The Best 76 Sneeze Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Sneeze jokes. There are some sneeze belch jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sneeze violently puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Sneeze Jokes and Puns
Why do sharks only swim in salt water? (Got this is a Cracker Jack box)
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
What would you name someone who can predict when people sneeze?
Nostrildamus
A man discovered a new medication that makes people sneeze constantly. What did he tell people in order to make them avoid taking it?
Eschew! Eschew!
Two men get into an elevator
Two men get into an elevator in a doctors office. One man, beaming says to the other, "I just got a brand new hearing aid. It works great; if you were to drop a pin, I could hear it; if a mouse were to sneeze cross the street, I would hear it." The second man replies "thats impressive, what kind is it?" The first man looks down at his watch and says "11 o'clock."
Woman goes to the doctor...
Woman goes to the doctor and says, "Everytime I sneeze I have an orgasam." The doctor asks, "What have you been doing for it?" She replies, "Snorting pepper."
God's sneeze
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say!
Why did Scottish baby sneeze?
It got week old.
There is so much dust on that drawer that if you sneeze on it
mattress will fall out.
woman constantly keeps sneezing and goes to see the doctor. She tells him, "Doctor, I constantly keep sneezing, and every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm."The doctor asks, "What are you doing for it?"
The woman replies, "Sniffing pepper."
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
My 8 y/o daughter told me this joke.
I wrote a poem too.
I sneeze.
You sneeze.
She sneezes.
He sneezes.
They sneeze.
We sneeze.
Now I know it's not a very original poem, but it's pretty sick.
You can explore sneeze allergy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sneeze gesundheit dad jokes. There are also sneeze puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why don't dead people sneeze?
Because they're too busy coffin.
How does the Black Knight sneeze?
"Have-at-choo!"
One day, you wake up and everyone has a number over their heads. The number is counting down by the second. Eventually, someone's number reaches zero, and....
They sneeze. Their number resets.
What sounds do nuts make when they sneeze?
Cashew
What do a sneeze, a french-dip, and Woody Allen have in common?
Ah Jew!
Guess what is the perfect time to sneeze...
At-CHOO O'clock....
What's a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe.
How does Hitler sneeze?
**a-jew* *
What makes a chicken sneeze?
Boog boog boog bogaaa
what do you call someone from israel that has to sneeze?
A Jew
Do you know any jokes?
**Her:** "Do you know any jokes?"
**Me:** "No."
**Her:** "I'll teach you one."
"Knock! Knock!"
**Me:** "Who's there?"
**Her:** "Ash."
"Now ask, Ash: who?"
**Me:** "Ash: who?"
**Her:** "Please cover your mouth when you sneeze."
**Me: rekt**
People think they're being polite when they sneeze into their sleeves, but really
it' snot
I just heard God sneeze.
And I have no idea what to say to him.
Why do sharks live in salt water
Because pepper water makes them sneeze
What do nuts say when they sneeze?
Cashew!
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because if they lived in pepper water they would sneeze
What do sneeze attacks and runners both have?
Tennis shoes
Why do sharks like to swim in salt water?
Because if it was pepper water, they'd sneeze
I just sneezed while eating alphabet soup...
...took the words right out of my mouth.
I'm not good writing Songs but..
when I sneeze on the beat the beat gets sicker
Why do seals swim in salt water?
Because if they swam in pepper water they'd do nothing but sneeze all day
How does a polar bear sneeze?
I-I-Igloo!
I sneezed on a crowded bus of friendly strangers
Feeling so blessed right now
Just sneezed around some very polite strangers.
#blessed
Every time I come up with a new metaphor it makes me sneeze.
It really sets off my analogies.
My hayfever makes me sneeze like my dairy intolerance makes me fart.
I hate my analogies.
It's allergy season upon us, so remember to say "pika" before you sneeze
and if you forget, just say "bacca" after!
I sneezed and my kids laughed
I yelled "you think it's funny but it's snot".
I sneezed in front of my stuttering friend and said, "man, my sinuses are on fire".
"i-i-is i-i-it an-an-allergy?" he asked
I said, "no, it's a metaphor".
What state would expect to see a priest pray, sneeze and sit down
Massachusetts
A man walks into a buffet...
He puts a sausage on his plate, and his German friend says "now you're speaking my language!".
Then, he adds a slice of pizza to his plate, and his Italian friend says "now you're speaking my language!".
Then, the man has an incredible urge to sneeze. He reaches for a napkin and raises it up, and his French friend says "now you're speaking my language!".
Teacher: Ok class, can anyone tell me what 'analogy' is?
Student: Analogy is something that makes you sneeze.
Why do dolphins always swim in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze
What do you call a full body sneeze?
A sneezure.
An electric pokemon just sneezed its biggest sneeze ever
Some would call that its 'Peak Achoo'
I hate people who don't cover their noses and mouths when they sneeze.
They make me sick.
If you fart and sneeze at the same time...
your body will capture a screenshot
Did you hear about the documentary claiming the twin towers were brought down by a large sneeze?
Gesundheit 9/11.
Did you know that non vaxxed kids had super abilities?
Their bodies are way more sensible to environmental exposure, and they can hear a sneeze from miles away.
I have a medical condition where I'm allergic to only one type of pasta
It's called macaroni and sneeze
Why does the Pope never sneeze?
Because he doesn't want anyone to bless him and become holier than him.
What's the fastest way to clear a room full of Anti-Vaxers..?
Sneeze.
So on a flight, there is a woman who is sneezing.
Now see, this woman is sneezing very vigorously. Eventually, a man leans over and asks 'what's wrong?'
The woman replies, 'I have a very rare condition wherein every time I sneeze I orgasm.'
The man replies, 'oh why that sounds terrible! What medication are you taking for it?'
The woman smiles and replies, 'pepper'.
How did the nut sneeze?
Cashew
What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe
What do you call a COVID19 + person's sneeze?
Coronal Mass Ejection! ^Astr^ono^my
Did you know if you fart and sneeze at the same time
Your body takes a screenshot
They say coronavirus came from China.
I am not buying it, no one can sneeze that hard.
A man with the 'Rona disease
A man with the 'Rona disease
Threw caution and care to the breeze
No mask with his kin
He did them all in
With a sniffle a cough and a sneeze.
My friend has this strange condition that makes him sneeze whenever someone greets him.
He reckons it's Heyfever.
Just sneezed all over my toast
I can't believe it snot butter.
You might say this whole Covid thing is...
...nothing to sneeze at
(Just thought of that this morning, not sure if it's been done)
FUN FACT: If you sneeze and fart at the same time...
Your body takes a screenshot.
If you sneeze and have a hiccup at the same time...
....your body takes a screenshot.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?...
...
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Why do fish live in saltwater?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Where do Incans go to sneeze?
Achoo Picchu
What bacon makes you sneeze?
Peppa Pig
I got the COVID vaccine but I noticed a weird side effect
Every time I sneeze I hear the Microsoft error sound
Just curious, if you sneeze in a monastery
Do the priests say "Bless You"?
Or do they just do it?
Gesundheit
What are you called when you reach the highest power level sneeze ever?
You're a Peak-Achoo.
I'll see myself out...
How does a nut sneeze?
They go, "Caaa-shew!"
My wife asked me why I always have to sneeze so loudly.
I told her, it's not that I HAVE to….
Achoos to
How does a nut sneeze?
Cashew!
Why do some fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze. (From my 8 year old daughter)
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sneeze noses jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working sneeze wipes piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.