The Best 50 Soil Jokes
Are you looking for some good soil jokes? Then you've come to the right place! Here's a collection of some of the best soil jokes around.
Top 10 Funniest Soil Jokes and Puns
"I own a small allotment...", So far I'm the only person I've heard laugh at this joke.
I own a small allotment. Every night someone throws soil in on top of in. I've absolutely no idea why.
The plot thickens.
There's an old Italian man
There's an old Italian man, and every year, he and his son plant a tomato garden together. This particular year, however, the son is in jail, and so the old man writes him a letter.
"My son, it is regrettable that you can't be here to plant the tomato garden with me this year. The soil is too hard for me to dig myself. I look forward to the day you come home so we can continue this tradition together."
The son writes back, "Father, don't dig up the tomato garden, that's where the bodies are buried."
That night around 2 AM, the police show up at the old man's house with a warrant to search the ground for bodies. After several hours of digging around, they find nothing, apologize to the man, and go on their way.
The next day, the man receives another letter from his son, "Father, given the circumstances, this was the best I could do. You should be able to plant the tomatoes now."
Where he first had sex
A Welsh farmer is out in a field with his son preparing the soil for planting. The farmer points to a corner of the field and tells his son
"Boy, that's where I had my first woman"
"Really?" replied the son
"Yup" said the farmer "and her mother was watching"
"What did she say" the boy asked
and the farmer told him "baaaaaaa"
I bought a vacant piece of land recently, and every night someone keeps depositing soil on the land. I still can't figure out who it is.
The plot thickens.
Why was it easier for the whistleblower to leave American soil earlier in the year?
It didn't Snowden.
I like my women like quality agronomy soil...
..good penetration to 8", bare surface, and minimal crust.
Why did the farmer bury his money?
To make the soil rich
I went to an allotment yesterday to find more soil there than the day before. Today, I went there again and found even more soil..
The plot thickens...
I found an plot of soil yesterday. I went back to the site today and found even more soil...
The plot thickens...
A man who is infatuated with soil...
has a dirty fetish.
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
You can explore soil land reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean soil sediment dad jokes. There are also soil puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I'm reading a book about soil
The plot thickens
As I suspected, someone's been removing soil from my garden.
The plot thins.
I finally found whose been adding all that soil to my garden
*And so, the plot thickens....*
My friend told me that he collects soil.
I said, "What on earth!"
He said, "Yes."
How do you cover a doctor's mistake?
With soil.
There was a scientist one time, and he went to talk to God
and he says, "God, we can now clone humans, make life, and take care of ourselves and we don't need you anymore."
God laughed and said: "You think? So show me, how you can make humans and life!"
The scientist agreed, reached down, grabbed a full hand of soil to start making his human, when God promptly stops him and says, "Whoa not so fast, use your own dirt."
Every time I visit my allotment there's more and more soil
The plot thickens...
Why did the place where two roads diverged in the yellow wood become overgrown quickly?
Because Frost increases soil fertility!
I went to my allotment and found that there was twice as much soil as there was the week before.
The plot thickens...
A thief just stole some of soil and I'm going after him.
I'm losing ground.
What do you get when you cross a dandelion with soil infused with tetrahydrocannabinol?
Weed.
My auntie has been eating soil for years...
Really keeps her grounded
I'm reading a book where someone keeps adding soil to the protagonist's garden.
The plot thickens.
I was sitting in my house in England, looking at the news
I was sitting in my house in England, Looking at the news.
Hearing about what was being done to people on british soil by Russians infuriated me. I took it upon myself to write a long scathing article about Putin, and how we should stand up to him and not takes these shenanigans any more from him.
I was about to post it online and share it with my Russian friends, but then my nerves got the better of me.
As a child, I had a medical condition that meant I had to eat soil three times a day in order to survive.
I was lucky my older brother told me about it, really.
Your true love will always keep you grounded
That's why they're called your soil mate :)
When does soil get rich?
When mother nature makes it rain.
Some mystery person keeps adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
Germany's loss in the fifa world cup doesn't come as a surprise
They've always had a hard time winning on russian soil
It's official,
Germany can never win on Russian soil.
In these troubling political times with gun violence peaking, human rights scandals on us soil, and ongoing corruption investigations, it's always important to find the silver lining in things...
International Relations with Russia have never been better!
For years, I've suspected my wife of adding soil to my garden and when I asked her about it, she just giggled and shrugged...
The plot thickens...
I saw my neighbour putting some more soil down on his lawn the other day
The plot thickens...
What does the soil have in common with a mailman?
They both become hostile when you rearrange their letters.
Why are Jews bad at gardening?
Their soil is too Hasidic.
I recently discovered that someone had been putting soil in my yard
The plot thickens
NASA is currently developing a way to grow cashews on the Moon's soil...
They're calling them Astro-nuts.
A man asked for fresh ground coffee
After a while, the waiter brings the coffee
The man takes a sip and spits it out immediately.
Man: This is soil. Why did you put me soil?
Waiter: Well, you asked for fresh ground
My friend was unconvinced when I told him someone keeps stealing soil from his allotment.
I thought he'd lost the plot.
Now someone keeps adding more and more.
The plot thickens.
Someone keeps adding soil to my garden!
The plot thickens
Someone's been secretly dumping top soil on my lawn...
The plot thickens...
When I was younger, I had a horrible condition that meant I had to eat soil three times a day.
I'm lucky my older brother told me about it, really.
As I suspected, someone had been secretly adding soil in my backyard garden
*The plot thickens....*
It's my cake day! Here is my favorite joke:
Someone's been adding soil to my garden...
...the plot thickens
Little Timmy goes to a farm with his school
The farmer there was talking about how manure helps the plants by nourishing the soil. Timmy immediately asks the teacher to call his mother. When the teacher asked why, He said
"I heard mom saying she got a lot of shit on her hands right now".
As I thought, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens....
Despite inflation, what can everyone still afford?
Soil, it's always dirt cheap.
why is it considered gross to drink a beverage made of steeped soil?
Because that's just dirt tea
A teacher to her students,
"Lets talk about associate, or association. It means things that go together. You can associate plants with soil, and birds with trees. Now, can anyone tell me what we can associate with fish? Yes, Tommy?"
Tommy: "Chips!"
Source: Adapated from a joke in a 1913 newspaper
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the soil sand puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working soil clay piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.