So Hot Outside Jokes
34 so hot outside jokes and hilarious so hot outside puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about so hot outside that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest So Hot Outside Short Jokes
Short so hot outside jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The so hot outside humour may include short it is so hot outside jokes also.
- A drummer was standing outside of his car panicking because he accidentally locked his keys inside it. It was a very hot sunny day and the bassist was still inside the car.
- My girlfriend left me after I said she reminded me of our dessert, a baked Alaska. Fire hot on the outside, but ice cold on the inside. I should have just said sweet.
- One hot summer day on Sesame Street, Bert and Ernie are sitting on the stoop outside their apartment. Bert turns to Ernie and says, _"Want to go get some ice cream?"_
Ernie replies, _"Sure Bert."_ - It's really hot outside but fear not, my car has the deluxe 2fifty AC feature. 2 windows down, driving 50 miles per hour!
- Two necrophiliacs talk during a hot summer day. *Sweating*, it's way too hot outside!
Let's go in and crack open a cold one. - Two boiled eggs in a pan, one says "Hot in here in it", other says "You think it's hot in here, wait till you get outside they smash your head in."
- Sometimes it gets so hot outside that I like to rub a cold can of Pabst Blue Ribbon across myself to cool down... I call it a Pabst Smear.
- In Australia, there are only three types of weather: Too hot, too cold, too wet or a combination.
^(alternate: Total Fire Ban, Totally Flooded and Totally not gonna look outside; mate.) - Hey son, it's hot outside! Why don't we play catch? Don't worry, you won't catch a cold.
- My last girlfriend was a lot like a microwave burrito Smoking hot on the outside
Ice cold on the inside
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So Hot Outside One Liners
Which so hot outside one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with so hot outside? I can suggest the ones about its so hot outside and it so hot outside.
- It's so hot outside that I almost called my ex. So I could be around something shady.
- It's so hot outside that I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
- It is so hot outside My thermometer says it is too degrees.
Amusing & Witty So Hot Outside Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about so hot outside you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean weather so hot jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make so hot outside pranks.
I was at my GF's house hanging with her and her smoking hot younger sister
My girlfriend leaves the room leaving me alone with her sister. She's been gone for a while when her sister climbs up on top of me and says "we should have s**... right this second, any way you want it, before my sister gets back". I immediately throw her off and start walking out. My girlfriend is waiting outside the room and kisses me, saying I won her trust.
Lesson learned: always keep c**... in the car
Jar Full of $10 Bills
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $10 bills on the bar. He goes to the barkeep and says "Hey, what's up with that jar?"
The bartender responds "Well, you put in 10 bucks, do 3 challenges, and if you do them you get the whole jar."
The man says "Wow that's pretty cool, what are the challenges?"
The barkeep lists "Well, first ya gotta drink a whole bottle of hot sauce, and no nursing. Second, there's a dog out back who has a sore tooth and he's real grouchy, and you gotta take out the bad tooth bare handed. Last, there's this old lady upstairs who's never done the hokey pokey, if ya know what I mean, and you gotta fix that."
The man replies in disgust "I can't do any of those!" So the man gets drunk. Being drunk, he decides he can do anything and says "Hand me the bottle of hot sauce." So the bartender hands the man the bottle and the man drinks the whole, straight down. He then goes outside to deal with the dog. As the door shuts you hear yelping and screaming and hollering and growling and then.... dead silence... The door creaks open and the man walks in. He's all covered in blood, his shirts torn, he's missing hair... and in a drunken slur he asks "Where's the old lady with the tooth problem?"
"It's really hot outside," a husband tells his wife, staring out the front window.
"What do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn n**...?" he asks jokingly.
The wife replies without looking up from the morning paper, "They'll probably think I married you for the money."
She's n**....
A taxi driver spot a girl hailing for a cab outside a nightclub. She was completely n**.... He stopped and she went into the taxi.
Throughout the drive, the girl noticed that the driver kept looking at her with the front mirror. "Hey man, never see a hot n**... girl before huh? Why don't you keep your eyes on the road", she said.
Then, the driver stopped driving before turning around and stare at her intensely.
"Nah, I'm just wondering where you keep the money for my cab, b**...!"
Two tapeworms are chilling wherever it is tapeworms chill at.
One of them says, "So I found this host the other day. Man, you should have seen him! Fat as a blimp, ate more food in one day than most people eat in a week. He was roomy and comfy and spent most of his time sitting or laying down, so I didn't even NOTICE the outside world!"
The other says, "Hot d**...! Sounds like a paradise! Then why did you leave? Did he die or something?"
"Nope," answers the first. "But he reaaaaaaally loved Mexican food."
The breakdown of what to do in all seasons
Summer:too hot to go outside so you stay in playing video games
Winter:too cold to go outside so you stay in playing video games
Autumn:too much pollen outside so you stay in playing video games
A penguin pulls up to a dealership
He barely made it there before his car gave out. The technician tells him that it's going to be a few hours before the repairs are finished.
The penguin sees an icecream shop across the street and goes inside. He asks the manager if it would be okay to hang out in the freezer because it's just too hot outside for a penguin. The manager agrees and the penguin helps himself to the icecream as well. A few hours go by and he decides to go back to see if his car is ready. He walks up to the technician and the technician says to the penguin, "looks like you blew a seal", and the penguin replies, "oh, no. That's just vanilla icecream on my beak".
A penguin is driving and gets a flat tire.
He pulls over to the nearest gas station and speaks to the mechanic. About how long to get this repaired? says the penguin. Should only be about 30 mins he replies.
It is pretty hot outside, so the penguin decides to walk and get some ice cream. Thirty or so minutes later, the penguin is walking back to station while l**... his vanilla ice cream. Naturally, penguins aren't the cleanest eaters so some vanilla ice cream gets around his mouth and face.
When the penguin arrives, the mechanic greets him and says, It looks like you blew a seal!
Red Neck Computer Dictionary
* LOG ON: Makin' a woodstove hot.
* LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
* MONITOR: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
* DOWNLOAD: Gittin' the farwood off the truck.
* MEGA HERTZ: When you're not keerfull gittin' the farwood.
* FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from trying to tote too much farwood.
* RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
* HARD DRIVE: Gittin' home in the winter time.
* WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it's cold outside.
* SCREEN: Whut to shut when it's black fly season.
* BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.
* CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
* MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.
* MODEM: Whutcha do to the hay fields.
A penguin is driving through the desert
The car begins to lurch and smoke pours from the hood. The penguin stops at a small gas station on the side of the otherwise desolate road. Luckily, a mechanic is available. "Give me a few minutes and I'll let you know what I find out" he tells the stranded penguin. So the penguin heads inside the gas station's market and buys an ice cream. He steps outside to eat it. The hot desert sun begins to melt the ice cream faster than the penguin can consume it. It makes a mess. The mechanic returns to the penguin, looks at him, and says "well, it looks like you blew a seal." The penguin responds "oh no, that's just ice cream."
A penguin is driving down a desert road...
when his car begins to sputter. He pulls over into a service station and leaves his car with the mechanic. The penguin goes into a nearby ice cream shop and buys a vanilla ice cream cone to try and beat the heat. It's so hot outside that the ice cream begins to melt all over his hands and face as he eats it, leaving a mess. When he's finished his ice cream, he goes back to the service station to check on his car. The mechanic tells him "All fixed. Looks like you just blew a seal". The penguin replies, "No, it's just ice cream".
s**... in Public!!!
A young dating couple were driving down the road in a very busy area, when things started to get somewhat passionate. They decided to pull over and park and have some fun.
Things were really getting hot, and they were not paying any attention to what was going on outside. All of a sudden a policeman was tapping on their window. The cop could hardly contain himself.
"Didn't you know that you are not supposed to be having s**... in public?" he asked the couple.
Being embarrassed by being caught, they said yes and apologized.
"Well, he said, I will have to write you a ticket."
So the cop wrote the ticket and reminded them next time to watch their behavior. After getting dressed, the girl asked her boyfriend what the policeman wrote the ticket for.
He responded, "Doing 69 in a 40 Kph speed zone!"
A lonely woman checked into a resort...
A lonely woman checked into a resort and decided to call one of the numbers she'd seen advertising regarding male e**... services and sensual massages.
She flipped through the phone book, found an ad with a picture of a particularly strapping young man and picked up the phone.
"Hello?" a male voice answered. "How may I help you?"
"I hear you give a great massage, and I'd really like to experience one," the woman said.
"Well, actually, I should just be straight with you. I'm in town, I'm all alone and what I really want is s**.... I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring toys, rubber, leather, whips and everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night. Tie me up and cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream. I want to do it all. How does that sound?"
"That sounds great," the man replied, "but you need to press 9 to make an outside call... this is Hotel Reception"
A penguin is on a road trip and his car breaks down
He pulls off to the nearest mechanic to get it looked at, and the mechanic tells him it's gonna be about an hour before he knows anything. So the penguin decides to walk a couple blocks to a shopping center.
It's really hot in this place and the penguin's not used to that at all, so he starts looking for ways to cool off. He sees a Baskin Robbins and decides to go in and get himself an ice cream cone. He goes outside and sits down to enjoy it, and it's delicious. The heat starts to melt it and he gets ice cream all over himself, but he doesn't care because it's cold and reminds him of home. He's happy as can be, just l**... away and making a total mess of himself, until the cone is gone and he realizes it's almost time to get his car back.
So he goes back to the mechanic, the guy has just finished up and the penguin asks, "Well, what was the problem?" The mechanic replies "It looks like you just blew a seal."
The penguin is shocked and cries, "No it's just ice cream, I swear!"
So a penguin and a seal are in a car...
The penguin is driving. It's 105 degrees outside, and, being from the arctic, they want to get something to cool off. The seal suggests they get ice cream, so they find a nearby ice cream parlor. They're getting out of the car and the seal says, "Hey, something's wrong with the engine!" the penguin looks underneath the car, and sure enough there is a puddle of oil forming under the hot engine. Fortunately, they see a service station across the street. So, fighting the heat, they push the car to the shop and ask the mechanic to look at it while they go eat. By this time, the penguin and the seal are about ready to melt, so the penguin orders a huge bowl of ice cream. Unfortunately, he realizes that he cannot use a spoon. Abandoning all composure, the penguin buries his face in the ice cream, getting it all over himself. Meanwhile, the seal enjoys a shrimp basket. Finally, the two finish and go back to the mechanic. "Well," he says from under the hood, "it looks like you just blew a seal."
"Nope," replied the penguin, still wiping his face. "Just ice cream."
You must be in tech support...
My aviation management professor told this to the class on the first day today:
One afternoon, a hot-air balloon pilot decides to relax and go for a ride. After a while he ends up getting lost, having no idea where he is. So he descends closer to the ground until he ends up flying by a guy outside his house.
The pilot yells down, "Hey! Where am I?!"
The guy on the ground yells back, "You're in a balloon, 50 feet above my house!"
Pilot: "You must be in tech support!"
Guy on ground: "Yeah, actually. How did you know?!"
Pilot: "Because everything you've told me is 100% true and 100% useless!"
Guy on the ground: "You must be in management!"
Pilot: "Yeah I am! How did you know?!"
Guy on the ground: "You don't have any idea where you are or where you're going. You're in the exact same position you were in before we met five seconds ago, but somehow it's my fault!"
Student in a test
An engineering student was in o**... test. The professor asked him" what do usually ride when you go home ?"
The student answered " the bus"
Professor : cool, tell me what you would do if the weather is hot and the AC is broken
Student : easy, I would open the bus window
Professor : fantastic. Tell me the speed of the air that would come from outside if the bus speed is 60 miles per hour.
Student : dunno ... Professor gave him zero
Outside : the student told his friend about what happened in the test.
Later, the other student went to his o**... test with the same professor.
The professor asked him what do you usually ride when you go home ?
Student : my car
Professor: what if you car is broken
Student : my father's car
Professor : if it's broken
Student : my friend's car
Professor : if you don't have any way other than the bus , what would you ride ?
Student : the bus
Professor : if the AC is not working , what would you do ?
Student : I'm gonna take my jaket off
Professor : if it's still hot
Student : I'm gonna take my tank off
Professor : if it's still hot
Student : take my pants off
Professor : still hot
Student : I'm gonna do everything other than opening the window.
A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely.
He thought, "I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab."
He popped into a phone booth near
the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo.
He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel.
When back in the room he figures, "What the heck, I'll give her a call."
"Hello," the woman says.
She sounded s**....
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is s**.... I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks... We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?"
She says, "That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
