Smoking Pipe Jokes
10 smoking pipe jokes and hilarious smoking pipe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about smoking pipe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Smoking Pipe Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good smoking pipe joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
The stormy seafarer
One stormy evening, a seafarer was thrown overboard whilst passing through the strait of Dover. As luck would have it, the ocean currents pulled him unconscious to the English coastline, where he was found and revived by a man adorned in a cape, deerstalker hat and smoking a pipe.
When coming to and looking up, bleary eyed at the great, chalky White cliffs before him. The man exclaimed "What on earth is that wonderful rock formation", and his saviour replied "why, it's sedimentary my dear flotsam".
In Vermont an old man is sitting in his rocking chair on his porch, quietly smoking a pipe.
A tourist who is staying at a nearby B&B passes by every day for a week, and whenever he passes, the man is just sitting there in his rocking chair quietly smoking his pipe.
One day the tourist cannot refrain from asking the old man: "Say, have you been sitting here all your life, doing nothing but smoking your pipe?"
Says the old man: "Not yet!"
Have you heard about the pipe that makes small talk as you smoke it?
It's quite the conversation piece.
What does Scrooge McDuck smoke?
A quack pipe.
My dad asked me to smoke the turkey after I got off work so it would be ready for dinner.
I still can't fit it all in my pipe.
My dyslexic brother read about people smoking salvia and wanted to try it
He spent an hour trying to light a pipe that he had spit into
After that whole ring fiasco, Gandalf was in the Shire talking to Merry and Pippen..
"So, you went through the dark forest and met my friends the tree hearders. The Ents. Tell me about your journey."
Merry began. "They were all so big and mean and full of energy. All they did was rant and insult us!"
"Most of them, yes!" added Pippen. "Then we met old Gnarly Bark and his friends. They were much more sedate and relaxed. In fact, they told us so many funny stories and jokes."
Gandalf smiled, smoking his pipe. "I guess you could say their Bark was worse than their bite."
Why don't dwarfs smoke pipe w**...?
Because it slows their *mine*
Sherlock Holmes and his trusty associate Dr. John Watson are strolling leisurely through London's botanical gardens. (OC)
They are investigating the mysterious disappearance of a botanist who specialized in arboreal citrus.
Watson squints, focusing his gaze on something across the gardens. He gasps in surprise and grabs Sherlock's arm. He points at the thing that has captivated his attention and asks "Sherlock, is that a lime tree?"
Sherlock offers a pleasant chuckle and turns to Watson slowly, taking a slow drag from his tar-black pipe. After exhaling the blue-grey smoke into the moist air of the gardens, he says:
It's a lemon tree, my dear Watson.
Three learned gentlemen are discussing 'savoir faire'...(joke full of fuffery, told to me by a man who wore a fez all the time)
The first one takes a healthy belt of his brandy, leans back in his leather chair and says, "Mes amis! Savoir faire is something one does not learn easily. No sir! For example, a husband comes home earlier than he planned to. He opens the door and sees another man's coat hanging on the rack. Without a word, he heads out to the local bar and has a smoke and a drink and reads a good book, then returns home and gives his wife a passionate kiss. *That* is savoir faire!"
The second gentleman admires the amber color in his glass, puffs on his pipe and says, "No, no, here's what it is. A man comes home from work early. He heads up to his bedroom, opens the door, and he sees his wife in bed with another man. He waves nonchalantly and graciously says, '*continuez, monsieur!*' and walks around the block for an hour or two, smelling the crisp autumn evening. That, my friends, is savoir faire."
The third man rests his glass on the table and says, "Gentlemen. You've found yourself in a familiar situation. A glance across a crowded room, an accidental touch of the hand, and suddenly you're in bed with a woman you've just met. You hear footfalls on the stairs. The door opens and the woman's husband enters. He puts on his hat, gives a nonchalant wave of his hand and graciously says, '*continuez monsieur!*' And you are *able* to continue. That is savoir faire!"
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