Sneaking Out Jokes

125 sneaking out jokes and hilarious sneaking out puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sneaking out that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Sneaking Out Short Jokes

Short sneaking out jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sneaking out humour may include short sneak jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her. Also the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
  2. People always ask me how I sneak chocolate into the cinema. Well ... I got a few Twix up my sleeve.
  3. Why is leather armour better for sneaking than steel armour? Leather armour is made of hide.
  4. My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her And according to the judge, she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend
  5. Why do elephants wear green shoes? So they can sneak across pool tables.
    Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table?
    Works, doesn't it?
  6. A leopard tried to sneak out of his enclosure by pretending to be a zebra. But he was spotted.
  7. A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family. He is the seoul breadwinner
  8. It's statistically proven that having a ladder in your home is more dangerous than a loaded gun that's why I have 12 guns in case some maniac tries to sneak a ladder in here
  9. I had to pee really bad at the swimming pool yesterday, so I tried to sneak it in at the deep end... But the lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in.
  10. I tried to sneak a quick pee in the public pool today but I think the lifeguard saw me. He blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

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Sneaking Out One Liners

Which sneaking out one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sneaking out? I can suggest the ones about hiding and peeping.

  1. Leather armor is the best for sneaking because it's literally made of hide.
  2. Why does leather armor make you better at sneaking? Because it's made of hide.
  3. I sneaked onto a beach early this morning. The coast was clear.
  4. Why is it best to wear leather when sneaking around? It's made of hide
  5. Leather armor is perfect for sneaking Its literally made of hide.
  6. How do you sneak into a school for ghosts? Just act super natural.
  7. Leather jackets are great for sneaking up on people. They're made of hide.
  8. Breaking: scientists sneak up on periodic table And add the element of surprise
  9. I can sneak in an Uptown Funk reference here. Don't believe me? Just watch.
  10. Why is leather good for sneaking? It's made of hide (yes it's a bad joke)
  11. Why is leather armor great for sneaking? It's made of hide.
  12. Roses are red, violets are glorious Never sneak up,
    On oscar pistorious
  13. Why is it impossible to sneak up on Santa? He can always feel your presents.
  14. Do you have a phobia of intruders sneaking into your home? You're not alone.
  15. Leather is great for sneaking around because it's made of hide.

Sneaking Out Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about sneaking out you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean running away jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sneaking out pranks.

Leave the peach cobbler in the kitchen alone, mother said, going upstairs.

But I couldn't help myself. I sneaked in and watched him. Watched him make his s**... little peach shoes, taunting.
Nobody's going to wear those, I said. They're s**....
But on he worked.

Comprehensive guide to sneaking knives through TSA.

Worked 7/7 times for me so far with a switchblade.
Step 1: Be white.

In a small town in the middle of nowhere...

Recently, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a crime occurred which totally perplexed the local authorities. It seems that somehow, in a daring daylight robbery, an unidentified perpetrator managed to sneak into the crowded police station and systematically steal all of the toilets.

The cops have nothing to go on.

Got thrown out of the theatre during the Superman movie...

... but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.

Three old women go to a baseball game....

...To make things more interesting, they sneak in a bottle of bourbon with them. After a while, a lot of the game has gone by, and the ladies find they are almost out of bourbon. Given the information here, can you tell me the status of the game?

>^(It's the bottom of the Fifth, and the Bags are loaded.)

You know, studies show that keeping a ladder inside the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun.

That's why I own ten guns. In case some maniac tries to sneak in a ladder!
^(Source: Gravity Falls. Can't find a good clip of the moment)

A pair of twins have a deal...

They constantly get in trouble with the law for various reasons and are frequently thrown in jail. They don't like staying in jail for too long, so they made a deal: if only one of the twins is arrested and imprisoned, the other twin will sneak in and swap places with them when they have spent half the time served in prison.
It's great to see these twins are so close that they're always finish each other's sentences.

The German tax evader in Switzerland

A German wants to bring his untaxed savings to a number account in Switzerland.
He sneaks into the bank, looks around and whispers to the bank assistant:
"Psst! I've got 2 million euros in my suitcase!"
The bank assistant replies in a normal voice:
"Why do you try to be so unsuspicious? Poverty is not a shame in Switzerland."

There's 3 chinese brothers...

Bu, Chu, and Fu and they want to illgally sneak into America. So they decide to change their names to sound more American. Bu, changes his to Buck. Chu, changes his to Chuck. And Fu, got sent back to China.

How much c**... can a smuggler sneak into prison?

a buttload.

A Bank Robber Forgot His Mask

A bank robber wanted to keep his identity a secret, but he forgot to bring his mask. He told everyone in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them.
One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the bank robber did what he said he would... he shot him. The robber asked the crowd if anyone else had seen his face...
One customer, gazing intently at the ground, said "I think my wife got a glimpse."

To determine a rabbit's s**... from afar, try sneaking up on them and shouting: if he runs, it's a boy.

If *she* runs, it's a girl.

There was a farmer who grew watermelons...

He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his water melon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!!!"

Apparently women like tall men as it makes them feel protected.

That's probably why men like thin women, so they can see predators sneaking up behind the women.

How's a f**... and a teenager alike?

Because once you go to sleep, you can't trust either of them to not sneak out.

A Drill Sergeant does a surprise bed check late at night

A Drill Sergeant does a surprise bed check late at night and discovers a private sneaking back into the barracks.
Sergeant: Private! What are you doing?
Private: Trying to sleep, sir!
Sergeant: You look like you just had s**..., boy. When did you last have s**...?
Private: 2010, sir!
Sergeant: 2010? That's a long time, son.
Private: Not really, sir! It's only 2045 right now.

Two melons have a secret love affair...

One melon says to the other, "baby, I love you so much. I just wanna sneak away and get married right now."
The other responds, "no, we cantaloupe."

A number 2 is walking down the street...

When another number 2 sneaks up from behind and jumps on his friends back to surprise him.
The first number 2 shrieks out-
"Aahhhhh!! You squared me!!"

Why is leather so good for sneaking around in?

Because leather is made of hide.

Why is Bear Grylls a good friend to take to the movie theater?

He sneaks his own drinks in.

My son just came out of the closet

And his girlfriend is gonna try to sneak out later.

What do you call a pig sneak attack?

A Hambush.

Despite all the flak the public gives him, Trump has already solved the immigration problem in just a few days after becoming President-elect

Just ask yourself, who would want to sneak into America now?

A man sits down next to a lady reading a newspaper by the window on a bus...

He can't help himself and has to f**... so he does his best to sneak it out. He glances over and she doesn't seem to notice. Relieved, he decides to attempt light conversation.
"Are you done with that newspaper?" he asked.
She replied "No, but next tree we pass, I'll grab you some leaves".

What does Thor do to sneak around and avoid being noticed?

He stays Loki.

How do you trap an elephant?

Well first you dig a really big hole. Then put dry leaves and wood in the hole and light them on fire. Wait for the fire to go out. Then cover the hole with leaves and wait for the elephant to walk by it.
Then, sneak up behind the elephant, and when it least expects it, kick it in the ash hole

What's the best way to sneak cheat notes into an exam without getting caught?

Memorise them.

As my son tried to sneak in the house late last night

I shouted: "Come in here boy, let me smell your fingers."
"I tell you every time Dad, I don't smoke" he said, "I've been over the park with my girlfriend."
"I know, son" I replied, sniffing deeply, "I know."

How do you catch an elephant?

You dig a pit, fill it with ash, and surround it with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, you sneak up behind him and kick him in the ash hole.

I told my girlfriend we can either have s**..., or I'm leaving to watch Guardians Of The Galaxy.

She said "I'm on my period and Guardians Of The Galaxy is sold out!"
I said, "It's alright, I'll just sneak in through the rear entrance."

I used to smoke w**... and go to class...

Sneak in ten minutes late with a b**... excuse. Slink down low at my desk. pray to God nobody asked me any questions.
I was the best teacher ever.

A young tourist was attempting to sneak a quart of tequila...

...back from Mexico when the border guard stopped him and asked what was in the bottle.
"Holy water from the shrine of the v**... Mary" replied the man.
The border guard opened the bottle, took a sip exclaimed , "This is tequila"
"My heavens!" Gasped the man. "Another miracle!"

How does a blackjack dealer sneak about?

He shuffles a round.

A deranged fan sneaked into Taylor Swift's dressing room.

She didn't hear him coming.

How do you date a building?

Slip it a roofie and sneak in the back door.

When I was a boy...

"I was walking along a street and happened to spy a cart full of watermelons. I was fond of watermelon, so I sneaked quietly on the cart and snitched one. I then ran into a nearby alley and sank my teeth into the melon.
No sooner had I done so, however, than a strange feeling came over me. Without a moment's hesitation, I made my decision. I walked back to the cart, replaced the melon -
And took a ripe one."
-Mark Twain

What kind of shoe do ninja wear?


My girlfriend tried to sneak leafy greens into another country on our vacation...

...I thought customs was gonna Caeser salad, but they let it romaine.

I told my girlfriend that we could either see a movie or have s**...

She said the movie was closed and she was on her period, so I decided to sneak in through the rear entrance

Why should you sneak in a leather coat?

Because it's made of hide

How does Severus Snape sneak up on a Gryffindor?

By slitherin'.

Studies show owning a ladder is more dangerous that a loaded gun.

That's why I own ten guns, just in case some fool tries to sneak in here with a ladder

Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now?

It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.

When I was younger I used to sneak out of home to go parties.

Now I sneak out of parties to go home

There's a guy sneaking around in grocery stores in my town dropping chunks of dry ice in boxes of cereal.

We're being attacked by a cereal chiller!

A couple was having a party at their house.

An hour before the party the woman found out that she still needed escargots. So she sent her husband out to get it. He was walking to the supermarket and he figured he had lots of time. So he stopped at the bar on the way. An hour and a half later he looked at his watch and realized that the party had already started. He quickly ran to the market, bought the snails and ran home. He tried to sneak into the kitchen without his wife seeing him. But at that moment his wife came out. He quickly threw the snails on the floor and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there."

I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a Doctor.

The Security Guard suspected I was not the Real McCoy.

Leave the peach cobbler in the kitchen alone, mother would say, going upstairs.

But I couldn't help myself, I sneaked in and watched him making those s**... little peach shoes.

A Kiwi and an Aussie are fishing one afternoon and have a couple of cold beers

After a while the Kiwi says to the Aussie, "If I was to sneak over to your house and make wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Aussie after a great deal of thought, says, "I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."

People call me an idiot because I like to sneak up behind horses just to scare them.

But I get a kick out of it.

NEVER fight a cougar

Just give her a fake name and sneak her out in the morning

1999: kidss sneak out to drink

2009: kids sneak out to smoke w**...
2019: kids sneak out to get vaccinated

Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the n**... woman they find in there.

A startled, n**..., man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."
The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that."
The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"

My friend sneaked up behind me, and hit me over the head with a block of cheese

I said Oh that's very mature.

A beta tester walks into a bar

A beta tester runs into a bar
A beta tester crawls into a bar
A beta tester moonwalks into a bar
A beta tester jumps into a bar
A beta tester sneaks into a bar
A beta tester orders 1 beer
A beta tester orders 2 beers
A beta tester orders 0 beers
A beta tester orders 999999999 beers
A beta tester orders -1 beers
A beta tester orders qwertyuip beers
A beta tester orders a lizard in a cup
A regular user walks into the bar and asks if he can use their toilet
The bar erupts into flames and burns to the ground.

April Fools Day............

The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.

My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.

Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.
That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."
"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.
"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."

A n old farmer grows watermelons

However, every night, a group of kids would sneak into his farm at night and eat some of his produce. One day the farmer gets fed up with this and places down a sign in the field saying "Warning: one of these watermelons has been injected with cyanide". He then waits. Night passes and the farmer excitedly goes out to his field to check the results, only to find another sign posted next to his saying "now there's two of them"

What do you call a serious man with a scythe that sneaks around outside people's windows?

The grim peeper.

Two Australians were sitting around talking over a beer..

After a while the first Australian says to the second, If I was to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife while you was off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
The second Australian crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes, thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, _*"Well, I don't know about related, but I reckon it'd make us even."