Snow Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store?

For the watch

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

Snowflakes.

Cr

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?

In an explosion.

1 and 2 went out for a walk in the snow.

1's hands got so cold that they went numb.

2's hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number.

Why is Jon Snow so ticklish?

Aunts in his pants...

So far we have four inches of snow on the ground.

Or as my husband would say...seven inches.

Why did the snowman take his pants off?

He heard the snow blower was coming.

There's an old Native American man that sits in a teepee along the road I take to work.

Every morning for a while now I stop in and ask him what the weather will be that day. Rain, snow, sun, clouds. He's always right.

Well yesterday I stopped in just like normal and asked what the weather was going to be like.

"Got no clue", he said.

I was shocked. "What's different about today that you don't know?"

He just shook his head sadly. "Radio broke."

There was a lady with 3 sons, named Rain, Snow and Brick

Rain asked his mom, Why is my name 'Rain'?
Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born.
Then Snow asked his mom, Why is my name 'Snow'?
Because a snowflake fell on your head when you were born.
Then Brick asked his mom, NYANYANYANYA

John Snow.

John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.

-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?


John laughs and continues with his drink.

-Why is this funny?

John responds,

-Nothing. I just imagine how rare it would be to have 7 inches of Snow in spring...

Husband and wife are arguing...

The husband thinks it's raining

His wife says, "No honey, that's snow"

So they ask Rudolph, their soviet friend what he thinks.

He says, "That is rain, comrade."

The husband says, "See! Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Looks like we got about 4 inches of snow last night

Or as my boyfriend calls it... 7.

Father looks out the window on a snowy evening.

He gets furious and turns red.

"What's the matter, dear," his wife asks.

"It's our daughter's new boyfriend. He's written his name in the snow with pee."

"Oh. That's not so bad."

"Yeah, but it's in *her* handwriting."

A weather report for you

I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

Let's hear it for snow!..

The only time that four inches can keep a woman in bed all day.

Why was the snowman smiling?

He saw the snowblower coming.

Why don't native Americans like snow?

Because it's white and all over their land.

Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White?

'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.

*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*

Snow White and the Three Dwarfs met Goldilocks and the Seven Bears at a party last week

They exchanged numbers

Friends are like snow

when you pee on them, they disappear.

Why do Indians not like snow?

It is white and settles on their land.

Two Snowmen are in a field...

...and one turns to the other and says "Yeah, you're right, it DOES smell like carrots."

My favorite joke - short, hysterical, and perfect for any occasion.

What's white, cold, falling in winter and ending with "bass" ?

The snow, dumbass.

I hate it when..

I hate it when my black friend disappears in the dark,

My white friend in snow,

My Chinese friend in sand,

And my Middle-Eastern friend in drone strikes.

Why was the snowman smiling?

He heard the snow blower coming

What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store?

Picking his nose

What do you call a Buddhist monk who meditates in the snow?

Fro-zen.

A Russian Couple

A Russian couple is walking in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose. "It's raining," he says. "No," says his wife, "It's snowing." And they begin to argue. Finally, the man says, " Let's ask comrade Rudolph what the *official* weather is." They approach and they ask him. "It is officially raining." he says. The woman cries, "But it felt just like snow!" To which her husband says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!

Why did the snowman smile?

He heard that the snow-blower was in town.

How do you find Will Smith in the Snow?

I don't know. Just look for the Fresh prints! Ha ha.

He's also black.

What is the difference between Snow White and Brazil?

Snow White had the excuse of being asleep before letting seven in.

Snow White and the 7 Dwarves were all in bed feeling happy

Happy left soon afterwards, so they started feeling grumpy

Why was the snow yellow?

Elsa let it go.

In North Korea, you cannot throw fruit in the snow...

Because they do not have the right to freeze peach.

Snow wife.

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.

Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"



With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

Where does a polar bear keep his money?

In a snow bank.

The snow in the UK is pretty bad right now

So I thought I'd check on my elderly 85 year old neighbour Valerie to see if she needed anything from the shops.

She said she did so I gave her my list too, no point us both going out in this weather.

What's the difference between Switzerland and Columbia?

In Switzerland, snow is measured in meters, in Columbia in kilograms.

Why do Aboriginals hate snow?

Because it's white and on their land.

Recently I felt Funny and came over Queasy...

At which point I was told to leave the local theatre adaption of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

One day the Seven Dwarfs decided they wanted to see Snow White naked.

Their only option was to spy on her in the shower. They decided to stand on each others shoulders and watch through a small window above the bathroom door. Dopey being the smallest he was on top, calling down to the others what he saw.

"She's taking off her skirt" He whispers to the next one down, who whispers it to the next and so on.

"She's taking off her shirt" ^"She's ^taking ^off ^her ^shirt"^"She's ^^taking ^^off ^^her ^^shirt"...

"She's totally naked!" ^"totallly ^naked!" ^^"Totally ^^naked!"...

This continued, Dopey describing Snow's every motion, and the others passing it on. And then he thought he heard footsteps.

"Shhhh! Someone's coming!" ^"me ^too!" ^^"me ^^too!" ^^^"me ^^^too!"...

Why is sex like snow?

Because you never know how many inches you'll get or how long it will last..

What did the Seven Dwarfs say when the prince woke up Snow White?

Welp.... I guess it's back to jerking off!

Winter weather emergency

On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife in the back woods of Minnesota were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so snow plows can get through conveniently".

So the good wife went out and moved her car as instructed.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." And the power goes off.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?"

With all the love and understanding that men who are married to blondes (and those with grey hair) always exhibit, the husband replied, "Honey, why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."

One snowman says to the other snowman,

"do you smell carrots?"

Our parents had to walk uphill both ways in 2 feet of snow to get to school...

But they didn't have to dodge bullets when they get there.

What do you call a ripped yeti?

The abdominal snow man.

A woman takes a business trip...

A woman takes a business trip to Arizona for a week. On her first night there in the hotel, a big black man comes in through her window and has passionate sex with her all night long. The next night, the same thing happens. She asks the man for his name, but he says "No, you'll laugh at me". She promises she won't, but he leaves anyways. After continuing this for the whole week, the woman begs the man for his name. He says "Fine, as long as you promise not to laugh... My name is Snow". The woman laughs uncontrollably and he yells "See I knew you would!". She responds "No, I'm not laughing at you. It's just that my husband will never believe me when I tell him I got 8 inches of Snow in Phoenix"

I needed a password eight characters long...

... so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

A blonde in a snowstorm

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."

Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?"

What did Helen Keller say when she fell into the snow?

Nothing, she was wearing mittens.

What did the seven dwarfs say when the Prince awoke Snow White?

"Guess it's back to jerking off."

A woman takes her dog for a walk in the snow...

A woman takes her dog for a walk in the snow. When she gets home, she sees that his paws are frozen solid, and caked with ice! The next day she takes her dog to the vet, and asks
"can you shave my dog's paws so that snow doesn't get stuck in his fur?" The vet responds
"Shaving isn't the best option for dog paws, you should go to the drugstore and use some Nair shampoo instead." At the drugstore, the woman goes to check out with her bottle of Nair. Upon seeing this, the pharmacist says
"If you're using this on your legs, be sure not to shave for three days to avoid irritation." The woman responds
"No, it's not for my legs" The pharmacist says
"Well, if you're using this on your underarms, don't use deodorant for three days to avoid irritation there." The woman says
"Oh, no, it's for my Schnauzer." The pharmacist responds
"In that case, when you're done, don't ride your bike for a while."



-My barber told this one, today.

A Russian couple walks down a street in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose.

"I think it's raining," he says to his wife.

"No, that feels like snow to me, dear," she replies.

Just then, a minor communist party official walks towards them.

"Let's not fight about it," the man says. "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

"It's raining, of course" Comrade Rudolph says and walks on.

But the woman insists, "I know that felt like snow."

To which the man quietly says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Credit to /u/Bidonet

Today, I got up early...

...put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made coffee, grabbed my clubs, slipped quietly into the garage, loaded my clubs into the car, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

She sleepily replied, 'I know, can you believe my husband is out golfing in that stuff?'

What are the funniest snow jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Snow? Well, here are the best Snow puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Snow pick up lines to share with friends.

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