I'm clean now.
Those dirty bastards.
Well, the woman in church has hope in her soul, but the woman in tub has soap in her hole...
I hugged her tight, kissed her with passion and then slapped her because how dare she?!
Dirty bastards.
Dirty bastards
Came clean in court.
It takes longer to pick up.
They stole everything except my deodorant, shampoo and hand soap.
Dirty bastards
I'll start
Confucius says woman that keeps soap on top shelf will jump for joy.
One has Hope in her Soul the other has Soap in her Hole.
One has hope in her soul,
The other has soap in her hole.
It takes longer to pick up.
But then I came clean.
What's this in my hand?
Behind your back?
It's soap on a a rope!
Whack whack whack!
What's this in my sock?
Tick tock, knock knock.
A large steel lock!
Chock chock chock!
What's this in my breeches?
I heard that you blab..
Snitches get stitches!
Stab stab stab!!
who said so many dirty words that his mother had to wash his hands with soap.
When I was in the shower I dropped the soap like ten times.
It's full of criminals and you may not get it back.
Because it takes longer to pick up.
I've been clean for 5 months now
Add your dirty clothes and soap.
A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day. She is placing her items on the belt: a TV dinner, a soap opera digest, 3 bottles of wine, and 3 chocolate bars.
The clerk looks and her and says "I hate Valentines Day...what about you, you must be single right?"
"Yeah" she responds, "how did you know? Was it the stuff I'm buying?"
"Nah, you're ugly"
I was at the sofa watching TV with my wife. Then I asked her if she could bring me a beer, and she said no because she didn't want to miss that part of the soap opera. Her phone was recharging at the kitchen, and it starts ringing. She got up really fast and ran to the kitchen. "Hello", she said. "Since you're in the kitchen, could you bring me a beer?", I asked on the phone. I don't know if it was my golf club or my son's baseball bat, but everything after that is a blank on my mind.
A woman walks into a store and purchases 1 small box of detergent, 1 bar of soap, 3 individual servings of yogurt and 2 oranges. The cashier says, You must be single. She responds, You can tell that by what I bought? The cashier says, No, you're ugly.
It takes longer to pick up when they drop it.
One kangaroo says, "Pass the soap."
The other kangaroo says, "No soap...radio!"
Dirty bastards...
So a priest is taking a bath late at night when he remembered that he forgot his soap in his room, he figured it's late and no one will be up so he rushed to his room without a towel around his waist, he got the soap but on his way back he heard two nuns walking by so he stands by the wall like a statue. The two nuns walk up to him and one of them says to the other "Look, it's that soap dispenser they said they were gonna bring" and she pulls his dong, he quickly drops his soap. The second nun says "Oh, cool! I want to that too" and she pulls his thing and nothing happens so she tries a few more times then she turns to the first nun and says "Oh! I got liquid soap!".
Filthy bastards.
Don't use child labor.
Yes, yes I am. Holding doors open for people for example. Or when my wife gets home late, I light up some candles, letting some warm water run, add some soap, so she can start doing the dishes as soon as she gets home.
But now I am clean
Well, he finally came clean.
He's clean now
But im clean now
They stole everything except my towels, soap, deodorant, and shampoo!
Dirty Bastards
I forgot which one it was, but I'm sure it will Dawn on me.
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it , not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.
Having no place to hide , he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled , he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun , "it's a soap dispenser". To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough , he drops the second bar of soap. Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs , then yells..."Holy Mary , Mother of God , HAND LOTION TOO!"
...but its quite difficult to grasp.
Apparently he was a big fat lyer.
They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from other city heading his way.
Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice, and three times but nothing happens.
So she gives several more tugs, then yells:
"Holy Mary, Mother of God! LIQUID SOAP TOO!"
It's fine, the lyrics are clean.
Until you get soap in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera
Seems like it'd be a little Tidier
Otherwise it would be a soap opera
The nun in the church has hope in her soul, the nun in the bath has soap in her hole
One turns to the other one and asks Do you have any soap?
The second elephant replies with, no soap, radio.
One of the bears says:
"Can you pass the soap?"
The other bear says:
"No soap, radio."
of soap and get eradicated. There is only one survivor.
The man tells the waiter, this restaurant must have a very clean kitchen!
Thank you sir, how did you know?
Everything tastes like soap.
It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
My friends say I drink too much brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.
I'm hooked on deli sandwiches, but I've decided I'm going to quit cold turkey.
My girlfriend used to be a nun, but she dropped the habit.
Anyone have any more one-liners along these lines?
Dirty Bastards
Takes longer to pick up
Good thing my uncle was there too to catch it
Come the revolution, everyone will eat strawberries and cream! A man at the front whimpers, But I don't like strawberries and cream. The speaker thunders, Come the revolution, you will like strawberries and cream!
Q: How can you tell a hippie has been at your house?
A: He's still there.
Q: What did he say when you told him to leave?
A: Namaste.
___________________
Q: What's the difference between a hippie chick and a joint?
A: The joint won't make it all the way around the circle.
______________________
Q: How do you starve a hippie?
A: Hide his drug money under the soap.
_______________________
Q: What did the Deadhead say when he ran out of weed?
A: Man, this music sucks!
_______________________
Q: What do hippie chicks and hockey players have in common?
A: They both shower and change pads after 3 periods.
______________________
So this guy got his dog really high. He tells the dog "Play dead." And the dog says, "Nah man, play Floyd!"
_____________________
Please add more if you think of them, most of my friends are "hippies" and these jokes freakin crack me up.
I love to pamper my girl after she has had a stressful day all day at work..
So when she texts me saying shes on the way home, I get the hot water
running mix in a little soap and swirl around the bubbles and time everything
just perfectly so as soon as she walks through the door...
The dishes are all piled up and ready for her...
One has hope in her soul; the other has soap in her hole.
Doctor: What toiletries are you using?
Me: Steven's soap, Steven's shampoo, Steven's toothpaste and Steven's toothbrush.
Doctor: Huh, so is Steven's a foreign brand?
Me: No, Steven is my roommate.
Another day, another Dawn
Police say he made a clean getaway.
He said it was all a lye.
Soap opera
It's an emulsive lyer.
"I think we're in sink."
He came clean.
Because it's harder to pick up.
He was expecting showers.
Penn State or the State Pen.
He's clean now.
Under the soap of a Frenchman.
An Annapolis computer science major was given an artificial intelligence assignment for one of his classes. He ended up creating a program where you could have a conversation with your computer based on your IQ level.
To test his program he entered 80 and had a conversation with his Soap Operas. He entered 100 and talked about politics. He entered 150 and talked about nuclear physics.
Just to see what would happen he entered a -50 and the computer bumped and belched and sparked and smoked for a good 10 minutes. When it finally settled down it displayed "On Brave Old Army Team....."
My shampoo, which runs down my body as I rinse my hair, advertises greater volume and body. Think I'll start washing my hair with dish washing soap; it says it dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove.
.. your fellow inmates got your back.
i am clean now
Apparently I pick up bars of soap in the shower, I start tomorrow, wish me luck.
they all help make a really convoluted joke.
Olay!
Dirty bastards, but than the cops came and did a full report. The cops said they got away clean.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Soap? Well, here are the best Soap puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Soap pick up lines to share with friends.