Soccer Jokes

• Short Soccer Jokes
• Soccer One Liners
• Soccer Am Jokes
• Soccer Player Jokes
• Soccer Team Jokes
• Soccer Game Jokes
• More Soccer Jokes

Funniest Soccer Short Jokes

Short soccer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The soccer humour may include short hockey jokes also.

1. LPT: If you are planning to settle down, don't date a soccer player. There's only a 1/11 chance they are a keeper.
2. My son started dating a goalie for a women's soccer team and asked me what I thought of her. I said "Son, she's a keeper."
3. Grandpa, grandpa! I'm watching a soccer game! Who's playing?
   Austria-Hungary
   Against who?
4. I don't watch soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes, I would take my friends to the bar.
5. Why is women's soccer so rare? It's quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
6. England soccer team have got a new captain today His names George Smith and he'll be flying the A380 back to Heathrow..
7. Went on a date with a girl once and she told me she played goalie on her soccer team Right at that moment, I knew that meant she was a keeper
8. Wife says to her husband: "Choose, either me or the soccer game!" He responds: "Give me 90 minutes to think."
9. I passed by the prison today and they were playing soccer on the field I shouted "Pass the ball, I'm free!!"
10. I think I want to take up acting... Does anyone know of a local soccer league I could join?

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Soccer One Liners

Which soccer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with soccer? I can suggest the ones about basketball and tennis.

1. What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas? COOOAAAALLL!!!
2. I'd never let my daughter date a soccer player There is a 1/11 chance he's a keeper
3. Why do italians love soccer? Because halfway through they get to switch sides
4. So my new girlfriend plays soccer professionally I think she's a keeper
5. I started dating a girl who loves soccer She's a keeper
6. My son played soccer in the mud all day. He was a little Messi.
7. Did you hear the score of the England vs Ethiopia soccer game? England 8. Ethiopia didn't
8. Why can't Cinderella play soccer? Because she keeps running away from the ball
9. I watched a soccer game that ended in a 1-1 draw... No 1-1
10. Why wont Demi Lovato play soccer? She cant seem to kick anything
11. Professional women's soccer is so boring. Why am I even jerking off to this?
12. Who holds the record for longest time trapped in a cave with a soccer team? It's a Thai
13. Life is like soccer My mom signed me up for it even though I hate it
14. Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? She kept running away from the ball!
15. My girlfriend is beautiful and awesome at soccer She's a keeper

Soccer Am Jokes

Here is a list of funny soccer am jokes and even better soccer am puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I'm watching TV My grandfather walks by: What's on?
  Me: Soccer
  Grandfather: Who's playing?
  Me: Austria-Hungary
  Grandfather:And Against who?
• Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?… She kept running away from the ball!…
  (This has probably already been posted on here, but I don't really know, so I'm just going to post it…)
• A buddy of mine started dating this girl that plays soccer. I like her a lot. She's a keeper.
• Why can't Pakistanis play soccer? Whenever they get a corner they set up a convenience store
• My mom told me never date a soccer player, Because there is only a 9% chance they are a keeper.
• Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults. Every kid gets atrophy.
• Three generations apart, watching a soccer game "Hey great grandpa, watch this soccer game!"
  "Sure, which two countries are playing?"
  "Austria - Hungary."
  "Against who?"
• The American soccer team visited an orphanage today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad faces without hope." said Bill Rogers, age 6.
• I don't watch World Cup soccer. If I wanted to see grown men struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd go to a bar.
• As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship... Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.

Soccer Player Jokes

Here is a list of funny soccer player jokes and even better soccer player puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My friend has a weird quirk: he gets explosive diarrhea and just can't contain himself when he sees a certain soccer player... And boy, it's messi.
• Why did shakira marry a soccer player For his stamina mina eh eh!
• If I had to box a professional athlete. I would choose a soccer player.
• Why do you never see any Asian soccer players? Because when they get a corner they build a shop.
• What's the difference between a WWE wrestler and a soccer player? A WWE wrestler will get up after faking an injury.
• Why did the soccer player have to ask for a bib at the restaurant? Because he was Messi
• What is a soccer player's favorite drink? Sham-pain.
• How many Polish soccer players does it take to score a goal? 2: One polish player to score the goal, and one polish goal keeper to try to stop him.
• I used to be the worst player on my football team but then I moved to America Now I'm the worst on my soccer team
• Who is the most famous soccer player from USA? ronaldo McDonaldo

Soccer Team Jokes

Here is a list of funny soccer team jokes and even better soccer team puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My son's team won the soccer tournament, so the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards. It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
• You would think with an entire soccer team stuck in a cave.... One of them would have known how to dive
• The Spanish national soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today "It was hard to see their sad and hopeless faces", said one of the orphans
• Why did the guy marry his wife above all the other women on the soccer team. She's a keeper.
• Why did the politically correct soccer team never win any matches? Because no offense.
• *Canada's first Professional Soccer team has made it to FIFA* That's to bad eh, they're parents could'nt afford hockey equipment growing up.
• What's worse than the US Men's Soccer Team? Nothing. Absolutely Nothing.
• Our soccer team is not too good. In the game today, the opposing team hit the bar twice in the first half. They could have at least waited till the end of the game to celebrate.
• Why doesn't Cuba have a soccer team? All their athletes are training for distance swimming.
• What do u call 11 divers and a net? A soccer team.

Soccer Game Jokes

Here is a list of funny soccer game jokes and even better soccer game puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• 2 flies are playing soccer on a plate. One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
• I met a girl at a soccer game... ...I think she's a keeper
• Soccer is a strange game. Soccer is a bunch of people running away from their goals.
• Lame joke of the day. Why did the turkey get ejected from the soccer game?
  He had tripped a fan.
• My boyfriend made a save in a soccer game. That's how I knew he was a keeper.
• They should end soccer games with an art competition. That way it would be win, lose or draw.
• Soccer is the only sport that's not a game of inches. It's a game of feet.
• What's the end result of a soccer game between Jamaica and Ethiopia? Half the grass is smoked and the other half is eaten.
• Man! Did anyone else see the result of the Egypt vs Ethopia soccer game? Egypt: 8.
  Ethopia: Didn't.
• How did the drunk Irish man lose 30$? He bet 10$ on the soccer game and 20$ on the replay.

Pitch Perfect Laughs: Your Go-To Repository of Soccer Jokes

What funny jokes about soccer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cricket jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make soccer pranks.