The Best 82 Solid Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Solid jokes. There are some solid soft jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these solid solutions puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Solid Jokes and Puns

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.

A solid 10, but also imaginary.

I've been interrogating the dog for two solid hours.

He still won't tell me who's a good boy.

If you're not part of the solution,

you're either a solid or a gas.

Solid joke, If you're not part of the solution,

The First Night of the Honeymoon

The groom and bride had finally reached their honeymoon suite and both were eager to consummate the marriage as quickly as possible. The groom was a huge man, over 6'6" tall and 250 solid pounds of muscle. The bride a beautiful and diminutive woman.

The groom looked at his beautiful bride, took off his pants and threw them at her feet. "Put those on." He ordered.

She gave him a bewildered expression, but attempted to do as he asked. "They're too big, they won't stay on." She exclaimed.

"That's right, just remember who wears the pants in this family."

She gave him a narrow look and removed her pants and threw them at his feet. "Put those on." She ordered.

The groom could not even get his big toe into his wife's pants. "I.. I can't get into them." He stated struggling.

She declared back: "That's right and until your attitude changes that's the way it's going to be."

Any love for a dry sense of humor?

This was my grandpas all time favorite joke of all time, and when he would tell it he would laugh uncontrollably for a solid 2 minutes.

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick!


That's some solid advice!

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jailand hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too.

How does Big Boss store his photos?

On a Solid Snake Drive 120 gb

sorry :\

Solid joke, How does Big Boss store his photos?

Two wires at sea

Two wires were on an ocean cruise when the ship sprung a leak and sank. The solid core wire managed to climb into a lifeboat and head to safety.

The other was stranded.

What is the most volatile state? Solid, liquid or gaseous?

Islamic State.

I enjoy rating countries on a 0-10 scale

I give Nepal a solid 7.8. The score is so high, it's ground breaking

If you heat your solid state drive into a gaseous state drive, do you get cloud storage?

You can explore solid papercut reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean solid firm dad jokes. There are also solid puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


So I was trying to get some solid advice on consensual sex from a police officer.

Apparently 9/10 police officers stated that if you can't say no, it means yes.

The clorophorm didn't work on the tenth officer.

What is Metal Gear's Snake's secret?

There's a Solid, Liquid, and Solidus Snake. It seems they all passed gas.

When your body is a solid 10

But your intro and conclusion need work

There are four states of matter.

Solid, liquid, gas, and black lives.

There are 5 Types of Matter...

Gas

Solid

Liquid

Plasma

and most importantly
Black Lives

Solid joke, There are 5 Types of Matter...

The substance was mildly acidic on the pH scale

It was a solid 5/7

A woman called up St. John's hospital and asked "I want to know if the patient Sarah James in Room No 1438 is getting better"

The nurse replied, "She is doing very well. She had her first solid meal today, her blood pressure is fine and if she continues improving she might even be sent home in a couple of days."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful news!"

Nurse: I take it you must be a family member or a close friend!

Woman: No I am Sarah James. No one tells me anything here.

A teacher asks her student about his favorite tree...

Teacher: "Bob, which tree do you love most?"

Bob: "The eucalyptus is pretty"

Teacher: "That's nice. How do you spell eucalyptus?"

Bob: "Yep, can't go wrong with a good solid oak"


Killing two birds with one stone this weekend

Taking my mother to Hooters sounds rock solid.

Scientists say there are now 4 confirmed states of matter

Solid matter
Liquid matter
Gas matter
and most recently...
Black Lives matter

What's an owl's favorite rock band?

Owls personally prefer the track list of Rock Band 2. Just a solid game.

My 8 year old brother came up to me and asked if I wanted to hear a joke, this is how it went

Bro," what washes up on a tiny beach?"
Me," No idea."
Bro," a microwave."
Followed by about 2 seconds of me not getting it then laughing for a solid minute

I froze some paint today.

Now it's just one solid color.

Jesus returned to earth...

And stayed anonymous for a while, but eventually a priest discovered who he was. He was discreet, but insisted that he take a solid gold cross. Before he took it, he prayed to his father and said,

"Father, should I accept this gift?"

God replies, "The solid gold cross?"

"Yes."

"What would you do with a solid gold cross? You could hardly carry a wooden one!"

There is no solid evidence of global warming...

...it all melted.

What do you call the work of a renowned geologist?

Rock solid

What does the travel ban look like at Wal-mart?

Well, it's just a small version of regular sized Ban, both the roll-on and invisible solid.

In what state are most cows found in?

Solid

People say Alaska sucks because it's all ice...

but I think it's a real solid state.

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100

A solid 10 but non-existent

How do you explain to someone that ice isn't a liquid?

Just give some solid facts.

Bathroom humour is not my favorite type of humour...

but it's a solid #2.

An ice cube decided to wear a new hat

A nice man saw this, and said to the ice cube: "Looking solid, dude!"

The ice cube absolutely melted at this sweet compliment.

Now he's looking liquid, dude.

The first three states of matter are liquid, solid, and gas. What are four and five?

Nine.

I wouldn't say pooping is my favorite activity.....

But it's a solid number two.

I don't understand why people are so mad about football players taking a knee

Its a solid strategy for running out the clock in the 4th quarter.

Can you move my atoms closer together?

You'd be doing me a real solid.

I wish my GPA was more like me

because I'm a solid 4

Why is there a solid traffic line painted down the middle of the corridor of the government office building?

So the people coming in late don't run into into the people going home early.

I was at a boxing match the other day and one of the boxers only had one hand...

But he sure did have a solid left hook.

Why were the first soliders ready to enter a battle in the American Revolution so bad in bed?

They were all minutemen.

What did the solid say to the liquid?

What's the matter?

SCIENTIST: I just boiled water.

ME: Solid.

SCIENTIST: No.

ME: I just mean that's cool.

SCIENTIST: WRONG AGAIN!

My friends laughed at me

when I told them I have a girlfriend. They said she was like the square root of -100, a solid 10 but imaginary.

Well, joke is on them. They are also imaginary.

I heard prison is a great place to grab a drink...

... apparently there are a bunch of really solid bars.

I thought that that cute geometrician was helping me out because she had a thing for me...

Turns out she was just doing me a platonic solid.

Did anybody see the article about the leopard whose fur was bleached solid white?

It was recently spotted

A teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence.

"The sky is definitely blue," said one girl.
"Nice try but the sky can be black or purple or even orange," replied the teacher.
"The grass is definitely green," said a little boy.
"Well... The grass can be brown too."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
"Yes Johnny?"
"Are farts solid?" asked little Johnny.
Finding this an odd question she was slightly shocked, but answered anyway, "No Johnny."
"Well I definitely pooped my pants."

Girl, forget chemistry, you and I have solid *geometry*

Because our points are maximally separated, and it's perfectly platonic.

I've been suffering from diarrhea the past few days

...but I'm finally making some solid progress.

What do you call a gun made fully from concrete?

An asphalt rifle

Solid joke right?

What do you call a reliable male pornstar?

A solid performer.

Hey, anyone want to move to pompeii?

I hear the economy is pretty solid over there.

What's it called when a substance goes directly from solid to gas?

Premature evaporation

I was in a chemistry class

We were dissolving a solid pill in water. While everyone else's dissolved completely, mine had a few chunks left in the water. I asked the instructor what's the problem, but she just told me "whatever it is, you dont have a solution".

Imodium is not my first choice anti-diarrhea medicine...

But it's a solid number two.

If you ever want to build a home for the poor

A foundation is a solid place to start

Constipation puns aren't my favorite jokes...

but they're a solid number two.

A solid joke

A scientist is studying the three states of matter.

The scientist then makes an amazing discovery, the scientist in the other room then walks in, he asks "What's the matter?"

Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel......

When they get there, one girl suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, a girl turned to her new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I've had in years! I wonder how the guys are doing?"

How many Forbes writers does it take to make a good, solid tech article?

You're in for a nasty surprise -
No one knows yet. But we're keeping count.

People say that having a baby makes you exhausted.

But I usually get eight solid hours of sleep every month.

I can do a Snake impression

My friends say it's pretty solid

Amusingly, the flow of excrement in the sewer system is well-regulated.

And thanks to modern architectural decor, it's all in all a pretty solid waste system.

If I'm not a solid, a liquid, or a gas, does that mean...

...I don't matter?

I loved my pet rock

Our friendship was solid

Some people say that leafy greens are the best thing for colon health

But I think fiber makes a solid number two.

"How's your diarrhea?"

"Well there's nothing solid planned yet for the foreseeable future..."

I used to beleive the earth was flat for 4 solid years

Then I turned 5

A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states

Solid, liquid and gas

I have a nice solid bowel movement every morning at 6AM.

Problem is... I wake up at 7.

Poop jokes aren't my favourite kind of joke.

But they are a solid #2.

If Kanye West is running ...

I think Vanilla Ice should run for president at some point as well. He'd have a solid campaign slogan "If there was a problem, I'll solve it" and he'd make everyone collaborate and listen.

A pencil isn't my favorite writing tool...

...but it's a solid number 2

Jokes about poop aren't my favorite.

But they are a solid #2.

Knock knock?

Whose there?

A little old lady

....

A little old lady who?

...

I didn't know you could yodel!

Credit does to Google voice assistant. I sheer shock had me laughing for a solid 15 seconds.

my boyfriend is like the square root of -100

a solid 10 but completely imaginary

I must have ate something wrong last weekend because I had diarrhea for the next few days.

So today was the first day I felt normal, I took care of myself and I finally did myself a solid.

Dated a gold digger once.

I date this girl once, she was a solid 10. She was smoking hot, and crazy in bed. Things went south though, she claimed I lied about how much money I had.

And I was like my exact words where, that I has worth between 40 and 75 million dollars .

So what if it was only $2,165. It is still between $40- $75,000,000.

Three old ladies playing a round of bridge

The first old lady says, "You know, I'm really starting to lose my memory these days. The other day I went into the kitchen and forgot why I went."

The second old lady shakes her head, "That's nothing. The other day I went down the stairs and stopped halfway because I didn't know why I was going down."

The third lady says nothing and keeps playing, and the other two look at her expectantly. She looks at them both, "What? Don't look at me, my memory is as solid as this table." She then knocks on the table, looks at the door and says, "Hello? Who's there?!"

I really like rock puns.

They're something we shouldn't take for granite. I mean, they are pretty solid.

Let's just face it, geology rocks!


PS: I just hit rock bottom, didn't I?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the solid gaseous jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working solid constructor piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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