Following is our collection of funny Snake jokes. There are some snake poisonous jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these snake lizard puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
**Snake:** Pssst! want an apple?
**Eve:** No thanks, I do not sin.
**Snake:** What's the length of the opposite side of a 30Β° right triangle with a hypotenuse of 20?
**Eve:** 10
**Snake:** Thanksss
**Adam:** How did you calculate that?
**Eve:** Oh no.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.
As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and this particular snake was not.
Which would have been a relief, except by that point uncle Larry had died of a poisonous snake bite.
FUCKINGFUCKERMOTHERSONAFUCKINGSHITFUCK
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.
Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine, doc. I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
It had a hissy fit.
Pretzalcoatl
Last night, I attempted to feed it a freshly grilled hamburger.
Just the patty, no bread.
The thing is, he wouldn't eat it.
As it turns out,
my anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, Hun.
Sir Pent...
He wanted to be a windshield viper.
Because they would've eaten the snake and not the apple.
You can explore snake thon reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean snake his dad jokes. There are also snake puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
ΓΓΓΓ
ΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓ....
Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all
*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*
Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads
Baa-Dumm-Tsss
In inches. Snakes don't have any feet.
And now my pet snake has a huge tumor
And the bartender says ''How did you do that?''
Ba-dum-tss.
Because they have a reptile dysfunction.
Sir Pent
Metal Gears
A civil Serpent
Because it doesn't have any hands.
HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTERICAL
^^^my ^^^son ^^^^told ^^^^^me ^^^^^^this ^^^^^^^one..
*Baah Dum Tssssss*
Feminist snake: \*herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr\*
A Οthon
I think he's suffering from a reptile dysfunction
Hisssspanic
A boy scout says to his scout leader, Sir, is this snake poisonous?
The scout leader says, No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
The scout leader says, But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys.
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2017 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
A Pi-Thon!
Credit goes to my girlfriend, the ultimate dad.
"Do it," I said. "But it might hurt you."
"I know," she replied. "But it's only a needle."
"No," I said. "I mean being single."
A Ο-thon.
"Hey, are we venomous?"
The other snake replies, "I'm not sure."
"Well I hope not," the first snake says, "cus I just bit my tongue."
Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.
Not many of you know that my wife was bitten by a rattlesnake over the summer, while we were camping. After two days of horrible, writhing agony, the snake died.
A Οthon
A reptile dysfunction.
"Why?"
"Because I shed so!"
A reptile dysfunction.
Baa- dum- ssss
Reptile dysfunction.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves
Looks like the boa cons tricked her
My wife bought a crocodile skin handbag from her. When the bag arrived, turned out to be snake skin... Anna conned her.
Looks like the boa cons tricked her...
A Οthon
An antihissstamine.
"I put an ad on Craigslist today trying to sell my pet python," he tells the bartender. "Is it big?" the bartender asks. "It's freakin' huge!" the guy replies. "How many feet?" the bartender asks. "None you idiot," the guy replies. "It's a snake."
A Οthon.
Me: No, this snake is not poisonous at all.
* one of them picks up the snake, which bites him. He begins to spasm and foam at the mouth.*
Me: However, this snake is very venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time.
Now, the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit, so I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back, he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.
It was that snake, with two more frogs...
A Ο thon
Happy pi day. #dadjokes
A pi-thon.
A Οthon.
Me: This is such bull-
Wife: Shhh, say snake instead
Me: Oh right.. This is such snakeshit
Close one
A Οthon
Patient: Yes. It looked like an angry rope.
A "Pi"-thon.
(brought to you by the bad puns initiative)
Professional courtesy.
Their bath towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse"
I told him that's a weird way to describe a lizard.
The bartender goes How'd you do that?
A pi-thon
ΓΓΓΓΓΓΓΓ
She ask the owner of the store if he has any bunnies.
Well sure sweetie! He says and takes her to where the bunnies are, I have a few different bunnies I have this white one with floppy ears, or this fluffy little brown one, or I even have this cute one with black spots! What kind of bunny did you have in mind?
So the little girl looks over the bunnies and then back to the pet store owner and replies, quite frankly mister I don't think my snake gives a damn.
Q. Why was a frog flying?
A. Because he ate a helium baloon.
Q. Then why was a snake flying?
A. Because it ate the flying frog.
Q. Then why was the eagle flying?
A. Because it has wings
A bananaconda.
And the bartender asks him "How the hell did you do that?"
My daughter's drawing of a snake.
Because it "cost an arm and a leg" to enter one !
\------------------------------------------------------
Note: this is first dad joke I write and make ... hope it can put some smiles on some of people faces .. have a good evening guys
PS : in a second thought .. I should had made it " **Why snakes can't enter into hospitals in US?** " LOL
A boa constructor
Now he's programming in python.
a man rang up and said What size is it?
I replied It's quite big
How many feet? he asked,
None, it's a snake...
β¦You could say it was a reptile dysfuntion
I shouldn't have given him an anti-hiss-tamine.
Baah Dumm Tsss
A pi-thon
It's pi day!
AΟthon
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the snake rattle jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working snake pythons piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.