Socialist Jokes
64 socialist jokes and hilarious socialist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about socialist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the hilarious side of socialism with a few jokes about champagne socialists, the proletariat and the classless society. Laugh along as we explore these vastly different social structures and their respective effects on capitalism.
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Funniest Socialist Short Jokes
Short socialist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The socialist humour may include short socialism jokes also.
- A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks. "We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.
- You can make a capitalist poor and they'll still believe in Capitalism But if you make a socialist rich, you have a new capitalist.
- I didn't realize how cold it was outside today... ... until I saw socialists with their hands in their own pockets
- "I'm a socialist drinker!" The bartender chuckled and asked me, "Don't you mean social drinker?" "No, I only drink when someone else is paying."
- Bernie Sanders is a true socialist He's taking the delegates he's earned and giving them to somebody who is struggling to earn their own.
- I pulled my kid out of pre-school because they were indoctrinating him into a socialist liberal mindset Today, his teacher was teaching him how to share.
- A conservative gets into a car accident with a bus full of socialists. "Are you guys alright?" asks the conservative.
"No, we're mostly left." - Two nudist socialists are sitting on a porch. The first one asks, "Have you read Marx?"
The second one replies, "Yes, I think it's these wicker chairs." - Yesterday I accidentally sent a n**... picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamp.
- Why does a socialist only drink Herbal Tea? Because Proper Tea is theft.
(This might be the most British joke I know).
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Socialist One Liners
Which socialist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with socialist? I can suggest the ones about communist and capitalist.
- Where does a socialist bird lay its eggs? In a communest
- Bernie Sanders is such a socialist... ...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa.
- What did socialists use before candles? Light bulbs.
- queso is the perfect food for socialists.... 'cause everybody chips in!
- What did the socialist say to the fisherman? Sea's the means of production.
- I scored extremely well on my socialist exam last week. I got top Marx.
- What did socialists use before candles? Electricity
- Why do socialists only drink decaffeinated tea? Because proper tea is theft
- Why did the liberal not want to talk to the socialist? Because they are anti-social.
- Bernie Sanders may be old, but he loves modern technologies such as. . . Socialist Media.
- What do you call a communist version of facebook? Socialist media
- What's the best question to ask an avowed socialist? Can I borrow $100?
- How to start a rave in a socialist country. Tape a piece of bread to the ceiling.
- I almost dated a socialist once... But there were too many red flags.
- What do you call a socialist horse? Trotsky
Silly & Ridiculous Socialist Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about socialist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean liberal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make socialist pranks.
Whaat do you get when you cross a Swede and a Norwegian?
A socialist who wants to be king!
A Muslim, an i**... alien, and a Socialist walk into a bar...
... Bartender goes, "What can I get you, Mr. President?"
A Republican, a Democrat, and a Socialist live in the same building. One day there is a fire, but only the Socialist dies. Why?
everyone else was at work.
I once went to a socialist bar and I didn't like it at all.
All the drinks were revolting.
In 2016, Democrats will have to choose between a 70 year-old socialist...
...and Bernie Sanders.
Bartender and His Customers
A neurosurgeon, two Cubans, a fascist, a socialist, and a prisoner all walk into a bar together.
The bartender asks, "What's new?"
They all reply, "I'm running for president."
What did the Russian tell his nervous Socialist Dictator at the amusement park?
"Quit Stalin and get on the ride!"
A Communist, Socialist and Capitalist all agree to meet at a cafe.
The Communist and the Capitalist arrive on time but the Socialist is late.
A hour later, the Socialist rushes in.
'Sorry I'm late guys' he said, 'I had to wait in line for a sausage'.
'What's a line?' asked the Capitalist.
'What's a sausage?' asked the Communist
How do you know if someone is a socialist?
Don't worry, they'll tell you.
What do you call a fat socialist?
Stretch Marx
An egoist, a feminist and a Socialist walk into a bar...
An egotist, a feminist, and a Socialist walk into a bar.
The bartender overheard their conversation about politics and sarcastically said, "You guys would be great presidential candidates." They took him seriously...
...apparently America did too.
How many Socialists does it take to change a light bulb?
None comrade, the bulb holds the seeds to its own revolution!
It's time to act now
Let's stage a socialist takeover of Broadway and seize the means of productions!
New Deal joke my grandfather told me
Everyone has 2 cows.
The Socialist keeps 1 and gives 1 to his neighbour.
The Communist gives both cows to the government who gives back some of the milk.
The Fascist keep the cows but gives the milk to the government, who then sells some of it back.
The New Dealist shoots both the cows and milks the government.
Two house fires break out at noon on a Wednesday and destroys two families' homes. One family lives in a capitalist country and the other lives in a socialist country. Though the fires were nearly identical, only the family living in the socialist country dies in the fire...
Because in the capitalist country, the parents had jobs and the kids were in school.
How are Libertarians and National Socialists similar?
They both follow Austrian economics.
All my friends and family thought I'll be a broke socialist out of college
**BUT I BECAME A BOLD CAPITALIST**
A Socialist, a Communist, and a Liberal together at a table in a bar, what do you get?
An alt-right.
Message from Europe
European: If your house is burning, should firefighters help you?
American: Yes of course. That is logical. And im willing to pay tax for it.
European: If you get robbed, should the police help you?
American: Yes of course. That is logical. And im willing to pay tax for it.
European: If you get hurt, should doctors help you?
American: Absolutely not! We dont want socialist p**....
I finally understand the difference between capitalism, libertarianism, and socialism.
Capitalists hire libertarians to say socialism is bad. Socialists say capitalism is bad for free. And libertarians will say everyone else is bad as long as they get paid.
What do you get when 2 leftists get together?
3 political parties: one Communist, one Socialist, and a third founded in an attempt to merge the first two.
A Socialist, a Marxist, and a Postmodernist walk into a s**... club.
The bouncer checks their ID's and says
"sorry guys, come back when you're 21."
What do you call a socialist who's into fashion?
c**... Hilfiger.
Why are socialist school teachers so disorganized?
Because they love to see the class struggle.
