socks Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious socks puns

I gently slid her panties to the side... I could fit her socks into the drawer


Why did the semen cross the road?

I wore the wrong socks this morning



Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand:

Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the right sock, no matter where it is located in the universe.


my great grandmother got me a ps4 for christmas

my so-so grandmother got me socks


My wife keeps complaining about me wearing socks while we have sex…

I *suppose* a condom would be better...


My friend called me a cunt because i always buy him socks for Xmas

I said, " You bastard, its the thought that counts".

I could tell by the look in his eyes he would have kicked my head in if he had legs


What did 50 Cent say to his grandmother when she made him a pair of socks?

Gee, you knit?


Dad called me a cunt

I always buy him socks for Xmas. I said, "you bastard, it's the thought that counts." I could tell by the look in his eyes he would have kicked my head in if he had legs


Little Johnny

"Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "Can you give me twenty dollars?"

"Certainly not."

"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."

His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"

"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.' "


Little Johnny's mother was cleaning his room...

and while putting his clothes away notices some BDSM magazines tucked under his socks.

Unsure of what to do, Little Johhny's mother waits till her husband gets home and shows him the magazines.

Mother: I don't want this smut in my house, how are we going to punish him?
Father: I have no idea, but I'm sure as hell not spanking him.


I was taking a shit when I realized there wasn't any toilet paper, good bye Socks!

Stupid name for a hamster anyway...


I discovered that my socks exhibit quantum entanglement.

As soon as I put on my left sock, the other sock immediately becomes the right sock, and vice versa, regardless of the distance between them.


Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife won't let him use socks anymore.


A guy walks into a costume party only wearing jeans

The host asks him "What are you supposed to be?"

He says "I'm a premature ejaculation."

The host asks "I don't get it, why aren't you wearing a shirt, socks, shoes, or anything else?"

He says "I just came in my pants!"


Got a $100 Nike gift card

Can't wait to buy that one pair of socks


Do you have holes in your socks?

You don't? Then how do you put your feet in?


Why did semen cross the street?

Because I wore the wrong pair of socks


Finally decided to throw away my favourite pair of socks

but then i got cold feet


A Polish joke

A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb Polack by every one he met. So one day he decided to pretend to be German. Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter:

"Hello my name is Rolf and I would like to buy some schnitzel, some saurbraten, some pretzels and some beer."

The counterman said "Get outta here you dumb Polack!".

Wojciech cried, "No no no! I am German! Don't you see my Liederhosen? Why do you think I am Polish?"

The counterman says "This is a hardware store."


I asked a girl

"Can I smell your pussy?"

She said "No!!"

Must have been her socks then.


Two babys at the birth ward... baby says to the other."i'm a boy" to with the other reply:"how do you know?". the first baby pulls the blanket to the side and says:"look i got blue socks on"


Why did the golfer buy two pairs of socks?

He was afraid he'd get a hole in one

^^^^I'll ^^^^see ^^^^myself ^^^^out


Old man John was dying...

As he was laying on his deathbed he told his caretaker, Steve, to bring him his socks from downstairs since his feet were cold and he wanted to be as comfortable as possible. Steve went downstairs and saw John's two daughters on the couch. He went up to them and said:
''Your father wont't make it, and his last dying wish is for me to have sex with you.''
Not believing him, the two girls asked for proof.
''John, both of them?''
''Of course both of them you fucking moron!''


A young couple on their wedding night. . .

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.

When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.

"I had tolio as a child," he answered.

"You mean polio?" she asked.

"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."

When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!"

"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.

"You mean measles?" she asked.

"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."

The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.

She finally said, "Don't tell me, let me guess . . . smallcox?"


How are socks like Boy Scouts?

They always come pre-paired.


An English gent was having a go with his lady

She decided she wanted to start mixing up in the bedroom. One night she looked at him dead in the eyes as they were banging and said "make love to me like you've never made love to me before!"

So he took his socks off.


Just A Little Lie

My uncle Larry, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, showed up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year- old blonde who knocked everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm. She hung onto Larry's arm and listened intently to his every word. His buddies at the club were all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Larry, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Larry replied, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!" They were amazed, but continued to ask. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?" "I lied about my age", Larry replied. "What, did you tell her you were only 50?" Larry smirked and said, "No, I told her I was fucking 90."


Dad didn't like what I got him for Christmas.

"You cunt!" he snapped. "You always buy me socks!"

"Chill out," I replied. "It's the thought that counts."

I could tell by the look in his eyes that he would have kicked me in the head right then, if he had legs.


A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store...

A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines" said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines." said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week." declared the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines." repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack." offered the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines." insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality." the salesgirl probed.

"No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines." said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here." fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.

"No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines." the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed "Eso sΓ­ que es!".

"Well, if you could spell it, why didn't you do that in the beginning?" asked the exasperated salesgirl.


Two retired gentlemen meet while on the beach in Florida

They sit down and strike up a conversation.

"So you moved down here after you retired. What did you do before?"

"I was in the sporting goods business. I started out selling socks from a cart. Before long I had a little store. The business grew, slowly at first, but after thirty years I owned the biggest sporting goods store for fifty miles. I wanted to slow down a little and enjoy my success, but none of the kids were interested in the business, and I had a hard time finding a buyer. Then, tragically, the store burned to the ground. Luckily, I had good insurance. It paid off more than enough to retire on, so here I am! What about you?"

"My story is much the same. I spent my life in the shoe business, until a flood wiped me out. Insurance saved me as well. I decided not to rebuild, just moved down here to relax."

"Wow, that's something. I have one question, though."

"What's that?"

"How do you start a flood?"


Why did Tiger Woods bring three socks instead of two?

In case he got a hole in one.


Trophy Wife

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful looks and charm.

She hangs onto Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?"

Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"

They're amazed, but continue to ask. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?"

"I lied about my age", Bob replies.

"What, did you tell her you were only 50?"

Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."


an old couple are getting ready for bed

The husband sits on the bed taking off his socks and the wife undresses in the bathroom and gets into in her pink robe.

She comes into the room, walks over to her husband and whips open the robe, exclaiming, "super pussy!"

And the husband says, "I'll take the soup."


What is good for golf and bad for socks?

A hole in one.


What's the difference between my kids and my socks?

Unfortunately, only my socks have gone missing.


What are the most funny Socks jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Socks? Well, here are the best Socks dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Socks pick up lines to share with friends.

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