Sobriety Test Jokes

Following is our collection of alcoholics humor and urine one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Sobriety Test puns for adults, dirty chastity jokes or clean fail gags for kids.

There is an abundance of abstinence jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 13 funniest jokes on sobriety test. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any sanity witze you can hear about sobriety test.

The Best jokes about Sobriety Test

Me: "It's not about how many times you fall. What matters is how many times you get back up."

Officer: "That isn't how field sobriety tests work."

Me: It's not how many times you fall, it's how many times you get back up.

Cop: That's not how sobriety tests work.

Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......

.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.

A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.

Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.

Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.

The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"

"No, I'm not," says the man.

"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"

"I'm tonight's DD."

"Designated Driver?"

"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."

Schrödinger gets pulled over by a cop...

When the officer walks up to the window and asks Schrödinger for his license and registration, the psychologist seems to be a little off. Not sure if Schrödinger is drunk and/or on drugs, the officer asks him to step out of the car so he can perform a sobriety test. Schrödinger passes with flying colors, but he's now fidgeting and unable to make eye contact with the officer. The officer thinks that there may be something in the car, so he gets Schrödinger's permission to search the vehicle. He finds nothing in the glove compartment nor in the backseat. The only place the officer hasn't checked yet is the trunk. When he opens it, he's shocked at what he finds.
Officer: Sir, do you know that you have a dead cat in your trunk?
Schrödinger: Well, now I do...

Two guys are drinking and driving....

... and come across sobriety test check point. They see this from a distance, but cannot turn around and have no choice but to go through. One guy starts panicking, but the other is calm and collected. The calm and collected guys tells the other to pull over before they proceed; he has a plan. For starters, his plan included drinking all of the beer -- confused, the panicking guy goes along thinking how much more trouble can he be in. After all of the beer was gone the panicky guy asks, what now? The other guy tells him to peel of the beer sticker and put it on his arm. Still confused, he complies. They roll up to the check point and the cop asks them if they have been drinking. The calm and collected guy says, no sir, we're on the patch.


so this guy is speeding down a highway, and a cop appears behind him and pulls him over.

the cop comes up to the man and says, "why were you speeding today sir?" the man replies, "i'm a juggler in a circus, and i'm just trying to get to my next show. I apologize."

the cop looks intrigued, and says "if you can prove to me you're a juggler, I'll let you go with a warning."

the man says, "officer, I don't have my equipment with me, I had to ship it seperately." the officer thinks for a minute, and brings back some flares from his car and lights them.

the juggler immediately starts throwing them up and catching them, and the officer is very impressed.

meanwhile, another man driving by pulls over and stops his car. he gets out and immediately walks into the back seat of the police car and closes the door. the officer comes back and says "why did you get into my car?"

the man replies, his words slurred, "i ain't never gonna pass that new sobriety test you got there"

So there is a cop hanging out across the street of an Irish pub near closing time...

The cop notices a man stumble out of the bar, struggle to open his car and is obviously intoxicated. The man makes it out of the parking lot and is pulled over by the cop immediately.

The cop makes him get out and do all the sobriety tests. He passes with flying colors. He then breathelizes the man and he blows perfect zeros.

The cop, now confused, asks why he is 100% sober and appeared to be drunk walking out of the pub. The man responds "I wasn't drinking tonight because I'm the DD". The cop, even more confused responds, "but you aren't driving anyone home". The man replies "Yeah I know. I'm the Designated Decoy".

It's not about how many times you fall down, but how many times you get back up...

That's when the cop looked at me and said, That isn't how sobriety tests work.

Tiger Woods was pulled over and given a sobriety test.

He would have passed but withdrew 1/2 way through.

*edited for word superfluous word removal.

Me: its not about how many times you fall down, its about how many times you get up.

Cop: sir that's not how a field sobriety test work.

A cop pulls over a drunk man..

A police officer pulls over a man who he thinks is drunk.. he walks up to the mans car. "Hello sir may I see license and registration"? Asks the cop. So the man hands him his license and registration.
The cop comes back a minute later and asks the man to step out of the car. "Ok sir I'm gonna perform some field sobriety tests on you" The cop says.
"Field Sobriety tests"? The man asks "But I didnt even study"!


Sobriety test

Cop: You been drinking?
Me: No.
Cop: Say the alphabet backwards.
Me: Alphabet the.
Cop: Hilarious. Say each letter.
Me: Each letter.

What do you call Irish line dancing?

A sobriety test.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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