Sobriety Jokes
36 sobriety jokes and hilarious sobriety puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sobriety that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover sobriety jokes that will make you laugh without compromising your sobriety. From funny jokes involving intoxication to light-hearted laughs about moderation, learn how to make funny jokes about all aspects of sobriety.
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Funniest Sobriety Short Jokes
Short sobriety jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sobriety humour may include short abstinence jokes also.
- I've managed 434 days, 12 hours, 47 minutes and 17 seconds of sobriety. I'm so glad alcohol doesn't dictate my life any more.
- Me: "It's not about how many times you fall. What matters is how many times you get back up." Officer: "That isn't how field sobriety tests work."
- Me: It's not how many times you fall, it's how many times you get back up. Cop: That's not how sobriety tests work.
- Me: It's not about how many times you fall, its how many times you get up and try again. Cop: That's not how this sobriety test works.
- Raising my fist to the sky, I roared, "It's not how many times you fall down, it's how many times you get back up!" "Sir, that's not how field sobriety tests work." the cop replied.
- How long does it take for an Irish man to get to a .08 BAC? Approximately 2 days of sobriety.
- Tonight, I watched someone ruin over 20 years of sobriety. It was a shitshow. But, in her defense, you only turn 21 once.
- It does not matter how many times you fall down, what matters is how many times you get back up Unfortunately the officer did not appreciate my grit during the roadside sobriety test.
- I had my first taste of sobriety this week It's an odd name for a beer, but it tastes really good. Highly recommend.
- I work part time at a liquor store, and as a super-villain They call me, *the menace to sobriety*
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Sobriety One Liners
Which sobriety one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sobriety? I can suggest the ones about giving up drinking and addiction.
- Today marks 365 days of sobriety. 364 more to go
- I would like to congratulate Amy Winehouse on almost 4 years of sobriety.
- Congratulations to Amy Winehouse... ...on six months of sobriety.
- What was the Jokers catchphrase during the prohibition? We live in a sobriety
- I'd like to be the first to congratulate amy winehouse on her 4 years of sobriety.
- What do you call Irish line dancing? A sobriety test.
- Congratulations Amy Winehouse On three years of sobriety!
Sobriety Test Jokes
Here is a list of funny sobriety test jokes and even better sobriety test puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's not about how many times you fall down, but how many times you get back up... That's when the cop looked at me and said, That isn't how sobriety tests work.
- Me: its not about how many times you fall down, its about how many times you get up. Cop: sir that's not how a field sobriety test work.
- Tiger Woods was pulled over and given a sobriety test. He would have passed but withdrew 1/2 way through.
*edited for word superfluous word removal. - Sobriety test Cop: You been drinking?
Me: No.
Cop: Say the alphabet backwards.
Me: Alphabet the.
Cop: Hilarious. Say each letter.
Me: Each letter.
Aa Sobriety Jokes
Here is a list of funny aa sobriety jokes and even better aa sobriety puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Charlie Sheen just received an AA coin in relation to maintaining sobriety for a year Next to his h**... diagnosis, this may be the second most positive experience of his life.
Delightful Fun Sobriety Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about sobriety you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drinking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sobriety pranks.
A circus performer is driving home after a long day of training, when he is pulled over by a police officer for a broken light.
The officer looks in the car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.
Sir, he says, Why do you have all those knives?
They're for my juggling act, the circus performer replies.
I don't believe you, says the cop. Prove it. So the performer gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives flawlessly.
Just at that moment, a car with two guys in it drives by. "Wow, says one to the other. I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard.
Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......
.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.
A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.
Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.
Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.
The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"
"No, I'm not," says the man.
"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"
"I'm tonight's DD."
"Designated Driver?"
"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."
A circus performer is stopped by the police for having a faulty brake light
As he approaches the car, the policeman spots a set of knives on the back seat.
He asks the man why he has them and doesn't he know it's against the law to carry knives?
The man explains that the knives are used in his act. He juggles them.
The policeman insists the man gets out to show him so he stands at the roadside performing his act.
Just then, another car drives by. The driver of the car turns to his wife and says, Thank goodness I gave up drinking, just look how the police do sobriety tests these days.
A man leaves a bar and is pulled over by a cop...
he's had a few too many to drink and the cop tells him he's going to administer a sobriety test. The cop asks the driver to say the alphabet starting with the letter M. The man smugly looks at the cop and says "Malphabet."
I was pulled over by the police for a suspected DUI.
They ask me to get out of my car.
Officer: We are going to give you a sobriety test.Me: OK
Officer: Say the alphabet starting at L, backward.
Me: L at starting alphabet the.He let me go.
There's a new holiday in Russia called "National Sobriety Day"
People are at a loss as to how to celebrate it.
I once met a recovering crack addict
He couldn't stay clean for more than a day. His quest for sobriety was a pipe dream.
