society Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious society puns

I bet you can't name a useless, non functioning member of society.

My parents did.

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Whenever I see a female bus driver, I'm reminded of how far we have come as a society...

Then I wait for the next bus

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the flat earth society ...

... has members all around the globe

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How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.

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I walked into the living room to find my wife breast feeding our son...

"How long do you have to do that for?" I asked. "When is he going to be too old for it?"

"Well, it's a physical bond between a mother and her child isn't it? It's only society that deems it unacceptable above a certain age."

I replied, "Shut up, Harry. I was talking to your mother."

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Society is full of double standards

For example, when Ariel from The Little Mermaid swims around half naked, singing with her underwater friends, people say that she is "sweet" and "beautiful"

But when I do it, people say that I'm "drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium".

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Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins?

Society

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Today a Gender Studies student asked me how our society viewed lesbians

Apparently, in HD wasn't the correct answer.

Time to update my display to 4K.

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I asked my friend about his time in prison.

"I have mixed feelings. On one hand I was surrounded by the worst society had to offer. I shared cells with thieves, murderers, and rapists. On the other hand the prison library was filled with the best collection of literature that I've ever seen. I don't know. It has its prose and cons."

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At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "sex" both appeared

A female student's composition:

'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical sex.'

A male student's composition:

'I love sex.'

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Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."

The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."

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What's a pirate's favourite...

What's a pirate's favourite architectural feature?

An *arrr*ch.

What's a pirate's favourite place to play?

A p*arrr*k.

What's a pirate's favourite thing to do to women?

Rape.

I never understood why society romanticises pirates.

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fact that you think that it's not society, but the light bulb that should change is problematic.

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How many fat activists does it take to change a lightbulb?

The lightbulb is beautiful the way it is. Society needs to change and learn to accept and stop shaming lightbulbs that don't conform to its standards.

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Are we as a society going to reject clickbait journalism?

The answer may surprise you!

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Can I start digging?

Society: No wtf that's grave robbing.

[waits an hour]

How about now?

Society: Ok, now it's archaeology.

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Kanye West, Donald Trump, Justin Bieber and Martin Skreli are put in a coliseum, given gladiator weapons and made to fight to the death. Who wins?

Society.

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Why do we live in a society where pizza arrives faster than police do?

Because the pizza guy has consequences for not doing his job correctly.

"Oh damn, shots fired!"

But not by the pizza guy.

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Sexism in today's society.

It's disgusting how often women are subjected to sexism in today's society.

One of my feminist friends managed to get herself a new job recently, and literally the first thing her misogynist pig boss asked her to do was to make him a sandwich! "A fucking sandwich!" Naturally my friend took a stand and quit on the spot; she's even talking about boycotting the entire company.

Fucking Subway!

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Its disgusting how often women are subjected to sexism in todays society...

One of my feminist friends managed to get herself a new job recently, and literally the first thing her misogynist pig boss asked her to do was to make him a sandwich! Naturally my friend took a stand and quit on the spot, she's even talking about boycotting the entire company.

Fucking Subway...

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What's white on top and black on bottom?

Society.

Whats black on top and white on bottom?

rape.

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Did you hear the Flat Earth Society is really gaining ground?

They say they have members all around the globe now.

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They say Gay marriage will ruin the fabric of society...

...which is ridiculous, a gay man would never ruin fabric.

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Homeless people are the most persistent activists in society.

Not a single day goes by without them asking for change!

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I can tell we still live in a sexist society because...

Doctors still make more money than nurses.

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How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

12.
One to screw it in,

One to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination,

One to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination,

One to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape-like",

One to deconstruct the lightbulb itself as being phallic,

One to blame men for not changing the bulb,

One to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a
woman do it,

One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs,

One to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs,

One to advocate that lightbulb changers should have wage parity with electricians,

One to alert the media that women are now "out-lightbulbing" men,

One to just sit there taking pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.

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'Jesus loves you' means one thing in general society.

And something completely different in prison.

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My local drama society put on an evening of XXX Roman plays. I thought it sounded sexy so I went along. It was just 30 plays.

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

12


One to screw it in

One to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination

One to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination

One to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape-like"

One to deconstruct the light bulb itself as being phallic

One to blame men for not changing the bulb

One to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it

One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs

One to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs

One to advocate that light bulb changers should have wage parity with electricians

One to alert the media that women are now "out-lightbulbing" men

And one to just sit there taking pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary

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What is the motto for the Epilepsy Research Society?

Sieze the day

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My dad always said, "I before E expect after C".

Society taught me otherwise.

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Penalty for Lying


Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a congressman is up to 20 years in jail,


...but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is two more years in office.

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An old man walks around town with his grandson...

"Today," he informs the young boy, "I will teach you about the hypocrisy of society."
"Look at the road before us," he went on. "I helped build this road, and many others in this county, when I was only 16. Yet no one calls me 'Road Builder,' 'Trail Maker,' or anything of the sort."
They went on, the old man pointing at variius houses as they went.
"See these houses? I led their construction, and the construction of many more, when I was but 23. Yet no one calls me 'House Maker' or 'Home Builder' or anything of the sort."
They continued walking, until they got to a bridge.
"Look here! I built this bridge myself when I was 30. I went on to build many other bridges in this county; yet no one calls me 'Bridge Builder' or 'Pontiff' or anything of the sort." At this, he turned, got close to the boys face, and spoke harshly:

"But you fuck ONE goat..."

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While in my gender studies class, I got asked how, in society, lesbians should be viewed...

Apparently, 'in HD' wasn't the right answer.

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I hate how politically correct we have become as a society ...

You can't even say black paint anymore. Now you have to say, "Jamal kindly paint my house?"

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What are the most funny Society jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Society? Well, here are the best Society dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Society pick up lines to share with friends.

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