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Smug Jokes

35 smug jokes and hilarious smug puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about smug that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Smug Short Jokes

Short smug jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The smug humour may include short smirked jokes also.

  1. So the iPhone 7 gets arrested... He puts on his earpods and smugly declares "sorry, you can't charge me while I'm using my headphones".
  2. There are 10 types of people in the world The ones who understand binary and the ones who don't. And apparently eight more the guy wouldn't tell me about. Smug git
  3. My teacher used to tell me that I would never amount to anything by looking out of the window all day Man did I feel smug as I passed him his burger and fries at the drive-through last night
  4. I remember my teacher telling me that looking out of the window wouldn't get me anywhere. Boy, did I have a smug look later when I handed him his burger and fries at the drive-thru!
  5. I challenged a guy to a game of Pool. "The winner gets to sleep with my girlfriend," I declared.
    Boy, did he look smug when he won.
    Jokes on him though, I don't have a girlfriend.
  6. What's the difference between a clown and a colombian? Ones a smug juggler the other is a drug smuggler.
  7. A monk walks up to a hot-dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." ~~~
    So he pays for his meal and asks for his change.
    The vendor shrugs and retorts smugly, "Change comes from within."
  8. Fortune teller knows it all A fortune teller to a man, I can see you are the father of 3 kids.
    The man smiles smugly, No, I have 4 kids.
    The fortune teller, That's what you think.
  9. A phone gets thrown into a jail cell His cell mate looks at him and asks "what are you being charged with?"
    The phone looks smugly at his cell mate and replies "Battery"
  10. Jesus and Mohammad are debating religion. Jesus, with a smug smile, says: "My faith can move the tallest of mountains."
    Mohammad confidently replies: "How well does it do with skyscrapers, brotha?"

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Smug One Liners

Which smug one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with smug? I can suggest the ones about arrogant and grumpy.

  1. What do you call a smug criminal going down stairs? A Condescending Con Descending.
  2. A smug prisoner went down a flight of stairs. He was a condescending con descending.
  3. Why was the guy with a monkey on his back so smug? He had a chimp on his shoulder.
  4. What did the arrogant person get when he got to jail? A smug shot

Smug joke, What did the arrogant person get when he got to jail?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about smug can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of smug puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

The Funniest Smug Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about smug you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean mugs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make smug prank.

I don't understand how so many people struggle to find basic words in the dictionary.

I had no less than 5 people tell me that "gullible" is not in the dictionary. The smug a**... just laughed when I proved their dumb a**... wrong.

I was at my divorce settlement yesterday, when I announced I would like to make a suggestion...

They agreed, so I told them, "She can have the car, the house, all the funds in our joint account and full custody of our children on one condition... I get to keep whatever I have in my pocket."
"It's a deal!" my wife said, with a smug look on her face.
"You obviously didn't check the lottery numbers last night, did you?"

Joke my ADHD brain thought of out of nowhere

So the Hogwarts police confiscated a coffee cup suspecting it of dangerous enchantments. Turns out the police that grabbed it drank a bit too much butterbeer. It was just a normal coffee cup that belonged to some arrogant human thief.



It was a smug muggle mugger's mug.

A ghost says to his ghostfriend..

"I don't think I'm gonna enter the next ghost-race.."
"Why not?" Asked the ghost-friend.
"Because I've lost every other one!" He cries sullenly.
"I believe in you, so enter the next ghost-race!"
"..Yeah. Yeah! I **can** do this!" Cried the ghost, filled with motivation.
Smug, the ghost friend said;
"That's the spirit!"

You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.

You just have to have cell coverage.

Banana

A shopkeeper puts up a sign advertising a deal on bananas: one banana for $3 or three bananas for $10.
A man takes a look at the sign and notices that the bundle is a bad deal, so he decides to order one banana, then another banana, then one more, saving $1. Feeling smug, he asks the shopkeeper why she would have the three pack cost more. "Aren't you losing money?" He asked.
The shopkeeper responds, "you just paid $9 for three bananas, didn't you?"

Why major in philosophy?

Why major in philosophy?
- can be smug after only 2-3 classes
- only major where you finish knowing less than when you started
- generally better beards than psychology
- can't find a job, but then again what even is a job?

You know how to smuggle something in a golf ball?

First, you have to get a hole in one...

The watermelon patch.

A farmer has a watermelon patch, and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been stealing some regularly. He comes and up with an idea to stop the menace so he puts up a sign that reads:
"WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"
The farmer returned to the watermelon patch a week later feeling pretty smug and discovers that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads:
"NOW THERE ARE TWO! "

The new broom

Mom: "honey, I didn't see you use the super broom I bought you last year once....have you used it at all?"
Dad: "no I haven't needed to, it's doing its job perfectly where it is."
Mom: "what do you mean it's doing its job, you haven't even touched it for a whole year......?!?"
Dad: {smug face}...it's gathering dust just fine...{smuggier face}"
Mom: "{very angry face} \*storms out of the room mumbling to herself\*"
Dad: "\*winks at me\*"

How do you smuggle a cheeseburger into prison?

Between 2 buns

What's the best way to smuggle avacado toast across the galaxy?

On the millennial falcon.

Raise your hand if you're wearing underwears or p**... with holes in them...

For those smug individuals that did not raise their hand, I'm curious how you inserted your legs in them if they have no holes? Unless you're wrapping a handkerchief.

Smugglers have began hiding drugs in the soles of their shoes. You shouldn't trust them

They're probably laced

What do you get when somebody smuggles w**... into the special ed classroom?

Baked potatoes.

I turned in my letter of resignation to my smug supervisor at the refrigeration plant.

He accepted it with his usual air of condensation.

Smuggling one avocado into the US will make your day

Smuggling two will make your hole weak.

My teacher always said looking out of windows would never get me anywhere in life.

Did I have a smug look on my face when I handed him his Big Mac from the drive thru window.

I'm not worried at all about this Ebola crisis.

I've just purchased the new 2015 edition of Norton Antivirus. Feeling pretty smug.

An antivaxx mom dies and goes to heaven. She notices that it was God himself walking to greet her, along with her two kids. They're all smiling. Feeling real smug about herself,

She runs toward them but Is suddenly stopped by an invisible force.
As God and her two kids got nearer though, they stopped smiling and had a puzzled look on their faces. Suddenly, they burst out in joyful laughter, just as St. Peter materialises beside them all.
Oh Pete, you really do know how to make us laugh! Exclaimed God. That's enough now, send her back down!

Smuggling 3 grams of w**... into America will make your day

Smuggling an ounce will make you hole weak

Smug joke, Smuggling 3 grams of w**... into America will make your day

jokes about smug

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these smug jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.