Social Security Jokes
53 social security jokes and hilarious social security puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about social security that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Social Security Short Jokes
Short social security jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The social security humour may include short socialism jokes also.
- I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions 1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate - I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions ! 1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate - I had a joke for Generation Z about Social Security... ... But they're probably not going to get it.
- I just scored a 170 on an online IQ test and only had to answer three simple questions 1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a signed copy of my birth certificate - I was trying to come up with a joke about social security I abandoned the idea because you probably won't get it
- If you had your social security number in exact dollars how much money would you have? I'd have 314,159,265
- I'm going to tell my Gen Z friend a joke about Social Security... ...but he probably won't get it.
- I was going to tell a joke about Social Security But I realized no one was likely to get it.
- Halloween is coming up. This is the best time to teach your kids about taxes and social security... Take away 30% of their Halloween candy and promise them you'll give part of it back in 70 years!
- This guy tried to tell me a joke about Social Security... I warned him ahead of time I probably won't get it.
Share These Social Security Jokes With Friends
Social Security One Liners
Which social security one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with social security? I can suggest the ones about welfare and food stamps.
- '90s kids won't get this Social security
- 90's American kids will never get this! Social Security.
- 2000's kids won't get this Social security checks
- Social Security. Get it? You will when you're 65.
- Yo mamma is so old… …that her social security number is written with Roman numerals.
- Yo Momma so Old Her social security number is 3.
- How is the government pranking millennials? By making them pay into Social Security.
- If your social security number was your cell phone number... what would your number be?
- Chuck Norris' beard has it's own Social Security number.
- Yo mama so old her Social Security number is 1.
- Millennials won't get this... Social Security
- Im a social drinker Yep, I spend my social security checks on booze.
- 70's kids won't get this... Social Security benefits
-50's kids - What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve? Social Security.
- Yo mamma is so fat when she stepped on the scale it said her Social Security number.
Amusing & Witty Social Security Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about social security you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean unemployment jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make social security pranks.
An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened. She replies, "Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!"
An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application.
Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough.
He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.
He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened.
She replies, “Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!”
Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?"
"No, I'm still alive."
A birth certificate is an apology from the government that you are now indentured and a social security number that you are no longer a sovereign.
Depression
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the s**... Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
Mental health hotline.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
Depression
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, Social Security, retirement funds, and everything that I called the s**... Lifeline. I was forwarded to a call centre in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they asked if I could drive a truck...
Social Security s**...
Two men were talking. "So, how's your s**... life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security s**...."
"Social Security s**...?"
"Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.
Wanna see a magic trick? Post you social security number in the comments below
and I will make the funds in your bank account disappear!
Equifax's slogan is "Powering the World with Knowledge"...
Unfortunately, that includes powering the world with knowledge of my social security number.
Do you know what social security s**... is?
It's when you get a little every month, but it's not enough to live off of.
Nina and Liz are having a conversation during their lunch break.
Nina asks "So, Liz, how's your s**... life these days?"
Liz replies "Oh, you know. It's the usual, Social Security kind".
"Social Security?" Nina asked quizzically.
"Yeah, you get a little each month, but it's not enough to live on"
Calling a company be like:
Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed. Press 1 for English. To talk to a live person, please enter PI to the 27th digit followed by your 2nd cousin's social security number and the number Ϡ . What was that? Sorry our automated system can't understand you. Please s**... your phone whole so we can listen to your vocal cords easier. You have made an INVALID SELECTION
So the other day I said to me wife - you know seems like these days we only have Social Security s**...."
She gives me a strange look - "Social Security s**...?"
I said "Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.
Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health
If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.
If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you do in life, and what you want from us. Please stay on the phone while we trace your call.
If you suffer from hallucinations, press the 7 on the big pink telephone that you, and only you, see at your immediate right.
If you are suffer from chizophrenia, please kindly ask your imaginary friend to press the 8 key for you.
If you suffer from depression, it doesn't matter which key you press, as there is nothing to do: yours is a basket case, and there is no cure.
If you suffer from amnesia, press keys in rapid sequence 2, 7, 5, 3, 9 5, 7, 5, 1, 6, 4, 9 and repeat out loud, in the following order, your name, surname, home address, mobile number, e-mail, social security number, bank account number, ATM pin code, date of birth, marital status, place of birth and your grandmother's maiden name.
If you suffer from indecision, leave your message before, after, or during the beep.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from obsessive avarice we have to inform you that this call costs 500 euros per minute.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, keep waiting: all our operators are busy responding to people who are much more important than you.
If you are one of the Italians that voted for Berlusconi, please hang up. We cure the crazy, not the jerks.
