The Best 35 Soccer Player Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Soccer Player jokes. There are some soccer player professional football jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these soccer player brazilian soccer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Soccer Player Jokes and Puns

My mom told me never date a soccer player,

Because there is only a 9% chance they are a keeper.

Two German soccer players go to a sperm bank..

The nurse there tells them that she can only take samples from one of them. Since they are both very strong men, she comes to a conclusion and tells them "I'll take a sample from the fastest runner"

This is alarming to the two German's, both of them being completely exhausted from the previous days game. After discussing it for a while, they decide to inform the nurse

"I don't think we're ready to compete for the cup...

In today's European Championship soccer match, several players from the Czech Republic were seen slipping on the grass repeatedly in their loss to Denmark, while their Danish opponents didn't seem to have an issue at all.

Must be an issue with Czechs and balances.

A soccer team goes to a bar after a big win.

The keeper decides to hang out with his close friend, a defense player and his girlfriend. As it comes time to head home, the defender pulls the keeper aside and decides to compliment him on his play.

"You know, you're good as a keeper."

"Oh? What brought this about?"

"Well to start, you've been keeping me from scoring all night."

3 soccer players, one plays for Manchester United, one for Liverpool and one for Arsenal, are lost in the desert.

They come across a dead camel and are having trouble deciding who gets what? So the guy from Manchester says, well since I'm from ManCHESTer, i'll get the chest. The player from Liverpool goes, well in that case I'll eat the LIVER. Then guy from ARSEnal says...i'm not hungry....


My cousin is obsessed with football (soccer). So when I entered his room...

When I entered his room and saw that it was covered in posters of a famous Argentinian player, I thought to myself...

That's a Messi room.

My friend has a weird quirk: he gets explosive diarrhea and just can't contain himself when he sees a certain soccer player...

And boy, it's Messi.

If I had to box a professional athlete.

I would choose a soccer player.

Why did Shakira marry a soccer player

For his stamina mina eh eh!

Why do you never see any Asian soccer players?

Because when they get a corner they build a shop.

What's the difference between a WWE wrestler and a soccer player?

A WWE wrestler will get up after faking an injury.

You can explore soccer player football soccer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean soccer player professional soccer dad jokes. There are also soccer player puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why did the soccer player have to ask for a bib at the restaurant?

Because he was Messi

What is a soccer player's favorite drink?

Sham-pain.

How many Polish soccer players does it take to score a goal?

2: One polish player to score the goal, and one polish goal keeper to try to stop him.

In the 90's Arsenal Soccer Club

Had a player called David Dicks. When he was injured,the Newspaper wrote"Arsenal to play without Dicks". The coach was upset so the Newspaper changed the headline to read"Arsenal to play with Dicks out"... A record number of women attended the match

I used to be the worst player on my football team but then I moved to America

Now I'm the worst on my soccer team

We don't need to cancel the World Cup because of Covid-19

Because soccer players never get within 2 metres of each other anyway.

What's green and yellow and can't fly?

Brazilian soccer players.

Just took an acting class....

Now I'm qualified to be a soccer player


Don't date a soccer player...

There's only a 1/11 chance they're a keeper.

How can you recover from any injury almost immediately?

Be a (professional) soccer player.

Who is the most famous soccer player from USA?

Ronaldo McDonaldo

What's the difference between Basketball players and Soccer players?

Basketball players get actual injuries.

Why couldn't the English Soccer player have a drink after the game?

No cup.

What do Greek soccer players wear?

Soccer tee's

Do you know why an Asian teams can never win the soccer world cup?

...Every time a player gets a corner, he builds a shop

Super computers are like soccer players

Tons of flops.

Why soccer players don't play Uno?

Because ​​they don't like to get red cards.

What's a Muslim soccer player's favorite way to move the ball?

A. Kicking. B. Heading. C. Kneeing?

Boy, do I love soccer

It's the only sport where the fans are tougher then the players.

What did the Thai soccer player say to the rescue diver?

I didn't want to follow the coach but I eventually caved in

What does a German soccer player call his cleats?

Das Boots

Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee.



He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.

Why don't soccer players get hot while running?

Because they hve so many fans

I dated a soccer player once.

I also learned a new word that's in poor taste to yell out during climax.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the soccer player football player jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working soccer player soccer player piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes