The Best 42 Social Security Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Social Security jokes. There are some social security systems jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these social security social worker puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Social Security Jokes and Puns

Yo mama so old her Social Security number is 1.

Yo mamma is so fat when she stepped on the scale it said her Social Security number.

An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application.

Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened. She replies, "Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!"

Social Security joke

An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application.

Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened. She replies, "Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!"

An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application.



Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough.

He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.

He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened.

She replies, โ€œWell get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!โ€


Chuck Norris' beard has it's own Social Security number.

Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "

Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?"

"No, I'm still alive."

Social Security joke

A man was talking to his wife about going to the social security office.



He said he would go the next day.

So the next morning he goes but when he gets there he realized he forgot his license and she said that was fine she could tell his age by the hair on his chest. So he opened his shirt and everything went smoothly.

He got home and told his wife what happened and she said: "well honey if you would have pulled down your pants you could have filed for disability."

What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve? Social Security.

A birth certificate is an apology from the government that you are now indentured and a social security number that you are no longer a sovereign.

'90s kids won't get this

Social security

You can explore social security involvement reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean social security financial dad jokes. There are also social security puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

Depression

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

70's kids won't get this...

Social Security benefits

-50's kids

Social Security. Get it?

You will when you're 65.

Social Security joke, Social Security. Get it?

When I got married, my wife took my last name...

And my first name, and my Social Security number...

If you had your social security number in exact dollars how much money would you have?

I'd have 314,159,265

Depression

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, Social Security, retirement funds, and everything that I called the Suicide Lifeline. I was forwarded to a call centre in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they asked if I could drive a truck...


Halloween is coming up. This is the best time to teach your kids about taxes and social security...

Take away 30% of their Halloween candy and promise them you'll give part of it back in 70 years!

If your social security number was your cell phone number...

what would your number be?

Social Security sex

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.

2000's kids won't get this

Social security checks

How is the government pranking millennials?

By making them pay into Social Security.

Wanna see a magic trick? Post you social security number in the comments below

and I will make the funds in your bank account disappear!

Yo Momma so Old

Her social security number is 3.

Equifax's slogan is "Powering the World with Knowledge"...

Unfortunately, that includes powering the world with knowledge of my social security number.

I was playing truth or dare with this really hot girl and she chose truth...

...so I asked her for her atm pin and social security number.

90's American kids will never get this!

Social Security.

Do you know what social security sex is?

It's when you get a little every month, but it's not enough to live off of.

Nina and Liz are having a conversation during their lunch break.

Nina asks "So, Liz, how's your sex life these days?"

Liz replies "Oh, you know. It's the usual, Social Security kind".

"Social Security?" Nina asked quizzically.

"Yeah, you get a little each month, but it's not enough to live on"

This guy tried to tell me a joke about Social Security...

I warned him ahead of time I probably won't get it.

I was trying to come up with a joke about social security

I abandoned the idea because you probably won't get it

I was going to tell a joke about Social Security

But I realized no one was likely to get it.

Im a social drinker

Yep, I spend my social security checks on booze.

Millennials won't get this...

Social Security

By asking 4 questions i can tell what your zodiac sign is

1. What's your favorite color?

2. What's your mother's maiden name?

3. What's your social security number?

4. What's your birthday?

Calling a company be like:

Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed. Press 1 for English. To talk to a live person, please enter PI to the 27th digit followed by your 2nd cousin's social security number and the number ฯ  . What was that? Sorry our automated system can't understand you. Please swallow your phone whole so we can listen to your vocal cords easier. You have made an INVALID SELECTION

I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions !

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

So the other day I said to me wife - you know seems like these days we only have Social Security sex."

She gives me a strange look - "Social Security sex?"

I said "Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.

I had a joke for Generation Z about Social Security...

... But they're probably not going to get it.

I'm going to tell my Gen Z friend a joke about Social Security...

...but he probably won't get it.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the social security airport security jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working social security social media piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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