The Best 59 Software Jokes

Following is our collection of Software jokes which are very funny. There are some software startup jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these software linux puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!

But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed."

Discussing with a woman is like reading software license terms.

In the end you ignore everything and click on "accept".

If software developers made cars

They would cost $500, get 200 miles per gallon, and once a year would explode. Killing everyone inside.

I like my women the way I like my software

Without any viruses and I don't have to pay

A software engineer died at 45 and went to heaven.

He asked god why he was dead at such an early age. God replied "Son, according to the billable hours you filed in your time sheet you should be 92 by now "


A Software Programmer is going to the store.....

His wife says "get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The guy comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
His wife says "why did you get so much bread?"
He says, "they had eggs.

A software engineer, a chemical engineer and a mechanical engineer were riding along in a car.....

suddenly the car stopped. The mechanical engineer said "it must be a problem with the motor", the chemical engineer said "no it's most likely a fuel problem", then the software engineer said "maybe if we all get out, then get back in, it will start"

How can you tell when a Software Developer is an extrovert ?

He looks at *your* shoes when he's talking to you.

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer are riding in a car...

when it breaks down. The mechanical engineer speaks up and says, "It must be the engine!" The electrical engineer says, "No, it must be the wiring." The software engineer finally speaks up and says, "Guys, guys... Let's just all get completely out of the car and then get back in."

I see that software legend Photoshop is turning 25 this week.

Actually, it's turning 38. It just looks 25.

The inventor if the anti-virus software has been charged with murder.

They expect the trial to last 30 days

Top Software Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore software processor reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean software download dad jokes. There are also software puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Talking with your girlfriend is just like software installation EULA

you just scroll down waiting for it to finish and agree without understanding what it says

There are tons of girls in my software engineering class...

...just not very many of them.

How many software developers does it take to fix a light bulb?

none, its a hardware issue.

How does software eat it's food?

By taking large bytes!

If pirates say "Arr", What do software pirates say?

.RAR

How a phone recall works.

Samsung: Send us your exploding phone.

Microsoft/Nokia: A software update will fix that.

Apple: You are using it wrong.

Programmers today...

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.

So far, the Universe is winning.

What letter do pirate's hate the most?

Dear Charter Internet Customer:

Charter Communications ("Charter") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are attaching a copy of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice that Charter received from the copyright holder which includes the specific allegation.


The Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Enginner

A Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Engineer were driving down a mountain when suddenly the car slides off the road and rolls down the Mountain. Amazingly none of the occupants had been hurt.

The Mechanical Engineer steps out and says hand me my Swiss army knife I will have this repaired in no time and we can be on our way.

The Project Manager says Wait Up, We need to set achievable goals, set a timeline and ensure we are all working with maximum efficiency to solve this problem.

The Software Engineer Just says "Wow! that is strange, lets push it back up and see if it happens again"

Why can't blondes finish software updates?

They can never find the "any" key.

When Microsoft and Apple ship faulty products

Microsoft: We will fix that faulty battery timer through a software update. *never fixes it though*

Apple: *quietly removes the battery timer*

If Al Gore had his own drumming software company he should name it...

AlGoreRythyms

Software is like sex

It's better when it's free

A guy stole my Microsoft Office software. I told him "I'll get you back, you have my word."

To most religious people, the holy books are like a software license.

Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree"

Some people are like a software update

Some people are like a software update . When I see them I think Not now

Why did the software developer go broke?

He used up all his cache !

How many software developers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I'm sorry, that appears to be a hardware problem.

To the software thieves who robbed me last night.

Don't think you can get away with taking Microsoft Office away from me. I will find you. You have my Word.

Today I pitched a new web software to Apple to replace Safari...

it raised a few iBrowse :(

A software testing engineer walks into a bar.

and he orders a beer, Orders 0 beer, orders 32769 beers, orders 99999999 beers, orders a lizard, orders -1 beers, orders gksbfkagfiau.

A mechanic, an electrician and a software developer were in a car.

The car stops working.

-It's the carburetor, says the mechanic. We just have to get down and clean it.

-It's the ignition, says the electrician. We have to check the spark plugs and we'll make it work.

-"Guys, I propose getting out of the car and getting back in and maybe it will start working."

Hey girl are you a software update

Because not now

What's Big Shaq's favorite type of software?

Open-sauce.

How does Big Shaq compile his software?

From raw source.

Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles.

I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.

My computer was really laggy until someone helped me update my software

Turns out it was the bus driver

My 7yr old heard this...

How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Zero, lightbulbs are hardware.

My son finally landed a position as a software engineer. He proudly told me that his new job title will be Java Developer.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that means he'll be making the coffee.

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement.

In the end you ignore it all and just click "I agree"

Italian Chefs can now get an exclusive software update for their Tesla

It's been named Carpatchio

I installed anti virus software on my computer

Now my computer has autism

Do you want to hear a joke about software

I'm still developing it

A Software Developer walks into a bar

A Software Developer walks into a bar

Bartender: "you having the usual?"

Software Developer thinks for a while
and then says "Yes"

Bartender: "What took you so long to answer?"

Software Developer: "Sorry, I got cache issues."

When software doesn't work

It just bugs me

Arguing....

Arguing with your wife is like reading a Software Licence Agreement. In the end, you just ignore everything and click "Agree".

I've created a writing software to rival Microsoft.

It's their Word against mine.

Why do most software developers need glasses?

Because they can't C#

What is the best girlfriend for a computer geek?

One that turns his software into hardware.

What is a stoners favorite computer software?

Adoobe

Did you hear about the British chap who was just as adept with social niceties as with troubleshooting network systems and software?

He was an 'igh tea specialist.

Do you know the difference between a car salesperson and a software salesperson?

The car salesperson knows when they're lying.

A software tester walks into a bar.

He orders a beer, -1 beers, 50 beers, nuhriuh beers, NULL beers. The barman happily fulfils the orders he can, and declines the ones he can't.

A software user walks into the same bar, and asks the barman where the toilets are. The barman explodes, the bar burns to the ground, and the building collapses

For a school video project, I was partnered with the class bitch

Wanting it to be finished as soon as possible, I told her that I would do most of the project as long as she would stay out of my way. I then realized that my computer was undergoing repairs so I asked her if she had any audio editing software. And let me tell you,

This bitch had the Audacity.

How many software developers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Zero, thats a hardware issue.

Why can't software developers distinguish between Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 == DEC 25

(hint: octal and decimal are numerical bases 8 and 10 respectively, happy holidays!)

Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.

The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"

"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."

If Government was software how would you describe its issues?

Answer: Too much middleware and a major lack of API functionality.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the software systems jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working software hardware piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes