Sofa Jokes
124 sofa jokes and hilarious sofa puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sofa that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh out loud with these hilarious new sofa jokes! From the iconic "Sofa King" to "Sofa Kingdom" and "Ethel's Couch" to "Sectional" - we have a joke for everyone. Bring a smile to your face and brighten up your day with these funny sofa puns!
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Funniest Sofa Short Jokes
Short sofa jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sofa humour may include short couch jokes also.
- I yelled at my wife today for keeping broken condoms on the sofa She answered that I shouldn't call our kids like that
- "You treat me like a dog," said my wife.... "We need to sit and talk about it right now," she continued.
"Ok," I replied, "but not on the sofa." - Did you know kurt cobain had really bad dandruff? They found his Head & Shoulders behind the sofa.
- 3 months since I had COVID and I've still got very little sense of taste. Sometimes I just find myself settling down on the sofa, opening up Netflix and sticking on Friends
- I was walking down the road and a man offered me a free sofa and chairs. I said no because my mother always told me not to accept suites from strangers.
- Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ? I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since
- The man who invented the remote control has sadly died. His body was found down the back of the sofa.
- I asked my wife " Why are there broken condoms all over the sofa again?" She replied "Please call our children by their proper names"...
- I was struggling to get my wife's attention. So, I sat down on the sofa and looked comfortable.
That did the trick !!! - I like watching horror films behind the sofa. That way my neighbours don't know I'm there.
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Sofa One Liners
Which sofa one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sofa? I can suggest the ones about furniture and carpet.
- What do you call a gay sofa? A homosectional
- Stands, tables, meatballs, sofas and Sweden It's an IKEA joke...some assembly required
- What's a quick and easy way to turn a sofa into a bed? Forget your other halfs birthday
- As a musician I'm jealous sofas They can at least support a family of 4 comfortably
- I bought a new sofa. Really comfortable. So fa, so good.
(Well, at least it's OC :-) ) - Had a fight with my wife.... So I didn't let her sleep on the sofa with me last night...
- What has four legs and is man's best friend? A sofa.
- I just don't understand puns about furnitures! I haven't done it sofa, it's just weird.
- What did the happy couch say? Sofa, so good
- What does the sofa say when you jump on it? COUCH!
- Jesus take the wheel Carlos and Jose help me carry the sofa
- I asked my friend how his new couch was going, he said sofa, so good
- Dating is cuddling on the sofa. Marriage is sleeping on the sofa.
- Started my new job as a furniture salesman yesterday Sofa
So Good - A man walks into a sofa Couch!
Sofa King Jokes
Here is a list of funny sofa king jokes and even better sofa king puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- One day I'm going to open a furniture store named Sofa King. That way I can make late night tv commercials and shout our prices are Sofa King low!
- My sister and I decided that we want to start our own businesses. She's going to open a furniture store called 'Sofa King' and I'm going to open a soup restaurant next door called 'Stew Pit'.
- There's furniture items that allow SFW swearing. That's sofa king nice.
- If King Awesome sat on a couch He'd be Sofa King Awesome.
- Did you know George III never even bothered to leave his couch during the American Revolution? He was sofa king comfortable.
- repeat the following to become more than you are now: I am sofa king we Todd Ed
- What do you have when lounge chairs multiply? - Baby Sitters.
Two chaise...
- that's Sofa King Funny!! - Alpha Cure mom, sofa king hard
- There used to be a superhero that could turn into furniture and wore a crown... He was sofa king cool.
- Come on down to Sofa King, we are having a blow out sale, today only! Our prices are Sofa King low!
Our selection is Sofa King huge!
New Sofa Jokes
Here is a list of funny new sofa jokes and even better new sofa puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I got a new couch... ...wasn't sure how comfortable it would be, but sofa so good!
- Hey couch! How's your new place? Sofa, so good!
- I wanted to get a new couch the other day. But the store selling them is sofa away!
- Been browsing the shops for a new couch... Not many great ones sofa
- My new years resolution is going well, lost 10 pounds! but that was down the back of my sofa....
Sofa Kingdom Jokes
Here is a list of funny sofa kingdom jokes and even better sofa kingdom puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call the realm of the Lord of the Couches? Sofa Kingdom.
- OC that I came up with whilst daydreaming: Why is there no sofa in the forbidden kingdom? ... because Mao is more of a chair man!
Amusing & Witty Sofa Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about sofa you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean soup jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sofa pranks.
After kissing a g**... her sofa she said let's take this upstairs
Ok I said You grab one end and I'll grab the other
n**... Wife's New p**...
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless p**... in an attempt to spice up her dead s**... life. She puts them on, along with a short skirt and sets on the sofa opposite her husband. At certain moments during the game, she would uncross her legs, just long enough for her husband to see. Finally after a number of times he asks "Are you wearing crotchless p**...?" "Yesss." she says smiling seductively "Thank God." he says "I thought you were sitting on the cat."
Swapping Positions
He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said to him .. That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but f**...
I went to my girlfriend's house last night for a romantic night in...
It was amazing, we had a three course meal with champagne over candle light, we then snuggled up on the sofa, to watch a movie, then, when we went up stairs, I let her get changed, while I spread rose petals over the bed, then, we had the most amazing, mind blowing s**... that I've ever had, but just as I was about to finish, her parents walked in...
I am now banned from babysitting.
Husband get back home from work asks wife
**Husband:** "Why are the torn condoms lying on the sofa?"
**Wife:** "What?....... Where?" rushes out to check.
She comes back furious saying:"I will kill you if you don't stop calling our children TORN CONDOMS"
I lost my wedding ring the other day
Had a quick check under the sofa but wasn't really that bothered until the missus came home and told me to look harder.
So I got a tattoo and s**... my head but I still couldn't find it.
I walked in from work today and my wife was
sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.
I said, "What's going on?"
"You tell me?" replied my wife.
I said, "I don't know, you're sitting on the sofa with a stranger."
"A stranger, eh?" shouted my girlfriend, "I'm no stranger, we've been having s**... for six months!"
I looked at my wife and said, "Is this true?"
Maybe I'm too old for pillow forts.
On the one hand, I feel young enough to want to build pillow forts, but on the other hand, I'm a grown up now, with my own adult responsibilities and apartment, so I don't have access to my parents' awesome sofa cushions.
My grandpa decided to take the dog out for a walk.
He returned an hour later with nothing but the dog lead.
As tears streamed down his face, he said, "I don't know where he went."
I said, "You forgot to take him with you, he's sleeping on the sofa."
A man went to see a shrink
He entered the room and remained standing by the door.
"I'm here because my wife treats me like a dog" the man said.
"Ok" the shrink replied, "Come and sit on this sofa and we can talk some more about this problem".
"No, i can't" said the man... "I'm not allowed on the sofa"
Furniture
A blonde walks into a department store and tells the salesman, "Hi, I'm looking to buy a s**... sofa."
The salesman, at first confused, suggests, "Oh, ma'am you must mean a *sectional* sofa, right?"
The blonde replies, "No I'm pretty sure it's a s**... sofa, my husband said he'd like an occasional piece in the living room."
A man is talking to his wife
When our neighbor Steve got a new leather sofa, you made me buy a better sofa. When he took his wife on a vacation you made us go on a better vacation. But now I am not sure what to do.
Did he get something new?
Yes, a mistress.
Why couldn't the Buddha hoover under the sofa?
Because he had no attachments
The inventor of the Red Solo Cup had died.
His body was found under the sofa in the living room three days after his death.
I went to see an e**... last night...
She advertised "a real girlfriend experience."
When I got there, she opened the door and said, "You're late. I bet you've been drinking at bar again."
We didn't speak for the rest of the night and I ended up sleeping on the sofa.
Where can you buy a Hammersley sofa?
Just around the corner.
My wife's a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I have an L shaped sofa
Lower-case
Don't you love sitting on the sofa late at night with a glass of wine in your hand?
Until the police come along and e**... you out of IKEA.
Today I had s**... with the couch
It felt sofa king good.
I told my wife I wanted a change and I was leaving for a remote area...
So I got up from the sofa and went to the coffee table where the remote was located.
Stalin loses his pipe...
...he tells the KGB chairman to find Stalin's pipe.
Three days later, Stalin finds his pipe under a sofa. He calls the chairman to tell him that he can call off the search.
Upon telling him the news, the chairman said: "But that's impossible! Three people have already confessed to stealing the pipe!"
You CAN decorate your sofa with pictures of Death in a hooded cloak...
But there will be grim repercussions.
A man was in confession asking for forgiveness at his local church.
Man: Father I have sinned.
Yesterday my wife was leaning against the sofa and she was wearing a short Dress she looked so s**... I couldn't control myself. I went up behind her and spread her legs and started ramming her from behind uncontrollably.
Priest: oh no no they don't like that sort of behaviour is heaven.
Man: No they don't like it in Walmart either.
SMS
I was on sofa next to my wife who was eating and typing on her phone. So I heard my phone ringing at the kitchen where I was charging it. So I went to check , the sms was from my wife and she wrote "bring the salt on your way back."
My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping...
...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...
A 12 year old boy comes home from school
He enters the home and his parents are sitting on the sofa together clutching hands.
Sit down son we have something to say says the dad
The boy sits down.
You're adopted the mother says.
The boy sighs and tears up and asks why didn't you say so before? I've always wondered
Good claps the father standing up swiftly. Get your bags packed, your new Parents will be here to pick you up in about an hour.
A couple go into a furniture shop, looking for a couch
A salesman asked them how their search is going.
The man replies, "Sofa so good".
I learnt two things today:
1. Sofa s**... can be wild and exciting.
2. The staff in DFS are quite narrow-minded.
My wife is working so I can just sit here.
Sofa so good.
(I've got about 6 months to practice my dad joke material)
Save money instantly
by turning your sofa into a sofa bed simply by forgetting your wedding anniversary.
What does the sofa say when his mom pinches him
Couch! It hurts!
Broken c**...
Husband: Honey, why is there a broken c**... laying in the sofa?
Wife tensed: Where?
She goes out to check and return
Wife: For God sakes, stop calling our son a broken c**...!
Theresa may is so bad at negotiating
she came out of DFS with a full price sofa
Tereasa May, the kind of negotiator......
To walk into DFS and walk out with a full price sofa.
A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom.
To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket. Shocked and r**..., she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops. After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half asleep: "Oh, you're home, darling. I'm afraid we have to sleep here tonight, My parents came for a surprise visit."
Good-for-nothing
Husband: What are these good-for-nothing broken condoms doing on the sofa?
Wife : For god's sake , Thier names are John and Mary.
Husband proudly announces to his wife:
- Honey, I decided that it is time for me to drastically change my life position!
Wife, who knows him better than anyone, sarcastically asks:
-Are you sure sitting on the TV and watching the sofa is a good idea?
h**...: $10 on grass, $30 on sofa, $50 in bed Man: I'll pay $50
h**...: You're a man of class :)
Man: Class my a**..., I want it five times on grass
What do you call two Hawaiians making love?
Tu falafa sofa
I recently started selling furniture
I must say; sofa so good
Today I dislocated my shoulder
It's ok, I found it behind the sofa
Low quality pictures of sofa be like
Couch Fotato
This dude and his girlfriend are making out on the sofa
After a while it starts getting a bit more intimate and intense. He asks her should we take this to the bedroom? She's thrilled and agrees. Only problem of they couldn't work out the right angle to get the sofa through the door.
I was looking for a sofa to buy, and the salesman pointed to one and said, This one can seat three people without any problems.
I said, Where the h**... am I going to find three people without any problems?
The salesman at the furniture store told me....
This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.
I said, Where the h**... am I going to find 5 people without any problems?
I'm going to be a furniture store entrepreneur one day.
My first store will be called "Sofa Kingdom".
My second store will be called "Ottoman Empire."
Then people will say "That's Sofa Kingdom also."
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I s**... up some of the measurements and made it too wide
So near, and yet sofa
Stalin loses his favorite pipe
Couple of days later, Beria calls Stalin.
"Have you found your pipe?" asks Beria.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I found it this morning under the sofa," says Stalin.
"This is impossible," says Beria, "three people have already confessed."
3 Docs needed…
A Doctor was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang.
The doctor calmly answered it, and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We have already opened an 18 year old RARE SINGLE MALT GLENFIDDICH WHISKEY..
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was moving out, his wife asked, "Is it serious..?"
"Oh yes, quite", said the doctor gravely. Shaking his head, he muttered "Only18 years old. 3 doctors are there already..!"
