Socks Jokes

What are some Socks jokes?

I gently slid her panties to the side...

....so I could fit her socks into the drawer

Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand:

Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the right sock, no matter where it is located in the universe.

my great grandmother got me a ps4 for christmas

my so-so grandmother got me socks

My wife keeps complaining about me wearing socks while we have sex…

I *suppose* a condom would be better...

What did 50 Cent say to his grandmother when she made him a pair of socks?

Gee, you knit?

Little Johnny

"Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "Can you give me twenty dollars?"

"Certainly not."

"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."

His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"

"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.' "

I discovered that my socks exhibit quantum entanglement.

As soon as I put on my left sock, the other sock immediately becomes the right sock, and vice versa, regardless of the distance between them.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife won't let him use socks anymore.

How did the sperm cross the road?

I wore the wrong socks.

Got a $100 Nike gift card

Can't wait to buy that one pair of socks

Do you have holes in your socks?

You don't? Then how do you put your feet in?

Finally decided to throw away my favourite pair of socks

but then i got cold feet

A Polish joke

A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb Polack by every one he met. So one day he decided to pretend to be German. Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter:

"Hello my name is Rolf and I would like to buy some schnitzel, some saurbraten, some pretzels and some beer."

The counterman said "Get outta here you dumb Polack!".

Wojciech cried, "No no no! I am German! Don't you see my Liederhosen? Why do you think I am Polish?"

The counterman says "This is a hardware store."

I'll never hire a dyslexic prostitute again!

There was no sex but I did get my socks cooked.

Two babys at the birth ward...

...one baby says to the other."i'm a boy" to with the other reply:"how do you know?". the first baby pulls the blanket to the side and says:"look i got blue socks on"

Why did the golfer buy two pairs of socks?

He was afraid he'd get a hole in one

^^^^I'll ^^^^see ^^^^myself ^^^^out

A young couple on their wedding night. . .

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.

When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.

"I had tolio as a child," he answered.

"You mean polio?" she asked.

"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."

When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!"

"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.

"You mean measles?" she asked.

"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."

The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.

She finally said, "Don't tell me, let me guess . . . smallcox?"

How are socks like Boy Scouts?

They always come pre-paired.

An English gent was having a go with his lady

She decided she wanted to start mixing up in the bedroom. One night she looked at him dead in the eyes as they were banging and said "make love to me like you've never made love to me before!"

So he took his socks off.

A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store...

A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines" said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines." said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week." declared the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines." repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack." offered the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines." insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality." the salesgirl probed.

"No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines." said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here." fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.

"No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines." the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed "Eso sΓ­ que es!".

"Well, if you could spell it, why didn't you do that in the beginning?" asked the exasperated salesgirl.

Two retired gentlemen meet while on the beach in Florida

They sit down and strike up a conversation.

"So you moved down here after you retired. What did you do before?"

"I was in the sporting goods business. I started out selling socks from a cart. Before long I had a little store. The business grew, slowly at first, but after thirty years I owned the biggest sporting goods store for fifty miles. I wanted to slow down a little and enjoy my success, but none of the kids were interested in the business, and I had a hard time finding a buyer. Then, tragically, the store burned to the ground. Luckily, I had good insurance. It paid off more than enough to retire on, so here I am! What about you?"

"My story is much the same. I spent my life in the shoe business, until a flood wiped me out. Insurance saved me as well. I decided not to rebuild, just moved down here to relax."

"Wow, that's something. I have one question, though."

"What's that?"

"How do you start a flood?"

Why did Tiger Woods bring three socks instead of two?

In case he got a hole in one.

Trophy Wife

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful looks and charm.

She hangs onto Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?"

Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"

They're amazed, but continue to ask. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?"

"I lied about my age", Bob replies.

"What, did you tell her you were only 50?"

Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."

What is good for golf and bad for socks?

A hole in one.

The worst birthday present I ever got...

...was from my grandma when i turned 5. She gave me three socks. When asked why, she responded "because your mom said you grew a foot."

What's the difference between my kids and my socks?

Unfortunately, only my socks have gone missing.

This guy was making fun of my friend Line for his funny name...

So he socks him right in the face and I say,

"Good punch Line. "

A Man and Woman are getting it on for the first time

She takes his socks off and notices his gnarly toes

"What happen to your toes?" she asks

he says " when i was a child i suffered from Toelio"

She says "you mean Polio?

He says "no it's like polio but of the toes"

She isn't willing to let this stop her. And she slides his pants down and notices his oddly colored weirdly shaped knees.

"What happened to your knees?" she asks

"in my teens i had the kneesles" he says

She said "you mean the measles?"

he says "no it's like the measles but of the knees"

Still this won't stop her. She slides his boxers down. She giggles and says "let me guess...smallcox"

Franks wife was going away...

She told him to put on a clean pair of socks everyday,

After 7 days he couldn't fit his shoes on.

Why does LeBron James wear high socks?

His Cavs can't handle the Heat

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong pair of socks this morning.

Went golfing with a buddy, and I asked him why he brought an extra pair of socks.

He said, "In case I get a hole in one."

I found a new passion yesterday pairing socks.

I guess I just enjoy bringing sole mates together.

Tomorrow is Downs Syndrome Awareness Day

You're supposed to wear crazy socks.

I'm just going to wear extra jeans.

Newlyweds went on their honeymoon...

and were getting undressed to be together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks, revealing some grotesque toes.
"What happened to your feet?" she asked.
"As a child I suffered from tolio." he replied.
"Don't you mean polio?"
"No, tolio. It only affects the toes."
He proceeded to remove his pants and she saw that his knees were twisted and contorted.
"What's wrong with your knees?" she asked.
"You see, I also had kneesles." he answered.
"You mean measles?"
"No no, kneesles. It only affects the knees."
When he removed his boxers his wife exclaimed "Wait, don't tell me, you also had smallcox!"

Why did the golfer take an extra pair of socks with him?

In case.... ^wait ^for ^it... he got a hole in one!

My Dad who plays golf.

I always asked dad why he bought an extra pair of socks when he played golf. Told me in case he got a hole in one. πŸ˜‚

How can you tell if someone's a psychiatrist?

Check their feet. If they are wearing dinosaur socks, they are a psychiatrist.

It's a simple roar sock test.

Shopping back then

My pop was telling me about how back in the fifties you could get so much more from the shops.

Het tells me "we used to be able to go into grace brothers with ten dollars and come out with two pairs of socks, some new undies, a razor or two and a small bottle of aftershave."

But unfortunately as he tells me, "you can't get that much for ten dollars anymore...there's too many security cameras"

Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven ate Nine. Lame, right? I made up some more!

Why did Two pay more for socks?
Because it was a three-for-five deal!

Why did Four get jealous of Five?
Because Five had six with Seven!
(And I heard that Seven ate Nine out)

Why did Negative One share its cash prize with Zero after they tied for first place in the race?
Because Zero won too!

Borrowed a pair of my stepdad's socks the other day

He said to be careful as they were his lucky golfing socks.

They have a hole in one.

All this trump merchandise made me wonder

We have make America great again hats, t shirts, and socks, but I've never seen a make America great again dress. I thought for a moment before realizing that presidential matter on dresses was bill clinton's thing.

I just met a dyslexic hooker.

She offered to cook my socks for Β£50

The rich lady comes home after a day of shopping,

when she stumbles on one of her many servants in the hallway. She looks at him head to toe, and demands:

\- Come here.

The servant, heads down, obeys.

\- Take off my jacket.

Hands shaking, he obliges.

\- Now... Take off my dress.

Slowly, he does so.

\- Hm... Now take off my socks and my garter belt.

He does so, not saying a word.

\- Now... My bra and my panties!

Looking down and shaking, he obeys.

\- Now, if I get you wearing my clothes ever again, I will fire you once and for all, do you understand?!

Socks are expensive.

I can go on a date or I can buy a pack of socks. I was going to ask this girl out, but then I got cold feet.

A young couple decides to have sex for the first time.

As they're undressing each other, the woman removes the man's shoes and socks. "What's the matter with your toes?"

"Oh that, when I was younger I suffered from toelio"

"Don't you mean polio?"

"No, no, toelio, it's like polio but it only affects the toes."

They go a little farther and she removes his pants. "What's wrong with your knees?"

"I had kneesles. It's like measles but it only affects the knees."

When she finally removes his underwear, she takes one look and says, "Let me guess. You had smallcox too!"

What do you call someone that likes to mix and match their socks?

Heterosoxual

Children are like socks

Alot of them go missing.

Did you guys hear about the serial killer who's using smaller and smaller socks to strangle each new victim?

Be careful, they say he's still at large.

If every day is a gift...

... then today is socks.

Socks are like unhappy couples in therapy

always trying to leave each other, only to be brought back together by a third party

Did you hear about the guy who put on a clean pair of socks every day of the week?

By Friday he could hardly get his shoes on.

Socks and sandals are like condoms

There is almost no chance of getting a girl pregnant

Socks are like sex

There's plenty to go around, yet I never seem to have any.

What do you call a man riding a cow in the dark with only his socks on?

Married

Why did the golfer throw out his favourite socks?

Because he got a hole in one.

Why did the sperm cross the street?

Because i put on the wrong socks.

Your guy didn't know any puns about colourful, diamond patterned socks.

But argyle know some.

When I was a kid, my mom always used to tell me to put a clean pair of socks on, everyday...

By the time Saturday rolled around, I could hardly even fit in my shoes...

A boy is walking down the street when a man runs from the opposite direction holding a nice shirt.

"Why are you running?" asked the boy.

"I just got this really nice shirt," the man answered.

"Where from?" asked the boy.

"JC Penny," the man answered before resuming his run.

Shortly after, another man came running from the same direction as the first holding a nice pair of khakis, to which the same exchange occurred. This happened two more times, one holding a pair of socks and another a pair of shoes, until a man wearing just underwear ran by.

"Where are you going like that?" the boy asked incredibly.

"To get my clothes back. I'm JC Penny."

Being Santa sounds easy... (NSFW)

I've got plenty of experience emptying my sack into socks.

Pull over

An old woman was driving and knitting on the motorway. She was serving across the lanes when a police car overtook her flashing all the lights.

As it drew level a policeman wound down his window and shouted to her "Pull over!".
"No" she shouted back. "Pair of socks!"

I'm not afraid of taking off my socks

I just get cold feet.

MY friends are like second-day socks...

They come through in a pinch, but they really stink sometimes.

What does it mean if you find a horseshoe?

Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

A young woman marries an old man for his money, and they go on their honeymoon.

They're both sort of traditional, so they haven't had sex (with each other) before the wedding. They get to their hotel room, and get ready to have sex for the first time. The man drops his pants and his wife says "ugh, what ugly knees you have!" The man defends himself, saying "When I was 11, I had kneesels". He then removes his socks, and his wife says "Your toes look god-awful!" The man responds "When I was 13, I had tolio". He then pulls off his underpants, and his wife says "Don't tell me- when you were 15, you had smallcox."

If I had a penny for every time somebody said I was materialistic...

I'd probably be able to afford some Gucci socks.

A couple on honeymoon in hotel room undressing. The groom removes his socks and the bride asks: "What's wrong with your feet, your toes look all mangled?"

Groom: "I had Tolio as a child."
Bride: "You mean Polio?"
Groom: "No Tolio, the disease only affected my toes."

The groom then removes his pants and the bride asks: "What is wrong with your knees, they are lumpy and deformed?"

Groom: "As a child I had Kneasles."
Bride: "You mean Measles?"
Groom: "No Kneasles, a strange illness that only affected my knees."

The Bride then removes his boxers and the bride asks: "Why are you spotted?"

Groom: "As a child I had smallpox."
Bride: "I hope you don't mean SmallCox!"

A golfer brought a extra pair of socks when he went golfing,

Just in case he got a hole in one.

Socks are like snowflakes

You can never find two that are alike.

My girlfriend said I have crusty feet.

I blame my socks.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put my wrong socks today.

What did Caesar say after crossing the river Rubicon?

"Can someone get me some dry socks?"

I wore my golf socks today

There's a hole in one

How to make Socks jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Socks to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Socks? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Socks pick up lines to share with friends.

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