Soccer Jokes

Funniest Soccer Short Jokes

Short soccer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The soccer humour may include short hockey jokes also.

1. LPT: If you are planning to settle down, don't date a soccer player. There's only a 1/11 chance they are a keeper.
2. My son started dating a goalie for a women's soccer team and asked me what I thought of her. I said "Son, she's a keeper."
3. Grandpa, grandpa! I'm watching a soccer game! Who's playing?
   Austria-Hungary
   Against who?
4. I don't watch soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes, I would take my friends to the bar.
5. Why is women's soccer so rare? It's quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
6. England soccer team have got a new captain today His names George Smith and he'll be flying the A380 back to Heathrow..
7. Went on a date with a girl once and she told me she played goalie on her soccer team Right at that moment, I knew that meant she was a keeper
8. Wife says to her husband: "Choose, either me or the soccer game!" He responds: "Give me 90 minutes to think."
9. I passed by the prison today and they were playing soccer on the field I shouted "Pass the ball, I'm free!!"
10. I think I want to take up acting... Does anyone know of a local soccer league I could join?

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Soccer One Liners

Which soccer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with soccer? I can suggest the ones about basketball and tennis.

1. What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas? COOOAAAALLL!!!
2. I'd never let my daughter date a soccer player There is a 1/11 chance he's a keeper
3. Why do italians love soccer? Because halfway through they get to switch sides
4. So my new girlfriend plays soccer professionally I think she's a keeper
5. My son played soccer in the mud all day. He was a little Messi.
6. Did you hear the score of the England vs Ethiopia soccer game? England 8. Ethiopia didn't
7. Why can't Cinderella play soccer? Because she keeps running away from the ball
8. I watched a soccer game that ended in a 1-1 draw... No 1-1
9. Why wont Demi Lovato play soccer? She cant seem to kick anything
10. Who holds the record for longest time trapped in a cave with a soccer team? It's a Thai
11. Life is like soccer My mom signed me up for it even though I hate it
12. Why was the dog bad at soccer? Because he had two left feet
13. Why did shakira marry a soccer player For his stamina mina eh eh!
14. If I had to box a professional athlete. I would choose a soccer player.
15. Why did the politically correct soccer team never win any matches? Because no offense.

Soccer Am Jokes

Here is a list of funny soccer am jokes and even better soccer am puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?… She kept running away from the ball!…
  (This has probably already been posted on here, but I don't really know, so I'm just going to post it…)
• My mom told me never date a soccer player, Because there is only a 9% chance they are a keeper.
• The American soccer team visited an orphanage today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad faces without hope." said Bill Rogers, age 6.
• As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship... Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.
• My son's team won the soccer tournament, so the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards. It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
• Twilight's like soccer Twilight's like soccer. They run around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand.
• You would think with an entire soccer team stuck in a cave.... One of them would have known how to dive
• The Spanish national soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today "It was hard to see their sad and hopeless faces", said one of the orphans
• Why does America have the best movie industry in the world? In the rest of the world, all the best actors play soccer.
• 2 flies are playing soccer on a plate. One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".

Soccer Player Jokes

Here is a list of funny soccer player jokes and even better soccer player puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My friend has a weird quirk: he gets explosive diarrhea and just can't contain himself when he sees a certain soccer player... And boy, it's messi.
• What's the difference between a WWE wrestler and a soccer player? A WWE wrestler will get up after faking an injury.
• Why did the soccer player have to ask for a bib at the restaurant? Because he was Messi
• What is a soccer player's favorite drink? Sham-pain.
• How many Polish soccer players does it take to score a goal? 2: One polish player to score the goal, and one polish goal keeper to try to stop him.
• I used to be the worst player on my football team but then I moved to America Now I'm the worst on my soccer team
• Who is the most famous soccer player from USA? ronaldo McDonaldo
• We don't need to cancel the World Cup because of Covid-19 Because soccer players never get within 2 metres of each other anyway.
• What's green and yellow and can't fly? Brazilian soccer players.
• Just took an acting class.... Now I'm qualified to be a soccer player

Soccer Team Jokes

Here is a list of funny soccer team jokes and even better soccer team puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why did the guy marry his wife above all the other women on the soccer team. She's a keeper.
• Our soccer team is not too good. In the game today, the opposing team hit the bar twice in the first half. They could have at least waited till the end of the game to celebrate.
• Why doesn't Cuba have a soccer team? All their athletes are training for distance swimming.
• What do u call 11 divers and a net? A soccer team.
• The Japanese soccer team visits an orphanage in Spain. "It's so sad to see the hopeless looks on their faces", said Rico, age 6.
• Best African soccer team EVER! the French National team...
• My brother plays soccer for a team called the Musketeers They've started the season well with three wins and a draw, all 4-1 and one 4 all.
• What do you call a soccer team everyone hates? Pepsi United
• What's the Catholic Church's favourite soccer team? BSC Young Boys
• Why did the soccer ball quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around.

Soccer Game Jokes

Here is a list of funny soccer game jokes and even better soccer game puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Soccer is a strange game. Soccer is a bunch of people running away from their goals.
• Lame joke of the day. Why did the turkey get ejected from the soccer game?
  He had tripped a fan.
• My boyfriend made a save in a soccer game. That's how I knew he was a keeper.
• They should end soccer games with an art competition. That way it would be win, lose or draw.
• Soccer is the only sport that's not a game of inches. It's a game of feet.
• Man! Did anyone else see the result of the Egypt vs Ethopia soccer game? Egypt: 8.
  Ethopia: Didn't.
• Did you hear about the Iranian who punched a guy at the soccer game? Well, the Shiite hit the fan.
  Sorry if it's a repost. :p
• Why couldn't the English Soccer player have a drink after the game? No cup.
• You hear about the Egypt vs. Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt ate, Ethiopia didn't.
• I was watching a movie where the acting was so bad that it turned into a football (soccer to us yanks) game.

Pitch Perfect Laughs: Your Go-To Repository of Soccer Jokes

What funny jokes about soccer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cricket jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make soccer pranks.