The Best 43 Snaps Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Snaps jokes. There are some snaps snap jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these snaps turns puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Snaps Jokes and Puns
A man was having sex with his wife one night...
"Deeper... deeper..." she moaned.
The man, not having finished, pulls out and starts getting dressed. The woman is surprised and asks "What's wrong baby?"
The man snaps back, "Deeper, deeper?! How about I coo in your ear tighter, tighter!
What happens when you provoke an angry redhead?
Ginger snaps.
Back in the days of the USSR, two men stood in a block-long line for cucumbers...
Suddenly one of them snaps, and yells "This is an outrage! Waiting for hours for a couple of lousy cucumbers! I'm going to the Kremlin to assassinate the fools responsible for this!" and stomps off. A couple hours later, he's back.
One of the other people in line asks "Did you kill the guy in the Kremlin?"
The first guy responds "You think *this* line is long?"
A Prime Rib, A Baked Potato, and a Garden Salad walk into a bar...
The bartender snaps his head away from the newspaper and yells, "Beat it, guys!" "We don't serve food!"
An eccentric professor brings a cloning machine into class to illustrate a difficult concept...
One student, gesturing to the demonstration, decides to reach out to his overachieving friend.
"I just don't understand what that thing does."
His friend, clearly bothered by the situation, snaps back, "that makes two of us!"
The English and the Scots.
A Englishman and a Scot are walking along the beach when the Englishman kicks over a lamp and a genie appears. He grants them one wish each. The Englishman says "I wish a hundred foot tall and 100 feet wide wall surrounded England, and no-one can get in or out." The genie snaps his fingers and says "It is done." He then turns to the Scot, who says "Fill it with water."
Old Soviet joke
People are waiting in a long line like to buy vodka. Finally one alcoholic snaps and screams - 'I can't take it, I'll go kill Gorbachev!' And leaves the store. 10 minutes later he come back and says. 'The line to kill Gorbachev is even longer.'
Why did Ginger go to the psych ward?
Ginger snaps
Whats the resemblance between a prostitute and bungee jumping?
You enjoy them both untill the rubber snaps.
My mom dropped this one on me
Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"
I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.
Without a pause, she snaps back, "Not nearly as dumb as the thing that fell out of my other hole 27 years ago."
Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant.
Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke's still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, Use the forks, Luke.
You can explore snaps bolts reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean snaps gasps dad jokes. There are also snaps puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
You know you're in for a rough Prostate Exam...
...when you get into "position" and, right after the doctor snaps his gloves on, the nurse leans forward and gives you the "safe word"
Why was 6 afraid of 11?
Because 11 snaps people's necks with her mind.
Jack and Jill work together in an office...
Things are getting very slow and the manager realizes he has to let one of them go but he can't decide. The manager approaches Jill and says "I have to lay you or Jack off".
"Jack off!" snaps Jill "I have a headache".
What's common between a bungee jumper and a hooker?
If the rubber snaps, you're screwed
A girl with a peg leg goes to her high school dance...
And she is slowly walking around, sad that nobody wanted to dance with her. Right before she was about to leave a boy with a wooden eye walks up and asks her to dance. To which she replies
"Would I! Would I!"
The boy is angered anD snaps back at her.
"Peg Leg! Peg Leg!
The doctor asks "Would you like to see the Misscarriage"?
"Of course I want to see my daughter," snaps Mr. Carriage.
So Hitler decides to go see a psychic...
...and the psychic tells him that he will die on the day of a Jewish holiday. Hitler, obviously distraught, demands the psychic tell him more, and tries to coerce him into giving more details in hopes that he can somehow prevent it.
After much back and forth, the psychic finally snaps in impatience and says, "Well, whatever the day you die is going to be a Jewish holiday anyway,".
Older lady in the bus snaps at a guy with a dog...
Please get that thing away from me. I can feel flees on my legs.
Dog owner to dog: Rex move away, the lady has flees
10-inch BIC
Two guys are out fishing on a boat when one of them wants to have a smoke.
1: You got a lighter?
2: Yes. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter*
1: Woah, where'd you get that!?
2: I have a personal genie.
1: Cool! Can I make a wish?
2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. *Summons genie*
1: I wish for a million bucks!
*The genie snaps his fingers and a million ducks fly overhead.*
1: Wow, your genie really sucks at hearing.
2: I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?
A man and a small boy are walking into the woods as it is getting dark.
The little boy says to the man. "Gee, I'm really scared". The man turns around and snaps back at the little boy and says, "you, you, you. It's all about you. What about me? I've got to walk back out of these woods alone"
A cat and a mouse go to heaven
A cat and a mouse got to heaven, after a bit God goes to the mouse and asks "how do you like it up here?" The mouse replies "it's fine but I have a hard time getting around", God then snaps his fingers and gives the mouse a pair a wheels to roll around on. A little later God then goes to the cat and asks "how do you like it up here?" The cat replies "Oh I love it! I never had meals on wheels like this before!"
A drill seargant walks up to a recruit
and asks, "Private! Do you have change for a 20?"
"Sure buddy", replies the private, reaching into his pocket.
"Thats no way to speak to a superior officer!" Bellows the seargant,"Lets try again!Private! Do you have change for a 20?!"
The private snaps to attention and replies "Sir! No sir!"
An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries. A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.''It's all right,'' says the husband. ''We share everything.''
A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite. ''I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal,'' he insists.''She'll eat,'' the husband assures him. ''We share everything.''Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, ''Why aren't you eating?''The wife snaps, ''Because I'm waiting for the teeth!''
Yo Momma so fat (Avengers Edition)
Yo Momma so fat it took Thanos 2 Snaps to destroy her.
Thanos appears in the Universe of Steven Universe
He snaps his fingers and half of Steven is gone.
The only thing scarier than Thanos is a sassy gay Thanos
*Snaps in a Z formation*
What snaps, crackles and pops when you throw them on the ground?
The elderly.
Two Scientists walk into a bar
Bartender comes around
The bartender: What will you be having?
Scientist 1: I'll have some H20
The bartender hands him a glass of water
The bartender: And you?
Scientist 2: I'll have some H20 also
Scientist 2's arch nemesis disguised as the bartender: -Snaps finger- So close
What part of the body hurts the most when it snaps?
Thanos
A landscaper is adding a bunch of sand along the edge of a pond...
He looks at the guy who owns the pond and asks "do you really want me doing this?"
The man snaps back, "YES! JUST KEEP WORKING!"
The landscaper replies "ok! Jeez! I'm just makin' shore!"
When Thanos snaps...
Avengers: Oh no, he did it he managed to get rid of half the universe we did not stop him there is no hope. We are in Endgame now.
Karen: ThE VaCCinEs TurNEd My KIdS tO DuSt !!!!!
Red my mind
I made an off-color joke to my friend the other day and one of my friends didn't get it. Then after some thinking I remembered *snaps* he's color blind.
Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant
Ten minutes into the meal, Luke's still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, *Use the forks, Luke.*
A Roman centurian walks into a bar
And says to the barman "I'd like a Martinus, please"
The barman says "don't you mean a Martini?"
And the centurion snaps "if I wanted a double I would have asked for one"
A chef asks an employee to grab him some cilantro
He quickly grabs the herb and returns to his boss. When he returns the chef is busy doing something and can't take the cilantro right away.
Give me a second, he says
Take your time, the employee responds patiently.
The chef snaps back I told you to give me a second! Also I asked for cilantro!
A man finds a magical lamp.
He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears and says, "What is your first wish?" The man says, "I wish I were rich!" The genie snaps his fingers and replies, "Your wish has been granted! What is your second wish, Rich?"
A woman walks into a bar
She sits at the counter and orders a salad with croutons and a creamy dressing.
The waiter delivers her salad, and she hands him a crisp $20 bill. As the waiter walks back to the cash register he holds it to the light and realizes it's a counterfeit! He snaps around to see the woman grabbing her salad and running for the door.
He shouts at the top of his lungs "Seize her salad!"
Two caterpillars are escaping a spider. They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped. "Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but...
...he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the hell are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs.
"Am I the only one in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick!?"
A preacher is warning sinners in the high street
"The end is nigh!" He shouts at passers-by. And a guy shouts back at him "Nigh!!"
This puts him off a bit, but he carries on. "Be warned al you sinners, for the end is nigh!". And again the guy behind him shouts "Nigh!!" even louder.
This carries on all day until the preacher snaps at the guy angrily, "why do you keep repeating me whenever I say nigh?"
And the guy replies, "well, it says in the bible doesn't it, a nigh for a nigh"
Two caterpillars are escaping a spider...
They climb up a small branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped.
"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!" says the second caterpillar. "How are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs. "Am I the *only one* in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick?"
Quasimodo is about to ring the bell for 3pm when the rope snaps.
He knows he has to ring it but doesn't know how. Then he has an idea. He takes a big run up and uses his face to ring it. Bloodied and cut he does it again. Battered and bruised he does it one more time, but the bell swings back and knocks him off the tower down to the floor below.
Lying dead in a bloody heap, he's surrounded by towns people. One guy says "who's that?"
His pal said "I don't know, but his face rings a bell."
A man notices two women sitting at the bar who have heavy accents.
A man notices two women sitting at the bar who have heavy accents. He approaches them and says, "By any chance, are you two ladies from Ireland?" "It's Wales, you idiot," one snaps back at him. "Oh, I'm sorry," he says. "Are you two whales from Ireland?
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the snaps instagram jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working snaps rears piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.