The Best 35 Soccer Team Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Soccer Team jokes. There are some soccer team jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these soccer team puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Soccer Team Jokes and Puns

My son started dating a goalie for a women's soccer team and asked me what I thought of her.

I said "Son, she's a keeper."

A Jew, a Catholic, and a Mormon all walk into a bar...

The Jewish man boasts, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team." The Catholic man says, "That's nothing! I have ten sons. One more and I'll have a soccer team!" The Mormon stands up and proclaims, "Big deal! I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!"

England soccer team have got a new captain today

His names George Smith and he'll be flying the A380 back to Heathrow..

English, American and Arab guy bragging in a bar about their large family.

The American says: "I have 4 kids. One more, and I can make a basketball team!"

The English says: "I have 10 kids. One more, and I can make a football ("soccer") team!"

The Arab guy says: "I have 17 wifes. One more, and I can make a golf course!"

A joke originally told in Arabic

The doctor asks him what is that dreaming problem.

"Every night I go to sleep," the man says. "I dream of a soccer match between a team of elephants and a team of ants"

"Ok, take this medicine," the doctor says. "It will fix the problem."

The man refuses though and says:

"Can I take it tomorrow though? Today is the finals"


Who holds the record for longest time trapped in a cave with a soccer team?

It's a Thai

Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?

She kept running away from the ball!

The American soccer team visited an orphanage today.

"It's heartbreaking to see their sad faces without hope." said Bill Rogers, age 6.

My son's team won the soccer tournament, so the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards.

It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.

You would think with an entire soccer team stuck in a cave....

One of them would have known how to dive

The Spanish national soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today

"It was hard to see their sad and hopeless faces", said one of the orphans

You can explore soccer team reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean soccer team dad jokes. There are also soccer team puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A soccer team goes to a bar after a big win.

The keeper decides to hang out with his close friend, a defense player and his girlfriend. As it comes time to head home, the defender pulls the keeper aside and decides to compliment him on his play.

"You know, you're good as a keeper."

"Oh? What brought this about?"

"Well to start, you've been keeping me from scoring all night."

*Canada's first Professional Soccer team has made it to FIFA*

That's to bad eh, they're parents could'nt afford hockey equipment growing up.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are drinking in a bar...

-You know - says the Englishman - I have 10 sons. That is almost a soccer team.

-That's nothing. - says the Irishman - I have 14 sons. That is almost a rugby team.

-Well - says the Scotsman - I have 17 daughters. That is almost a golf course.

Why did the politically correct soccer team never win any matches?

Because no offense.

An American, a German and an Arabian prince brag about who has the largest family.

The American says: "I got 5 kids. Only one more and I have an complete ice hockey team."

The German replies: "You amateur. I got 10 kids. Only one more and I can send a complete foootball (soccer) team onto the filed."

The Arabian prince then replies: "That's nothing... I've got 17 wives. Only one more and I have a complete golf course."

What's worse than the US Men's Soccer Team?

Nothing. Absolutely Nothing.

What do u call 11 divers and a net?

A soccer team.

Why doesn't Cuba have a soccer team?

All their athletes are training for distance swimming.


The Japanese soccer team visits an orphanage in Spain.

"It's so sad to see the hopeless looks on their faces", said Rico, age 6.

The best soccer team in the world

We will put gays as defenders, since they pressure well from the back.

Arabs, Chinese and Caucasians in mid because they bring color to the field.

Jews will be attackers because it's frowned upon to chase them.

And a 50 year old nun as our goalkeeper.
Because she hasn't let anyone in for three decades straight.

Best African soccer team EVER!

the French National team...

I used to be the worst player on my football team but then I moved to America

Now I'm the worst on my soccer team

My girlfriend is the star goalie of her soccer team

She's a keeper

My brother plays soccer for a team called the Musketeers

They've started the season well with three wins and a draw, all 4-1 and one 4 all.

What do you call a soccer team everyone hates?

Pepsi United

Why did cinderella quit the soccer team?

Because her coach was a pumpkin and she couldn't get to the ball

What's the Catholic Church's favourite soccer team?

BSC Young Boys

My gf's soccer team won 1-0

She's a keeper.

What did the Nazi/Islamist soccer team say when they lost the game?

The shoes did it!

What are your best Sports Team jokes?

With the NHL season getting started tonight. I am wondering what are you best jokes making fun off sports teams. All Sports (Baseball,hockey,football, soccer etc).

Why did the soccer ball quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around.

If a Brazilian soccer team was stuck in a cave they would be out by now...

Because they are good at diving

What's the first thing the soccer team said after being trapped in the mine for 9 days?

COOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!

(I promise I'm not a terrible person, I'm genuinely happy they made it out :) )

What's the difference between a pervert and the german soccer team?

A pervert has little trouble finishing.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the soccer team jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working soccer team piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes