soap Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious soap puns

I masturbate with soap...

Just thought I'd come clean.

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I used to be addicted to soap....

I'm clean now.

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Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant.

Those dirty bastards.

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What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub??

Well, the woman in church has hope in her soul, but the woman in tub has soap in her hole...

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My wife told me to kiss her like if we were in a soap opera

I hugged her tight, kissed her with passion and then slapped her because how dare she?!

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Thieves broke into my house and stole everything except my soap.

Dirty bastards.

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A bunch of thieves broke into my house and stole everything except my soap, shower gel, towels, toothbrush and deodorant.

Dirty bastards

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Man sentenced to five years for masturbating with soap in public.

Came clean in court.

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What is the best thing about liquid soap?

It takes longer to pick up.

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Help! I've been robbed!

They stole everything except my deodorant, shampoo and hand soap.

Dirty bastards

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Let's hear some Confucius Jokes

I'll start

Confucius says woman that keeps soap on top shelf will jump for joy.

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my first day in prison...

On my first day in prison I was taking a shower when I noticed a bar of Dove lying on the floor.


Some big black guy said, "Hey, where's the soap?"


I said, "I'll be fucked if I know."

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What's the difference between a Nun in Church and a Nun in the bath

One has Hope in her Soul the other has Soap in her Hole.

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What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul,
The other has soap in her hole.

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A priest is taking a bath

and realizes he forgot to grab soap. He grabs his towel and runs down the halls of his church to grab some. He gets to the storage closet and grabs 2 bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the tub. As he rounds the corner he hears 3 nuns approaching. Instead of being caught by the nuns in a towel, he throws himself against the wall and puts the towel over his head to hide his face but exposes himself.

The 3 nuns see the man standing and there and have no clue what they are looking at. One nun grabs the mans penis and pulls it and he drops a bar of soap. "Oh its a soap dispenser!" proclaimed one of the nuns. The 2nd nun pulls the mans penis and he drops the other bar of soap. The third nun pulls the mans penis but no soap drops. Must be jammed she thought. She pulls and pulls until she shouts "HAND LOTION!"

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Why does the U.S. Navy use powdered soap?

It takes longer to pick up.

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Whats the difference between a girl in a church and a girl in a bath tub.

One has hope in her soul, while the other has soap in her hole.

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I used to be addicted to having sex with bars of soap.

But then I came clean.

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If Dr. Seuss were a convict (poem)

What's this in my hand?
Behind your back?
It's soap on a a rope!
Whack whack whack!

What's this in my sock?
Tick tock, knock knock.
A large steel lock!
Chock chock chock!

What's this in my breeches?
I heard that you blab..
Snitches get stitches!
Stab stab stab!!

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There was a deaf mute

who said so many dirty words that his mother had to wash his hands with soap.

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I hope I don't go to prison after what I did today.

When I was in the shower I dropped the soap like ten times.

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If you ever find yourself in prison, don't drop the soap.

It's full of criminals and you may not get it back.

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Why dose the navy use liquid soap?

Because it takes longer to pick up.

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What do you do with an epileptic child having a seizure in your bathtub?

Add your dirty clothes and soap.

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I used to be addicted to soap

I've been clean for 5 months now

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How to tell if women is single

A woman walks into a store and purchases 1 small box of detergent, 1 bar of soap, 3 individual servings of yogurt and 2 oranges. The cashier says, You must be single. She responds, You can tell that by what I bought? The cashier says, No, you're ugly.

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A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day

A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day. She is placing her items on the belt: a TV dinner, a soap opera digest, 3 bottles of wine, and 3 chocolate bars.

The clerk looks and her and says "I hate Valentines Day...what about you, you must be single right?"

"Yeah" she responds, "how did you know? Was it the stuff I'm buying?"




"Nah, you're ugly"

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I just wanted a beer but I woke up at the hospital

I was at the sofa watching TV with my wife. Then I asked her if she could bring me a beer, and she said no because she didn't want to miss that part of the soap opera. Her phone was recharging at the kitchen, and it starts ringing. She got up really fast and ran to the kitchen. "Hello", she said. "Since you're in the kitchen, could you bring me a beer?", I asked on the phone. I don't know if it was my golf club or my son's baseball bat, but everything after that is a blank on my mind.

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Two kangaroos are in the bathtub. cuz why not

One kangaroo says, "Pass the soap."
The other kangaroo says, "No soap...radio!"

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Why do sailors use liquid soap?

It takes longer to pick up when they drop it.

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Johnny is playing with his train set...

while his mother is in the kitchen washing dishes. Suddenly she hears him saying to the imaginary passengers " if any of you fuckers want to eat, the fucking dining car is open".

Shocked, she runs at him and tells him he had better watch his mouth or she'll wash it out with soap.

He says fine, and returns to his trains. "All passengers, the dining car is now open. We apologize for the delay. If you have any complaints, please direct them to the fucking cunt in the kitchen".

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So a priest is taking a bath late at night

So a priest is taking a bath late at night when he remembered that he forgot his soap in his room, he figured it's late and no one will be up so he rushed to his room without a towel around his waist, he got the soap but on his way back he heard two nuns walking by so he stands by the wall like a statue. The two nuns walk up to him and one of them says to the other "Look, it's that soap dispenser they said they were gonna bring" and she pulls his dong, he quickly drops his soap. The second nun says "Oh, cool! I want to that too" and she pulls his thing and nothing happens so she tries a few more times then she turns to the first nun and says "Oh! I got liquid soap!".

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A group of thieves stole everything except for my soap.

Dirty bastards...

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Last night thieves broke into my house and stole everything except my soap, shower gel, shampoo, and deodorant.

Filthy bastards.

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How do you make tear-free soap?

Don't use child labor.

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What are the most funny Soap jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Soap? Well, here are the best Soap dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Soap pick up lines to share with friends.

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