The Best 35 Smooth Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Smooth jokes. There are some smooth lumpy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these smooth bumpy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Smooth Jokes and Puns
My six year old daughter was watching me shave this morning..
"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.
"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.
"Does it hurt?" she asked.
"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."
"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.
"No, I just stick a little piece of toilet paper on any cuts." I told her.
"But don't they just fall off?"
"No, sweetheart." I replied. "They're held in place when I put my underpants back on."
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
Complete waste of money. All he does is stand there applauding and saying he loves how smooth it is.
A man walks into a bar.
The menu reads
>Burger: $5
>Hand job: $10
He slides a $10 bill to the female bartender and asks:
"Are you the girl who does the hand jobs?"
She responds with a smooth voice:
"Why yes I am"
The man then says:
"Then wash your hands, because I want two burgers"
I don't understand the purpose of smooth objects.
I mean, there's no point.
My carpet is not smooth at all.
It's rather rugged.
A man walks up to a bald guy in a bar, rubs his head and says "Smooth. Just like my wife's behind."
The bald guy reaches up and rubs his head. "Wow. You're right." he replies.
Thousands of crates of moisturizer were reported stolen today
... Police looking for a smooth criminal
If you look at the moon tonight it should look really smooth.
It just waxed last night.
Did you hear about the michael jackson impersonator who expertly robbed a bank?
He was a smooth criminal
My dad owns this reversible leather belt.
On one side, it was this smooth brown leather. On the other side, he would beat me.
Police Officer: Ma'am, can you describe the person who assaulted you?
Woman: Oh yes, officer. I'm certain it was that man on the TV who hijacked that truck full of electric razors.
Police Officer: Ma'am, I'm afraid you been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth criminal.
You can explore smooth slick reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean smooth flawless dad jokes. There are also smooth puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Smooth Farmer
Whats a farmers best dating advice?
A tractor
3 women were discussing their sex lives..
The first one said-"My husband is like a Hummer; big, strong and rock hard."
The second says-"My husband is like a Porsche; smooth, sleek and fast."
They look at the third one to speak up. She pauses for a second, and then says-"Mine's like an old Chevy.. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while its still going."
An old man went to get a shave...
And the barber handed him a wooden ball to put in his mouth against his cheek to make his wrinkled skin smooth. After it was over with the man said "let me ask you something, what would've happened if I swallowed the ball?" And the barber says "just bring it back in two to three days like everyone else"
I don't get it. When Civet's do it, it's the "smoothest" and "best" coffee.
When I do it, it's "disgusting" "depraved" and they shut down my cafe......
What do you call someone who steals lotion?
A smooth criminal.
Why did the robber shave his entire body?
So he could be a smooth criminal
What do you call a robber with good skin?
A Smooth Criminal.
Black eyes
A guy arrives at work with two black eyes. His colleagues quite naturally asked what happened. He explained, I was in an elevator with a gal in front of me that had her skirt rucked up in her crack. So I pulled it out and patted her skirt smooth for her. She then turned around and socked me in my right eye. So then they asked, how'd your left eye get black? Well I could tell that she didn't like what I did so I reach out and tucked it back in!
What do you call a prepubescent rapist?
... a smooth criminal.
How does a Trumpie become a smooth talker?
Takes a laxative.
My local beauty shop was broken into last night.
CCTV footage shows a suspect moonwalking out carrying a large amount of moisturising cream.
The officer at the scene told the shop owner "You've been struck by, a smooth criminal".
A friend just got a brand new grand piano
I complimented him on it by saying it plays like a baby. He asked what did I mean by that? I said it's smooth, beautiful, and it makes an unbelievable racket if you kick it down a flight of stairs.
The girls call me fondue...
...because i'm cheesy, but still smooth.
A doctor meets his ex-wife after some years...
He says, "Everything was going so smooth with us, I wonder what happened?"
Little did he know, she had started eating an apple everyday.
Why did the thief sand his fingers?
So he could be a smooth criminal
Smooth jazz always puts me to sleep...
...must be the mellow tonin'.
What's black, has smooth skin, and drives women more and more wild the bigger it is?
A wallet
So, there I was buying cheese in a deli.
Me: what would you recommend?
Deli person: *describing cheeses*
Mozzarella is smooth and melts well.
Me: sounds good .
Deli person: cheddar is good for sandwiches if you're looking for a sharp tang.
Me: awesome, noted.
Deli person: Pepper Jack is like Monterey Jack cheese but has delicious pepper chunks in it.
Me: weird flecks, but ok!
It is an unspoken rule that if a little kid is hiding under a blanket or couch cushions, you are required to comment on how lumpy the blanket is and pretend to sit on it to try and "smooth it out.".....
Screw that, enjoy the peace, leave them there as long as possible. Just get a staple gun and staple the blanket down.
What does a mother use to keep her childrens' toenails soft and smooth?
A pedi-file
What can be smooth but also rough 😏😏😉😉
Endoplasmic Reticulum.
Up vote for more helpful cell facts
Men are like chocolate
They're sweet and smooth but immediately go to your hips
Hey, did you hear about the blonde girl who choked on a piece of plastic?
She said that mannequin was one smooth talker.
Worst Joke Ever
Why is a elephant big grey and wrinkly?
Because if it was small white and smooth, it would be an aspirin
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the smooth sleek jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working smooth glide piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.