Software Jokes
138 software jokes and hilarious software puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about software that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a laugh about software engineering, testing, development, architecture, bugs, and installation? Check out this collection of funny software jokes, quips, and puns. Perfect for software engineers and developers to get a chuckle or two!
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Funniest Software Short Jokes
Short software jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The software humour may include short apps jokes also.
- Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles. I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.
- Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement. In the end you ignore it all and just click "I agree"
- To most religious people, the holy books are like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree"
- Some people are like a software update Some people are like a software update . When I see them I think Not now
- Talking with your girlfriend is just like software installation EULA you just scroll down waiting for it to finish and agree without understanding what it says
- There are tons of girls in my software engineering class... ...just not very many of them.
- How many software developers does it take to fix a light bulb? none, its a hardware issue.
- I see that software legend Photoshop is turning 25 this week. Actually, it's turning 38. It just looks 25.
- Today I pitched a new web software to Apple to replace safari... it raised a few iBrowse :(
- When Microsoft and Apple ship faulty products Microsoft: We will fix that faulty battery timer through a software update. *never fixes it though*
Apple: *quietly removes the battery timer*
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Software One Liners
Which software one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with software? I can suggest the ones about program and computer.
- If pirates say "Arr", What do software pirates say? .RAR
- I installed anti virus software on my computer Now my computer has autism
- I like my women the way I like my software Without any viruses and I don't have to pay
- Hey girl are you a software update Because not now
- Do you want to hear a joke about software I'm still developing it
- I've created a writing software to rival Microsoft. It's their Word against mine.
- When software doesn't work It just bugs me
- Why did the software developer go broke? He used up all his cache !
- How does Big Shaq compile his software? From raw source.
- What's the best pickup line for a computer girl You turn my software into hardware
- What's Big Shaq's favorite type of software? Open-sauce.
- Why do most software developers need glasses? Because they can't C#
- How does a software code becomes unreadable? No comments.
- If Al Gore had his own drumming software company he should name it... AlGoreRythyms
- Why can't blondes finish software updates? They can never find the "any" key.
Software Engineering Jokes
Here is a list of funny software engineering jokes and even better software engineering puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My son finally landed a position as a software engineer. He proudly told me that his new job title will be Java Developer. I didn't have the heart to tell him that means he'll be making the coffee.
- A software testing engineer walks into a bar. and he orders a beer, Orders 0 beer, orders 32769 beers, orders 99999999 beers, orders a lizard, orders -1 beers, orders gksbfkagfiau.
- One for the software devs There are two eternal problems in traditional software engineering:
1. Garbage collection
2. Naming things
3. Off-by-one errors - There is a group of Amish engineers who created the hardware and software for a small self-driving horseless carriage. It's a little buggy.
- My 7yr old heard this... How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Zero, lightbulbs are hardware. - How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? Zero, that's a hardware problem.
My buddy's daughter came up with this. She is 4. - How much food does a software engineer eat a day? A couple of bytes
- How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Can't be done, it's a hardware problem.
- Which Hollywood actor can be a Software engineer in US? Dev Patel
- How do you tell the difference between an introvert or extrovert software engineer? The extrovert looks at your feet when talking.
Software Engineer Jokes
Here is a list of funny software engineer jokes and even better software engineer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you know you're talking to an extroverted software engineer? He's staring at *your* shoes
- A software engineer starts up an online mail service designed with women in mind. What do they call the website? FeMail.com
- What do you get when you cross a Software Engineer with an English teacher? A programmar.
- A software engineer decided to set up an online email service that is designed for women. What did they choose to name the website?
- A software engineer decides to start up an online mail service designed for women. What did their company?
- What was the name of the vans made up of software engineers? Code - a - line
- As a Software Engineer undergrad, I'm addicted to coding ...and morphine ...and adderall
- Why did Michael Jackson see a software engineer instead of a medical doctor? Because he had a race condition.
- Why do software engineers tend to not care about trigger warnings? They're not trigger errors.
- Should I include "hard working and honest" in my resume? Applying for a software engineer's role at Volkswagen.
Software Development Jokes
Here is a list of funny software development jokes and even better software development puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How can you tell when a Software Developer is an extrovert ? He looks at *your* shoes when he's talking to you.
- Why can't software developers distinguish between Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT 31 == DEC 25
(hint: octal and decimal are numerical bases 8 and 10 respectively, happy holidays!) - How many software developers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Zero, thats a hardware issue.
- How many software developers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I'm sorry, that appears to be a hardware problem.
- If software developers made cars They would cost $500, get 200 miles per gallon, and once a year would explode. Killing everyone inside.
- This new software developer is so socially awkward … … he failed the Turing Test.
- What makes a software developer feel rich? Their Cache
- What is the best advice for new software developers? Google it.
- Why do feminists hate most software developers? Because developers look at everything as objects
- What did the wheelchair-bound software developer say when asked to speak at an Apple Keynote? "Sorry, but I don't do stand-up comedy."
Software Developer Jokes
Here is a list of funny software developer jokes and even better software developer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does a software developer call the sunrise? Sunget
- A retired politician was fired from his new job as a software developer after only three days He had no comment
- What do you call a software developer who's also a gynecologist? Front-end
- A mobile software developer just got fired from his job He wasn't very appy.
- How many software developers does it take to screw in a lightbulb About 1101
- What kinda ants do software developers like? A constANT.
- In Mexico every software developer is senior
- What do you call an award ceremony for the latest and greatest software developments? The Programmys
- Why do software developers make the best relationship partners? because they're not afraid of committing.
- What do you call a software developer on a bike, being chased by a car? A software developer life cycle
Hilarious Software Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about software you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tools jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make software pranks.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get s**...."
Discussing with a woman is like reading software license terms.
In the end you ignore everything and click on "accept".
Three software engineers...
...are riding in a truck that breaks down. They get out, and tries to see what he can see under the hood, but doesn't know anything about cars, another calls a tow truck and waits, and the third says "I don't know what's wrong, let's just get back in the car and see if it happens again"
A software engineer died at 45 and went to heaven.
He asked god why he was dead at such an early age. God replied "Son, according to the billable hours you filed in your time sheet you should be 92 by now "
A Software Programmer is going to the store.....
His wife says "get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The guy comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
His wife says "why did you get so much bread?"
He says, "they had eggs.
A software engineer, a chemical engineer and a mechanical engineer were riding along in a car.....
suddenly the car stopped. The mechanical engineer said "it must be a problem with the motor", the chemical engineer said "no it's most likely a fuel problem", then the software engineer said "maybe if we all get out, then get back in, it will start"
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer are riding in a car...
when it breaks down. The mechanical engineer speaks up and says, "It must be the engine!" The electrical engineer says, "No, it must be the wiring." The software engineer finally speaks up and says, "Guys, guys... Let's just all get completely out of the car and then get back in."
The inventor if the anti-virus software has been charged with m**....
They expect the trial to last 30 days
A Woman sends her husband - a software developer - out for groceries.
She says to him: "We don't need a lot. Please get us a loaf of bread; and if they have free-range eggs please bring six."
The husband returns with nothing but six loaves of bread: "They had free-range eggs."
Babe are you a new software update?
Because not now.
How does software eat it's food?
By taking large bytes!
How a phone recall works.
Samsung: Send us your exploding phone.
Microsoft/Nokia: A software update will fix that.
Apple: You are using it wrong.
Programmers today...
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the Universe is winning.
Similarity between beggars and software engineers
When two beggars meet each other and two software engineers meet each other after a long time,
the question asked is the same .
On which platform are you working these days?
What letter do pirate's hate the most?
Dear Charter Internet Customer:
Charter Communications ("Charter") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are attaching a copy of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice that Charter received from the copyright holder which includes the specific allegation.
The Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Enginner
A Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Engineer were driving down a mountain when suddenly the car slides off the road and rolls down the Mountain. Amazingly none of the occupants had been hurt.
The Mechanical Engineer steps out and says hand me my Swiss army knife I will have this repaired in no time and we can be on our way.
The Project Manager says Wait Up, We need to set achievable goals, set a timeline and ensure we are all working with maximum efficiency to solve this problem.
The Software Engineer Just says "Wow! that is strange, lets push it back up and see if it happens again"
Software is like s**...
It's better when it's free
A guy stole my Microsoft Office software. I told him "I'll get you back, you have my word."
To the software thieves who robbed me last night.
Don't think you can get away with taking Microsoft Office away from me. I will find you. You have my Word.
A mechanic, an electrician and a software developer were in a car.
The car stops working.
-It's the carburetor, says the mechanic. We just have to get down and clean it.
-It's the ignition, says the electrician. We have to check the spark plugs and we'll make it work.
-"Guys, I propose getting out of the car and getting back in and maybe it will start working."
What is the square root of Pai?
"To access your calculator's premium features like sine, square and square root, and logarithm, please call to have a contractor install the software"
My computer was really laggy until someone helped me update my software
Turns out it was the bus driver
Italian Chefs can now get an exclusive software update for their Tesla
It's been named Carpatchio
Someone should make a movie about an old robot who needs a software upgrade so it can learn about LOVE.
You could call it, 'The 40-Year-Old Version'.
A Software Developer walks into a bar
A Software Developer walks into a bar
Bartender: "you having the usual?"
Software Developer thinks for a while
and then says "Yes"
Bartender: "What took you so long to answer?"
Software Developer: "Sorry, I got cache issues."
Arguing....
Arguing with your wife is like reading a Software Licence Agreement. In the end, you just ignore everything and click "Agree".
What is the best girlfriend for a computer geek?
One that turns his software into hardware.
What is a stoners favorite computer software?
Adoobe
Do you know the difference between a car salesperson and a software salesperson?
The car salesperson knows when they're lying.
A software tester walks into a bar.
He orders a beer, -1 beers, 50 beers, nuhriuh beers, NULL beers. The barman happily fulfils the orders he can, and declines the ones he can't.
A software user walks into the same bar, and asks the barman where the toilets are. The barman explodes, the bar burns to the ground, and the building collapses
For a school video project, I was partnered with the class b**...
Wanting it to be finished as soon as possible, I told her that I would do most of the project as long as she would stay out of my way. I then realized that my computer was undergoing repairs so I asked her if she had any audio editing software. And let me tell you,
This b**... had the Audacity.
Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.
The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"
"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."
A software tester walks into a bar
Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a bear. Orders -1 beers. Orders hdtseatfibkd.
First real customer walks into a bar and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames killing everyone inside.
What do you call a software wizard that installs applications?
The Wizard of OS
Someone just stole my audio software. It was free, but I can't believe them.
The Audacity of that b**....
A friend I met online has a spider as pet, and he named it Feature. Weird, right?
Until he told me he is a software programmer.
A software tester walks into a bar.
Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
99999999 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar goes up in flames.
A software tester walks into a bar.
Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
99999999 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar goes up in flames.
Bored with the carefree life, Timon and Pumbaa decide to join the workforce as software engineers
On their first day at work, Pumbaa's code keeps returning errors for several hours. Finally, Timon says: "Why don't you take a break? I'll fix you some bugs."
Software architects should never design high security fences.
They're likely to make them highly scalable.
A software tester walks into a bar
Backs into a bar.
Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
987654321 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A regular customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar bursts into flames.
A Mechanical Engineer, a software engineer and a purchasing agent...
..are on their way to an industry event when their rental car gets a flat tire. The purchasing agent says
"We need to buy a new tire"
the mechanical engineer says
"no, I think I can fix this one"
and the software engineer says,
"let's drive on it for a while, maybe it'll fix itself."
I changed all my passwords.
I've changed all my passwords to "incorrect"
So whenever I forget my password and try something else, the software reminds me that -
"Your password is incorrect"
I recently rejected a junior software dev job at IKEA.
I kinda know java, kotlin and some php but unfortunately Assembly was required.
