The Best 88 Sock Jokes

The only thing worse than a wet sock

Is a crusty sock

Was in a pub the other day...

Was in a pub the other day as one of the patrons was teliing the classic "What do you do if an epileptic person has a fit in the bath? Throw in the washing!" as a big burly guy walks over and says, "I don't think that's funny. My brother was epileptic and died in the bath."
"Sorry, did he drown?"
"No. He choked on a sock."

How are socks like Boy Scouts?

They always come pre-paired.

What's black, 10-inches long, rock-hard and filled with sperm?

The sock under my bed.

how do socks reproduce?

they have socks. goodnight folks

I used to date a dyslexic woman

I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock.

[Bad joke] The other day my sister asked me what the difference between cellular division and a sock is

To which I replied 'Nothing, they both involve mitosis'

I put a sock on my doorknob

To let people know I'm getting busy with another sock.

My wife told me her sock had a hole in it.

"Darn it!" I replied.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I accidentally put on the wrong sock this morning.

What does a sock taste like?

Defeat

My wife was complaining about how the washing machine was making a lot of noise lately.

I told her to put a sock in it.

I didn't have a condom last night, so I used a sock...

She wouldn't stop complaining about cotton mouth.

How do you know a homeless woman is menstruating?

If she's only wearing one sock.

(This joke brought to you courtesy the homeless guy outside my local 7-11.)

My relationship status is like that other missing sock,

I'm all alone and eventually end up getting trashed

What sock do you put on last?

The one that's left.

What do you tell a girl who won't stop asking for a tampon?

Put a sock in it.

Missing socks

When you lose a sock in the wash or laundry hamper, the one that's left becomes more human than you know.

It's looking for its sole mate.

I beat a black belt at karate.

My next challenger is a green sock.

God is a sock

He saves your sole

Who is a man's best friend?

The sock, he's always there in hard times.

My 8 year old brother just asked me if I had a hole in my sock.

Me: Of course not

Him: Then how do you put your foot inside?

Socks and sandals are like condoms

There is almost no chance of getting a girl pregnant

I brought a dyslexic girl home last night.

She cooked my sock.

If Katt Williams had a nickel for every time he's been arrested...

He'd put them in a sock and beat someone with it.

There's a hole in my sock

but atleast there's not a sock in my hole

An epileptic in the bath.

I was in the pub last night when I told my mates the joke about "What to you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath? Throw your washing in."
Well, bloke on the next table turns round and says very solemnly, "My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath."

The bloke then says "Yeah, he choked on a sock!"

I met a dyslexic woman at a bar last night...

I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock.

My friend told me that sperm bank pays you $60 per shot

Boy, do I have an expensive sock under my bed!!

I attacked a stranger with a sock full of dead AAA Duracells

Kind of ironic that I was charged with battery

Do you know who loves getting fisted?

Sock puppets

what do you call a crappy sock puppet?

sock pooppet

It's amazing that the world has millions of undiscovered species...

And they all fit so easily into my sock.

If there's a sock on my doorknob...

It means I'm having sex with the other one.

Heard the sperm bank gives $50 for your sperm.

I have a sock in my room worth $3000.

Socks are like sex

There's plenty to go around, yet I never seem to have any.

Do you know who likes to get fisted?

Sock puppets

I discovered that my socks exhibit quantum entanglement.

As soon as I put on my left sock, the other sock immediately becomes the right sock, and vice versa, regardless of the distance between them.

Socks are expensive.

I can go on a date or I can buy a pack of socks. I was going to ask this girl out, but then I got cold feet.

Socks are like unhappy couples in therapy

always trying to leave each other, only to be brought back together by a third party

What do you call a philosophical sock?

Sockrates.

Do you know why the spermcells crossed the road?

Because i put on the wrong sock today

My girlfriend is dyslexic...

.. She loves "cooking my sock"

My son just came out of the closet...

I wish he would just do it into a sock like a normal person.

How many inches can you fit in a sock?

One foot.

What's the difference between a sock and a camera?

One is for five toes, the other is for photos.

Why did the sperm cross the street?

I wore the wrong sock this morning.

Socks are like snowflakes

You can never find two that are alike.

Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand:

Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the right sock, no matter where it is located in the universe.

How can you tell if someone's a psychiatrist?

Check their feet. If they are wearing dinosaur socks, they are a psychiatrist.

It's a simple roar sock test.

What do dogs get when they retire?

Sock options

I beat a black belt at karate

My next opponent is a red sock

Curiosity just found organic molecules preserved in rock on Mars.

Big deal, if you go to my room right now you can find organic molecules preserved in a sock.

They say your child is a 'chip off the old block'

Half of my block is sitting in a sock under my bed

I dated a dyslexic woman for a while, and it was very confusing.

Every time we went back to my place, she started cooking my sock.

Have you heard about the incel action figure?

It comes in a sock instead of a box.

Gunna have to go to the doctor's office tomorrow for my girl. I think she has dyslexia.

This is the 5th time she went to cook my sock.

My dog got into my sock drawer today...

I had to re-pair all my socks.

Apparently, arguing with your sock puppet on the bus is not what those "normal is overrated" posts are about.

My wife found my hard sock in the laundry.

She winked at me and said "Have you been using cornstarch?"

I said "No, it's just my Johnson's baby powder."

I think dyslexia is hilarious.

So is tourettes you funch of cucking sock buckers!

And then the sock said...

That's not a foot!

What makes a sock depressed?

de feet

Why did the spermcell cross the road?

Because i put the wrong sock on earlier

Guy walks into a bar, orders 2 shots. Dumps one on the ground.

Bartender asks who it was for. Guy replies "my unborn child"
"Sorry to hear man, what happened?" Asked the bartender.
Guy looked him square in the eye "dried up in a sock."

What do you call a faceless sock puppet?

A mitten.

I walk around like everything's fine,

but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off

Brooks Brothers just filed for bankruptcy

so now I might never be able to use this $50 gift card on one sock.

Whenever I get a sock from the laundry without the other sock, I keep this sock in the hopes of finding the partner in the future.

I call these socks lost soles.

Do your socks have holes in them?

No?

Then how did you get your feet in them?!!

The arguments between the "pro-mask" and "anti-mask" groups is really intense! People are even PRACTICING their arguments at home first.

Just yesterday I heard a 14 y/o boy tell his friend that at home he mask debates into a sock!

Two guys are in a bar...

‪Two guys are in a bar:‬

‪#1: How do you attract all the ladies? What's your secret? ‬

‪#2: Before I arrive at the bar, I stuff a big sock down my pants. ‬

‪#1: Thanks, I'll try that. ‬

‪Next meeting...‬

‪#1: The ladies just screamed and ran. ‬

‪#2: Next time stuff it down the front. ‬

My new dryer was making this funny sound...

Then I put a sock in it.

I went to the doctor for a complete physical

He asked for a urine, blood, stool and a sperm sample. So I gave him my underware......and a sock

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."

A woman hadn't had sex with her husband in 10 years, yet she berated him every day for their lack of children. Finally having enough, he told her to put a sock in it!

She's due in July.

What's the difference between a sock and a camera?

Dam. You seriously don't know?

My uncle swore to me that if i wanted to attract girls, I mean REALLY draw in the chicks, I should roll up a sock and put it in my pants.

I did this at a high school dance, and I when I got home, he asked me if I tried it and did it work. I told him it did not help at all, and only made things worse. He looked down and said, Well you were supposed to put it in the FRONT!

What's the difference between a camera and a sock?

A camera takes photos
A sock takes 5 toes

Why did the sperm cross the road

Because I put on the wrong sock

What do sock puppets eat?

Finger foods

My kids asked me what it's like to be a mother.

So i woke them up at 5am to tell them my sock fell off.

Why did the sperm cross the road

I put on the wrong sock today

What's the difference between a digital camera and a sock?

The camera takes photos and the the sock takes five toes.

Why are socks a bad Christmas present for Daddy Bear?

Because he will always have bare feet.

All the kids at daycare were wearing each other's socks today when we picked our son up

Must've been a busy trading day at the Sock Market