Sobriety Jokes
30 sobriety jokes and hilarious sobriety puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sobriety that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover sobriety jokes that will make you laugh without compromising your sobriety. From funny jokes involving intoxication to light-hearted laughs about moderation, learn how to make funny jokes about all aspects of sobriety.
Funniest Sobriety Short Jokes
Short sobriety jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sobriety humour may include short giving up drinking jokes also.
- I've managed 434 days, 12 hours, 47 minutes and 17 seconds of sobriety. I'm so glad alcohol doesn't dictate my life any more.
- Me: "It's not about how many times you fall. What matters is how many times you get back up." Officer: "That isn't how field sobriety tests work."
- How long does it take for an Irish man to get to a .08 BAC? Approximately 2 days of sobriety.
- Tonight, I watched someone ruin over 20 years of sobriety. It was a shitshow. But, in her defense, you only turn 21 once.
- It does not matter how many times you fall down, what matters is how many times you get back up Unfortunately the officer did not appreciate my grit during the roadside sobriety test.
- I had my first taste of sobriety this week It's an odd name for a beer, but it tastes really good. Highly recommend.
- I work part time at a liquor store, and as a super-villain They call me, *the menace to sobriety*
- There's a new holiday in Russia called "National Sobriety Day" People are at a loss as to how to celebrate it.
- I once met a recovering crack addict He couldn't stay clean for more than a day. His quest for sobriety was a pipe dream.
- Tiger Woods was pulled over and given a sobriety test. He would have passed but withdrew 1/2 way through.
*edited for word superfluous word removal.
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Sobriety One Liners
Which sobriety one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sobriety? I can suggest the ones about addiction and recovery.
- Today marks 365 days of sobriety. 364 more to go
- I would like to congratulate Amy Winehouse on almost 4 years of sobriety.
- What was the Jokers catchphrase during the prohibition? We live in a sobriety
- What do you call Irish line dancing? A sobriety test.
- Congratulations Amy Winehouse On three years of sobriety!
Sobriety Test Jokes
Here is a list of funny sobriety test jokes and even better sobriety test puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Sobriety test Cop: You been drinking?
Me: No.
Cop: Say the alphabet backwards.
Me: Alphabet the.
Cop: Hilarious. Say each letter.
Me: Each letter.
Delightful Fun Sobriety Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about sobriety you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hangover jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sobriety pranks.
A circus performer is driving home after a long day of training, when he is pulled over by a police officer for a broken light.
The officer looks in the car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.
Sir, he says, Why do you have all those knives?
They're for my juggling act, the circus performer replies.
I don't believe you, says the cop. Prove it. So the performer gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives flawlessly.
Just at that moment, a car with two guys in it drives by. "Wow, says one to the other. I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard.
Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......
.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.
A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.
Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.
Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.
The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"
"No, I'm not," says the man.
"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"
"I'm tonight's DD."
"Designated Driver?"
"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."
A circus performer is stopped by the police for having a faulty brake light
As he approaches the car, the policeman spots a set of knives on the back seat.
He asks the man why he has them and doesn't he know it's against the law to carry knives?
The man explains that the knives are used in his act. He juggles them.
The policeman insists the man gets out to show him so he stands at the roadside performing his act.
Just then, another car drives by. The driver of the car turns to his wife and says, Thank goodness I gave up drinking, just look how the police do sobriety tests these days.
I was pulled over by the police for a suspected DUI.
They ask me to get out of my car.
Officer: We are going to give you a sobriety test.Me: OK
Officer: Say the alphabet starting at L, backward.
Me: L at starting alphabet the.He let me go.
Today is the 1 year anniversary of the day i decided to get sober.
And tomorrow is the anniversary of the day I decided sobriety wasn't for me.
A cop pulls over a drunk man..
A police officer pulls over a man who he thinks is drunk.. he walks up to the mans car. "Hello sir may I see license and registration"? Asks the cop. So the man hands him his license and registration.
The cop comes back a minute later and asks the man to step out of the car. "Ok sir I'm gonna perform some field sobriety tests on you" The cop says.
"Field Sobriety tests"? The man asks "But I didnt even study"!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Charlie Sheen just received an AA coin in relation to maintaining sobriety for a year
Next to his h**... diagnosis, this may be the second most positive experience of his life.
Schrödinger gets pulled over by a cop...
When the officer walks up to the window and asks Schrödinger for his license and registration, the psychologist seems to be a little off. Not sure if Schrödinger is drunk and/or on drugs, the officer asks him to step out of the car so he can perform a sobriety test. Schrödinger passes with flying colors, but he's now fidgeting and unable to make eye contact with the officer. The officer thinks that there may be something in the car, so he gets Schrödinger's permission to search the vehicle. He finds nothing in the glove compartment nor in the backseat. The only place the officer hasn't checked yet is the trunk. When he opens it, he's shocked at what he finds.
Officer: Sir, do you know that you have a dead cat in your trunk?
Schrödinger: Well, now I do...
so this guy is speeding down a highway, and a cop appears behind him and pulls him over.
the cop comes up to the man and says, "why were you speeding today sir?" the man replies, "i'm a juggler in a circus, and i'm just trying to get to my next show. I apologize."
the cop looks intrigued, and says "if you can prove to me you're a juggler, I'll let you go with a warning."
the man says, "officer, I don't have my equipment with me, I had to ship it seperately." the officer thinks for a minute, and brings back some flares from his car and lights them.
the juggler immediately starts throwing them up and catching them, and the officer is very impressed.
meanwhile, another man driving by pulls over and stops his car. he gets out and immediately walks into the back seat of the police car and closes the door. the officer comes back and says "why did you get into my car?"
the man replies, his words slurred, "i ain't never gonna pass that new sobriety test you got there"
