Snake Bite Jokes
32 snake bite jokes and hilarious snake bite puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about snake bite that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Snake Bite Short Jokes
Short snake bite jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The snake bite humour may include short snake jokes also.
- Always carry a whiskey flask in case of a snake bite. With that in mind, always carry a small snake. ~ W.C. Fields
- A man is walking through the forest when get gets bitten by a snake He looks down and yells
"Did you seriously just bite me!"
and the snake replies
/s^(/s/s/s/s/s/s/s) - In India a man was bitten by a snake as he tried to take a 'selfie'. How the snake managed to bite the man and hold a phone simultaneously is a mystery.
- Chuck Norris was bite by a deadly snake today After 5 brutal days of agony, the snake finally died.
- I just made a boomerang out of a snake I have a feeling that idea might come back to bite me in the a**...
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Snake Bite One Liners
Which snake bite one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with snake bite? I can suggest the ones about venomous snake and rattlesnake.
- Why don't snakes ever bite lawyers? Professional courtesy.
- Why won't a snake bite a lawyer? Professional courtesy.
- Did you know cat's are impervious to most rattle snake bites? Said every dog ever.
- Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang? Because it'll come back to bite you.
- Why did the trouser snake avoid biting the singer? It was afraid of minstrel blood.
- What do you say when you step on a snake? Well that bites.
Hilarious Snake Bite Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about snake bite you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean solid snake jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make snake bite pranks.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?
Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all
*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*
Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads
Boy Scout: Sir, the lads and I found a snake. Is it poisonous?
Me: No, this snake is not poisonous at all.
* one of them picks up the snake, which bites him. He begins to spasm and foam at the mouth.*
Me: However, this snake is very venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time.
No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, Sir, is this snake poisonous?
The scout leader says, No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
The scout leader says, But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys.
I was fishing when I ran out of bait. I saw a small snake nearby trying to s**... a frog and knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket...
Now, the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit, so I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back, he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.
It was that snake, with two more frogs...
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.
As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and this particular snake was not.
Which would have been a relief, except by that point uncle Larry had died of a poisonous snake bite.
Two hunters are in a forest when, all of sudden, a venomous snake jumps and bites one of them in the groin.
His friend, desperate, calls 911.
"Help me! My friend got bitten by a snake!"
"Calm down, sir! First of all, you must find the location of the bite and s**... the poison out. Can you do that?"
"Gotcha."
The bitten friend asks: "So? What did they say?"
"They said you'll die, dude."
A student is going through some hypotheticals about snakes to their biology teacher
student:"What if it bites me and it dies?"
Teacher:"that means you're poisonous."
Student:"What if it bites itself and I die?"
Teacher:"It's voodoo."
Student:"What if it bites me and someone else dies?"
Teacher:"That's correlation, not causation."
Student:"what if we bite each other and neither of us die?"
Teacher:"that's k**...."
LPT: To prevent a snake from biting, grasp their tail firmly and shake vigorously
Since snakes don't have hands, the snake will think that you are a businessman and that he is a business snake, and you are about to make a handshake deal.
Snake bite
Two hunters go out into the woods and one of them gets bitten by a snake, collapses and stops breathing. The other hunter quickly calls emergency services and says "You have to help me, my friend just got bitten by a snake and died." The operator says "OK, calm down. First, make sure he is dead." The phone goes silent for a bit, followed by the sound of a gun shot. The hunter goes back to the phone and says to the operator "Ok, now what?"
The difference between venomous snake, poisonous snake, and toxic snake
A venomous snake kills you when it bites you.
A poisonous snake kills you when you eat it.
A toxic snake kills you with negative emotions.
Bill and Bob go hunting. They split up, and Bob soon finds Bill with a snake bite in his neck.
Bob calls 911, and says I went hunting with my friend and I just found him dead with a snake bite on his neck! 911 says Ok, first let's make sure he's dead . A gunshot is heard. Bob says, Ok, now what?
Two snakes are slithering through the desert....
One named Fred, and one named Henry.
Henry turns to Fred and says: Fred, are we the kind of sssssnakes that kill by consssstriction or we the kind of sssssnake that kill with a deadly venomousssss bite?
Fred thinks about it for a second and reply's Henry, we are the kind of sssssnakes that kill by consssstriction.
Henry say oh thank God for that, I just bit my lip.
A man is going fishing one day.
After awhile, he ran out of worms to use as bait. He noticed a cottonmouth with a frog hanging out of its mouth. Knowing frogs make good bait, he caught the snake. He picked it up by the back of the head since it couldn't bite him with a frog in its mouth. The man removes the frog and thinks "how do I let the snake go without being bit?". So, with his free hand, he reaches into his box and pulls out his bottle of Jack Daniels and pours some in the snake's mouth. The snake goes limp and the man is able to release it without getting bit. Hours later, he's done fishing and packing stuff up when he feels something on his foot. He looks down and it's the same snake, with two more frogs.
Two Hunters
A classic...
Two hunters are out shooting turkey. One of them takes a leak, and gets bitten by a b**... rattlesnake. The other hunter shoots the snake, but is too late: his friend got deeply bit on his wiener.
So, he calls 911 and proceeds to explain the situation: "my friend got bit by a rattlesnake, blablabla, what should I do?"
- Relax, sir. We're sending a helicopter right away. In the meantime, we need you to s**... on the bite so as to take the venom out. It's the only way to make sure he won't die. You heard me? The only way you can keep him alive is s**... on the bite! You can save him!
- O.K thank you!"
The hunter that got bit then proceeds to say:
- "So? What did they tell you?"
And the other responds:
- "They say you're going to die"