Sneak Jokes

108 sneak jokes and hilarious sneak puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sneak that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Sneak Short Jokes

Short sneak jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sneak humour may include short sneeze jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her. Also the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
  2. People always ask me how I sneak chocolate into the cinema. Well ... I got a few Twix up my sleeve.
  3. Why is leather armour better for sneaking than steel armour? Leather armour is made of hide.
  4. My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her And according to the judge, she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend
  5. Why do elephants wear green shoes? So they can sneak across pool tables.
    Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table?
    Works, doesn't it?
  6. A leopard tried to sneak out of his enclosure by pretending to be a zebra. But he was spotted.
  7. A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family. He is the seoul breadwinner
  8. It's statistically proven that having a ladder in your home is more dangerous than a loaded gun that's why I have 12 guns in case some maniac tries to sneak a ladder in here
  9. I had to pee really bad at the swimming pool yesterday, so I tried to sneak it in at the deep end... But the lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in.
  10. I tried to sneak a quick pee in the public pool today but I think the lifeguard saw me. He blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

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Sneak One Liners

Which sneak one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sneak? I can suggest the ones about crept and peek.

  1. Leather armor is the best for sneaking because it's literally made of hide.
  2. Why does leather armor make you better at sneaking? Because it's made of hide.
  3. I sneaked onto a beach early this morning. The coast was clear.
  4. Why is it best to wear leather when sneaking around? It's made of hide
  5. Leather armor is perfect for sneaking Its literally made of hide.
  6. How do you sneak into a school for ghosts? Just act super natural.
  7. Leather jackets are great for sneaking up on people. They're made of hide.
  8. Breaking: scientists sneak up on periodic table And add the element of surprise
  9. I can sneak in an Uptown Funk reference here. Don't believe me? Just watch.
  10. Why is leather good for sneaking? It's made of hide (yes it's a bad joke)
  11. Why is leather armor great for sneaking? It's made of hide.
  12. Roses are red, violets are glorious Never sneak up,
    On oscar pistorious
  13. Why is it impossible to sneak up on Santa? He can always feel your presents.
  14. Do you have a phobia of intruders sneaking into your home? You're not alone.
  15. Leather is great for sneaking around because it's made of hide.

Sneak joke, Leather is great for sneaking around

Sneak Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about sneak you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean steal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sneak pranks.

In a small town in the middle of nowhere...

Recently, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a crime occurred which totally perplexed the local authorities. It seems that somehow, in a daring daylight robbery, an unidentified perpetrator managed to sneak into the crowded police station and systematically steal all of the toilets.

The cops have nothing to go on.

Got thrown out of the theatre during the Superman movie...

... but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.

Why were the sneakers so sad?

Because they had ten issues.

Three old women go to a baseball game....

...To make things more interesting, they sneak in a bottle of bourbon with them. After a while, a lot of the game has gone by, and the ladies find they are almost out of bourbon. Given the information here, can you tell me the status of the game?

>^(It's the bottom of the Fifth, and the Bags are loaded.)

Historians recently discovered evidence that h**... was a ventriloquist.

Apparently he would sneak out some nights with his d**... who was a violinist. He would bring the d**... to small concert venues and ventriloquize the violin music, interjecting humorous anti-Semitic remarks in between songs. To avoid being recognized, we wore a fake mustache, and called his act A Doll Fiddler.

You know, studies show that keeping a ladder inside the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun.

That's why I own ten guns. In case some maniac tries to sneak in a ladder!
^(Source: Gravity Falls. Can't find a good clip of the moment)

Took a sneak peak and this is what my GF got me for Christmas!

A pair of twins have a deal...

They constantly get in trouble with the law for various reasons and are frequently thrown in jail. They don't like staying in jail for too long, so they made a deal: if only one of the twins is arrested and imprisoned, the other twin will sneak in and swap places with them when they have spent half the time served in prison.
It's great to see these twins are so close that they're always finish each other's sentences.

A nun joke.

A young nun has a man sneak into her room and r**... her. When the man leaves the young nun runs to the mother superior and tells her what happened.
"Quick, s**... on this lemon" The mother superior tells her, handing her half a lemon.
"Will that stop me getting pregnant?" Says the young nun.
"No" says the mother superior "but it will wipe that smile off your face."

There's 3 chinese brothers...

Bu, Chu, and Fu and they want to illgally sneak into America. So they decide to change their names to sound more American. Bu, changes his to Buck. Chu, changes his to Chuck. And Fu, got sent back to China.

How much c**... can a smuggler sneak into prison?

a buttload.

You have to be really sneaky to get a girl pregnant

The trick is to never let them know that you're coming.

There was a farmer who grew watermelons...

He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his water melon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!!!"

How to catch a polar bear.

Cut a big hole in a frozen lake and surround it with carrots. When the polar bear goes for the carrots, sneak up behind him and kick him in the icehole.

How's a f**... and a teenager alike?

Because once you go to sleep, you can't trust either of them to not sneak out.

A good metaphor for today's youth is the book Peter Pan...

Kids sneak out. Get high on dust together. Beat up handicapped man, and steal his boat.

What do you call girls who sneak into your life, rob you of all your hopes and dreams and then leave you destroyed?

t**... w**....

My technique with women is, I sneak up behind them and scream obscenities in their ear — when they turn round I'm wearing a nice sweater and holding a kitten.

I call it 'Shock and Awwww!'

Why did the old man sneak past the cupboard?

He didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.

Two melons have a secret love affair...

One melon says to the other, "baby, I love you so much. I just wanna sneak away and get married right now."
The other responds, "no, we cantaloupe."

My son just came out of the closet

And his girlfriend is gonna try to sneak out later.

Yo mama's so dumb

She had to sneak past the medicine cabinet so that she didn't wake up the sleeping pills.

What do you call a pig sneak attack?

A Hambush.

Despite all the flak the public gives him, Trump has already solved the immigration problem in just a few days after becoming President-elect

Just ask yourself, who would want to sneak into America now?

The least sneaky person I've met is Alan Glasscock...

You could always see him coming.

A man sits down next to a lady reading a newspaper by the window on a bus...

He can't help himself and has to f**... so he does his best to sneak it out. He glances over and she doesn't seem to notice. Relieved, he decides to attempt light conversation.
"Are you done with that newspaper?" he asked.
She replied "No, but next tree we pass, I'll grab you some leaves".

What does Thor do to sneak around and avoid being noticed?

He stays Loki.

How do you trap an elephant?

Well first you dig a really big hole. Then put dry leaves and wood in the hole and light them on fire. Wait for the fire to go out. Then cover the hole with leaves and wait for the elephant to walk by it.
Then, sneak up behind the elephant, and when it least expects it, kick it in the ash hole

What's the best way to sneak cheat notes into an exam without getting caught?

Memorise them.

As my son tried to sneak in the house late last night

I shouted: "Come in here boy, let me smell your fingers."
"I tell you every time Dad, I don't smoke" he said, "I've been over the park with my girlfriend."
"I know, son" I replied, sniffing deeply, "I know."

How do you catch an elephant?

You dig a pit, fill it with ash, and surround it with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, you sneak up behind him and kick him in the ash hole.

I told my girlfriend we can either have s**..., or I'm leaving to watch Guardians Of The Galaxy.

She said "I'm on my period and Guardians Of The Galaxy is sold out!"
I said, "It's alright, I'll just sneak in through the rear entrance."

I used to smoke w**... and go to class...

Sneak in ten minutes late with a b**... excuse. Slink down low at my desk. pray to God nobody asked me any questions.
I was the best teacher ever.

A young tourist was attempting to sneak a quart of tequila...

...back from Mexico when the border guard stopped him and asked what was in the bottle.
"Holy water from the shrine of the v**... Mary" replied the man.
The border guard opened the bottle, took a sip exclaimed , "This is tequila"
"My heavens!" Gasped the man. "Another miracle!"

How does a blackjack dealer sneak about?

He shuffles a round.

What did the sneaker say to the cat?


Why did the sneakerhead go to the hospital?

His shoe was laced :)

How do you date a building?

Slip it a roofie and sneak in the back door.

Have you heard of the Arkansas shuffle?

That's where you have to sneak out of your sisters bed in the middle of the night and crawl back into mom's bed before she knows you where gone.

Which Star Wars character would always sneak off set for a cheeky m**... session?

Obi Wan Kernobi.

What do Sneakers and Jews have in Common?

They're more common in 39 than 45.

My girlfriend tried to sneak leafy greens into another country on our vacation...

...I thought customs was gonna Caeser salad, but they let it romaine.

I told my girlfriend that we could either see a movie or have s**...

She said the movie was closed and she was on her period, so I decided to sneak in through the rear entrance

How did the Game Of Thrones fan sneak into the brothel?

Through the Hodor!!!

Why do Scotsman wear kilts?

So the sheep don't hear their zippers as they sneak up behind them

Why should you sneak in a leather coat?

Because it's made of hide

How does Severus Snape sneak up on a Gryffindor?

By slitherin'.

Studies show owning a ladder is more dangerous that a loaded gun.

That's why I own ten guns, just in case some fool tries to sneak in here with a ladder

Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now?

It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.

When I was younger I used to sneak out of home to go parties.

Now I sneak out of parties to go home

Why is it super hard to sneak up on a hurricane?

Because they're always turning around. Be safe with Florence.

I was trying on my new sneakers my husband bought me the other day...

Me: But, do they make my feet look big??
5-year old son: If I was your husband I'd say no. But yes.

I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a Doctor.

The Security Guard suspected I was not the Real McCoy.

My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her.

A Statistician is caught trying to sneak a bomb on a plane....

When asked why he would do such a thing, he replied:
"To reduce the probability of a bomb being on the plane"

A Kiwi and an Aussie are fishing one afternoon and have a couple of cold beers

After a while the kiwi says to the Aussie, "If I was to sneak over to your house and make wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Aussie after a great deal of thought, says, "I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."

People call me an idiot because I like to sneak up behind horses just to scare them.

But I get a kick out of it.

NEVER fight a cougar

Just give her a fake name and sneak her out in the morning

1999: kidss sneak out to drink

2009: kids sneak out to smoke w**...
2019: kids sneak out to get vaccinated

A corrupt politician manages to sneak a number of loopholes in to a new law that gave him ownership of several hotels in Seville and Valencia

Nobody inspects the Spanish inn decision

Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the n**... woman they find in there.

A startled, n**..., man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."
The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that."
The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"

Satan sneak into my house yesterday

He said I won't be getting any presents from him this christmas

A n old farmer grows watermelons

However, every night, a group of kids would sneak into his farm at night and eat some of his produce. One day the farmer gets fed up with this and places down a sign in the field saying "Warning: one of these watermelons has been injected with cyanide". He then waits. Night passes and the farmer excitedly goes out to his field to check the results, only to find another sign posted next to his saying "now there's two of them"

Two Australians were sitting around talking over a beer..

After a while the first Australian says to the second, If I was to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife while you was off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
The second Australian crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes, thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, _*"Well, I don't know about related, but I reckon it'd make us even."

Two hydrogen atoms decide that they want to ride on the Large Hadron Collider.

They jump on a plane to Switzerland and sneak in while no one is looking. As they start to speed up one of them realises that they have both lost their electrons. It mentions it to his friend who asks "Are you sure?"
It replys "I'm positive."

Two tipsy women sneak into a graveyard to pee one night.

Once done, one uses her p**... to wipe with and throws them away, the other uses a ribbon from a nearby wreath.
The next day one husband called the other: "My wife came home last night without any p**...!"
"That's nothing!" The other replied, "My wife had a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

Fishing Buddies

A Kiwi and an Aussie went fishing one afternoon and decided to have a couple of cold beers.
After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
The Kiwi after a great deal of thought, says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."

Why are fire engines red?

So they can sneak up on fires without being caught.

Sounds of Silence

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break, about being out late the night before. The first man signed," My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "You're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me h**... for being out so late." The first deaf man asked, " So what did you do?"
"I turned out the light," the second man signed.

Sneak joke, Sounds of Silence

jokes about sneak