Sneeze Jokes
88 sneeze jokes and hilarious sneeze puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sneeze that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sneeze Short Jokes
Short sneeze jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sneeze humour may include short blowing nose jokes also.
- My crush just sneezed and I accidentally replied "bless you !" Now she's staring at the bush, wondering who said that.
- I accidentally said Gazuntite after my crush sneezed. Now she's staring at the bushes wondering who said that.
- My wife asked me why I always have to sneeze so loudly. I told her, it's not that I HAVE to….
Achoos to - Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze.
My 8 y/o daughter told me this joke. - My sons cheezits joke. You should name the dog Cheezits! Then if he starts sneezing, you can call him Sneezits!
I laughed and thought his 8 year old genius needed shared with the world. - I sneezed in front of my stuttering friend and said, "man, my sinuses are on fire". "i-i-is i-i-it an-an-allergy?" he asked
I said, "no, it's a metaphor". - My pet snake was sneezing, so i gave it a Claritin. Now it won't speak to me! I shouldn't have given him an anti-hiss-tamine.
- An unknown number called me, sneezed and coughed a few times and then hung up. I'm getting tired of all these cold calls.
- I wrote a poem too. I sneeze.
You sneeze.
She sneezes.
He sneezes.
They sneeze.
We sneeze.
Now I know it's not a very original poem, but it's pretty sick. - A group of satanists have a meeting when one sneezes. Then it got really awkward when someone said "God bless you."
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Sneeze One Liners
Which sneeze one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sneeze? I can suggest the ones about sniff and cough.
- What's a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe.
- Why do sharks live in salt water Because pepper water makes them sneeze
- I just sneezed while eating alphabet soup... ...took the words right out of my mouth.
- What sounds do nuts make when they sneeze? Cashew
- Why don't dead people sneeze? Because they're too busy coffin.
- Did you hear about the giant who sneezed? it's all over town
- What does a sneezing nut sound like? *Ca-shew.*
- Bless me father for I have Sneezed
- I met god and he sneezed. I didn't know what to say.
- What's sneezing on your period like? Smacking the bottom of an open ketchup bottle.
- Why did Scottish baby sneeze? It got week old.
- What bacon makes you sneeze? Peppa Pig
- What does a nut say when he sneezes? Ca-shew!
- The English language is bizzare There was a young girl from Slough
Who choked on a piece of raw dough
But the time she was through
With hiccup and cough
She woke everyone in the borough - Where do Incans go to sneeze? Achoo Picchu
Howlingly Hilarious Sneeze Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about sneeze you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean snooze jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sneeze pranks.
What would you name someone who can predict when people sneeze?
Nostrildamus
How does a French person sneeze?
Adieu!
A man discovered a new medication that makes people sneeze constantly. What did he tell people in order to make them avoid taking it?
Eschew! Eschew!
Me: *sneezes*
Mom: Remember February 17, 2009 when I told you to bring a jacket?
Two men get into an elevator
Two men get into an elevator in a doctors office. One man, beaming says to the other, "I just got a brand new hearing aid. It works great; if you were to drop a pin, I could hear it; if a mouse were to sneeze cross the street, I would hear it." The second man replies "thats impressive, what kind is it?" The first man looks down at his watch and says "11 o'clock."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Woman goes to the doctor...
Woman goes to the doctor and says, "Everytime I sneeze I have an orgasam." The doctor asks, "What have you been doing for it?" She replies, "Snorting pepper."
God's sneeze
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say!
There is so much dust on that drawer that if you sneeze on it
mattress will fall out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
woman constantly keeps sneezing and goes to see the doctor. She tells him, "Doctor, I constantly keep sneezing, and every time I sneeze, I have an o**...."The doctor asks, "What are you doing for it?"
The woman replies, "Sniffing pepper."
Why did the police assault the crowd?
Because a-peppering them would make them sneeze!
If you have the flu and you sneeze on someone at the grocery store...
Is that considered a public display of infection?
what does a sneeze see after it dies
sneezus
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's another name for a Jew?
A sneeze.
How does the Black Knight sneeze?
"Have-at-choo!"
Cough is to dust as sneeze is to pollen
Just an example of AnAllergy.
One day, you wake up and everyone has a number over their heads. The number is counting down by the second. Eventually, someone's number reaches zero, and....
They sneeze. Their number resets.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a sneeze, a french-dip, and w**... Allen have in common?
Ah Jew!
Guess what is the perfect time to sneeze...
At-CHOO O'clock....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does h**... sneeze?
**a-jew* *
What makes a chicken sneeze?
Boog boog boog bogaaa
what do you call someone from israel that has to sneeze?
A Jew
:sneezes:
you are soooo good looking
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you know any jokes?
**Her:** "Do you know any jokes?"
**Me:** "No."
**Her:** "I'll teach you one."
"Knock! Knock!"
**Me:** "Who's there?"
**Her:** "Ash."
"Now ask, Ash: who?"
**Me:** "Ash: who?"
**Her:** "Please cover your mouth when you sneeze."
**Me: rekt**
People think they're being polite when they sneeze into their sleeves, but really
it' snot
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Source: Random 7 or 8 year old at a gas station.
What do sneeze attacks and runners both have?
Tennis shoes
I'm not good writing Songs but..
when I sneeze on the beat the beat gets sicker
How does a polar bear sneeze?
I-I-Igloo!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I sneezed and I just ripped the blood cot out of my wisdom tooth hole. Mouth full of blood. Dry socket here we COME...joke iz on me
Just sneezed around some very polite strangers.
#blessed
Every time I come up with a new metaphor it makes me sneeze.
It really sets off my analogies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My hayfever makes me sneeze like my dairy intolerance makes me f**....
I hate my analogies.
What does a Pokemon sneeze sound like?
Pik-achoo!
I bet a lot of people sneeze when they use social media
Because everyone is so #Blessed
It's allergy season upon us, so remember to say "pika" before you sneeze
and if you forget, just say "bacca" after!
I sneezed and my kids laughed
I yelled "you think it's funny but it's snot".
What state would expect to see a priest pray, sneeze and sit down
Massachusetts
A man walks into a buffet...
He puts a sausage on his plate, and his German friend says "now you're speaking my language!".
Then, he adds a slice of pizza to his plate, and his Italian friend says "now you're speaking my language!".
Then, the man has an incredible urge to sneeze. He reaches for a napkin and raises it up, and his French friend says "now you're speaking my language!".
Teacher: Ok class, can anyone tell me what 'analogy' is?
Student: Analogy is something that makes you sneeze.
An electric pokemon just sneezed its biggest sneeze ever
Some would call that its 'Peak Achoo'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate people who don't cover their noses and mouths when they sneeze.
They make me sick.
I sneezed a lot today and not a single sperson said bless you
This jury is harsh. I'm not looking forward to their verdict
Where do boogers go when you sneeze?
Achoo!
A tomato wanted to sneeze, what did it say?
KETCHUP!!!!
What do you call Ash Ketchum's loudest sneeze?
His pikachu.
When you sneeze while peeing
Your body takes a screenshot
Did you hear about the documentary claiming the twin towers were brought down by a large sneeze?
Gesundheit 9/11.
Did you know that non vaxxed kids had super abilities?
Their bodies are way more sensible to environmental exposure, and they can hear a sneeze from miles away.
I have a medical condition where I'm allergic to only one type of pasta
It's called macaroni and sneeze
Why does the Pope never sneeze?
Because he doesn't want anyone to bless him and become holier than him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So on a flight, there is a woman who is sneezing.
Now see, this woman is sneezing very vigorously. Eventually, a man leans over and asks 'what's wrong?'
The woman replies, 'I have a very rare condition wherein every time I sneeze I o**....'
The man replies, 'oh why that sounds terrible! What medication are you taking for it?'
The woman smiles and replies, 'pepper'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say coronavirus came from China.
I am not buying it, no one can sneeze that hard.
A man with the 'Rona disease
A man with the 'Rona disease
Threw caution and care to the breeze
No mask with his kin
He did them all in
With a sniffle a cough and a sneeze.
My friend has this strange condition that makes him sneeze whenever someone greets him.
He reckons it's Heyfever.
You might say this whole Covid thing is...
...nothing to sneeze at
(Just thought of that this morning, not sure if it's been done)
I got the COVID vaccine but I noticed a weird side effect
Every time I sneeze I hear the Microsoft error sound
Just curious, if you sneeze in a monastery
Do the priests say "Bless You"?
Or do they just do it?
Gesundheit
What are you called when you reach the highest power level sneeze ever?
You're a Peak-Achoo.
I'll see myself out...
"Did you know that a sneeze travels 100mph?"
"Yes, but that wasn't what triggered the speed camera," replied the police officer.
I've been accused of lying about how much snot comes out of my nose when I sneeze.
They always say I'm blowing it out of proportion
