The Best 35 Socialism Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Socialism jokes. There are some socialism soviet jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these socialism social security puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Socialism Jokes and Puns
How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
...
Change? That's socialism.
What is the difference between christianity and national socialism?
In christianity, one guy died for all the others.
What's the difference between Capitalism & Socialism?
With Capitalism, man exploits man.
And it's the opposite with Socialism.
if I had a dollar for everytime socialism was succesful, I'd have 0$
Which is funny because if it did work, I'd also have 0$
It's impossible to make a joke about Socialism.
Because its not funny unless EVERYBODY gets it.
I finally understand the difference between capitalism, libertarianism, and socialism.
Capitalists hire libertarians to say socialism is bad. Socialists say capitalism is bad for free. And libertarians will say everyone else is bad as long as they get paid.
Socialism or Communism are the only path to evolution, and Capitalism is the root of all evil.
> Sent from my iPhone 7
Socialism is like breathing water...
You just aren't doing it right! Here let me try...
Socialism sounds great in theory...
But in practice, you just gonna get couped by the CIA.
Socialism is the Axe Body Spray of political ideologies
It never does what it claims to do but people too young to know better keep buying it anyway.
USSR should've been called PTSD
Post-Tsarism Socialism Disorder
You can explore socialism lenin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean socialism fascism dad jokes. There are also socialism puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Capitalism is dancing at the edge of the abyss.
Socialism, of course, is one step ahead of them.
Since we are doing time period jokes: A Joke from the Great Depression.
Government: you have two cows
Socialism: You keep one cow's milk and the government takes the other and gives out its milk.
Communism: The government takes both cows and gives its milk away as it sees fit.
New Dealism: You get rid of both your cows and milk the government.
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: Is it possible to build socialism in Sahara desert?
We are answering: Possible, but you will end up with a shortage of sand.
Capitalism, Communism, and Socialism have a meeting for afternoon tea
Communism collapses on the way there and dies from malnutrition. Socialism is so late from collecting welfare to buy the tea that he decides to go home. However, Capitalism - seeing that neither of the two showed up - buys his own tea, finishes his lunch break, and goes back to work.
Why are so many young people turning to socialism and communism?
Because then they can seize the memes of production.
What happens is Soviet socialism comes to Saudi Arabia?
For the first five years, nothing, and then there will be a shortage of sand.
New US dollar announced today...
They've decided to change the motto. After much pressure from atheist groups, they're removing 'In God We Trust' and going back to Latin. However, 'E Pluribus Unum' sounds too foreign and reeks of socialism, so they're going with a more simple and straightforward 'Carpe Vulva'.
The runner up was 'Oh God It's Trump'
Converting pimps to socialism is proving difficult
Maybe I shouldn't have told them they have nothing to lose but their chains
I was taught that socialism was bad.
At a public school.
Under capitalism, man oppresses man.
Under socialism, it's just the opposite.
Socialism never hurt anyone
The very minute it starts killing people and trampling human rights it's no longer socialism it's 'state capitalism'
If everyone contributes a small amount of their income...
Together we can pool the resources to defeat socialism.
Socialism says "From each according to ability, to each according to need."
Capitalism says "From each according to ability to pay, to each according to greed."
What is the difference between a dictator and an entrepreneurial networking events organizer?
One capitalizes on socialism and the other socializes on capitalism.
Socialism at a national level is popular among young people these days...
When you call it national socialism though it loses some of its luster
Socialism works great!
Until you run out of other people's money
Radio Yerevan gets a call: "What's the easiest way to explain socialism?"
"With fists."
What's the differance between Socialism and Communism?
How long the leftists have been left in charge
If I had a dollar for every time socialism worked
I'd have zero dollars.
And ironically, if socialism had worked I'd still have zero dollars
What happens when you introduce socialism in the desert?
Nothing for a long time, then there is a shortage of sand.
Why did Mr. T reject Socialism?
Because he stumbled across a quote by Karl Marx which said: "All you have to lose is your chains."
What is a difference between those who left USSR for Canada in 1972 and those who left USSR in and after 1991.
In 1972, people ran from Socialism, and in 1991 into Socialism.
If you have two cows,
Socialism: The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor
Communism: You give them to the government and the government gives you some milk
Fascism: You keep the cows and give the milk to the government, then the government sells you some milk
New Dealism: You shoot one and milk the other, then you pour the milk down the drain
Nazism: The government shoots you and keeps the cows
Capitalism: You sell one and buy a bull. Then put both of them in your wife's name and declare bankruptcy.
Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them
Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned
Binaryism: You have 10 cows
My Chinese friend's jokes about Socialism and Capitalism
* A Russian, an American, and a Chinese person are walking down a path. Suddenly, they come to a fork in the road. One path has the sign "Capitalism," and it's brightly lit and beautiful. The other is labeled "Socialism," and it's dark and frightening. The American chooses first, marching confidently down the brightly lit path. The Russian is next. Determined, he starts to go down the dark path, but then turns back halfway and runs toward the bright path. The Chinese person is last. After thinking a moment, he chooses the bright path - but first he changes the signs.
* Stalin, on his deathbed, is talking with his successor-to-be, Khrushchev. Stalin, with his dying breath, says "But what if the people won't go with you, comrade?" Khrushchev replies, "Don't worry! If they don't go with *me*, I'll make sure that they're going with *you*."
* An American and a Russian are waiting for their friend, a Chinese guy. The Chinese guy finally arrives twenty minutes late. "Sorry," he says, "I was standing in line to buy some sausage." The American says, "What's a line?" and the Russian says, "What's a sausage?"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the socialism government jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working socialism capitalism piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.