Solar System Jokes

There are no comets.
Only people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked so hard that they are now in permanent orbit in our solar system.

Chuck Norris tried juggling once... and now we have our solar system.

So we landed a car-sized object on Mars...

...but we have no plans to bring it back. As a matter of fact there's at least 3 of 'em up there. Does this make us the r**... of the Galaxy; leaving our broken down rovers all over our Solar System?

Scientist released new findings proving that there are now only seven planets in our solar system

after I destroyed Uranus.

When our solar system was formed, the Sun was in charge...

So the planets started a revolution.

Saturn

Undefeated Solar system Hula hoop champ!

They should rename the star of the newly discovered solar system with earth like exoplanets Peter Dinklage

Because it's an ultracool dwarf star

Do you know how many planets are in the solar system?

7, after I destroy Uranus.

How many planets are there in the solar system?

There used to be nine, then there was eight and when I'm done with Uranus there'll be seven.

Humanity is children of the Sun, but according to Nemesis Theory there is a Second Sun in Our Solar System.

whose name is ''Kim Ir Sen''.

So, the God decides he needs a vacation...

He goes to meet his travel agent:
"We have a special on Andromeda, Cthulu resort." - Nah it's way too hot...
"How'bout skiing in Pillars Of Creation?" - Maybe something cheaper, this time?
"Well, You may try the Earth, Solar System new Spa, great price".
- ... Been there like 2000 years ago, mate, made one chick pregnant.
They still keep talking about this...

How many unknown solar systems are there?

If we knew they wouldn't be unknown.

How does the solar system keep its pants up?

With an asteroid belt.
It shoves it up Uranus and buys pants that fix.

Earth went around the solar system asking the other planets for a stick of gum.

They all refused, but Earth still got one; Pluto shares its Orbit.

TIL that our sun accounts for about 99.86% of the total mass in our solar system.

I guess that means yo momma only accounts for about 00.12%.

Why don't we have any alien visitors in our solar system?

I googled it and found the reason...
It's rated only '1 star' out there.

I ran into a NASA scientist one day...

...and I say to him, "Your job seems so tough. I'd love to traverse the solar system, but I wouldn't even know where to begin..."
He says, "It's easy... you just planet."
So I took his advice and went on a trip around the Sun. It lasted a year and I had a pretty good time. But if I had to rate it, I'd only give it one star.

Why is Venus named after the Roman goddess of beauty?

Because it's the hottest planet in our solar system

Have you heard the Russian president has just taken over a planet in the outer solar system?

He's called it Putin-Uranus.

I named my memorabilia store "the solar system" hoping it will attract space fans

But they gave it one star

what does the solar system use to keep its pants up?

an asteroid belt

NASA sent a probe to all of the planets in our solar system, but quit after Uranus

They found it to be a s**....

The real reason aliens won't visit our solar system

We have the worst ratings, only one star ☀️

What's Rabbi Peter's favourite planet within our solar system?

Jew-Peter of course!

Star ratings!

Maybe aliens haven't visited our solar system yet because we only have one star.
They probably prefer going to systems with a 4-5 star rating.

Why don't aliens visit the solar system

They look at the reviews and see it only has 1 star

Aliens came to our solar system.

They gave it a one star review :/

Interesting fact: the sun makes up 99.86% of the solar system's mass!

The rest is your mama

Aliens haven't visited our solar system yet because we only have 1 star.

They'll want to visit solar systems with 4 or 5 stars

Why haven't aliens visited our solar system?

Because it only has one star.

Why are most solar systems bad business partners?

Most are rated one star and even the best only have three.

How does the solar system organize a party?

**They planet!**

Why has our solar system never been visited by aliens?

Bad reviews; only one star.
Credit's to Sebastion Elytron; where ever you may be.

Did you know that all the planets in the solar system are named after a god,

Except earth, which is named after all that stuff on the ground.

There's a contest going around and if you win 1st place you get a whole solar system named after you

Second place is just a constellation prize

Aliens refuse to visit Earth because they've looked up our solar system...

and it has a 1-star rating.

Best/worst pick up line

You know there are 8 planets in the solar system but soon there'll be only 7 after I destroy Uranus

What's the solar system's favorite type of egg scramble?

Sunny-Side up…
I couldn't resist

Uranus is the coldest place in the solar system

So it's safe to say the sun don't shine there.

I planned on making a joke about the Solar System…..

But not right now, I'll planet later.

Three archaeologists met in a seminar.

The British said: we dug very deep and found sculpted animal bones. This proves that my ancestors invented art.
The German said: we dug very deep and found a plate-size disk showing the solar system. This proves that my ancestors invented astronomy.
The Italian said: we dug very deep and didn't find any wires. This proves that my ancestors invented wifi communication.