Soldiers Jokes

Following is our collection of colonel humor and enemy one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Soldiers puns for adults, dirty battalion jokes or clean wwii gags for kids.

There is an abundance of commander jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 73 funniest jokes on soldiers. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any firefight witze you can hear about soldiers.

The Best jokes about Soldiers

"That's not it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?

I don't know, it's never been done

One soldier

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

Why did the Mexican Army only bring 5000 soldiers to the Alamo?

They only had 2 vans

"Mr. President, two Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday in Iraq."

"Oh my god... How many is a Brazilian?"


Two soldiers are in a tank…

…one turns to the other and says, "blubblublbublub".

Why did the Mexican army attack the Alamo with only 2000 soldiers?

they only had one pickup

George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...

...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.

He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."

Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.

The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.

Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"

It's WW1 on the straits of Gallipoli, the soldiers are ready to charge from their trenches.

The british officers decides to make a rousing speech to his troops: "Listen here lads, did you come here to die?" and the australian answers "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterday!"ο»Ώ

What's the difference between a group of Pakastani School Girls and a group of ISIS soldiers..

Don't ask me I just fly the drone.

What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover?

100 meter Daesh


What do you call 1000 soldiers with no legs?

An army.

Why did the Romans pay their soldiers in salt?

So they would end up with seasoned veterans.

Brazillian

So it's 2004 and the War in Iraq is raging on.

President Bush calls Sec. Rumsfeld into the Oval Office to discuss the campaign.

Rumsfeld begins by saying, "Sir, there have been no American deaths today. But we do have word that 3 Brazillian soldiers were killed."

Much Rumsfeld's surprise, President Bush begins crying and banging his hands on the desk in the office.

Rumsfeld says, "Sir, what's wrong?"

Bush replies under his heavy sobs, "Exactly how many is a Brazillian?"

A joke from WWII

A German soldier is talking to a Swiss soldier:

"How many soldiers could Switzerland mobilize if we were to invade?"

"Half a million within two days."

"And if we invade with a million troops?"

"We shoot twice and go home."

A mother walks in on her son playing with his privates.

"Oh no..."

"What's wrong"

"Those soldiers were gonna be your Christmas present"

Obama and a general are discussing how to attack ISIS

Obama: We need to get boots on the ground to attack them. Send in soldiers, artillery, and trucks.

General: You are forgetting something important sir.

Obama: No I am not.

General: Tanks, Obama.

Why are soldiers always so tired on April 1st?

Because they have just finished a 31 day March.

vintage Bush joke

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"


What do you get when you cross babies with soldiers?

Infantry.

Two soldiers are lost in the desert, thirsty and starving.

Ahead they see a tree with strips of meat hanging from its branches.

"A bacon tree!" the first exclaims and he runs towards it only to be cut down by a sniper's bullet.

"That's no bacon tree," says the other. " That's a ham-bush!"

What do you call a squadron of baby soldiers?

Infantry.

A mother walks in on her son playing with his privates...

"You really like those new toy soldiers, don't you?"

Guy joins the Army...

... but they are out of bayonets and ammo. They tell him to run into battle yelling "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!"

Much to his surprise, enemy soldiers are dropping all around him.

Then, this really big enemy comes over the hill. The guy yells, "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!", but the enemy keeps advancing and mows him down. As the enemy walks over him, he hears him shout, "Tankitty tankitty tank!"

President George W. Bush is sitting in his office...

...When one of his informants walks in to report,
"Mr. President, yesterday three Brazilian soldiers were killed by Al Qaeda."
Bush is silent for a moment as he holds his head in his hands in immense sadness.
"Sir, what's wrong?" asks the informant.
Bush brings his head up to look at the man and asks,
"How many is a Brazilian, exactly?"

A large group of Russian soldiers...

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russians."

Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians!"

The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... Then silence.

Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander,
"Don't send any more men......it's a trap. There are two of them."

A rather drunk lieutenant formed up the platoon:

"Soldiers, why is the formation so crooked?"
"Because the Earth is round!" - someone called out.
"Who said that?"
"Galileo."
"Galileo, step forward!"
"But he has died long ago!"
"So then?! People here are dying, and no one is reporting this to me?"



*Joke was translated from Bulgarian*

Two soldiers are in a tank

They both drowned

It's so hard

A new army captain inspected the soldiers in their barracks. He noticed a female horse.

Captain: What's that horse for?

Soldier: Our men use her if they feel an urge to have sex.

Captain: Ah, it is ok.

One night, the captain feels an urge, so the soldier brought the horse to his tent. When the captain was done with the horse, he saw the soldier smiling outside his tent

Captain: it's so hard! How do you do it?

Soldier: We ride on the horse to the next town where the girls are.

1916 in France

The germans and the french sat in their trenches. The german army suffered from great losses, so the german general had to come up with a plan. Because he couldn't find a solution for their problems he decided to ask his soldiers. Only one had an idea.

'We should find out the most common french name, shout it over no mans land and kill whoever is stupid enough to react to it.'

Since it was the only idea, the german general gave the order to find the most common french name and use this information to kill as many french soldiers as possible. One of his officers discovered that the most common french name was Pierre.

The germans tried this tactic and, surprisingly, many french soldiers were stupid enough to stick their head out of the trench when they heard their name.

Over the next couple of weeks the french lost uncounted men to the german tactic so they decided to copy it. They assumed the most common german name must be Hans. Their first attempt to try this tactic went as followed:

French soldier: 'Hans!'

No reaction

French soldier: 'Hey, Hans!'

German soldier: 'Hans is away!'

French soldier: 'Where is he?'

German soldier: 'Shitting! Is that you, Pierre?'

And the french soldier stuck his head out of the trench

Why are there so many tree-lined roads in France?

Because German soldiers prefer to march in the shade.

Did you know that in North Korea, the soldiers always march to the left?

That's because there are no rights.

Two Prussian soldiers are talking to a captured French Soldier.

The Prussians ask, 'What do you fight for?'

'For money,' the Frenchman replies.

'You see, we Prussians fight not for wealth, but for honor!'

The Frenchman replies, 'So it is true that all men fight for what they lack.'

George W. Bush joke....

One morning while George was having breakfast, Condoleezza Rice walks in saying, "Mr. President, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in action yesterday." "Dear God, " he replied, "how much is a brazilian?"

3 criminals are about to be executed by a firing squad...

The first criminal is brought out. The captain yells "Arm!" then "Aim!" The criminal thinks quickly and shouts "Tsunami!" Being near a tsunami-prone area, the captain and his men look around. The criminal escapes.

The second criminal is then brought out. The captain orders his men the same as before, however the criminal also thinks quickly and shouts "Tornado!" As the firing squad is in a tornado-prone area, the men look around, and the criminal escapes.

The final criminal is brought out. The soldiers again arm and aim. The criminal thinks of a way to get out and has an idea. He yells "Fire!"

How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?

No one knows. They've never tried.

It's an Army Captain's first day as Company Commander.....

He is in his new office, unpacking his stuff and setting things up, there is a knock on the door. The new Captain wants to impress his new soldiers, so he sits down, picks up the phone, and says "Come in."

A private enters the room, the Captain holds up his finger and starts talking "Ok General, thanks for the invitation to dinner at your house. I'm excited to be here and thanks again for hand picking me to Command this unit. See you Friday night. bye."

He hangs up and looks at the private and says "Hey there, what can I do for you?"

The private says "Good morning Sir, I'm just here to hook up your phone. "

Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries.

They decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient. They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.

Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.
Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"

Bacon tree

Two soldiers are sat on top of a hill looking for targets. One says to the other

"Hey bob, is that...is that a bacon tree?"

"I don't know Jim, go have a look while I stay here and cover our backs"

Jim goes for a closer look and Bob stays on the hill eating his lunch. After a while Jim returns with about ten arrows in his chest.

"My god what happened? Was it a bacon tree?"

"No Bob, turned out to be a ham bush"

3 bags.

A Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman are all being chased by soldiers, they all run into a Barn and hide in big burlap sacks. The soldier walk in and hunt for them, they poke the first bag and the Scotsman says "Meow!" so they pass it off as a bag of kittens. They poke the second pack and the Englishman says "Woof!" so they pass it off as a bag of puppies. They poke the third bag and the Irishman says "Potatoes!"

If two soldiers give each other handjobs...

Is it a Tug of War?

A joke we tell tourists in china

Back when the Terra-cotta Soldiers were discovered, Bill and Hilary Clinton decided to visit the site. It was also asked of the chinese officials arranging the tour, that the Clintons could meet the meek and old chinese man that discovered the Terra-cotta.

Back then, the Terra-cotta site was out in the province in a small local village. This village was the hometown of the fortunate old chinese man who discovered them and was going to meet POTUS. It also meant he had no education and spoke no english.

So the chinese officials prepared the old chinese discoverer with a few basic english phrases such as:

"hi, how are you"

"Fine, you?"

"Me too"

The day finally came and, naturally, the old chinese discoverer was nervous to be meeting Clinton. None the less he went through the english he was taught in his head and wasn't going to lose face.

Smiling, Clinton approached the old chinese discoverer and said, "Hello"

The chinese discoverer paused briefly to recall, but out of nervousness mispronounced; "Hi, who are you?"

"I am the President of the United States and the husband of this lovely lady," a surprised Clinton said while pointing at his wife.

"Me too," he replied

An Aussie soldiers and an American soldier are pinned down in the Middle East.

The Aussie gets up and begins flailing his arms and laughing. When he gets back down, the American says

What, did you *come* here to die?

The Aussie responds Nah, I came here yesterday.

What do you call a group of soldiers that wakes you up?

An alarmy

Child soldiers are important

They form the infantry

There was three pilots...

Three WW2 pilots were shot down behind enemy lines and captured. They were sent to a POW camp to be executed. They were lined up and the firing squad said "Ready, aim" and then the first pilot screamd
"Tornado" then the soldiers ran for cover. When thay found no tornado they lined back up.
"Ready aim" Then the second screeched "Bombing run" then the soldiers ran for cover. They then lined up again. "Ready aim" Then the third pilot knew what to do and screamed "FIRE".

A brunette, redhead, and blonde got sentenced to execution in front of a firing squad.

The brunette went first. Seeing that the soldiers were a little naive, she waited until they raised their rifles and yelled "TORNADO!". The soldiers panicked and ran and in the ensuing confusion the brunette escaped.

They then beought out the redhead. She waited until the soldiers raised their rifles and yelled "FLOOD!". Again the soldiers ran for cover and she was able to escape.

The blonde was then brought out. Ahe decided to try and mimic her friends. So, as the soldiers raised their rifles, she yelled "FIRE!"....

George W. Bush and Karl Rove are talking...

Karl Rove walks into the Oval Office and says "Mr. President, I have some bad news. Four Brazilian soldiers died yesterday in Iraq" The president buries his head in his hands, crying "no! No! No! That's awful, that's terrible...." He pauses, collects himself, and says "wait.... How many is a Brazilian?"

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Seven's been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.

Military Humor

I had to translate. You can help me fix it.


Lieutenant Colonel to Major:
There is a total solar eclipse coming tomorrow at 9am, which does not happen every day. Assemble all soldiers on exercise field, I will provide explanation. In the event of rain, since we won't be able to see it anyway, assemble everyone in the gymnasium.


Major to Captain:
Per Colonel's order, tomorrow at 9am there will be ceremonial solar eclipse. If there is a need for rain, Lieutenant Colonel will give a separate order in the gymnasium, which does not happen every day.


Captain to Lieutenant:
Per Colonel's order tomorrow at 9am there will be solar eclipse. In the event of rain the solar eclipse will occur in the gymnasium, which does not happen every day.


Lieutenant to Sergeant:
Tomorrow at 9am Colonel will perform solar eclipse in the gymnasium, which does not happen every day.


Sergeant to Corporal:
"Tomorrow at 9am there will be eclipsing of Colonel because of the sun. If it is raining in the gymnasium, which does not happen every day, assemble all soldiers on the exercise field.


Two privates talking to each other:
Seems it will rain tomorrow. The sun will eclipse Colonel in the gymnasium. I wonder why it does not happen every day.

A new recruit is sent to an outpost in the Jungle.

A new recruit is sent out in the jungle to a small outpost, where there are only a few other soldiers there, all of them experienced veterans. After a few weeks, the soldier begins to feel a little unsatisfied with his sex life, so he goes to ask the sergeant what he can do about it. The sergeant says, "Well, every Sunday, we go out into the jungle, find a bunch of female gorillas and have sex with them."

The recruit is disgusted, and refuses to join the sergeant and the rest of the soldiers on Sunday.
After a few more weeks, the recruit decides to finally join the rest of the soldiers on their trip to the gorillas, just to try it out. When they get there, all of the soldiers rush back in forth in order to grab a gorilla, leaving the recruit with only one.
Suddenly, all of the soldiers start laughing at him. Not quite knowing why, the recruit yells,"Im not the only one having sex with a Gorilla!"
The sergeant responds, "No, you just got the ugly one".

THE ARMY HOSPITAL

An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks:
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"

Heard an old man tell this one

There was a small group of soldiers camped in the middle of a forest. A soldier runs up to the General and says there are hundreds of infantry coming towards them! The General turns to the soldier and screams, "Get my red shirt!". The group manages to defeat the attackers and the soldier asks the General why he wanted the red shirt. The General replies that he wanted the red shirt so that if he got shot the enemy couldn't tell. Psychological warfare he said. Another soldier comes in and tells the General thousands of infantry are now approaching! The General turns to the original soldier and screams , "Get my brown pants!".

A military plane crashes on a cannibal island

The soldiers are captured, and the chief asks them "Right, which one of you is the commander?"

"That's me, Commander Joe Miller."

"Well, congratulations, Joe, by tomorrow you'll be Commander-in-Chief!"

Donald Trump has his daily intelligence briefing.

"We're almost done, Mr. President-Elect," says the man conducting the briefing, "just one more small piece of information."

"Bring it on."

"5 Brazilian soldiers were killed last night"

"That certainly isn't a good thing," replies Trump, "but if you don't mind, could you refresh my memory on one thing?"

"Of course, Mr. Trump, what do you need?"

"How many is a Brazilian?"

Three soldiers, one English, one French and one German, are captured by the Taliban in Afghanistan.

Three soldiers, one English, one French and one German, are captured by the Taliban in Afghanistan. Their captors take them to a mine field and tell them that if they can escape to the checkpoint on the other side, they are free to go. To do so they offer them each whatever transport they want to cross it.

The Englishman chooses a Rover, solidly built enough to take a blow from a mine perhaps. He hits a mine and explodes. Dead.

The Frenchman chooses a Renault, small and quick so it may be able to get between the mines, he thinks. He hits a mine and explodes. Dead.

The German asks for a large rubber duck, with a spring stuck on each corner. The Taliban suspect him to be mad, but its good sport so they find him a big rubber duck and kit it out as per his instructions.

He bounces his contraption over the mine field. He hits a mine and explodes. But the explosion carries him forward and he bounces to the next one. He crosses the whole minefield unharmed.

The Taliban at the other side are perplexed by this. "How did you ever manage to devise such a solution to crossing minefields?" they ask.

"Oh it is an old German method," he replies, "We call it the Four-Sprung Duck Technique."

How many???

A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"

My mom bought me tin soldiers but I lost all the generals and smashed the lieutenants and sergeants

Now I just play with my privates.

Camoflage practice

A sergeant was addressing his soldiers:

"Mark, I didn't see you at camouflage practice this morning"

To which Mark replied, "Thank you, sir!"

A platoon of soldiers is overseas fighting the battle of a lifetime

when all of the sudden, Private Smith runs out of ammo. He yells over for his Sergeant for some more, when the Sergeant throws him a stick. "What am I supposed to do with this?!" Smith yells angrily. In a joking manner, the Sergeant replies "Point it at the enemy, and yell BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY!!!

Private Smith mutters "You've gotta be kidding" but just to prove his Sergeant is an idiot, he does it. An enemy soldier comes up, he points the stick at him and yells BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY. Enemy dies. Smith thinks "There's no way that worked, someone else must have shot him, let me try it again." BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY! Another soldier goes down. Bewildered, he does it again, and again, with great success. Private Smith kills many people in this manner, and he begins to get very cocky.

His platoon is patrolling a rural road, when they get ambushed, and Private Smith knows that to do. BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY!!! BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY! BANGITY BANGITY BANGI-AAAAGGGHHHH! He starts writhing on the ground in immense pain. His Sergeant pulls him to safety and asks whats wrong. Smith replies "Somebody yelled tankity tankity tankity"

Three german soldiers...

... Walk into a BAR.

A russian officer during the winter war hears someone shouting from behind a hill

"one Finnish soldier is worth 10 Russian soldiers!"
Wanting to prove a point the officer sends ten Russians over the hill. After some gunshots and screams the same voice shouts "one Finnish soldier is worth 100 Russian soldiers!" Enraged the officer sends 100 Russian soldiers over the hill. After ten minutes of gunshots and screams he hears the voice again "one Finnish soldier is worth 1000 Russian soldiers!" Thinking it was impossible to loose this he sends 1000 of his best men over the hill. After 30 minutes of gunshots and screams one wounded Russian crawls over the hill and shouts "It's a trap! There are two of them!"

Joseph Stalin is giving a speech to his army.

When all of the sudden in the midst of a paticularly moving segment, he hears a loud, uproarious sneeze coming from amongst the crowd. Stalin stops speaking, glares at the soldiers, becomes very visibly annoyed, and says "Who sneezed?..."

All of the soldiers don't say anything, some of them start to sweat and others nervously glance around. After a brief moment Stalin motions towards a few soldiers with him on the stage. "Execute the first row..." he commands, and the soldiers on stage begin opening fire at the first row of troops on the ground.

"I'll ask again, who sneezed?" says Stalin. Another pause, and no one speaks up. Finally Stalin says "Execute the..." but before he can finish, a soldier about 4 rows back raises his hand and says "It was me General Secretary Stalin! I'm the one who sneezed."

Stalin then stares cold and hard at the soldier who spoke up for an uncomfortable amount of time, before he leans towards his microphone and says "Bless you."

Two soldiers are in a tank.

One soldier looks over to the other and says "borglopblaooog"

A bunch of soldiers were suddenly under fire by ISIS troops

Officer: Men! FIRE AT WILL!

Will: What did I do?

You can tell a lot about the different branches of the armed services by their use of the word "secure":

Order Marines to secure a building and they'll attack it.

Order soldiers to secure a building and they'll post guards around it.

Order airmen to secure a building and they'll buy it.

Order sailors to secure a building and they'll turn off the lights, lock the doors, and go out drinking.

So my mom got me a box of tin soldiers...

I smashed up my majors and tore down my generals. The dog ate my lieutenants and I lost the colonel. The sergeants were lost in uncle John's hay so now I'm stuck playing with my privates all day.

A mother walked in to find her son playing with his privates. "Oh dear..."

"...those toy soldiers were supposed to be a surprise!"

China banned their soldiers from using the Apple watch due to security concerns

One soldier submitted a formal complaint. "My daughter made this for me!"

At the end of WW 2, three soldiers - an Italian, a Japanese, and a Pole - were facing a Russian firing squad.

The Russians decided to shoot the Italian first. They asked if he had any last words, and he yelled "Il Duce!" The squad leader then gave the command, "Ready... Aim...." and the Italian saw his life flash before his eyes, and remembered his home near Mt. Vesuvius, and yelled out, "Volcano!!!" The firing squad stopped and turned to scan the countryside, and the Italian ran away and escaped.

The Japanese guy took note of this, and when the firing squad leader said "Ready... Aim... ", he yelled out "Earthquake!!!" This distracted the firing squad, and he also escaped.

The Polish guy was last, and being no dummy, he picked up on what the two other guys did to escape. So the Russian said, "Ready... Aim..." and the Polock yelled out, "Fire!!!"


From the Gallipoli campaign in World War I...

The Australians are interrogating a captured Turkish soldier, when finally poor Mehmet has a question for them.

"Why do you call God such awful names? Why do you curse Him when your soldiers go into battle?"

The Aussies were surprised. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when we Turks leap out of our trenches and charge your lines, we cry 'Allah! Allah!' But when you charge us, you shout 'Bloody BASTAAARRRDD!!!'"

The Vietnam newbie was told they didn't have any more M-16's...

and he should just point his finger and yell "BANGITY! BANGITY! BANG!"
He's out on patrol, he sees enemy soldiers and points his finger.
"BANGITY! BANGITY! BANG!"
Much to his amazement, the enemy soldiers fall to the ground dead. He continues on his way, killing more and more VC.
But then he sees an enemy soldier steadfastly walking towards him, and the "BANGITY! BANGITY! BANG!" doesn't work. He tries again, "BANGITY! BANGITY! BANG!" but the VC just keeps coming. The VC blunders into him, knocks our hero down, steps on his stomach and face as he proceeds into the distance, saying "TANKETY TANKETY TANK!"

John Bolton and President Trump are meeting in the White House

Bolton reads off a report to Trump and says "Today, in the war on drugs we lost 2 Brazilian soldiers."

Donald breaks down crying, sobbing uncontrollably.

John Bolton cringes and says "There's no reason to be upset, this isn't a big deal."

Donald replies, "Wait, remind me... How many is a brazilian?"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes