The Best 63 Snail Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Snail jokes. There are some snail mollusk jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these snail shell puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Snail Jokes and Puns
Snail Racing
My friend owned a racing snail. It never won any races so he removed the shell to make it go faster. Sadly it didn't work, if anything it made it more sluggish
Mr Snail was always being teased by the insects
for being so slow. Eventually, he just couldn't take it anymore and went to the nearest car dealership.
"I want the fastest sports car you have," he told the salesman, "and make sure to paint a huge 'S' on it, so everyone will know its Mr Snail's car!"
So now, every time Mr Snail drives past the insects, speeding like a maniac, all the insects look and say: "Wow, look at that 'S' car go!"
What did the snail say when his friend lost his car?
Where did Es-car-go.
Why did the snail paint an S on the back of his car?
So when he drove by people would say, "Hey, look at that S car go!"
How do you make a racing snail faster?
I tried taking his shell off but it only made him more sluggish.
Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?
It's pretty much a downward spiral.
A man is sitting in his house watching tv
when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and a small snail is at the door.
The man picks up the snail and throws it as far as possible.
three years later later, the man is sitting in his house watching tv when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and it's the same snail!
The snail says "What the heck was that for?!"
My 5 year old told me this.
What did the snail say while on top of a turtle? Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
A snail walks into a car dealership...
And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:
"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"
Came up with this one when I was 10: what do you get when you cross an elephant and a snail?
I don't know either, but it sure won't be good for your vegetable garden.
I bought myself a snail to race other snails..
I took its shell off to see if it would go any faster.
If anything it just made it more sluggish
You can explore snail slug reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean snail tortoise dad jokes. There are also snail puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Michelle
On Halloween, a man shows up to his friend's costume party in the nude carrying a woman on his back. His friend answers the door and shockingly asks, "what are you supposed to be?!"
The man says, "I'm a snail."
With an obvious look of disdain on his face, his friend asks, "well, who is she?"
The man answers, "Michelle."
I removed the shell from my pet snail...
because I thought it would move around quicker. Now it's just really sluggish
I had a racing snail, I thought it would be faster if I removed it's shell...
It only made it more sluggish.
I took the shell off my racing snail...
... thinking it would make it go faster. If anything it just made it more sluggish.
A snail gets mugged
A snail is heading home from work, very late one night. He gets mugged by a turtle. The policeman says "Can you describe the guy?" The snail says "I don't know . . . it all happened so fast."
Racing snail.
My racing snail hadn't been out for a while, so i took his shell off to make him more streamlined. Unfortunately, it just made him more sluggish.
Two turtles collide in an intersection.
When the police come, they look around to see if there are any witnesses, they only see a snail on the sidewalk. The police approach the snail and ask him if he could tell them what he saw. To which the snail replied, "well, it happened so fast..."
I removed the shell of my racing snail to make it go faster.
But it just made it more sluggish.
Mark and his friend Michelle
go to a costume party. When they show up Michelle is clinging to Mark's back. Someone greets them and asks what they're supposed to be. Mark says that he's a snail. The other guy asks "who's on your back?" Mark replies "Michelle"
Halloween Joke
This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he's just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.
The host says to him, Dude, this is a Halloween party! You're supposed to be wearing a costume?
The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I'm a snail!
You're a snail?
Yeah, I'm a snail, says the guy. Then he points to his girlfriend and says, This is Michelle.
I wanted to make my racing snail faster..
So I took off its shell. If anything it became a lot more sluggish.
I took the shell off my racing snail to speed it up.
If anything it made it more sluggish.
I used to own a racing snail...
It never won though. To improve its performance I removed its shell but, if anything, it made it more sluggish
I had a racing snail...
To make him more aero-dynamic I took off its shell. If anything it made him more sluggish
What do you call a snail in the Navy?
A Snailor
Two turtles had a collision at an intersection. .
The only witness was a snail. When interviewed by police the snail explained he didnt see anything as it all happened so fast.
How does a snail win a race?
It runs against Hillary.
I pulled the shell off of my snail to make him faster
Turned out it had the opposite effect, now he's a little sluggish.
I took the shell off my racing snail, hoping it would make him faster.
But, unfortunately, it just made him more sluggish.
Why don't snails use the internet?
Salt is bad for their health.
A snail is walking home from the pub one night, when he gets beaten up and mugged by two slugs...
He goes to the police, who ask him for a description of the attackers.
"To be honest, it all happened so fast..."
Today I decided to take the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him move faster...
If anything he seems more sluggish!
There was a snail who took his brand new sports car into the body shop and got a custom paint job.
He asked for racing stripes, flames, lightning bolts…you name it.
But there was one thing about the paint job the body shop owner just couldn't understand.
The snail wanted a big S on the driver's and passenger's doors.
When asked about them the snail said:
When I drive by someone at high speed I want them to say 'Look at that S-car go.'
A guy goes to a halloween party with a girl on his back.
The host asks him, "And what are you?"
The guy says, " I'm a snail."
The host says "And who's that on your back?"
"That's Michelle!"
I stepped on snail once as a child.
I guess it was my first crush.
I entered a my pet snail into a race and removed its shell thinking it would make it faster...
Unfortunately, it only made it more sluggish.
You'd think a snail would be faster without it's shell,
But it's actually more sluggish...
Took The Shell Off Of My Racing Snail,
I Thought He Would Go Faster But It Only Made Him 'Sluggish'.
A guy wanted to speed up his snail - so he took it's shell off.
if anything, he made it more sluggish.
So a snail walks into a car dealership..
He goes up to the dealer and he says, "Alright, I want it cherry red, with white-walls, and leather seats, and I want a *big* 'S' painted on the the side." After he rings it the dealer looks at him and he says "I understand white-walls and leather seats, but why the letter 'S' on the side? "Well" the snail says "When I drive by in my new car, I want people to say 'look at that S car go!'
I used to have a a racing snail that kept losing.
I decided to remove its shell to try and speed it up, if anything it made it more sluggish.
I wanted to help my pet snail.
He was really slow like, so one day I took off his shell, thought it'd make him more streamlined. Turns out it didn't. It made him more sluggish.
I removed the shell from my racing snail to help him go faster
If anything , it made him more sluggish
A snail thought taking off his shell would make him faster...
But it just made him more *sluggish*
I took the shell off of my pet snail because I thought it would make him move faster
...if anything, it made him more sluggish
Little snail was beaten up by the turtles...
The snail's father asked him: "What happened?"
"I don't know... It all happened so fast..."
I removed the shell from my racing snail thinking he'd be faster..
He's actually more sluggish now.
Why do they eat snail in France?
Because they don't have fast food.
What do you do if you see two snails fighting
Nothing, just let them slug it out
It's a conversation between me and my 6 y o cousin...Sorry if it is not funny enough for you
him: Knock knock
me: Who's there?
him: A snail
me: a snail who?
him: a snail you threw out of the window two weeks ago asking why
I bought a racing snail
I bought a racing snail but it kept losing. In desperation I removed it's shell, thinking it would be lighter and faster.
It didn't work, it became more sluggish.
A snail walks into a car dealership...
A snail walks into a car dealership. The snail wants something fast, elegant, and luxurious, after browsing multiple brands he decides on one.
The rich snail pays in cash and walks up to the dealerships salesman and says "I want you to paint big S's all along this car, big S's on the front, the sides, the back, the top, big S's everywhere. The auto body guy tells him he can do it, but can't help but ask the snail why he wants big S's all over the car.
So the snail answers him "It's simple: When I launch past people on the highway they will say Look at that S car go!
The other day I was organising snail races
They were moving really slow. Then I thought if I remove their shells then they would go faster, but if anything they were more sluggish
You would think that a snail without a shell would move a bit faster...
But it's actually more sluggish.
Snail joke (oldie but goodie)
A snail walks into a bar, hops up on the bar stool
and orders a Jack & Coke. The bartender says sorry no snails allowed here ....and the bartender kicks out the snail.
2 weeks later the snail finally re-enters the bar again and asks: what the f*ck did you do that for ?
A snail walks into a bar
The snail sits down on a bar stool and orders a double Jack & Coke. The bartender says, sorry, we have a strict policy on no snails in this bar .... so then the bartender kicks the snail out.
5 days later, the snail comes back in, sits on a bar stool and says to the bartender what the f*ck did you do that for ?
This guy hears a knock. Opens his door and looks down, and he sees a snail.
Snail says, Hello, sir, I was wondering if -
The guy interrupts the snail and says, Get lost! and kicks the snail across the yard, and goes back inside.
Seven months later, the guy hears a knock. Open his door looks down, and sees the snail.
Snail says:
What the hell did you do that for?
A snail shop owner was attacked by a turtle gang. The police asked if he could describe the perpetrators, he said
I don't know, it happened so fast.
Teamster jokes
Why is there a horse on the Teamster logo?
It's the only animal that sleeps standing up.
What do Teamster's kide do at the playground do?
Sit on folding chairs and watch other kids play.
What do you call a Teamster in a 3 piece suit?
Defendant
Two teamsters are standing around. Suddenly on of them crushes a snail under is his boot.
The other one asks "why did you do that"?
"that son of a bitch has been following me around all day"
Any great and funny jokes like this one for my 8 year old granddaughter?
She loves this one:
A guy is sitting in his living room, hears a knock at the door. Gets up and opens the door, no one there. Looks down and sees a snail on the doormat. Being a guy, of course he picks it up and throws it across the street.
Six months later, the guy is in his living room, hears a knock at the door. Gets up, opens the door, no one there. He looks down and it's that snail. Snail looks up and yells "what the heck was that about?!!!".
Two snails talking.
Snail One: I had to have my shell removed today.
Snail Two: So how are you finding it.?
Snail One: I feel a bit sluggish.
In hopes of making my racing snail faster, I removed its shell.
But it only became more sluggish
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the snail escargot jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working snail car piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.