Following is our collection of funny Sofa jokes. There are some sofa chair jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sofa sofa king we todd did puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Ok I said You grab one end and I'll grab the other
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex life. She puts them on, along with a short skirt and sets on the sofa opposite her husband. At certain moments during the game, she would uncross her legs, just long enough for her husband to see. Finally after a number of times he asks "Are you wearing crotchless panties?" "Yesss." she says smiling seductively "Thank God." he says "I thought you were sitting on the cat."
He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said to him .. That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
It was amazing, we had a three course meal with champagne over candle light, we then snuggled up on the sofa, to watch a movie, then, when we went up stairs, I let her get changed, while I spread rose petals over the bed, then, we had the most amazing, mind blowing sex that I've ever had, but just as I was about to finish, her parents walked in...
I am now banned from babysitting.
**Husband:** "Why are the torn condoms lying on the sofa?"
**Wife:** "What?....... Where?" rushes out to check.
She comes back furious saying:"I will kill you if you don't stop calling our children TORN CONDOMS"
Had a quick check under the sofa but wasn't really that bothered until the missus came home and told me to look harder.
So I got a tattoo and shaved my head but I still couldn't find it.
They found his Head & Shoulders behind the sofa.
sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.
I said, "What's going on?"
"You tell me?" replied my wife.
I said, "I don't know, you're sitting on the sofa with a stranger."
"A stranger, eh?" shouted my girlfriend, "I'm no stranger, we've been having sex for six months!"
I looked at my wife and said, "Is this true?"
On the one hand, I feel young enough to want to build pillow forts, but on the other hand, I'm a grown up now, with my own adult responsibilities and apartment, so I don't have access to my parents' awesome sofa cushions.
He was sofa king comfortable.
He returned an hour later with nothing but the dog lead.
As tears streamed down his face, he said, "I don't know where he went."
I said, "You forgot to take him with you, he's sleeping on the sofa."
You can explore sofa couch reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sofa bedroom dad jokes. There are also sofa puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
...wasn't sure how comfortable it would be, but sofa so good!
That way my neighbours don't know I'm there.
He entered the room and remained standing by the door.
"I'm here because my wife treats me like a dog" the man said.
"Ok" the shrink replied, "Come and sit on this sofa and we can talk some more about this problem".
"No, i can't" said the man... "I'm not allowed on the sofa"
A blonde walks into a department store and tells the salesman, "Hi, I'm looking to buy a sexual sofa."
The salesman, at first confused, suggests, "Oh, ma'am you must mean a *sectional* sofa, right?"
The blonde replies, "No I'm pretty sure it's a sexual sofa, my husband said he'd like an occasional piece in the living room."
When our neighbor Steve got a new leather sofa, you made me buy a better sofa. When he took his wife on a vacation you made us go on a better vacation. But now I am not sure what to do.
Did he get something new?
Yes, a mistress.
Couch!
That's sofa king nice.
She answered that I shouldn't call our kids like that
I said no because my mother always told me not to accept suites from strangers.
She advertised "a real girlfriend experience."
When I got there, she opened the door and said, "You're late. I bet you've been drinking at bar again."
We didn't speak for the rest of the night and I ended up sleeping on the sofa.
sofa, so good
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
His body was found down the back of the sofa.
"We need to sit and talk about it right now," she continued.
"Ok," I replied, "but not on the sofa."
I haven'tβ done it sofa, it's just weird.
So fa, so good.
(Well, at least it's OC :-) )
Sofa, so good
Sofa
So Good
Until the police come along and escort you out of IKEA.
Marriage is sleeping on the sofa.
...he tells the KGB chairman to find Stalin's pipe.
Three days later, Stalin finds his pipe under a sofa. He calls the chairman to tell him that he can call off the search.
Upon telling him the news, the chairman said: "But that's impossible! Three people have already confessed to stealing the pipe!"
He'd be Sofa King Awesome.
Man: Father I have sinned.
Yesterday my wife was leaning against the sofa and she was wearing a short Dress she looked so sexy I couldn't control myself. I went up behind her and spread her legs and started ramming her from behind uncontrollably.
Priest: oh no no they don't like that sort of behaviour is heaven.
Man: No they don't like it in Walmart either.
I was on sofa next to my wife who was eating and typing on her phone. So I heard my phone ringing at the kitchen where I was charging it. So I went to check , the sms was from my wife and she wrote "bring the salt on your way back."
...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...
He enters the home and his parents are sitting on the sofa together clutching hands.
Sit down son we have something to say says the dad
The boy sits down.
You're adopted the mother says.
The boy sighs and tears up and asks why didn't you say so before? I've always wondered
Good claps the father standing up swiftly. Get your bags packed, your new Parents will be here to pick you up in about an hour.
A salesman asked them how their search is going.
The man replies, "Sofa so good".
by turning your sofa into a sofa bed simply by forgetting your wedding anniversary.
Husband: Honey, why is there a broken condom laying in the sofa?
Wife tensed: Where?
She goes out to check and return
Wife: For God sakes, stop calling our son a broken condom!
To walk into DFS and walk out with a full price sofa.
Carlos and Jose help me carry the sofa
To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket. Shocked and raging, she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops. After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half asleep: "Oh, you're home, darling. I'm afraid we have to sleep here tonight, My parents came for a surprise visit."
- Honey, I decided that it is time for me to drastically change my life position!
Wife, who knows him better than anyone, sarcastically asks:
-Are you sure sitting on the TV and watching the sofa is a good idea?
Hooker: You're a man of class :)
Man: Class my ass, I want it five times on grass
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since
After a while it starts getting a bit more intimate and intense. He asks her should we take this to the bedroom? She's thrilled and agrees. Only problem of they couldn't work out the right angle to get the sofa through the door.
A sofa.
I said, Where the hell am I going to find three people without any problems?
So I didn't let her sleep on the sofa with me last night...
This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.
I said, Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?
Sometimes I just find myself settling down on the sofa, opening up Netflix and sticking on Friends
My first store will be called "Sofa Kingdom".
My second store will be called "Ottoman Empire."
Then people will say "That's Sofa Kingdom also."
A homosectional
So near, and yet sofa
Couple of days later, Beria calls Stalin.
"Have you found your pipe?" asks Beria.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I found it this morning under the sofa," says Stalin.
"This is impossible," says Beria, "three people have already confessed."
So, I sat down on the sofa and looked comfortable.
That did the trick !!!
That way I can make late night tv commercials and shout our prices are Sofa King low!
A Doctor was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang.
The doctor calmly answered it, and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We have already opened an 18 year old RARE SINGLE MALT GLENFIDDICH WHISKEY..
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was moving out, his wife asked, "Is it serious..?"
"Oh yes, quite", said the doctor gravely. Shaking his head, he muttered "Only18 years old. 3 doctors are there already..!"
"Son," he said, "I want you to stop drinking at midnight. OK?"
"OK." I sighed, closing the front door.
I came back home at 3:15am, opened the front door, and he was waiting for me on the sofa.
"Alright there, daddy!" I shouted.
"*Daddy*?" he frowned. "You're drunk as a skunk, son, aren't you? I told you to stop drinking at midnight!"
"I did," I added, "But I carried on at 12:01."
Forget your other halfs birthday
COUCH!
I was very happy, because I just wanted them to find it.
Two dyslexic kids were sitting on a sofa. One asks the other "can you smell gas?" The other replies "Seriously dude? I can't even smell my own name".
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's lovely voice from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner, my Love. . . Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
She replied "You're having soup, a\*\*hole. I was talking to the cat."
Because Mao was more of a chair man.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sofa apartment jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working sofa night piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.