T

I used to like Eric.

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Computer trouble

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Joseph, the 14 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Joseph clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID Ten T error?

What's that? In case I need to fix it again."
Joseph grinned, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No", I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like that little boy.

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I had a problem with my computer yesterday...

So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong ?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,


'An, ID ten T error ? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'


Eric grinned .... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before ?


'No,' I replied.


'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:


ID10T


I used to like Eric, the little bastard.

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I was having trouble with my computer...

(I honestly don't know if this is a repeat or not. Don't judge.)

...so I called a neighbor, Joseph, to help.

Joseph clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID Ten T error?

What's that? In case I need to fix it again."
Joseph grinned, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No", I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

Joseph and I are no longer friends.

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There are almost no problems that cannot be solved by adding puppies into the equation...

except for world hunger...which come to think of it, they can also solve.

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[Solved] "What does the Fox say?"

"Cancelled"

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A mathematician and an engineer got a task:

They were given a plank with two nails; one hammered half way and one hammered all the way. There were asked to remove the nails from the plank.

The engineer didn't think much of it, grabbed pliers and quickly took both nails out.

The mathematician after some thought said:

"The case with nail hammered all the way in is more interesting, so I'm going to start with it"

After long battle he managed to use a lever and get the nail out.

"Ok, the second case we can easily reduce to already solved one"

...and then he hammered the remaining nail all the way in.

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Family xmas problem solved

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."

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Assistant to the President: Sir, there's a crisis - somehow, we only have one copy of Pixar's Up left in existence.

President: All right, find the person who currently owns it, and have him give it to me.

Assistant to the President: Well there's some bad news, sir ...

President: Bad news? Have him give me the DVD, I'll copy it and post it on the Internet, problem solved!

Assistant to the President: Sir ...

President: What is the bad news? What human being could be that stingy that they wouldn't give me this movie?

Assistant to the President: His name is Rick, sir.

President: Rick?

Assistant to the President: Rick Astley, and He's Never Gonna Give You Up.

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What are the most funny Solved jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Solved? Well, here are the best Solved dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Solved pick up lines to share with friends.

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