Sniper Jokes

Following is our collection of commander puns and gun one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Sniper jokes for adults, dirty rifle jokes and clean recoil dad gags for kids.

The Best Sniper Puns

How do you know that a sniper likes you?

He misses you.

What do you call a Communist sniper?

A Marxman.

A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.

Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"

What do you call a Soviet Sniper?

A Marxman

I took my mother in law out today

I love being a sniper


What's the difference between a sniper with bad eyesight and a constipated owl?

One shoots but can't hit, the other hoots but can't sh*t

What does the sniper say to his gf after a breakup?

I won't miss you.

What do you call a Hispanic sniper?

A Puerto-recon.

Recently divorced Marine sniper slapped with a 1500 yard restraining order.

He is now struggling to understand the distance that has become between them, as well as windage.

Source: The Onion

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into the states to play for his team.
After a very successful rookie season the young man was discussing his rookie of the year award via telephone with his mother.
She told him that she was proud but living in fear constantly. She continued " your brother was shot twice just in the last few weeks and your sister is regularly the victim of assault. Matters have escalated and life is worse than it has ever been. I will never, ever forgive you for bringing us to Philly."

What do you call a sniper in the red army?

A Marxman


What did the sniper say to his wife when he came back from work?

I missed you

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning

Being a sniper is awesome

Why do snipers always close one eye when they aim?

Because they can't aim if they close two.

So an American walks into a store in the Midwest and says, I'd like to buy that .50 cal sniper riffle with 4,000 rounds of ammunition and a box of penicillin...

The store clerk replies: sorry Sir, I'm going to have to see some paperwork for that penicillin.

I just started going for a sniper training course

My trainer told me that sniping is like programming, you gotta C#.

Whats the difference between a blind sniper and a constipated owl

One shoots and cant hit...

I'm training to be a sniper in the Communist Revolutionary Forces...

... I'll be the designated Marxman!

What did the Canadian Sniper say after making a record-breaking kill shot?

Sorry


How do you know a sniper likes you?

He has you in his sights and takes you out.

A Canadian sniper hit a target from 2 miles

When asked how he did it, he said it was a team effort. "I could have never done it without my spotter and 2 sweepers."

Did you hear about the communist sniper?

He was a real Marx man

My girlfriend is a sniper. I'm pretty sure she loves me. You know how I know?

She said she missed me

What do you call a Danish Sniper?

A Denmarksmen

Why shouldn't you marry a sniper from your own country?

They are only good for long-distance engagements.

Did you know the world's first sniper was Mexican? He even inspired the Sniper motto.

Juan shot, Juan kill.

I used to date a sniper

Her name was Aimee

It is WWI. The Germans and the Italians are fighting in trenches.

The Germans have a plan. Since almost all Italians are named Mario, a German would yell, "Hey, Mario!" An unfortunate Mario would pop his head up with "si?" and a German sniper would put a bullet into his forehead. Every day, a few Italians died with "Hey Mario!" "Si?" Boom!

One day, the Italians decide to reciprocate. One of them yells, "Hey-a, Fritz!" No reply. "Fritz!" Nothing. "Hey-a, Fritz!" "Is that you, Mario?" "Si!" Boom!

What does Dora say in Iraq?

Sniper no Sniping

Yesterday evening I took out my mother-in-law,

It's fun being a Sniper!

I took out my ex today!

Being a sniper is amazing.

After years of loneliness, I finaly gathered all my courage to take my ex out

It's good to be a sniper in the US army

What do you call a Russian sniper?

A Marxman

Have you played BLIND SNIPER yet?

No?

You don't know what you're missing.

My grandfather told me he closed one eye whenever he saw a jew in the good old days...

He was a sniper

I can never be consistent when I play sniper.

It's always a hit or miss.

What makes an awful sniper?

Bad scoping mechanisms

My girlfriend is a sniper and I know she loves me, you know why?

Because she said she missed me.

What do you call a hooker that was shot by a sniper?

360 hoscope

What did the sniper say when asked if he ever had to shoot someone he knew?

"Yea it was a long distance relationship."

Say cheese.

Person I just met: So, what do you do for a living?

Me: I take professional headshots.

Person: Oh, you're a photographer?

Me: (tucks sniper rifle behind my back) No, not exactly...

How does a highly decorated sniper retire his old trusty sniper rifle?

With an honorable discharge.

What do you call a German sniper?

A marxman.

There is an abundance of minefield jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 43 funniest jokes and sniper puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any dune witze you can hear about sniper.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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