Following is our collection of Software jokes which are very funny. There are some software startup jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these software linux puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed."
In the end you ignore everything and click on "accept".
They would cost $500, get 200 miles per gallon, and once a year would explode. Killing everyone inside.
Without any viruses and I don't have to pay
He asked god why he was dead at such an early age. God replied "Son, according to the billable hours you filed in your time sheet you should be 92 by now "
His wife says "get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The guy comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
His wife says "why did you get so much bread?"
He says, "they had eggs.
suddenly the car stopped. The mechanical engineer said "it must be a problem with the motor", the chemical engineer said "no it's most likely a fuel problem", then the software engineer said "maybe if we all get out, then get back in, it will start"
He looks at *your* shoes when he's talking to you.
when it breaks down. The mechanical engineer speaks up and says, "It must be the engine!" The electrical engineer says, "No, it must be the wiring." The software engineer finally speaks up and says, "Guys, guys... Let's just all get completely out of the car and then get back in."
Actually, it's turning 38. It just looks 25.
They expect the trial to last 30 days
You can explore software processor reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean software download dad jokes. There are also software puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
you just scroll down waiting for it to finish and agree without understanding what it says
...just not very many of them.
none, its a hardware issue.
By taking large bytes!
.RAR
Samsung: Send us your exploding phone.
Microsoft/Nokia: A software update will fix that.
Apple: You are using it wrong.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the Universe is winning.
Dear Charter Internet Customer:
Charter Communications ("Charter") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are attaching a copy of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice that Charter received from the copyright holder which includes the specific allegation.
A Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Engineer were driving down a mountain when suddenly the car slides off the road and rolls down the Mountain. Amazingly none of the occupants had been hurt.
The Mechanical Engineer steps out and says hand me my Swiss army knife I will have this repaired in no time and we can be on our way.
The Project Manager says Wait Up, We need to set achievable goals, set a timeline and ensure we are all working with maximum efficiency to solve this problem.
The Software Engineer Just says "Wow! that is strange, lets push it back up and see if it happens again"
They can never find the "any" key.
Microsoft: We will fix that faulty battery timer through a software update. *never fixes it though*
Apple: *quietly removes the battery timer*
AlGoreRythyms
It's better when it's free
Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree"
Some people are like a software update . When I see them I think Not now
He used up all his cache !
I'm sorry, that appears to be a hardware problem.
Don't think you can get away with taking Microsoft Office away from me. I will find you. You have my Word.
it raised a few iBrowse :(
and he orders a beer, Orders 0 beer, orders 32769 beers, orders 99999999 beers, orders a lizard, orders -1 beers, orders gksbfkagfiau.
The car stops working.
-It's the carburetor, says the mechanic. We just have to get down and clean it.
-It's the ignition, says the electrician. We have to check the spark plugs and we'll make it work.
-"Guys, I propose getting out of the car and getting back in and maybe it will start working."
Because not now
Open-sauce.
From raw source.
I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.
Turns out it was the bus driver
How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Zero, lightbulbs are hardware.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that means he'll be making the coffee.
In the end you ignore it all and just click "I agree"
It's been named Carpatchio
Now my computer has autism
I'm still developing it
A Software Developer walks into a bar
Bartender: "you having the usual?"
Software Developer thinks for a while
and then says "Yes"
Bartender: "What took you so long to answer?"
Software Developer: "Sorry, I got cache issues."
It just bugs me
Arguing with your wife is like reading a Software Licence Agreement. In the end, you just ignore everything and click "Agree".
It's their Word against mine.
Because they can't C#
One that turns his software into hardware.
Adoobe
He was an 'igh tea specialist.
The car salesperson knows when they're lying.
He orders a beer, -1 beers, 50 beers, nuhriuh beers, NULL beers. The barman happily fulfils the orders he can, and declines the ones he can't.
A software user walks into the same bar, and asks the barman where the toilets are. The barman explodes, the bar burns to the ground, and the building collapses
Wanting it to be finished as soon as possible, I told her that I would do most of the project as long as she would stay out of my way. I then realized that my computer was undergoing repairs so I asked her if she had any audio editing software. And let me tell you,
This bitch had the Audacity.
Zero, thats a hardware issue.
Because OCT 31 == DEC 25
(hint: octal and decimal are numerical bases 8 and 10 respectively, happy holidays!)
The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"
"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."
Answer: Too much middleware and a major lack of API functionality.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the software systems jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working software hardware piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.