Soccer Team Jokes
88 soccer team jokes and hilarious soccer team puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about soccer team that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Soccer Team Short Jokes
Short soccer team jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The soccer team humour may include short sports team jokes also.
- My son started dating a goalie for a women's soccer team and asked me what I thought of her. I said "Son, she's a keeper."
- England soccer team have got a new captain today His names George Smith and he'll be flying the A380 back to Heathrow..
- Went on a date with a girl once and she told me she played goalie on her soccer team Right at that moment, I knew that meant she was a keeper
- The American soccer team visited an orphanage today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad faces without hope." said Bill Rogers, age 6.
- My son's team won the soccer tournament, so the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards. It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
- You would think with an entire soccer team stuck in a cave.... One of them would have known how to dive
- The Spanish national soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today "It was hard to see their sad and hopeless faces", said one of the orphans
- Why did the guy marry his wife above all the other women on the soccer team. She's a keeper.
- *Canada's first Professional Soccer team has made it to FIFA* That's to bad eh, they're parents could'nt afford hockey equipment growing up.
- Our soccer team is not too good. In the game today, the opposing team hit the bar twice in the first half. They could have at least waited till the end of the game to celebrate.
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Soccer Team One Liners
Which soccer team one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with soccer team? I can suggest the ones about football team and soccer match.
- Who holds the record for longest time trapped in a cave with a soccer team? It's a Thai
- Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? She kept running away from the ball!
- Why did the politically correct soccer team never win any matches? Because no offense.
- What's worse than the US Men's Soccer Team? Nothing. Absolutely Nothing.
- What do u call 11 divers and a net? A soccer team.
- Best African soccer team EVER! the French National team...
- My girlfriend is the star goalie of her soccer team She's a keeper
- What do you call a soccer team everyone hates? Pepsi United
- What's the Catholic Church's favourite soccer team? BSC Young Boys
- My gf's soccer team won 1-0 She's a keeper.
- Why did the soccer ball quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around.
- How many Arabs does it take to form a Soccer team? 11, you racist...
- What's the pigs favourite soccer team West ham
- TIFU by going on a hike with my soccer team Obligatory this happened a three weeks ago...
- "I'm going to go play pickup" "Pickup soccer or pickup women?"
"Both. It's a coed team"
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Soccer Team Jokes
What funny jokes about soccer team you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean soccer game jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make soccer team pranks.
Bad Zoo
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.
2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.
3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.
4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.
5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.
6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot.
7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.
8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.
9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.
10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!
A soccer coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said: "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there.
So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks: "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered: "I think... no... yes... I’m not sure... what about 4?"
"Did you say 4?" the smiled coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming: "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football.
During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning.
But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game.
When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede,
“Where were you during the first half?”
He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.
Barcelona beats every team in the world, Chuck Norris can beat Barcelona... by himself.
A Jew, a Catholic, and a m**... all walk into a bar...
The Jewish man boasts, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team." The Catholic man says, "That's nothing! I have ten sons. One more and I'll have a soccer team!" The m**... stands up and proclaims, "Big deal! I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!"
Heard a dwarf-comedian tell this ( no offence t**... anybody) (quite long)
There is a bar that sponsors a soccer team for midgets, so after every game the team and their opposing team of that weak eat free at the second floor of that bar. So when the teams are eating a man comes in and starts drinking, big time. After a while the first team leaves and the man looks in surpise bus remains silent. After he's had another drink the second team leaves. The man then turns to the barkeeper and says dead serious: " I don't mean to alarm you but I think your foosball ( table football) table is leaving."
No offence to anyone. I just thought it was hilarious.
A soccer team goes to a bar after a big win.
The keeper decides to hang out with his close friend, a defense player and his girlfriend. As it comes time to head home, the defender pulls the keeper aside and decides to compliment him on his play.
"You know, you're good as a keeper."
"Oh? What brought this about?"
"Well to start, you've been keeping me from scoring all night."
Australian soccer team bus c**...
Prime minister Tony Abbott was advised of an accident involving the Socceroos team bus. "Sir, the team is OK, but 6 Brazilian people were killed."
Obviously shaken up Tone took a minute to compose himself before asking "... Exactly how many is a brazillion?"
Why doesn't Cuba have a soccer team?
All their athletes are training for distance swimming.
What are your best Sports Team jokes?
With the NHL season getting started tonight. I am wondering what are you best jokes making fun off sports teams. All Sports (Baseball,hockey,football, soccer etc).
What did the n**.../Islamist soccer team say when they lost the game?
The shoes did it!
Japan's Woman Soccer Team
The Japanese soccer team visits an orphanage in Spain.
"It's so sad to see the hopeless looks on their faces", said Rico, age 6.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are drinking in a bar...
-You know - says the Englishman - I have 10 sons. That is almost a soccer team.
-That's nothing. - says the Irishman - I have 14 sons. That is almost a rugby team.
-Well - says the Scotsman - I have 17 daughters. That is almost a golf course.
The blind soccer world cup...
... where there's no 'eye' in 'team'
What did the Chinatown Bok Choys soccer team say when they lost against the Little Italy Panettones just after eating lunch?
You Dim Sum, you lose some.
Why did the soccer coach become a high school counselor.
Because he wanted his team to make more goals
Did you hear about the ref who was flashed by a soccer team?
He saw arsenal
So I told the other soccer team a really offensive joke
They took it poorly and were defensive the rest of the game
English, American and Arab guy bragging in a bar about their large family.
The American says: "I have 4 kids. One more, and I can make a basketball team!"
The English says: "I have 10 kids. One more, and I can make a football ("soccer") team!"
The Arab guy says: "I have 17 wifes. One more, and I can make a golf course!"
What has 22 legs and two wings but cant fly?
A Soccer team
Why did cinderella quit the soccer team?
Because her coach was a pumpkin and she couldn't get to the ball
The best soccer team in the world
We will put g**... as defenders, since they pressure well from the back.
Arabs, Chinese and Caucasians in mid because they bring color to the field.
Jews will be attackers because it's frowned upon to chase them.
And a 50 year old nun as our goalkeeper.
Because she hasn't let anyone in for three decades straight.
What's the difference between someone wearing a wristwatch, and the US Soccer team?
Nothing. They both have time on their hands.
There was once a professional French soccer team whose players were all ducks
Named Le Tariat, they were so good that all other teams were amateur by comparison. This led to a lot of resentment, and the other teams all shunned them. While most simply ignored them, a few were very mean about it.
Le Tariat hatched a plan to kidnap the meanest of the players who were shunning them. In the middle of the night they did exactly that. They were caught though, and ended up going to prison where, being much smaller than the human inmates, they had a very bad time.
So in the end, seizing the meanies of pro duck shun didn't make the pro Le Tariat any happier.
What would KFC's Soccer team be named?
11 Herbs and Spices
How did the US soccer team announce their squad
Without Freddy Adu
Do you know why an Asian teams can never win the soccer world cup?
...Every time a player gets a corner, he builds a shop
What's the difference between a pervert and the german soccer team?
A pervert has little trouble finishing.
What is the common thing between German soccer team and two girls?
Watching both of their interactions with a cup is disappointing.
What's the first thing the soccer team said after being trapped in the mine for 9 days?
COOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!
(I promise I'm not a terrible person, I'm genuinely happy they made it out :) )
Have you heard how the Thai soccer team players are going to come out of the cave?
Wan by Wan.
Thai soccer team and their coach gets stuck in underground cave for 15 days...
...still better divers than Neymar JR.
If a Brazilian soccer team was stuck in a cave they would be out by now...
Because they are good at diving
I can't believe that the Thai soccer team were stuck in a cave for two weeks.
That's a Tham Luang time time stuck in a cave
It's good to see Thailand hasn't changed since I was last there
With entire soccer teams in deep holes, and way too many traps.
What does the English soccer team have in common with the Thai boys?
They're both heading home
What do you call a soccer team full of Jewish people?
Jewventus
What's a cougar's favorite soccer team?
Young Boys.
My brother plays soccer for a team called the Musketeers
They've started the season well with three wins and a draw, all 4-1 and one 4 all.
What's Jay-z's favourite soccer team?
Brighton and Hov Albion.
A joke originally told in Arabic
The doctor asks him what is that dreaming problem.
"Every night I go to sleep," the man says. "I dream of a soccer match between a team of elephants and a team of ants"
"Ok, take this medicine," the doctor says. "It will fix the problem."
The man refuses though and says:
"Can I take it tomorrow though? Today is the finals"
I used to be the worst player on my football team but then I moved to America
Now I'm the worst on my soccer team
An American, a German and an Arabian prince brag about who has the largest family.
The American says: "I got 5 kids. Only one more and I have an complete ice hockey team."
The German replies: "You amateur. I got 10 kids. Only one more and I can send a complete foootball (soccer) team onto the filed."
The Arabian prince then replies: "That's nothing... I've got 17 wives. Only one more and I have a complete golf course."
This new girl joined our soccer team
I was amazed, she was exactly what we wanted
She was tall, she was athletic, her legs were long, she wasn't fragile and she was extremely good with her hands
The moment I saw her I knew,
She's a keeper.
Employee comes back from a business trip to Brazil
Boss: How was your trip?
Employee: It was fine but I don't like Brazil. The whole country is nothing but soccer players and h**....
Boss: You do know that my wife is Brazilian, right?
Employee (flushing): Oh really? Which team does she play for?
They found a little hole in the wall of the women's soccer team changing rooms.
Policemen are looking into it now.
I was taught to always follow my dreams no matter what.
So now I just need to rescue my boss's wooden horse from the pool that's filled with spaghetti before the Egyptian soccer team gets back from practice.
Rachel from middle school? What are you doing here?