Smugly Jokes
22 smugly jokes and hilarious smugly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about smugly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Smugly Short Jokes
Short smugly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The smugly humour may include short smirked jokes also.
- So the iPhone 7 gets arrested... He puts on his earpods and smugly declares "sorry, you can't charge me while I'm using my headphones".
- There are 10 types of people in the world The ones who understand binary and the ones who don't. And apparently eight more the guy wouldn't tell me about. Smug git
- My teacher used to tell me that I would never amount to anything by looking out of the window all day Man did I feel smug as I passed him his burger and fries at the drive-through last night
- I remember my teacher telling me that looking out of the window wouldn't get me anywhere. Boy, did I have a smug look later when I handed him his burger and fries at the drive-thru!
- I challenged a guy to a game of Pool. "The winner gets to sleep with my girlfriend," I declared.
Boy, did he look smug when he won.
Jokes on him though, I don't have a girlfriend. - What's the difference between a clown and a colombian? Ones a smug juggler the other is a drug smuggler.
- A monk walks up to a hot-dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." ~~~
So he pays for his meal and asks for his change.
The vendor shrugs and retorts smugly, "Change comes from within." - Fortune teller knows it all A fortune teller to a man, I can see you are the father of 3 kids.
The man smiles smugly, No, I have 4 kids.
The fortune teller, That's what you think. - A phone gets thrown into a jail cell His cell mate looks at him and asks "what are you being charged with?"
The phone looks smugly at his cell mate and replies "Battery" - Jesus and Mohammad are debating religion. Jesus, with a smug smile, says: "My faith can move the tallest of mountains."
Mohammad confidently replies: "How well does it do with skyscrapers, brotha?"
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Smugly One Liners
Which smugly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with smugly? I can suggest the ones about sheepishly and seductively.
- What do you call a smug criminal going down stairs? A Condescending Con Descending.
- A smug prisoner went down a flight of stairs. He was a condescending con descending.
- Why was the guy with a monkey on his back so smug? He had a chimp on his shoulder.
- What did the arrogant person get when he got to jail? A smug shot
Entertaining Smugly Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about smugly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grinned jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make smugly pranks.
Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon
Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon and it's starting to lose altitude. They need to lose some weight to stop from crashing.
Putin throws out a bottle of v**... and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway
Biden throws out an AR-15 and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway
Zelensky throws out Putin and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway and looks at Biden smugly as they c**... anyways due to the massive weight of Zelensky's b**....
Four catholic ladies are talking about how important there sons are. (Long)
The first one tells her friends my son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'
The second Catholic woman chirps, while my son is a bishop, when he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'
The third Catholic woman says smugly, Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence.'
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her a subtle well.....?
She replies, My son is a charismatic, 6'2 , hard-bodied male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, My God.
My girlfriend is so busted
she claims to be an atheist but yesterday I got home from work early and she was screaming "OH GOD! YES! YOU'RE SO GOOD!". So I sat smugly on the couch until she came out with my friend Steve. Then I was like "busted! you're not an atheist at all. I don't know what you did Steve but you are a legend"
Eat the watermelons
A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.
The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation.
So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE! "
He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.
The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO! "
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.
The doctor started asking her all the usual questions about her symptoms when she interrupted him, Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kinds of questions. I can tell what's wrong just by looking at them.
She smugly added "Why can't you?"
The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep.
An old married couple were sitting on the porch enjoying the sunset.
The old woman suddenly turned to her husband and smacked him across his face.
The old man was shocked. "Now why the h**... you'd do that for, Ethel?"
"That was for forty years of bad s**...," she said smugly.
A couple minutes passed and then the old man turned to his wife and slapped her back even harder.
"What the heck was that for, Harold?"
"That's for knowing the difference!"
I said to my wife, 'it's really muggy outside today."
She looked at me and replied, 'if I go outside and all of our mugs are on the lawn, I'm leaving you!"
\*\*Me: Smugly continued sipping coffee from a bowl
Two functions walk down the street
Two functions walk down the street, 5 and e^x. They see Derivative walking towards them. 5 freaks out, screaming Oh no! Oh no! Derivative is going to come up and operate on me, and then I'll be zero - Oh no!! e^x smugly walks up to Derivative and says, Ha! I'm e^x. You can operate on me all you want and I'll still be e^x. You can't touch me. Derivative looks up, raises an eyebrow, and responds, Oh yeah? I'm partial, with respect to Y.
A man leaves a bar and is pulled over by a cop...
he's had a few too many to drink and the cop tells him he's going to administer a sobriety test. The cop asks the driver to say the alphabet starting with the letter M. The man smugly looks at the cop and says "Malphabet."
Cloning
A rich assholish guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've decided that I'm going to have myself cloned," he smugly tells the bartender. "Well," the bartender replies. "Wouldn't that be just like you...."
A guy approaches a girl at a bar:
"How heavy is a polar bear?" The guy says
"oh ive heard this one, heavy enough to break the ice" the girl smugly answers
"Thats s**..., it lives on ice you m**.... A fully grown polar bear is about 450 kilograms.
The other day I failed my grade 10 English exam for the third year in a row
My friend called it quite a feat.
I smugly corrected him and said, "the singular is actually 'a foot.'"
How did that d**... even pass??
Two Polish Rocket Scientists Announce to the World They're Going to the Sun in a Spaceship
The entire world wide scientific community swiftly points out that the Sun is too hot for such a journey and they'd quickly burn up to which they replied very smugly: "Ah SEE! We've thought of this and have a plan!.....We're going at NIGHT!"
I do not mean to offend anyone and my apologies to the Polish, I grew up in the '60's with a mix of Russian, Czech, Hungarian, Pole parents, relatives and friends and this is mild to the s**... we dealt ourselves and friends back then. ;)
A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.
The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"
