Hilarious Solve Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
As an atheist I find tell my maths teacher I shouldn't have to solve exponential factors
because I don't believe in higher powers
I was trying to solve an equation when I realised that the minus button on my calculator was broken...
On the plus side, it still worked.
Physics Joke
I tried having a t**... with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three body problem
why dont atheists solve exponential equations ?
they dont believe in higher powers.
Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2?
Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts.
Confucius Say
It is only when a mosquito lands on your t**... that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.
My company uses salt water to solve any problem.
We are called Saline Solutions.
Why can't atheists solve quadratic equations?
They don't believe in higher powers.
Can someone help me find some videos of Al Gore dancing?
I'm trying to solve a Rubik's cube and a friend told me that using Al Gore Rhythms could help.
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.
Relativity theory
In classical (Newtonian) physics, we can't solve the three-body problem. In the theory of relativity, we can't solve the two-body problem. In quantum mechanics, we can't solve the one-body problem, and with quantum electro dynamics, we don't even understand the vacuum anymore.
You can explore solve variable reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean solve insoluble dad jokes. There are also solve puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why are r**... crimes so hard to solve...
Because everyone has the same DNA and there are no dental records.
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.
.
.
Not original, I heard it on satellite radio yesterday.
I highly doubt any alcohol or v**... will solve any of my life's problems
But I guess it's still worth the... shot
Why did the feminist fail algebra?
She couldn't solve inequalities
Why couldn't the tree solve the Lumberjack's riddle?
He was stumped.
I spent the whole night trying to solve a math problem...
and then it dawned on me.
Marriage brings two people together
to solve issues they never had before
Why did the young Mexican solve the problem so easily?
It was a no buena
My girlfriend is Mexican so I love Mexican jokes. Let me know if you have one!
Did you hear about the math teacher...
...who used a ladder to solve a calculus problem written at the very top of his blackboard?
He really rose to the equation.
Why are r**... murders so hard to solve?
There's no dental records and all the DNA matches
So I went to the doctor yesterday because I've been feeling tired all the time.
He told me I needed to quit m**....
I asked him if that would solve my problem. "No," he replied, "but I can't examine you while you're doing it."
There are almost no problems that cannot be solved by adding puppies into the equation...
except for world hunger...which come to think of it, they can also solve.
Why can't Athiests solve exponential problems?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
A Blonde Tries To Solve A
A blonde has been working on her new puzzle for a couple days now but can't seem to get it right. One day, her husband comes home to his wife crying at the kitchen table. He rushes over and asks his wife why she was crying, and she replies "I've been working on the puzzle forever but can't figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger." The husband shakes his head and says "honey put the Frosted Flakes back in the box"
How does a mathematician solve their constipation?
They work it out with a pencil
Why is it so hard to solve a r**... m**...?
All the bloods the same and there are no dental records
You can't solve every problem with calculus
It has its limits
How do you solve climate change?
Convince Republicans that rising temperatures are turning people gay.
How to solve Global Warming:
Convince republicans that rising temperatures are turning people gay.
How do people in Prague solve Algebra equations?
Guess and Czech.
How does a mathematician want to solve terrorism?
He wants to simplify the radicals.
I don't see why in this day and age there aren't marches against fat shaming
Because marches would definitely solve the problem.
Mom, someone called me gangster at school today.
Mom: Dont worry I'll go tomorrow and solve this problem
Son: Make sure it looks like an accident.
I saw a book at the bookstore called "How to Solve 50% of your problem"
So I bought two
Water can solve all your issues. Want to lose weight? Drink water. Need to wake up? Splash water on your face. Someone annoying you?
Drown them.
water can solve all your problems, want to lose weight, drink mor water, want to wake up, splash want water on your face, someone getting on your nerves,
drown them
The problem with America is stupidity.
So why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
Patients in an insane asylum are eating plaster off the walls,
the head doctor calls in the best doctor in the country to try and solve this problem. So the best doctor comes in and inspects the walls. He tells the head doctor to repaint the walls from red to green. The next day after the walls are repainted the head doctor comes in and sees the patients sitting and staring at the walls. "Why aren't you eating the walls now?" the head doctor asks them. "They arn't ripe yet"
why can't you solve a r**... crime
because there are no dental records and all the DNA is the same
A lot of people think a world without sin would be perfect
But there's only so much you can solve with cos and tan
My stalker ex-girlfriend just threatened to kill herself if I didn't take her back.
Isn't it great when problems solve themselves?
So my wife asked me yesterday "What would you do if You and I were 'Adam and Eve'?"
I replied nonchalantly, **"I'd fap and go to sleep. That would solve most problems."**
P.S: A'yup, I slept on the couch. :/
Cats don't need smart phones to solve their problems, they just sleep until the problem solves itself.
Cats: There's a nap for that.
Mother, mother, ...
... how come other children need hours to solve Rubik's cube but I do it in just a few seconds?
- Well, sweetie, it's because you're color blind.
When I was in the library I saw a book titled how to solve 50% of your problems.
So i bought 2 books
I've realized that s**... would solve all my problems....
...if I could just get the right people to try it.
Why can't atheist solve exponential equations?
Why can't atheist solve exponential equations?
.
.
.
(Well, because they don't believe in higher powers.) ^(4)
If somebody offered me a coin flip to either get 10 million dollars or instantly die, I'd accept in a heartbeat. A 50 percent chance to solve all my problems would be amazing!
And even if I lost the flip, I'd still get some money.
Why was the PTA meeting h**... difficult to solve?
Because it wasn't apparent who did it.
Dear math,
Solve your own problems
A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "Turkish got 3 problems."
Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."
The Turkish respond: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside."
The Russian: "That's your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence."
The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives.
The Russian: "And here's your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."
Water can solve all your problems..
Want to lose weight?
Drink water.
Clear Face?
Drink water.
Tired of a person?
Drown them in water..
Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.
Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:
370HSSV - 0773H
Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI
No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.
Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:
"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."
Why are murders so hard to solve in Alabama?
There are no dental records and all the DNA is the same.
A detective is trying to solve a m**... mystery
A lady was killed by being stabbed 17 times. The only evidence was a knife, fully made of concrete. The detective sent the knife to a lab, hoping for any DNA evidence, but unfortunately, the results came back inconclusive.
The detective was puzzled. He was sure it was concrete evidence.
A truck carrying cows and a truck carrying cannabis get into a car accident.
Neither party can agree on who's fault the accident was, so they hire a detective. This is the detective's first day on the job and his boss tells him, If you can solve this case you get a promotion, however if you fail you will be fired. The steaks are high.
A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."
Obvious repost
As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.
Turks: you come in our country and have the b**... to insult us.
Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.
Turks: Let's get him outside.
Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.
*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*
Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.
Why are crimes in the 'Deep South' so hard to solve?
There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...
Math Joke
Solve carefully:
230 - 220 × 0.5 =
You probably won't believe it, but the answer is 5!
This is a good joke to play on others. Pretend you're trying to solve a crossword puzzle- and say aloud "Postman -blank-. Any ideas?"
They'll likely say something like "Postman Pat" to which you reply- "no that doesn't fit.".
Then- if they're not completely thick- they should ask "How many letters?" and you tell 'em "A SACKFUL!"
Then they'll leave in disgust.
My uncle prayed to God to solve all his family's problems
God answered his prayers.
My uncle's f**... is next week.
How does Al Gore solve math problems?
He uses an Al-Gore-ithm
Why are r**... cases the hardest to solve ?
Because all of the DNA matches and there are no dental matches.
How did the chief of police solve his fly infestation problem?
He called the SWAT team
Why is it almost impossible to solve a m**... in Alabama?
Because they all have the same DNA.
Steve and his mother were way behind on their car payments
The repo man had been after them for a while but hadn't successfully gotten the car yet. One day Steve had an idea for a "sting" operation to solve the problem once and for all. Before he left he shouted to his mom that he was taking the car, but she was in the bathroom and couldn't make out what he said.
"What are you taking?" she asked.
"Car, ma, for repo sting!"
Why's it so hard to solve a r**... m**...?
Cause the DNA's all the same and there ain't no dental records.
Bad dream
A guy went to the doctor complaining about a bad dream.
Doctor : what seems to be the problem?
Guy: I'm having dreams about this chickens playing in a soccer championship, every night.
Doctor: for how long?
Guy: must be a weak or so.
Doctor: okay, we'll solve this problem, just take this pills twice a day for a week, starting now!
Guy: OK Doc thank you but can I start tomorrow cause tonight is the final?
Four students are in the car that breaks down
First student, engineering student, says "This is mechanical problem, there's nothing we can do."
Second student, chemistry student, says "You're wrong, this is clearly reason of faulty gasoline. There's nothing we can do."
Third student, electrical engineering student, says "No, there's problem with ignition. There's nothing we can do."
Last student, IT student, says "We should exit car, close the doors, come in and try again. Maybe that will solve the problem."
I saw a book on Amazon titled How to Solve 50% of your life's problems.
Naturally I ordered two copies.
What do you call two Orthodox Jewish brothers who solve mysteries?
The Haredi Boys
Oldie but goodie
During a job interview, the interviewer asked me if I had any impressive qualities? I said, "Yes, I'm very fast with math!" Suspicious he asked me to prove it. He told me to solve 327x49. I said 34,567! He pulled out his calculator and put it in. With a confused look on his face he says, "That's not even close!" I said, "Yeah, but it was fast though!"
No idea where the original came from but this one gets me every time.
Drinking alcohol doesn't solve any problems.
But then again, neither does drinking milk.
Dear Math,
grow up and solve your own problems.
r**... murders are hard to solve
There aren't any dental records and all of the DNA is the same
Why are crimes so hard to solve in Alabama ?
Because their are no dental records and all the DNA matches
A programmer had a problem. He thought to himself, I know, I'll solve it with threads!
has Now problems. two he
The CEO of Coca-Cola calls Vladimir Putin.
Mr Putin! I noticed you've changed the Russian anthem. Do you have any plans to change the colors of your flag as well and return to the previous purely red flag? If you'd put a Coca-Cola logo in the corner, we'd solve all your financial troubles for the next five years.
Putin puts the CEO on hold while he discusses with his generals. Psst, when does our contract with Aquafresh end?
Why are Red Neck m**... cases so Hard to Solve?
Because everyone has the same DNA and there are no Dental Records.
Three soldiers are talking about how they would solve different problems...
When asked what would they do if they woke up in the middle of the night with a hole in their tent, the Army private says "I would dig through my pack to find something to repair it until morning"; the Marine says "I'd roll over and go back to sleep, a Marine can handle getting a little wet"; the Air Force airman says "I'd call the front desk and ask why the h**... there's a tent in my room".
Really enjoying my new life aboard the giant space station designed to solve Earth's overpopulation problem .
Just a bit weird how the sun gets slightly bigger in my cabin window every day.
I hear the new PM has a bold plan to solve Britain's energy woes
Gaslighting.
When I was in the shop today, I saw a book that said "Guide how to solve 50% of your problems"
so I bought 2 of them
How many chef do you need to solve world hunger?
Depends on how you cook them
I bought a book titled How to Solve Half Your Problems.
I read it twice, now I'm problem free.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems…
… but then again, neither does milk.
Dog Joke
A husband and wife are having a hard time sleeping, given the fact their neighbor's dog is barking in the backyard all night long. Eventually, the wife tells her husband to go next door and get the dog to stop. The husband obeys and comes back a few minutes later.
"Okay, honey, that should solve the problem," he says as he goes back to bed.
"But the dog is still barking!" the wife complains. "What did you do?"
"I put their dog in our backyard. Now let's see how the neighbors like it!"
Why can't Sherlock Holmes solve ANY crimes in Alabama?
He can't find any dental records, and all the DNA is the same for everyone.
