The Best 59 Socialist Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Socialist jokes. There are some socialist zedong jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these socialist trotsky puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Socialist Jokes and Puns

A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks.

"We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.

Whaat do you get when you cross a Swede and a Norwegian?

A socialist who wants to be king!

What did socialists use before candles?


Socialist joke, What did socialists use before candles?

A Muslim, an illegal alien, and a Socialist walk into a bar...

... Bartender goes, "What can I get you, Mr. President?"

A Republican, a Democrat, and a Socialist live in the same building. One day there is a fire, but only the Socialist dies. Why?

everyone else was at work.

I once went to a socialist bar and I didn't like it at all.

All the drinks were revolting.

In 2016, Democrats will have to choose between a 70 year-old socialist...

...and Bernie Sanders.

Socialist joke, In 2016, Democrats will have to choose between a 70 year-old socialist...

Bernie Sanders may be old, but he loves modern technologies such as. . .

Socialist Media.

A Racist, a viciously jealous wife and a socialist walk into a room...

Welcome to the US General election debate!

How many socialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

All of them.

What did socialists use before candles?

Light bulbs.

You can explore socialist capitalist reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean socialist socialism dad jokes. There are also socialist puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Bernie Sanders is such a socialist...

...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa.

Bernie Sanders is a true socialist

He's taking the delegates he's earned and giving them to somebody who is struggling to earn their own.

Why arent there any Socialist entrepreneurs?

Seriously I dont know.....

Bartender and His Customers

A neurosurgeon, two Cubans, a fascist, a socialist, and a prisoner all walk into a bar together.

The bartender asks, "What's new?"

They all reply, "I'm running for president."

How do you starve a Socialist?

You hide their food stamps under their work boots.

Edit; Thank you /u/DoctorBrohoof for my first gold!

Socialist joke, How do you starve a Socialist?

What did the Russian tell his nervous Socialist Dictator at the amusement park?

"Quit Stalin and get on the ride!"

A Communist, Socialist and Capitalist all agree to meet at a cafe.

The Communist and the Capitalist arrive on time but the Socialist is late.

A hour later, the Socialist rushes in.

'Sorry I'm late guys' he said, 'I had to wait in line for a sausage'.

'What's a line?' asked the Capitalist.

'What's a sausage?' asked the Communistο»Ώ

So a racist pig, a sexist idiot, and a pot-smoking socialist run for president.

I am so sorry America. There is no happy ending here.

How do you know if someone is a socialist?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

How many socialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They cant. The bulb has been smashed and distributed equally.

What do you call a fat socialist?

Stretch Marx

Make America Rage Again

Three Words: Trump/Bernie 2016

Trump Voters: "God, a socialist"

Hillary Votes: "God, a man"

Bernie Voters: "God, he sold out"

An egoist, a feminist and a Socialist walk into a bar...

An egotist, a feminist, and a Socialist walk into a bar.
The bartender overheard their conversation about politics and sarcastically said, "You guys would be great presidential candidates." They took him seriously...

...apparently America did too.

How many Socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

None comrade, the bulb holds the seeds to its own revolution!

What do you get when you cross a Marxist with a Socialist?

Two people who generally feel that the value of a commodity is equal to its socially necessary labor time.

Did you hear the one about the socialist country music-loving lumberjack?

All his axes came from taxes.

What does a socialist do when they don't want children?

They seize the means of reproduction...


It's time to act now

Let's stage a socialist takeover of Broadway and seize the means of productions!

New Deal joke my grandfather told me

Everyone has 2 cows.

The Socialist keeps 1 and gives 1 to his neighbour.

The Communist gives both cows to the government who gives back some of the milk.

The Fascist keep the cows but gives the milk to the government, who then sells some of it back.

The New Dealist shoots both the cows and milks the government.

Two house fires break out at noon on a Wednesday and destroys two families' homes. One family lives in a capitalist country and the other lives in a socialist country. Though the fires were nearly identical, only the family living in the socialist country dies in the fire...

Because in the capitalist country, the parents had jobs and the kids were in school.

Turns out my exam moderator, Karl, was a Prussian socialist

I guess Karl marx after all.

Where does a socialist bird lay its eggs?

In a communest

All my friends and family thought I'll be a broke socialist out of college


A Socialist, a Communist, and a Liberal together at a table in a bar, what do you get?

An alt-right.

I almost dated a socialist once...

But there were too many red flags.

Why does a socialist only drink Herbal Tea?

Because Proper Tea is theft.

(This might be the most British joke I know).

Message from Europe

European: If your house is burning, should firefighters help you?
American: Yes of course. That is logical. And im willing to pay tax for it.
European: If you get robbed, should the police help you?
American: Yes of course. That is logical. And im willing to pay tax for it.
European: If you get hurt, should doctors help you?
American: Absolutely not! We dont want socialist propaganda.

"I'm a socialist drinker!" The bartender chuckled and asked me, "Don't you mean social drinker?"

"No, I only drink when someone else is paying."

Why did the socialist kill all the average workers at the factory?

He wanted to cease the means of production

Why do socialists only drink decaffeinated tea?

Because proper tea is theft

How to start a rave in a socialist country.

Tape a piece of bread to the ceiling.

What's the best question to ask an avowed socialist?

Can I borrow $100?

Socialist Motto

We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

How did socialists illuminate their houses before candles?


How many Socialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but when it inevitably fails, they will be sure to inform us it wasn't a real light bulb.

How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

Why must someone own the light bulb?

A good percentage of my friends are socialists

0% of my friends are socialist, and that's a good percentage.

Why does the socialist study for his exams?

To get good Marx.

What do you get when 2 leftists get together?

3 political parties: one Communist, one Socialist, and a third founded in an attempt to merge the first two.

What do you call a communist version of facebook?

Socialist media

Why did the liberal not want to talk to the socialist?

Because they are anti-social.

A Socialist, a Marxist, and a Postmodernist walk into a strip club.

The bouncer checks their ID's and says

"sorry guys, come back when you're 21."

What do you call a socialist horse?


What do you call a socialist who's into fashion?

Commie Hilfiger.

I scored extremely well on my socialist exam last week.

I got top Marx.

Why are socialist school teachers so disorganized?

Because they love to see the class struggle.

What did the socialist say to the fisherman?

Sea's the means of production.

You can make a capitalist poor and they'll still believe in Capitalism

But if you make a socialist rich, you have a new capitalist.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the socialist progressive jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working socialist bolsheviks piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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