snake Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious snake puns

A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...

The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

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What do you call a snake that's exactly 3.14 meters long?

A Ο€thon

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Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?

Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all

*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*

Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads

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Snake walks into a bar.

And the bartender says ''How did you do that?''

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A man called Kevin is selling his python on ebay

So some bloke rang him up and said is it massive
Kevin replies huge
Then the bloke says how many feet
Kevin says none its a snake you twat

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What does a German snake sound like?

ßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßß....

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Snake: *hissssssssss*

Feminist snake: \*herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr\*

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A Sheep, a Drum, and a Snake fall off a cliff

Baa-Dumm-Tsss

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A goat, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff..

Baa- dum- ssss

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God has almost finished creation...

GOD: So how many animals do I have left to make?

ANGEL: Two.

GOD: And how many legs do I have left?

ANGEL: One hundred.

CENTIPEDE: Dibs!

SNAKE: You asshole.

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A woman tried to order an exotic snake online

A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves

Looks like the boa cons tricked her

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My pet snake just lays around and won't move

I think he's suffering from a reptile dysfunction

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A goat, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff.

Bah dum tss!

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If adam and eve were Chinese

Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.

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My girlfriend said she was going to get a massive tattoo of a snake on her back.

"Do it," I said. "But it might hurt you."

"I know," she replied. "But it's only a needle."

"No," I said. "I mean being single."

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What do you call a snake that's 3.14 metres long?

A Ο€thon

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A sheep,a pot and a snake walk together then fall of a cliff...

*Baah Dum Tssssss*

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Boy Scout: Sir, the lads and I found a snake. Is it poisonous?

Me: No, this snake is not poisonous at all.

* one of them picks up the snake, which bites him. He begins to spasm and foam at the mouth.*

Me: However, this snake is very venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time.

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No, that snake's not poisonous at all.

A boy scout says to his scout leader, Sir, is this snake poisonous?
The scout leader says, No, that snake's not poisonous at all.

So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.

The scout leader says, But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys.

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What do you call a snake that is 3.14 feet long ?

A Ο€thon

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"I put an ad on Craigslist today trying to sell my pet python," he tells the bartender. "Is it big?" the bartender asks. "It's freakin' huge!" the guy replies. "How many feet?" the bartender asks. "None you idiot," the guy replies. "It's a snake."

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God was talking to one of his angels

God: how many animals do we have left?

Angel: 2

God: and how many legs do we have left?

Angel: 100

Centipede: DIBS!

Snake: Fuck you, asshole

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What do you call a funny snake?

HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTERICAL


^^^my ^^^son ^^^^told ^^^^^me ^^^^^^this ^^^^^^^one..

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A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:

"Doctor, I have an ear ache."


2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2017 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

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Why was the snake pressed againt the glass at the zoo?

He wanted to be a windshield viper.

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God: How many animals are left to make?

Angel: 2

God: and how many legs do we have left?

Angel: 100

Centipede: dibs!

Snake: asshole

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Snake bite

Leeroy and Jimmy are working out in the fields. Leeroy goes to take a piss and gets bitten by a snake on his penis. Jimmy runs for help. He can't find a doctor but a citizen tells him to suck the poison out with his mouth. Jimmy runs back to his friend. "Leeroy, you're going to die!"

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What do you call a snake that works for the government?

A civil Serpent

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Why can't some snakes get boners?

Because they have a reptile dysfunction.

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We would all be living in paradise if Adam & Eve were Chinese..

Because they would've eaten the snake and not the apple.

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what the doctor says....

Bubba and Jimbob are in the swamp fishing when they scare a snake which bites Bubba on the tip of his penis.

Jimbob quickly calls his dr to see what to do. The dr tells Jimbob to lance the bite and suck out the venom. he goes back to Bubba with a worried look on his face...

Bubba asks him "quick... what did the doc say ?"

Jimbob looks him in the eye, and as a single tear escapes he says "doc says you're gonna die!"

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Snake: "hisssss"

Feminist Snake: "herrrrrrr"

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A goat, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff...

Baa Dum Tss

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What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?

A "Pi-thon"

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What do you call a limp snake?

A reptile dysfunction.

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What are the most funny Snake jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Snake? Well, here are the best Snake dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Snake pick up lines to share with friends.

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