The Best 62 Soda Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Soda jokes. There are some soda snapple jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these soda fantasea puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Soda Jokes and Puns
A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight...
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.
Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
I used to have a job crushing cans.
It was soda pressing.
Why does the can crusher hate his job?
Because it's soda pressing.
A grandfather and his grandson in the supermarket
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle and for cereal and soda in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say: "It's OK, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice: "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says to the elderly gentleman: "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little shit's name is Kevin."
Cans
I work in a can recycling factory.
My job is to crush cans.
I don't enjoy it. It's soda pressing.
A sad man walks into a Coca-Cola carbonation factory...
But he leaves because it was just soda pressing.
What do you call it when you open a soda for a buddy who is in outer space?
An astrofizzassist.
Last night I dreamed the oceans were made of orange soda.
But it was just a Fanta sea.
Everyone says soda is bad for you...
but OJ will kill you.
What's Pamela Andersons favorite soda?
Hepsi!
I agree
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold soda.
The day was really quite beautiful,
and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I thought about the age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful
than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another soda, and some heavy deductive thinking,
I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby;
and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say,
"It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say,
"You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
You can explore soda lemonade reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean soda sprite dad jokes. There are also soda puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
TIFU by sleeping with my Crush
Now there's orange soda all over my bed. :(
I dreamt that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda...
But I woke up and realized it was just a fanta sea.
A nutritionist is giving a speech at a conference on eating healthy
Red meat is terrible for your metabolism, soda rips apart your gastric wall. Fast food is almost all fat and sugar but there's one food that is the worst of all. Almost all of us eat it sooner or later and the negative effects can last for years after a single consumption. Does anyone know what this is?
After a moment of silence an elderly specialist sitting in one of the front rows gets up and says "wedding cake"
The night before the wedding
The bride-to-be and her bridesmaids were giggling over tequila and strawberry daiquiris at the bachelorette party. The maid of honor started a game of truth or dare.
"If your boyfriend were a soda, what would he be?" she slurred at the other bridesmaid.
"7-Up, because he's got seven inches and he can keep it up. What about you?"
"Mountain Dew. He knows how to mount and do me. And what about the future Mrs. Johnson? What kind of soda is Matt?"
"Jack Daniels," said the bride proudly.
"But that's not a soda! Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!" protested her friends.
The bride looked at them and said, "Girls, why do you think I'm marrying him?"
I used to think an ocean of soda existed.
Turns out it was just Fanta sea.
9 out of 10 doctors reccommend for children to drink water instead of soda
that 1 doctor lives in flint michigan
I've always dreamed of swimming in an ocean of orange soda
Its a fanta-sea of mine
So someone threw a can of soda at me today.
I'm alright though it was a soft drink.
A joke told by an old man.
I was speaking to an old man at the grocery store yesterday when he told me something interesting about the olden days of america.
Old man: Son, back in the day my mother could give me a dollar and I could run to the store and get myself a candy bar and a soda pop, and still have money left over to buy the milk my mom asked me to get.
Me: Sucks you can not do that today!
Oldman: Yeah, I know son! Now a days, there is just way to much security . . .
Working at the aluminum can recycling center is the saddest job I've had.
It's just soda pressing.
A movie theater was robbed of $150 worth of candy
The thieves took 2 bags of M n' Ms and a small soda
Arthur Guinness
The leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a bud, the Ceo of Miller gets a Miller, the head of coors orders a coors, and so on. Until it's Arthur Guinness's turn, he orders a soda. "Why didn't you order a Guinness?" everyone asks. "Nah" Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer,then neither will I.
A can crushers job must be...
Soda pressing.
Nine out of ten doctors suggest you drink water instead of soda.
The one that doesn't lives in Flint, Michigan.
A really sad man committed suicide by crushing himself with a vending machine
He was soda pressed.
I sometimes dream of a rivers of orange soda
But it's just a fanta-sea
Breaking News: A movie theatre has just been robbed of over two thousand dollars
The theives took a large soda and two bags of popcorn
Why was the man who crushed recycled pop cans for a living sad with his life?
Because his job was soda pressing.
Last night I dreamt that I was drinking orange soda...
But the I woke up and realized that it was just a Fanta-sea.
Did you hear about the can of coke that got run over?
It was soda pressing
I saw a Pepsi getting run over today
It was soda- pressing
I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda.
When I woke I realized it was just a Fanta sea.
How much soda does Kim Jung Un drink in a day?
A Supreme Liter.
Tell me girl, do you like soda?
Because I'd mount 'n do you. ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
Boy, I just got hit in the head with a can of soda.
I was lucky it was a soft drink.
What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ?
Fizzyscists
I crushed my coke can today...
It was soda pressing :(
A woman was arrested for bringing her own popcorn, candy, and soda to the movie theater.
She was fined and had to pay court fees, but the good news is she still came out a few bucks ahead from if she would have bought the popcorn at the theater.
What did the Coke can say when we got crushed?
I'm soda pressed.
Scott Pruitt has resigned to focus more on his true passion..
Throwing uncut plastic soda rings into the ocean.
My Mom said to stop drinking soda because it has acid in it.
I replied," Stop making such baseless accusations".
A monkey and a weasel go to a bar in California
The monkey sits down at the bar and orders a beer. He gestures at the weasel and says, "he's driving though, so no beer for him." The bartender turns to the weasel and says, "alright, what'll you have?"
"Soda," goes the weasel.
I wanted to buy a drink from a vending machine, but there was a guy in front of me.
I tried to wait my turn patiently, but he just kept buying soda. I stood there for a while just watching him put in some money and take his drink, over and over until he had a whole bag of soda cans. He showed no signs of stopping, so I asked him, "Why do you keep doing that? Are you ever going to give anyone else a turn?"
He smirked and replied, "You're just jealous because I've won every time!"
I had a dream last night where I was drowning in an ocean made from orange soda...
It took me a while to figure out that it was a Fanta sea.
I got hit on the head with a can of soda yesterday.
Lucky it was a soft drink
I was feeling really sad while crushing cans today...
It was soda pressing.
A squirrel in the refrigerator
A man comes home after a hard day's work and opens the refrigerator
to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap.
What are you doing in my fridge? the man asks.
The squirrel opens one sleepy eye and says, Isn't this a Westinghouse?
Um, yes, the man replies. It is.
Well then, the squirrel says, shutting his eyes again, I am twying to west.
The saddest activity in my life is crushing my Coke cans.
Its soda pressing.
(tch tch, that was lame)
A man with a harelip sits down at the bar
Bartender, one thcoth and thoda, please , he says. One thcoth and thoda, comin' up , says the barkeep. Hey! says the guy with the harelip, are you teathin' me? No way! says the bartender, thath juth the way I talk! . Another guy comes in and sits down. I'd like a scotch and soda, please . One scotch and soda, coming up , says the bartender. I thought you thaid you weren't teathin' me! , says the first guy. I'm not teathin' you , replied the bartender, I'm teathin' him!
A drunkard was brought to court for dunkenis behavior
The Judge addressed the drunkard, "You have been brought here for drinking."
Drunkard, "Thank you very much your honour. Let's start."
All, present in the court, burst out laughing.
Banging the gavel, the Judge said, "Order."
Drunkard, "For me Whiskey with Soda please."
Four beer execs
Four leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a Bud. Miller's president orders a Miller and the president of Coors orders a Coors. When it is Guinness turn to order he orders a soda.
Why didn't you order a Guinness everyone asks? Nah Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I
Two turtles walk into a bar.
As soon as they enter inside, it starts to rain. The big turtle turns to the smaller one and says - Go home and get the umbrella.
Small Turtle - I will, if you promise not to touch my soda.
Two hours pass.......
Big Turtle - Well. I guess he's not coming back. May as well drink his soda.
As he's about to reach for it, a voice from outside the bar says - If you touch the soda, I won't go home and get the umbrella.
My wife told me to pick up 8 cans of soda on my way home from work.
She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up.
How does carbon dioxide make soda so bubbly?
By obeying the laws of fizz-ics.
I cried when I accidentally crushed my can of Coke before I could drink it.
It was soda pressing
I had a weird dream the other night that I was on a raft in an ocean of orange soda...
Turns out it was just a weird Fanta sea.
I couldn't afford a weight set so I tried to work out using 3 liter bottles of Dr Pepper, but instead of getting stronger it made me feel sad.
It was just soda pressing.
I had a dream last night that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda.
Then I woke up and realized it was just a Fanta sea.
I have a friend who works at a can crushing factory.
He likes it, but I think it's soda pressing.
I quit my job crushing pop cans today.
It was just soda pressing.
I dreamed that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda
But then I woke up. It was just a fanta sea.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the soda pep jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working soda gatorade piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.