The Best 70 Snap Jokes

Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

Born without eyelids.

Last week a little boy was born at the hospital without any eyelids. Puzzled the doctors didn't know what to make of it. In a snap of genius, when they circumcised the boy they also replaced his missing eyelids. Only problem is now he's cock-eyed.

How do you make a ginger snap?

Call them "carrot top"

I have insomnia

Everyone keeps telling me to snap out of it but I keep telling them it doesn't happen over night.

So a tourist walks into an English pub...

A tourist walks into an English pub. While he is waiting for his beer, he notices to rather big women next to him talk in a strange accent. He walks up to them and says:

"Excuse me, I can't quite put my finger on your accent -- are you two ladies from Ireland?"

They get outraged and snap back:
"It's Wales, you idiot!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

Some elements walk into a bar...

Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfer, sodium, and phosphorus all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "OH SNaP!"

Why are red heads never calm?

Because it's so easy to make a ginger snap.

When a red head goes crazy...

Its a ginger snap.

SNAPchatting to raise the score

What do you call it when a redhead goes nuts?

A ginger snap.

When I almost snapped after I heard the same joke over and over, I've found out what rhymes with orange !

Deez nuts ! Ha, got him !

Ironically, the only way you could get me to watch 50 shades of gray is if you tied me up and forced me to watch it.

What's the difference between my guitar and my girlfriend?

My guitar doesn't yell at me when I snap it's g-string

The King of pop is dead...

The King of Snap and Crackle have been taken into protection after police suspect cereal killer.

Snapbacks

Popular amongst those with brittle bones.

What did the guy say when he got fired from the rubber band making factory?

Oh snap

Courtney Love could snap me like a twig

Or she could kill me and make it look like suicide

I've snapped a bunch of necks

Being a necklace photographer isn't too bad

Why were the Jets and the Sharks the first millennials?

They were the first to have a snap chat.

Why couldn't Snape be a Herbology teacher?

Because he wasn't able to keep the Lilies alive.

Telling your parents your a philosophy major is like reading them poetry

They snap

Snapchat and basketball are pretty similar for me.

Screen. Shot. Get. Blocked.

I snapped my fingers to get a waiter's attention.

Pretty stupid really, now I need surgery.

Did you hear the Coco Pops monkey was recently murdered?

Tony the Tiger, Snap, Crackle and Pop all got killed too.

Police think its the work of a serial killer.

I got yelled at for taking pictures..

I don't understand why I'm being yelled at. The guy said to snap the camera so I did.

Why does snape teach potions and not herbology?

He can't keep a Lily alive.

What did the hat say to the other hat that always daydreamed?

You need to snap back to reality.

Oh snap..I missed the Oscars again.

That makes 35 years in a row now.

Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorus walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "OH SNaP"

When Redheads go crazy...

Is it called a ginger snap?

If Snapchat has taught me anything ....

.... it's that a lot of today's teens look better as farm animals.

Oxygen, helium, sulphur, sodium and phosphorus walk in to a bar...

OH SNaP

Are you good at making snap decisions?

Interviewer: "Are you good at making snap decisions?"

*20 minutes later*

Me: "No."

So...if a redhead goes crazy...

Is it called a ginger snap?

Schrodinger had a girlfriend but he was afraid to look at her because she might snap into a state where she didn't exist.

And don't even get me started on the double slit.

Don't upset jazz musicians

They might snap

How did the Snapple talk to her friends?

On Snapchat.

Why does Snape teach potions and not Herbology?

Because his Lily died

What's Spiderman's favorite kind of cereal?

>!Rice crispies, because like him, they snap, crackle, and pop!<

I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend

Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

Yo mama so fat

Thanos had to snap twice.

Did you see the new Avengers movie?

It was over in a snap

Which Batman villain was excluded from "The Snap?"

Two-Face, he's perfectly balanced.

When i was young, i think i ate to much of Rice Krispies

Because all my body does now is snap, crackle and pop

I'm so tough...

My rice bubbles don't go snap, crackle, pop , they go sssh, he's coming!

The 1 reality that survived Infinity Wars..

..was the one where Thanos didn't know how to snap his fingers.

Job Opportunity for Flat Earthers

Because of the recent Arctic cold snap. Delta Airlines has been hiring de-icers in their Atlanta hub for the expected crowds at SuperBowl. Most of the jobs have been going to Flat Earthers, because by definition, they don't believe in *Global* Warming but are fine with Plane Warming.

Thanos's snap in infinity war would've had a greater impact if marvel made it seem that half of the audience wasn't there,

But apparently only DC movies can do that.

What sounds did the bones of the Rice Krispies mascots make when they fell down the stairs?

A snap, a krackle, and a pop.

Tom Brady has 6 rings...

... and now he can destroy half the NFL with one snap

Why did all the MARVEL Netflix shows disappear?

SNAP!

A 16yr old boy is cleaning his grandparents attic. When he uncovers a strange lamp.

As soon as he grabs the lamp a genie appears. "One and only one wish you have" bellows the genie. Being a young and naive boy only one thought comes to mind. Without much thought he blurts out "I wish the be in between the legs of a beautiful woman". The genie booms "wish granted". With a snap of his fingers turns the boy into a tampon.

A Crossbow is like a Beautiful Woman

It has a lot of complicated parts and if you handle them wrong it will snap and break your fingers.

That last avengers movie..

Was over in a snap.

What is Thanos's favorite vegetable?

The snap pea.

If Gwen Stacy was a hat, what kind of hat would she be?

Snap back

My cake day

I don't have a meme
I've been in quarantine
So I just hope this little rap
Will set you all in snap....
That....that....
I've been drinking my weight in whisky

What snapped harder than Thanos' finger?

Gwen stacy's neck

My son walked up to me and said "daddy your so fat"

"Thanos had to snap twice"

If Eminem had the infinity gaulent....

He could actually snap back into reality

Tried to snap pics of a ghost with my phone but they came out dark

The spirit was willing but the flash was weak

Thanos would have made a great President.

He would have achieved social distancing in a snap.

Why was Snape so upset when Lily Potter was wrongfully terminated?

She was never able to receive her Severus package.

I read that Snap, Crackle and Pop were found murdered along with Captain Crunch and Tony the Tiger

Authorities suspect it's the work of a cereal killer.

A cold snap across the United States has seen Texas dealing with temperatures as low as -18

The demand for electricity has led to blackouts across the state, causing some people to go without Fox News for so long, they've stopped blaming the weather on Joe Biden.

Why doesn't Snape teach herbology?

His lily died

Why can't Snape be the Herbology teacher?

He can't keep Lillies alive.

From my 5 year old to her mother the other morning: My wife told my little girl that owls are nocturnal.

With a (well duh) face my daughter looked at my wife and said, " I know that mommy! Owls are not turtles! They're birds!"

My little girl got me to spit coffee with her snap back to my wife!

I'm mad my parents let me eat so many Rice Krispies growing up. They clearly absorbed into my body.

Now every time I sit down I snap, crackle, and pop.

Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walk into a bar.

OH SNaP! exclaims the bartender.