Soap Jokes

Following is our collection of cleanser puns and baths one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Soap jokes for adults, dirty rinse jokes and clean detergent dad gags for kids.

The Best Soap Puns

My house was robbed last night. The burglars took everything except my soap, shower gel, towels, toothpaste, and mouthwash.

Dirty bastards.

I used to be addicted to soap....

I'm clean now.

What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub??

Well, the woman in church has hope in her soul, but the woman in tub has soap in her hole...

My wife told me to kiss her like if we were in a soap opera

I hugged her tight, kissed her with passion and then slapped her because how dare she?!

Man sentenced to five years for masturbating with soap in public.

Came clean in court.

What is the best thing about liquid soap?

It takes longer to pick up.

Let's hear some Confucius Jokes

I'll start

Confucius says woman that keeps soap on top shelf will jump for joy.

What's the difference between a Nun in Church and a Nun in the bath

One has Hope in her Soul the other has Soap in her Hole.

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul,
The other has soap in her hole.

Why does the U.S. Navy use powdered soap?

It takes longer to pick up.

If Dr. Seuss were a convict (poem)

What's this in my hand?
Behind your back?
It's soap on a a rope!
Whack whack whack!

What's this in my sock?
Tick tock, knock knock.
A large steel lock!
Chock chock chock!

What's this in my breeches?
I heard that you blab..
Snitches get stitches!
Stab stab stab!!

Singing in the shower is fun until shampoo gets in your mouth

then it turns into a soap opera

I used to be addicted to having sex with bars of soap.

But then I came clean.

There was a deaf mute

who said so many dirty words that his mother had to wash his hands with soap.

I hope I don't go to prison after what I did today.

When I was in the shower I dropped the soap like ten times.

If you ever find yourself in prison, don't drop the soap.

It's full of criminals and you may not get it back.

Why dose the navy use liquid soap?

Because it takes longer to pick up.

What do you do with an epileptic child having a seizure in your bathtub?

Add your dirty clothes and soap.

I used to be addicted to soap

I've been clean for 5 months now

A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day

A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day. She is placing her items on the belt: a TV dinner, a soap opera digest, 3 bottles of wine, and 3 chocolate bars.

The clerk looks and her and says "I hate Valentines Day...what about you, you must be single right?"

"Yeah" she responds, "how did you know? Was it the stuff I'm buying?"

"Nah, you're ugly"

How to tell if women is single

A woman walks into a store and purchases 1 small box of detergent, 1 bar of soap, 3 individual servings of yogurt and 2 oranges. The cashier says, You must be single. She responds, You can tell that by what I bought? The cashier says, No, you're ugly.

Why do sailors use liquid soap?

It takes longer to pick up when they drop it.

Two kangaroos are in the bathtub. cuz why not

One kangaroo says, "Pass the soap."
The other kangaroo says, "No!"

A group of thieves stole everything except for my soap.

Dirty bastards...

Someone asked me if I'm a gentleman.

Yes, yes I am. Holding doors open for people for example. Or when my wife gets home late, I light up some candles, letting some warm water run, add some soap, so she can start doing the dishes as soon as she gets home.

How do you make tear-free soap?

Don't use child labor.

I use to know someone who was addicted to soap.

He's clean now

You hear about the guy who was accused of jerking off with hand soap for his erectile disfunction?

Well, he finally came clean.

I went on a tour of a soap factory last week.

I forgot which one it was, but I'm sure it will Dawn on me.

With being a hippie, it's not that we don't take showers, it's just we don't use soap

We'd lather not

I'll try to explain the concept of lubricated soap....

...but its quite difficult to grasp.

There is an elephant and a giraffe in the bathroom

The giraffe says "pass the soap, please"

And the elephant says "no soap, radio!"

They arrested the overweight soap maker

Apparently he was a big fat lyer.

I made a rap song all about soap.

It's fine, the lyrics are clean.

Singing in the shower is all fun and games

Until you get soap in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera

Why aren't the people eating laundry soap injecting it instead?

Seems like it'd be a little Tidier

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.

Then it becomes a soap opera.

There is a reason why I store the soap away when I sing in the shower

Otherwise it would be a soap opera

Two elephants are sitting in a hot tub...

One turns to the other one and asks Do you have any soap?

The second elephant replies with, no soap, radio.

What's the difference between a nun praying in a church, and a nun in the bath?

The nun in the church has hope in her soul, the nun in the bath has soap in her hole

A man eating in a restaurant calls the waiter over.

The man tells the waiter, this restaurant must have a very clean kitchen!
Thank you sir, how did you know?
Everything tastes like soap.

One hundred bacteria walk into a bar...

of soap and get eradicated. There is only one survivor.

Marriage is like a bar of soap...

It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it

Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub.

One of the bears says:

"Can you pass the soap?"

The other bear says:

"No soap, radio."

I was talking to this bloke who was addicted to soap

Last I heard, he's now clean.

This is one of my dad's favorite jokes

There are three elephants in a bathtub.

Clyde says to Claude "Pass the soap."

Claude says "No soap radio."

\*I'm curious if anyone knows the joke

Why do prisoners prefer liquid soap?

Takes longer to pick up

A soapbox orator addresses a crowd on the glories of communism

Come the revolution, everyone will eat strawberries and cream! A man at the front whimpers, But I don't like strawberries and cream. The speaker thunders, Come the revolution, you will like strawberries and cream!

I almost dropped the soap bar in the shower

Good thing my uncle was there too to catch it

I went to the doctor for a rash...

Doctor: What toiletries are you using?

Me: Steven's soap, Steven's shampoo, Steven's toothpaste and Steven's toothbrush.

Doctor: Huh, so is Steven's a foreign brand?

Me: No, Steven is my roommate.

You know the difference between a woman attending Sunday morning mass and a woman taking a Friday night bath?

One has hope in her soul; the other has soap in her hole.

I love pampering my girl

I love to pamper my girl after she has had a stressful day all day at work..
So when she texts me saying shes on the way home, I get the hot water
running mix in a little soap and swirl around the bubbles and time everything
just perfectly so as soon as she walks through the door...
The dishes are all piled up and ready for her...

Victim (after burglary): They stole everything from my house but the soap and towels.

Cop: Those dirty crooks.

Why should you never trust soap?

It's an emulsive lyer.

Did you hear about the bandit that stole a truck of soap?

Police say he made a clean getaway.

What did the soap say to the hands as they were being washed?

"I think we're in sink."

My wife uses an entire bottle of dish soap when she washes the dishes every night.

Another day, another Dawn

What does an actor sing in the shower?

Soap opera

My friend said he doesn't believe that soap works.

He said it was all a lye.

Did you hear about the guy that was accused of using his boss's hand soap as lube for masturbating?

He came clean.

Why did the prisoners switch to liquid soap in the shower?

Because it's harder to pick up.

Why did the meteorologist bring a bar of soap to work?

He was expecting showers.

What are two places you never want to drop the soap?

Penn State or the State Pen.

Did you hear about the guy on the news that's addicted to soap?

He's clean now.

Where's the safest place to hide your money?

Under the soap of a Frenchman.

It's okay to drop the soap in prison..

.. your fellow inmates got your back.

what do apples, dish washer soap, the muppets, a black guy, beer, yankee candels, and the keyboard on a flip phone all have in common?

they all help make a really convoluted joke.

So robbers broke into my house and stole all the soap,

Dirty bastards, but than the cops came and did a full report. The cops said they got away clean.

Last night someone broke into my house and stole all of my soap, bleach, and shampoo.

They made a clean getaway

1st day in prison, was a bit scared, but the guys have said I can have a job already

Apparently I pick up bars of soap in the shower, I start tomorrow, wish me luck.

I finally figured out where all my weight is coming from!

My shampoo, which runs down my body as I rinse my hair, advertises greater volume and body. Think I'll start washing my hair with dish washing soap; it says it dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove.

What is a bull fighters favorite soap?


Are you a romantic man?

Yes. When my wife comes home late, I turn on the candles, let the place fill up with nice and warm water and throw in some soap.

So she can immediately start doing the dishes.

What kind of soap do Middle Eastern citizens use?

Arab spring

What do you call someone lathering in the shower and singing along to Classical Music?

A soap opera

Why didn't the store let the man return the hand soap he'd purchased?

It was anti-back-to-retail soap.

I ran out of toothpaste recently

So I've resorted to brushing with soap. It's pretty gross, but on the plus side I've really cut back on my swearing.

If we used the same logic behind Aftershave...

We would call soap 'Aftershit'.

What kind of soap does a dolphin use?

All porpoise cleaner!!!!

Dad : son, go get me some laundry soap.

Son : do u really need it now?

Dad : yes, you can say it's det-urgent!

There is an abundance of shower jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 80 funniest jokes and soap puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any taki witze you can hear about soap.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes