Sneaking Out Jokes
125 sneaking out jokes and hilarious sneaking out puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sneaking out that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Sneaking Out Short Jokes
Short sneaking out jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sneaking out humour may include short sneak jokes also.
- My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her. Also the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
- People always ask me how I sneak chocolate into the cinema. Well ... I got a few Twix up my sleeve.
- Why do elephants wear green shoes? So they can sneak across pool tables.
Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table?
Works, doesn't it? - A leopard tried to sneak out of his enclosure by pretending to be a zebra. But he was spotted.
- A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family. He is the seoul breadwinner
- It's statistically proven that having a ladder in your home is more dangerous than a loaded gun that's why I have 12 guns in case some maniac tries to sneak a ladder in here
- Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now? It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.
- What do you call a serious man with a scythe that sneaks around outside people's windows? The grim peeper.
- April Fools Day............ The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.
- Got thrown out of the theatre during the Superman movie... ... but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.
Share These Sneaking Out Jokes With Friends
Sneaking Out One Liners
Which sneaking out one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sneaking out? I can suggest the ones about running away and leaving early.
- Leather armor is the best for sneaking because it's literally made of hide.
- Why does leather armor make you better at sneaking? Because it's made of hide.
- I sneaked onto a beach early this morning. The coast was clear.
- How do you sneak into a school for ghosts? Just act super natural.
- Breaking: scientists sneak up on periodic table And add the element of surprise
- I can sneak in an Uptown Funk reference here. Don't believe me? Just watch.
- Roses are red, violets are glorious Never sneak up,
On oscar pistorious - Why is it impossible to sneak up on Santa? He can always feel your presents.
- Why are fire engines red? So they can sneak up on fires without being caught.
- How does a blackjack dealer sneak about? He shuffles a round.
- What does Thor do to sneak around and avoid being noticed? He stays Loki.
- What do you call a pig sneak attack? A Hambush.
- NEVER fight a cougar Just give her a fake name and sneak her out in the morning
- A deranged fan sneaked into Taylor Swift's dressing room. She didn't hear him coming.
- How does Severus Snape sneak up on a Gryffindor? By slitherin'.
Sneaking Out Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about sneaking out you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sneered jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sneaking out pranks.
Me: *sneaks out of the house* *drives to another state* *hides in a cave* *quietly opens a bag of chips* My kids: Can we have some?
Comprehensive guide to sneaking knives through TSA.
Worked 7/7 times for me so far with a switchblade.
Step 1: Be white.
In a small town in the middle of nowhere...
Recently, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a crime occurred which totally perplexed the local authorities. It seems that somehow, in a daring daylight robbery, an unidentified perpetrator managed to sneak into the crowded police station and systematically steal all of the toilets.
The cops have nothing to go on.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Historians recently discovered evidence that h**... was a ventriloquist.
Apparently he would sneak out some nights with his d**... who was a violinist. He would bring the d**... to small concert venues and ventriloquize the violin music, interjecting humorous anti-Semitic remarks in between songs. To avoid being recognized, we wore a fake mustache, and called his act A Doll Fiddler.
You know, studies show that keeping a ladder inside the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun.
That's why I own ten guns. In case some maniac tries to sneak in a ladder!
^(Source: Gravity Falls. Can't find a good clip of the moment)
A pair of twins have a deal...
They constantly get in trouble with the law for various reasons and are frequently thrown in jail. They don't like staying in jail for too long, so they made a deal: if only one of the twins is arrested and imprisoned, the other twin will sneak in and swap places with them when they have spent half the time served in prison.
It's great to see these twins are so close that they're always finish each other's sentences.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A nun joke.
A young nun has a man sneak into her room and r**... her. When the man leaves the young nun runs to the mother superior and tells her what happened.
"Quick, s**... on this lemon" The mother superior tells her, handing her half a lemon.
"Will that stop me getting pregnant?" Says the young nun.
"No" says the mother superior "but it will wipe that smile off your face."
The German tax evader in Switzerland
A German wants to bring his untaxed savings to a number account in Switzerland.
He sneaks into the bank, looks around and whispers to the bank assistant:
"Psst! I've got 2 million euros in my suitcase!"
The bank assistant replies in a normal voice:
"Why do you try to be so unsuspicious? Poverty is not a shame in Switzerland."
There's 3 chinese brothers...
Bu, Chu, and Fu and they want to illgally sneak into America. So they decide to change their names to sound more American. Bu, changes his to Buck. Chu, changes his to Chuck. And Fu, got sent back to China.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How much c**... can a smuggler sneak into prison?
a buttload.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
To determine a rabbit's s**... from afar, try sneaking up on them and shouting: if he runs, it's a boy.
If *she* runs, it's a girl.
There was a farmer who grew watermelons...
He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his water melon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to catch a polar bear.
Cut a big hole in a frozen lake and surround it with carrots. When the polar bear goes for the carrots, sneak up behind him and kick him in the icehole.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How's a f**... and a teenager alike?
Because once you go to sleep, you can't trust either of them to not sneak out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A good metaphor for today's youth is the book Peter Pan...
Kids sneak out. Get high on dust together. Beat up handicapped man, and steal his boat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call girls who sneak into your life, rob you of all your hopes and dreams and then leave you destroyed?
t**... w**....
My technique with women is, I sneak up behind them and scream obscenities in their ear — when they turn round I'm wearing a nice sweater and holding a kitten.
I call it 'Shock and Awwww!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call it when someone asks their friend to stayas a wingman at a party with them and then sneaks out the b**... themselves five minutes later?
Scotland.
Why did the old man sneak past the cupboard?
He didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Drill Sergeant does a surprise bed check late at night
A Drill Sergeant does a surprise bed check late at night and discovers a private sneaking back into the barracks.
Sergeant: Private! What are you doing?
Private: Trying to sleep, sir!
Sergeant: You look like you just had s**..., boy. When did you last have s**...?
Private: 2010, sir!
Sergeant: 2010? That's a long time, son.
Private: Not really, sir! It's only 2045 right now.
Two melons have a secret love affair...
One melon says to the other, "baby, I love you so much. I just wanna sneak away and get married right now."
The other responds, "no, we cantaloupe."
A number 2 is walking down the street...
When another number 2 sneaks up from behind and jumps on his friends back to surprise him.
The first number 2 shrieks out-
"Aahhhhh!! You squared me!!"
Sorry...
Why is Bear Grylls a good friend to take to the movie theater?
He sneaks his own drinks in.
My son just came out of the closet
And his girlfriend is gonna try to sneak out later.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Despite all the flak the public gives him, Trump has already solved the immigration problem in just a few days after becoming President-elect
Just ask yourself, who would want to sneak into America now?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man sits down next to a lady reading a newspaper by the window on a bus...
He can't help himself and has to f**... so he does his best to sneak it out. He glances over and she doesn't seem to notice. Relieved, he decides to attempt light conversation.
"Are you done with that newspaper?" he asked.
She replied "No, but next tree we pass, I'll grab you some leaves".
Napping at work
Sometimes, when I'm sure people can only see the back of my head, I enjoy sneaking in a quick catnap at work. They never last too long though, invariably someone rings the bell telling me they want to get off my bus.
What's the best way to sneak cheat notes into an exam without getting caught?
Memorise them.
As my son tried to sneak in the house late last night
I shouted: "Come in here boy, let me smell your fingers."
"I tell you every time Dad, I don't smoke" he said, "I've been over the park with my girlfriend."
"I know, son" I replied, sniffing deeply, "I know."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you catch an elephant?
You dig a pit, fill it with ash, and surround it with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, you sneak up behind him and kick him in the ash hole.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my girlfriend we can either have s**..., or I'm leaving to watch Guardians Of The Galaxy.
She said "I'm on my period and Guardians Of The Galaxy is sold out!"
I said, "It's alright, I'll just sneak in through the rear entrance."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young tourist was attempting to sneak a quart of tequila...
...back from Mexico when the border guard stopped him and asked what was in the bottle.
"Holy water from the shrine of the v**... Mary" replied the man.
The border guard opened the bottle, took a sip exclaimed , "This is tequila"
"My heavens!" Gasped the man. "Another miracle!"
What was the investment broker doing sneaking around the cider mill?
He was looking for in-cider information.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you date a building?
Slip it a roofie and sneak in the back door.
Have you heard of the Arkansas shuffle?
That's where you have to sneak out of your sisters bed in the middle of the night and crawl back into mom's bed before she knows you where gone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My childhood memories of Christmas are dominated by the time I sneaked downstairs one Christmas Eve and heard my mother telling Father Christmas that he was a fat, lazy, good for nothing drunken slob...
I saw mommy dissing Santa Claus...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which Star Wars character would always sneak off set for a cheeky m**... session?
Obi Wan Kernobi.
When I was a boy...
"I was walking along a street and happened to spy a cart full of watermelons. I was fond of watermelon, so I sneaked quietly on the cart and snitched one. I then ran into a nearby alley and sank my teeth into the melon.
No sooner had I done so, however, than a strange feeling came over me. Without a moment's hesitation, I made my decision. I walked back to the cart, replaced the melon -
And took a ripe one."
-Mark Twain
My girlfriend tried to sneak leafy greens into another country on our vacation...
...I thought customs was gonna Caeser salad, but they let it romaine.
People in the gym are looking at me weird.
Like they've never seen someone sneaking dumbbells into their rucksack before.
What kind of footwear do robbers use for sneaking around?
Probably Nike or Adidas
Studies show owning a ladder is more dangerous that a loaded gun.
That's why I own ten guns, just in case some fool tries to sneak in here with a ladder
When I was younger I used to sneak out of home to go parties.
Now I sneak out of parties to go home
There's a guy sneaking around in grocery stores in my town dropping chunks of dry ice in boxes of cereal.
We're being attacked by a cereal chiller!
Why is it super hard to sneak up on a hurricane?
Because they're always turning around. Be safe with Florence.
A couple was having a party at their house.
An hour before the party the woman found out that she still needed escargots. So she sent her husband out to get it. He was walking to the supermarket and he figured he had lots of time. So he stopped at the bar on the way. An hour and a half later he looked at his watch and realized that the party had already started. He quickly ran to the market, bought the snails and ran home. He tried to sneak into the kitchen without his wife seeing him. But at that moment his wife came out. He quickly threw the snails on the floor and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there."
I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a Doctor.
The Security Guard suspected I was not the Real McCoy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Leave the peach cobbler in the kitchen alone, mother would say, going upstairs.
But I couldn't help myself, I sneaked in and watched him making those s**... little peach shoes.
A Statistician is caught trying to sneak a bomb on a plane....
When asked why he would do such a thing, he replied:
"To reduce the probability of a bomb being on the plane"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Kiwi and an Aussie are fishing one afternoon and have a couple of cold beers
After a while the kiwi says to the Aussie, "If I was to sneak over to your house and make wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Aussie after a great deal of thought, says, "I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mate Joe is the best prankster ever!
Every time I come back from work early he's standing n**... in my wardrobe waiting to jump out at me.
How he sneaks past the wife without her spotting him, I'll never know.... absolute legend.
People call me an idiot because I like to sneak up behind horses just to scare them.
But I get a kick out of it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
1999: kidss sneak out to drink
2009: kids sneak out to smoke w**...
2019: kids sneak out to get vaccinated
A corrupt politician manages to sneak a number of loopholes in to a new law that gave him ownership of several hotels in Seville and Valencia
Nobody inspects the Spanish inn decision
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the n**... woman they find in there.
A startled, n**..., man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."
The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that."
The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"
My friend sneaked up behind me, and hit me over the head with a block of cheese
I said Oh that's very mature.
A beta tester walks into a bar
A beta tester runs into a bar
A beta tester crawls into a bar
A beta tester moonwalks into a bar
A beta tester jumps into a bar
A beta tester sneaks into a bar
A beta tester orders 1 beer
A beta tester orders 2 beers
A beta tester orders 0 beers
A beta tester orders 999999999 beers
A beta tester orders -1 beers
A beta tester orders qwertyuip beers
A beta tester orders a lizard in a cup
A regular user walks into the bar and asks if he can use their toilet
The bar erupts into flames and burns to the ground.
Sneak up. Shout at the virus.
Then Run
My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.
Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.
That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."
"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.
"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."
Satan sneak into my house yesterday
He said I won't be getting any presents from him this christmas
A n old farmer grows watermelons
However, every night, a group of kids would sneak into his farm at night and eat some of his produce. One day the farmer gets fed up with this and places down a sign in the field saying "Warning: one of these watermelons has been injected with cyanide". He then waits. Night passes and the farmer excitedly goes out to his field to check the results, only to find another sign posted next to his saying "now there's two of them"