Soft Drink Jokes
73 soft drink jokes and hilarious soft drink puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about soft drink that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Soft Drink Short Jokes
Short soft drink jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The soft drink humour may include short beverage jokes also.
- Me and my wife got into an argument once so she smashed a glass coke bottle over my head Thank God it was a soft drink
- I ordered a soft drink in Minneapolis and couldn't believe how small it was Guess that's why it's in mini-soda.
- The store I worked at fired me for not putting enough variety on their soft drinks display. Apparently I had too many lines of coke.
- I work at a restaurant and had someone throw a soda at me.... Thank goodness it was a soft drink
- My brother threw a can of Pepsi at me from the roof... I'm just glad it was a soft drink otherwise that may have caused some serious damage.
- Fun Fact: if you drop a can of Coca-Cola on your foot it will hurt. A little ironic considering it's a soft drink.
- I Squash soft drink cans for a living It's soda pressing
Note: just made this up in the shower when I was thinking about how "so depressing" sounds like "soda pressing" - There was a sale today at the supermarket on soft drinks. You can say I was Schwepped away by it.
- What's Fred Flintstone's favorite soft drink? Mountain Yaba-daba-do
^I don't know if this is original but it just popped into my head. ^^I'll see myself out.. - I almost had to go the hospital today because a stranger threw a can of Pepsi at me... I'm just glad it was a soft drink. Otherwise, I would have had to get surgery.
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Soft Drink One Liners
Which soft drink one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with soft drink? I can suggest the ones about energy drink and soda pop.
- I got hit on the head with a can of soda yesterday. Lucky it was a soft drink
- What state has the smallest soft drinks? Minisoda
- My friend threw a can of coke at my head today... Luckily it was a soft drink.
- Which part of America can't sell full-sized soft drinks? Minne-soda.
- What is a video game art designer's favorite soft drink? Sprite.
- A vending machine fell on me today Luckily it only had soft drinks
- I've invented a new soft drink that floats out the can It breaks the laws of fizzicks
- A man is hit by a can of coke But he was alright because it was a soft drink
- Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks? Minnesota!
- I hit someone with a can of soda. Don't worry, it was a soft drink.
- Why do soft drinks never win at basketball? Because they ain't got no hops
- What's Sauron's favorite soft drink? Mountain Dewm
- What's the best selling soft drink in Italy? Dr. Pepe
- So I made a Guardians of the Galaxy themed soft drink. I call it Groot beer.
- I'm told john was hit by a soda can on his head... He was lucky it was a soft drink
Cheerful Fun Soft Drink Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about soft drink you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean iced tea jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make soft drink pranks.
How to be Insulting at Christmas: Refuse to give any guests a drink, on the grounds that it's for their own good not to drink and drive. Have plenty of soft drinks to offer them though. Then pour yourself a large Scotch, on the grounds that you aren't going anywhere and don't have to worry.
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.....
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.... "Why are you down here at this time of night!?"
The husband looks up from his drink, "It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met."
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15," he said solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies.
The husband pauses....... The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?"
"I remember that, too" she replied softly...
He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."
A man Walk in to a Bar
A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa..
'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christmas c**... joke
A bottle of lemonade fell on a barmans head. Why wasn't he hurt? It was a soft drink.
Bob goes to the doctor...
Bob goes to the doctor for tests and is
diagnosed with an extremely rare illness that
can only be cured if he drinks a quantity of
fresh mother's milk. When he gets home, he asks his mother, but she just tells him not to be daft. Then his mother tells him that the girl upstairs has just given birth and the husband is away at sea, so he should go up and ask her nicely. The girl is just about to go to bed when Bob arrives, but she agrees to his request and, with a mischievous smile, invites him through to the bedroom. "You can't get it any fresher," she says, presenting her left breast to his lips. Bob feels a bit awkward, but he is only following doctor's orders after all. As he slurps at his medication, he hears a few soft moans and sighs. She gently pulls his head away from her breast, looks at him and murmurs, "Is there anything else I could offer you?" Overwhelmed by her generosity, he wipes his lips and says, . . . . . . . "Well, a biscuit would be very nice."
I like my women how I like my drinks
Soft and extra large.
Awful food
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in New York..
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us
sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,
"Wedding Cake."
On what day of every week do soft drinks sell the most?
thursday
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
lesbian in a bar
A guy is sitting at a bar having a few drinks notices a very attractive lady sit down at the other end of the bar order a drink.
The guy calls the bartender over and says "whatever she is is drinking give her another one and tell her it is on me."
The bartender replies "I don't think you want to do that."
"What do you mean?" yells the guy, "Send her the drink!"
"Okay" the bartender replies, "but I don't think it is a good idea."
"And why not?" asks the guy.
The bartender leans over the guy and very softly says "because she's a **lesbian**."
"I don't care, send her the drink." says the guy.
So after the lady gets her drink the polish guy very casually strolls down to the other end of the bar and sits down next to her and says,
"**So, what part of Lesbia are you from?**"
The struggle
Guy: goes to get a drink out of the fridge, can falls and hits him on the head.
Friend: Dont worry man, it was a soft drink.
:v
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I might commit s**... at lunch today...
...and mix all of the soft drinks together!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A local grocery bagger has been b**... cola on top of bread.
Many were concerned that their bread would be flattened. His response to their concerns was "It's fine. They're soft drinks"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three women decide to compare their husbands to soft drinks.
Three women are out to brunch, and they're talking about who has the best husband. One of them decides they should compare their respective husbands to soft drinks (sodas).
First woman: "My husband is like 7UP, because he's 7 inches and he's always up."
Second woman: "Well my husband is like Mountain Dew, because when he's mountin' me, he knows what to do."
Third woman: "Well my husband is like Jack Daniels."
First woman: "That's not a soft drink!"
Third woman: "I know, but he's a hard l**...."
What is Lionel Messi's favorite soft drink?
Si, era Missed
Bad foods to eat
A doctor tells a group of patients, "The material we put into our stomachs is terrible. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High-fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" An old man raises his hand and says, "Wedding cake."
Calling a soft drink '7' is daft
But I suppose we can put up with it
It's a hard C like in *C* rayola or *C* ocacola
How can cococola have a hard C if it's a soft drink?
What is a Romulan's favorite soft drink?
Cloak 'a cola.
I was at a party the other night when a guy hit another dude in the head with a bottle
Lucky for him it was a soft drink.
Americans treat their borders the same way as their soft drinks.
They go a little overboard with the ICE.
What do you call a play with soft drink actors?
What do you call a play with soft drink actors?
A fantamime
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I smash a bottle of coke on your head...
It won't hurt because it's soft drink
Someone had hit me with a Coke a while ago.
Don't worry, it was a soft drink.
I threw a soda can at my sister, but luckily it didn't hurt her....
Because it's a soft drink!
There's one good thing about being hit in the head with a bottle of Coca Cola
It's a soft drink
Bad Diet
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Miami, Florida.
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have, or will, eat it. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old man in the front row, raised his hand and said, "Wedding Cake?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was the p**...'s favorite soft drink?
w**...-chata
Yeah, lame, but at least not a repost.
she
I asked " Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks?"
she answered " Mini-soda!"
Just a hotel bar...
There was a bar on the 42nd floor of the hotel. A dude drinks some whiskey . Then he says watch this. To a dude. He jumps out a window and right before he hits the ground he softly lands and comes back up to the bar. Puzzled, the dude asks how did you do that? The man says just drink some whiskey. The dude has some whiskey and jumps out the window and lands with a SPLAT!!! The bartender says Superman, your such a bad person when you are drunk.
What soft drink can a Jew only buy?
Mountain Jew
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That's my Charlie!
Three women are sitting around talking about their husbands s**... life when one posed the question, "If you could name your husbands junk after any soft drink what would it be?"
The first lady says, "Well I'd name my husbands Mountain Dew, because it's as big as a mountain and all he wants to do!"
The second lady quips, "I'd name my husbands 7-Up, because it's 7 inches and it's always up!"
The third lady responds, "Well I'd name my husbands Jack Daniel's!"
The other ladies laughed and said, "That's not a soft drink! It's a hard liquor".
The third ladies replies, "That's my Charlie!"
A Doctor was addressing a large audience.
The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake.
