The Best 77 Society Jokes

What's white on top and black on bottom?

Society.

Whats black on top and white on bottom?

rape.

Penalty for Lying

Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a congressman is up to 20 years in jail,

...but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is two more years in office.

What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?

Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour.

And then the building exploded.

What do you call a guy with a big orange nose?

Sir. The man has enough on his plate without being treated as a lesser individual by society.

Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."

The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."

What is the motto for the Epilepsy Research Society?

Sieze the day

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gasses here". He doesn't react, because living a society that systematically discriminates against noble gasses has taught him that getting angry will only bring violence upon him. He totally writes an angry tumblr post about it later that evening though.

How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.

What do you call a society governed by men with no testicles?

An anorchy...

...I swear, that one KILLED at the urology convention

A black friend of mine...

...said he's thinking of bleaching his skin. Said our society is tilted in favor of the white man. He's tired of being downtrodden. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

I told him to lighten up.

They say Gay marriage will ruin the fabric of society...

...which is ridiculous, a gay man would never ruin fabric.

My local drama society put on an evening of XXX Roman plays. I thought it sounded sexy so I went along. It was just 30 plays.

I can tell we still live in a sexist society because...

Doctors still make more money than nurses.

Yo mama is so classless...

Yo mama is so classless that Marx thinks she's an ideal society.

I asked my friend about his time in prison.

"I have mixed feelings. On one hand I was surrounded by the worst society had to offer. I shared cells with thieves, murderers, and rapists. On the other hand the prison library was filled with the best collection of literature that I've ever seen. I don't know. It has its prose and cons."

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fact that you think that it's not society, but the light bulb that should change is problematic.

'Jesus loves you' means one thing in general society.

And something completely different in prison.

What do the LGBT community and computers have in common?

Most people over 50 are scared of them and think they are destroying the fabric of society!

London held a monocle convention for high class members of society...

... it was a respectable spectacle spectacle.

I cant stand this politically correct society much longer. I can't even order coffee anymore.

I used to go to the store and just say "I'll take my coffee black." Now I have to say "I'll take my coffee jeniqua."

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins?

Society

She's technically not wrong...

This actually happened last night with my girlfriend...
Me: So did you read 1984?
She: Yeah, I did...utopian society right?
Me:No it is the total opposite...do you know the opposite of utopian?
She: yeah..Ethiopia right?
and yes she was being totally serious.

Society is so sensitive these days. I can't even say "black paint" anymore without being called racist....

I now have to say "Tyrone, could you paint the wall please."

What's the difference between a capitalist society and a communist society?

In a capitalist society, the rich man lives in a marble palace, the poor gathered around him. He shouts to them "Haha, suckers!"

In a communist society it's the exact same thing, except the rich man is shouting "We're suffering together!"

What's black underneath and white on top?

Society.

Are we as a society going to reject clickbait journalism?

The answer may surprise you!

At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "sex" both appeared

A female student's composition:

'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical sex.'

A male student's composition:

'I love sex.'

My dad always said, "I before E expect after C".

Society taught me otherwise.

I hate how politically correct we have become as a society ...

You can't even say black paint anymore. Now you have to say, "Jamal kindly paint my house?"

Today a Gender Studies student asked me how our society viewed lesbians

Apparently, in HD wasn't the correct answer.

Time to update my display to 4K.

the flat earth society ...

... has members all around the globe

Did you hear the Flat Earth Society is really gaining ground?

They say they have members all around the globe now.

While in my gender studies class, I got asked how, in society, lesbians should be viewed...

Apparently, 'in HD' wasn't the right answer.

I called the paranoia society hotline this morning…

The operator answered and said, "How did you get this number?!"

Society is so sexist

When a guy sleeps around with many women, he's called a jock.

When a woman sleeps around with many men, she's called your Mom.

Why will the flat earth society never be popular?

Because they cant get the word a round.

How does Thor blend in to society without being noticed?

He keeps it Loki.

Dark Humour is like a child with cancer

They aren't needed in an ideal society.

I don't understand why society is so against gang rape.

I mean statistically 9 out of 10 people enjoy it.

Society is full of double standards

For example, when Ariel from The Little Mermaid swims around half naked, singing with her underwater friends, people say that she is "sweet" and "beautiful"

But when I do it, people say that I'm "drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium".

Kanye West, Donald Trump, Justin Bieber and Martin Skreli are put in a coliseum, given gladiator weapons and made to fight to the death. Who wins?

Society.

Whenever I see a female bus driver, I'm reminded of how far we have come as a society...

Then I wait for the next bus

Homeless people are the most persistent activists in society.

Not a single day goes by without them asking for change!

A society without plates

Would be pure dishtopia

I walked into the living room to find my wife breast feeding our son...

"How long do you have to do that for?" I asked. "When is he going to be too old for it?"

"Well, it's a physical bond between a mother and her child isn't it? It's only society that deems it unacceptable above a certain age."

I replied, "Shut up, Harry. I was talking to your mother."

Crime in elevators is disgusting and a huge problem for society

It's just wrong on so many levels

How many fat activists does it take to change a lightbulb?

The lightbulb is beautiful the way it is. Society needs to change and learn to accept and stop shaming lightbulbs that don't conform to its standards.

I used to be a member of the secret cooking society...

They kicked me out for spilling the beans.

Yo mama's so fat

If she ever fell over she would prove the flat earth society correct.

I bet you can't name a useless, non functioning member of society.

My parents did.

Why is telling flat earth society jokes so hard?

Because they are too stupid to understand.

My French friend doesn't believe Eggs are round.

He's a member of the flat Oeuf society.

Whenever I see a woman driving a bus I smile and think about how far we as a society have come in Equality

And then I wait for the next bus.

What's black and completely useless to society?

Decaf coffee... obviously.

The Covid19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

The real reason for the missing of many flat-earthers in recent weeks as suggested by their friends of similar thought

The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures have led to the pushing of some of their members over the edge.

What secret society would Santa never be a part of?

The Illuminaughty

What do you call a town where everyone smokes pot?

High society.

I am sick of this Chinese-made virus destroying society!

Tik-Tok has got to go!

Donald Trump and Michael Pence are having a race from the roof of a very tall building. They both decide to jump down, as it's the fastest way down. Who wins?

Society

Guess which type of society is the happiest?

Nomads.

If ever society collapses and we resort to cannibalism...

Vegans meat will be the most expensive because they're grass fed.

What do you call a bleak future society in which people are forced by the state to trim hedges into decorative shapes?

A dystopiary!

I had an argument with my friend. She thinks the reason we men make so many more sexist remarks about women than the other way around is because in our patriarchal society men need to claim their superiority to women all the time.

I think it is because we are just better at it.

Man bought a gun.

A few days later, the man goes to his therapist for a regular check-up.

Therapist: "why did you buy a gun? Do you feel unsafe in society or...?"

Man: "I got a gun because of my bird phobia"

Therapist: "I think you might be getting carried away"

Man: *firing into the ceiling* "Not without a fight!"

Drains on society

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You know, this past election year has really got me thinking. Did you know 4 million of these people enter our country each year? They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hard-working Americans and the government is doing nothing to stop them. Not to mention that they are dirty and they smell bad! They don't even speak English!!!" the guy rants to the bartender. "I hate babies."

I never expected Facebook to own the whole "cancer on society" thing.

But they're really Meta-stasizing!

FunFact

The flat earth society members are all around the globe!

Homeless guy asked if I could spare a dollar.

I looked in my wallet and there was only a $20, so I asked myself "Do I really want this money going to drugs, booze, and the decline of society?"

I decided I didn't so I gave it to him.

The cost of joining the Roman Numeral Society was exactly $499

They wouldn't let me in because I didn't have ID...

What do you call a condiment in a Secret Society?

A Freemayonaison

I decided to audition for the Middle Earth Church Bell Ringers Society.

It's not difficult to join, as they have but one rule to ring them all:

Toll keenly.

I hate people who don't brush their teeth.

They're a plaque on society.

What do you call someone who contributes nothing to society?

A politician.

I've been banned from the Secret Cooking Society...

I kept spilling the beans.

I'm convinced that people without kids do nothing to contribute to society...

...they're completely youthless.