socialism Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious socialism puns

What is the difference between christianity and national socialism?

In christianity, one guy died for all the others.


What's the difference between Capitalism & Socialism?

With Capitalism, man exploits man.

And it's the opposite with Socialism.


If you have two cows,

Socialism: The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor

Communism: You give them to the government and the government gives you some milk

Fascism: You keep the cows and give the milk to the government, then the government sells you some milk

New Dealism: You shoot one and milk the other, then you pour the milk down the drain

Nazism: The government shoots you and keeps the cows

Capitalism: You sell one and buy a bull. Then put both of them in your wife's name and declare bankruptcy.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned

Binaryism: You have 10 cows


if I had a dollar for everytime socialism was succesful, I'd have 0$

Which is funny because if it did work, I'd also have 0$


It's impossible to make a joke about Socialism.

Because its not funny unless EVERYBODY gets it.


Socialism or Communism are the only path to evolution, and Capitalism is the root of all evil.

> Sent from my iPhone 7


Socialism is like breathing water...

You just aren't doing it right! Here let me try...


Socialism is the Axe Body Spray of political ideologies

It never does what it claims to do but people too young to know better keep buying it anyway.


Capitalism is dancing at the edge of the abyss.

Socialism, of course, is one step ahead of them.


A Communist dies... home with his family. He was a good man in life, caring for his family and working hard for the good of Socialism and his fellow man. However, being a Communist and therefore an Atheist, he is not allowed entrance into Heaven, and being such a good man, he cannot be consigned to Hell forever, either. The representatives of the two realms agree to share him, and have him spend one year in Heaven then one year in Hell, for all eternity.
His first year is spent in Hell, and when, at the end of his term, he is delivered to the Pearly Gates, God and the Devil trade a few words on the remarkable prisoner.

The Devil says, "I can't wait to be rid of this guy. You wouldn't believe the trouble he's causing. He's organised my Demons into a union, half of the fire-stokers are on strike, and he's even organised a Young Communists league among the tortured souls. It's going to take me the whole year just to undo it all."
God replies, "I'm omniscient and omnipotent. I think I can keep one guy in line, and with the availability of all heavenly pleasures he won't have time to cause any trouble."

At the end of his year in Heaven, he is again brought to the Pearly Gates to trade him off. The Devil smugly asks God, "Were you able to keep him in line as you thought?"
God answers, "I don't have time to stand and chat, I'm afraid, I'm late for the Party meeting. Have a good year in Hell, Comrade."


Since we are doing time period jokes: A Joke from the Great Depression.

Government: you have two cows

Socialism: You keep one cow's milk and the government takes the other and gives out its milk.

Communism: The government takes both cows and gives its milk away as it sees fit.

New Dealism: You get rid of both your cows and milk the government.


What happens is Soviet socialism comes to Saudi Arabia?

For the first five years, nothing, and then there will be a shortage of sand.


Capitalism, Communism, and Socialism have a meeting for afternoon tea

Communism collapses on the way there and dies from malnutrition. Socialism is so late from collecting welfare to buy the tea that he decides to go home. However, Capitalism - seeing that neither of the two showed up - buys his own tea, finishes his lunch break, and goes back to work.


This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: Is it possible to build socialism in Sahara desert?

We are answering: Possible, but you will end up with a shortage of sand.


New US dollar announced today...

They've decided to change the motto. After much pressure from atheist groups, they're removing 'In God We Trust' and going back to Latin. However, 'E Pluribus Unum' sounds too foreign and reeks of socialism, so they're going with a more simple and straightforward 'Carpe Vulva'.

The runner up was 'Oh God It's Trump'


Converting pimps to socialism is proving difficult

Maybe I shouldn't have told them they have nothing to lose but their chains


I was taught that socialism was bad.

At a public school.


My Chinese friend's jokes about Socialism and Capitalism

* A Russian, an American, and a Chinese person are walking down a path. Suddenly, they come to a fork in the road. One path has the sign "Capitalism," and it's brightly lit and beautiful. The other is labeled "Socialism," and it's dark and frightening. The American chooses first, marching confidently down the brightly lit path. The Russian is next. Determined, he starts to go down the dark path, but then turns back halfway and runs toward the bright path. The Chinese person is last. After thinking a moment, he chooses the bright path - but first he changes the signs.

* Stalin, on his deathbed, is talking with his successor-to-be, Khrushchev. Stalin, with his dying breath, says "But what if the people won't go with you, comrade?" Khrushchev replies, "Don't worry! If they don't go with *me*, I'll make sure that they're going with *you*."

* An American and a Russian are waiting for their friend, a Chinese guy. The Chinese guy finally arrives twenty minutes late. "Sorry," he says, "I was standing in line to buy some sausage." The American says, "What's a line?" and the Russian says, "What's a sausage?"


Socialism never hurt anyone

The very minute it starts killing people and trampling human rights it's no longer socialism it's 'state capitalism'


If everyone contributes a small amount of their income...

Together we can pool the resources to defeat socialism.


What is the difference between a dictator and an entrepreneurial networking events organizer?

One capitalizes on socialism and the other socializes on capitalism.


Socialism at a national level is popular among young people these days...

When you call it national socialism though it loses some of its luster


If I had a dollar for every time socialism worked

I'd have zero dollars.
And ironically, if socialism had worked I'd still have zero dollars


What does socialism smell like?

It has a Bernie smell.


Why did Mr. T reject Socialism?

Because he stumbled across a quote by Karl Marx which said: "All you have to lose is your chains."


How does socialism work so well?

It doesn't.


Socialism works great!

Until you run out of other people's money


What is a difference between those who left USSR for Canada in 1972 and those who left USSR in and after 1991.

In 1972, people ran from Socialism, and in 1991 into Socialism.


What's the differance between Socialism and Communism?

How long the leftists have been left in charge


What is the virus that makes you think socialism is good?



Radio Yerevan gets a call: "What's the easiest way to explain socialism?"

"With fists."


What happens when you introduce socialism in the desert?

Nothing for a long time, then there is a shortage of sand.


What are the most funny Socialism jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Socialism? Well, here are the best Socialism dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Socialism pick up lines to share with friends.

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