Sofa Jokes
124 sofa jokes and hilarious sofa puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sofa that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh out loud with these hilarious new sofa jokes! From the iconic "Sofa King" to "Sofa Kingdom" and "Ethel's Couch" to "Sectional" - we have a joke for everyone. Bring a smile to your face and brighten up your day with these funny sofa puns!
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Funniest Sofa Short Jokes
Short sofa jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sofa humour may include short couch jokes also.
- I yelled at my wife today for keeping broken condoms on the sofa She answered that I shouldn't call our kids like that
- "You treat me like a dog," said my wife.... "We need to sit and talk about it right now," she continued.
"Ok," I replied, "but not on the sofa." - Did you know kurt cobain had really bad dandruff? They found his Head & Shoulders behind the sofa.
- 3 months since I had COVID and I've still got very little sense of taste. Sometimes I just find myself settling down on the sofa, opening up Netflix and sticking on Friends
- I was walking down the road and a man offered me a free sofa and chairs. I said no because my mother always told me not to accept suites from strangers.
- The man who invented the remote control has sadly died. His body was found down the back of the sofa.
- I like watching horror films behind the sofa. That way my neighbours don't know I'm there.
- The police called to tell me they recovered my stolen sofa I was very happy, because I just wanted them to find it.
- Two dyslexic kids Two dyslexic kids were sitting on a sofa. One asks the other "can you smell gas?" The other replies "Seriously dude? I can't even smell my own name".
- One day I'm going to open a furniture store named Sofa King. That way I can make late night tv commercials and shout our prices are Sofa King low!
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Sofa One Liners
Which sofa one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sofa? I can suggest the ones about furniture and carpet.
- Stands, tables, meatballs, sofas and Sweden It's an IKEA joke...some assembly required
- What's a quick and easy way to turn a sofa into a bed? Forget your other halfs birthday
- As a musician I'm jealous sofas They can at least support a family of 4 comfortably
- I bought a new sofa. Really comfortable. So fa, so good.
(Well, at least it's OC :-) ) - Had a fight with my wife.... So I didn't let her sleep on the sofa with me last night...
- What has four legs and is man's best friend? A sofa.
- I just don't understand puns about furnitures! I haven't done it sofa, it's just weird.
- What did the happy couch say? Sofa, so good
- What does the sofa say when you jump on it? COUCH!
- Jesus take the wheel Carlos and Jose help me carry the sofa
- I asked my friend how his new couch was going, he said sofa, so good
- Dating is cuddling on the sofa. Marriage is sleeping on the sofa.
- Started my new job as a furniture salesman yesterday Sofa
So Good - A man walks into a sofa Couch!
- There's furniture items that allow SFW swearing. That's sofa king nice.
Sofa King Jokes
Here is a list of funny sofa king jokes and even better sofa king puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My sister and I decided that we want to start our own businesses. She's going to open a furniture store called 'Sofa King' and I'm going to open a soup restaurant next door called 'Stew Pit'.
- If King Awesome sat on a couch He'd be Sofa King Awesome.
- Did you know George III never even bothered to leave his couch during the American Revolution? He was sofa king comfortable.
- repeat the following to become more than you are now: I am sofa king we Todd Ed
- What do you have when lounge chairs multiply? - Baby Sitters.
Two chaise...
- that's Sofa King Funny!! - Alpha Cure mom, sofa king hard
- There used to be a superhero that could turn into furniture and wore a crown... He was sofa king cool.
- Come on down to Sofa King, we are having a blow out sale, today only! Our prices are Sofa King low!
Our selection is Sofa King huge! - Sofa King I am Sofa King
We Todd Did
*repeat faster and faster* - No one wants to be the sofa king But they all think they're sofa king funny.
New Sofa Jokes
Here is a list of funny new sofa jokes and even better new sofa puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I got a new couch... ...wasn't sure how comfortable it would be, but sofa so good!
- Hey couch! How's your new place? Sofa, so good!
- I wanted to get a new couch the other day. But the store selling them is sofa away!
- Been browsing the shops for a new couch... Not many great ones sofa
- My new years resolution is going well, lost 10 pounds! but that was down the back of my sofa....
Sofa Kingdom Jokes
Here is a list of funny sofa kingdom jokes and even better sofa kingdom puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call the realm of the Lord of the Couches? Sofa Kingdom.
- that I came up with whilst daydreaming: Why is there no sofa in the forbidden kingdom? ... because Mao is more of a chair man!
Amusing & Witty Sofa Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about sofa you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean soup jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sofa pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
n**... Wife's New p**...
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless p**... in an attempt to spice up her dead s**... life. She puts them on, along with a short skirt and sets on the sofa opposite her husband. At certain moments during the game, she would uncross her legs, just long enough for her husband to see. Finally after a number of times he asks "Are you wearing crotchless p**...?" "Yesss." she says smiling seductively "Thank God." he says "I thought you were sitting on the cat."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Swapping Positions
He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said to him .. That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but f**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to my girlfriend's house last night for a romantic night in...
It was amazing, we had a three course meal with champagne over candle light, we then snuggled up on the sofa, to watch a movie, then, when we went up stairs, I let her get changed, while I spread rose petals over the bed, then, we had the most amazing, mind blowing s**... that I've ever had, but just as I was about to finish, her parents walked in...
I am now banned from babysitting.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband get back home from work asks wife
**Husband:** "Why are the torn condoms lying on the sofa?"
**Wife:** "What?....... Where?" rushes out to check.
She comes back furious saying:"I will kill you if you don't stop calling our children TORN CONDOMS"
The burning sofa joke
(Someone told me this a long time ago and I thought it was sort of really clever, but hard to get. Been telling it since. Few people seem to like it. Here goes...)
The fire department is called to a social club. They walk in with their equipment and find a man lying down on a sofa, and the sofa on fire. They pull the man up, put out his burning clothes, and hose down the sofa. Crisis averted.
Afterward, one of the fireman asks him, "Sir, did you see how the fire got started?"
"No, I'm sorry," he replies. "It was like that when I lay down."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I lost my wedding ring the other day
Had a quick check under the sofa but wasn't really that bothered until the missus came home and told me to look harder.
So I got a tattoo and s**... my head but I still couldn't find it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I walked in from work today and my wife was
sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.
I said, "What's going on?"
"You tell me?" replied my wife.
I said, "I don't know, you're sitting on the sofa with a stranger."
"A stranger, eh?" shouted my girlfriend, "I'm no stranger, we've been having s**... for six months!"
I looked at my wife and said, "Is this true?"
Maybe I'm too old for pillow forts.
On the one hand, I feel young enough to want to build pillow forts, but on the other hand, I'm a grown up now, with my own adult responsibilities and apartment, so I don't have access to my parents' awesome sofa cushions.
My grandpa decided to take the dog out for a walk.
He returned an hour later with nothing but the dog lead.
As tears streamed down his face, he said, "I don't know where he went."
I said, "You forgot to take him with you, he's sleeping on the sofa."
A man went to see a shrink
He entered the room and remained standing by the door.
"I'm here because my wife treats me like a dog" the man said.
"Ok" the shrink replied, "Come and sit on this sofa and we can talk some more about this problem".
"No, i can't" said the man... "I'm not allowed on the sofa"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Furniture
A blonde walks into a department store and tells the salesman, "Hi, I'm looking to buy a s**... sofa."
The salesman, at first confused, suggests, "Oh, ma'am you must mean a *sectional* sofa, right?"
The blonde replies, "No I'm pretty sure it's a s**... sofa, my husband said he'd like an occasional piece in the living room."
Why don't dinosaurs like to spill hot drinks on the sofa?
Cos T-Rex it.
A man is talking to his wife
When our neighbor Steve got a new leather sofa, you made me buy a better sofa. When he took his wife on a vacation you made us go on a better vacation. But now I am not sure what to do.
Did he get something new?
Yes, a mistress.
The inventor of the Red Solo Cup had died.
His body was found under the sofa in the living room three days after his death.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I ordered a leather sofa off the Ikea website last week.
They sent me a dead cow and some instructions on how to skin it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to see an e**... last night...
She advertised "a real girlfriend experience."
When I got there, she opened the door and said, "You're late. I bet you've been drinking at bar again."
We didn't speak for the rest of the night and I ended up sleeping on the sofa.
Where can you buy a Hammersley sofa?
Just around the corner.
My wife's a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I have an L-shaped sofa
Lowercase
My life was so boring until I managed to get a job on a sofa assembly line
I found it settees factory
It's the things that satisfies your mind
It's the thing that satisfies
ur mind, body & soul!
Do it on bed, on a sofa,
in the car or anywhere!
It's called Prayer!
God bless ur naughty mind.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't you love sitting on the sofa late at night with a glass of wine in your hand?
Until the police come along and e**... you out of IKEA.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today I had s**... with the couch
It felt sofa king good.
I told my wife I wanted a change and I was leaving for a remote area...
So I got up from the sofa and went to the coffee table where the remote was located.
Stalin loses his pipe...
...he tells the KGB chairman to find Stalin's pipe.
Three days later, Stalin finds his pipe under a sofa. He calls the chairman to tell him that he can call off the search.
Upon telling him the news, the chairman said: "But that's impossible! Three people have already confessed to stealing the pipe!"
You CAN decorate your sofa with pictures of Death in a hooded cloak...
But there will be grim repercussions.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was in confession asking for forgiveness at his local church.
Man: Father I have sinned.
Yesterday my wife was leaning against the sofa and she was wearing a short Dress she looked so s**... I couldn't control myself. I went up behind her and spread her legs and started ramming her from behind uncontrollably.
Priest: oh no no they don't like that sort of behaviour is heaven.
Man: No they don't like it in Walmart either.
SMS
I was on sofa next to my wife who was eating and typing on her phone. So I heard my phone ringing at the kitchen where I was charging it. So I went to check , the sms was from my wife and she wrote "bring the salt on your way back."
My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping...
...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...
A 12 year old boy comes home from school
He enters the home and his parents are sitting on the sofa together clutching hands.
Sit down son we have something to say says the dad
The boy sits down.
You're adopted the mother says.
The boy sighs and tears up and asks why didn't you say so before? I've always wondered
Good claps the father standing up swiftly. Get your bags packed, your new Parents will be here to pick you up in about an hour.
A couple go into a furniture shop, looking for a couch
A salesman asked them how their search is going.
The man replies, "Sofa so good".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I learnt two things today:
1. Sofa s**... can be wild and exciting.
2. The staff in DFS are quite narrow-minded.
My wife is working so I can just sit here.
Sofa so good.
(I've got about 6 months to practice my dad joke material)
Save money instantly
by turning your sofa into a sofa bed simply by forgetting your wedding anniversary.
What does the sofa say when his mom pinches him
Couch! It hurts!
Husband and Wife sitting on the sofa:
"I love you beer"
"I love you money"
What's the difference between a futon and a crouton?
One's a little sofa bed, the other a little floater bread.
Dad, why there are broken condoms on the sofa?
FYI, They have names....
Are you a sofa? Because you're sof*cking cute
\*badum-tsssss\*
Tereasa May, the kind of negotiator......
To walk into DFS and walk out with a full price sofa.
Husband proudly announces to his wife:
- Honey, I decided that it is time for me to drastically change my life position!
Wife, who knows him better than anyone, sarcastically asks:
-Are you sure sitting on the TV and watching the sofa is a good idea?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**...: $10 on grass, $30 on sofa, $50 in bed Man: I'll pay $50
h**...: You're a man of class :)
Man: Class my a**..., I want it five times on grass
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call two Hawaiians making love?
Tu falafa sofa
I recently started selling furniture
I must say; sofa so good
Today I dislocated my shoulder
It's ok, I found it behind the sofa
Low quality pictures of sofa be like
Couch Fotato
This dude and his girlfriend are making out on the sofa
After a while it starts getting a bit more intimate and intense. He asks her should we take this to the bedroom? She's thrilled and agrees. Only problem of they couldn't work out the right angle to get the sofa through the door.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was looking for a sofa to buy, and the salesman pointed to one and said, This one can seat three people without any problems.
I said, Where the h**... am I going to find three people without any problems?
I'm going to be a furniture store entrepreneur one day.
My first store will be called "Sofa Kingdom".
My second store will be called "Ottoman Empire."
Then people will say "That's Sofa Kingdom also."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I s**... up some of the measurements and made it too wide
So near, and yet sofa
3 Docs needed…
A Doctor was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang.
The doctor calmly answered it, and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We have already opened an 18 year old RARE SINGLE MALT GLENFIDDICH WHISKEY..
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was moving out, his wife asked, "Is it serious..?"
"Oh yes, quite", said the doctor gravely. Shaking his head, he muttered "Only18 years old. 3 doctors are there already..!"
