Smoked Jokes

127 smoked jokes and hilarious smoked puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about smoked that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh it up with these smoked jokes! Check out a variety of funny jokes about smoked salmon, smoked meat, smoked turkey, cigarets, kush and packs. See for yourself how sizzlingly funny these jokes about smoked food can be!

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Funniest Smoked Short Jokes

Short smoked jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The smoked humour may include short smoking jokes also.

  1. I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking . Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .
  2. Everyone tells you that smoking will kill you What they don't tell you is that it cure salmon
  3. There are 3 men on a boat and 4 cigarettes, they don't have a lighter, how do they smoke? they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter.
  4. Do you remember when air was free at the gas station, and now it's $1.50? You know why? inflation
    Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!!
  5. My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, do you smoke or drink coffee? I told him I drink it.
  6. Everyone told me smoking kills, I had no idea how fast. My dad went to get his first pack of cigarettes ever and I never saw him again.
  7. I got fired on the first day of my new job for asking customers if they would prefer "Smoking or Non-Smoking." Apparently, the correct phrase is, "Cremation or Burial."
  8. Today I cooked something for my family and they all said it was terrible. Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire.
  9. Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press. Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.
  10. I got fired from my job because I kept asking the customers if they prefer smoking or nonsmoking. Apparently the correct terms are "Cremation" and "Burial".

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Smoked One Liners

Which smoked one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with smoked? I can suggest the ones about smokey and fire smoke.

  1. People say smoking will give you diseases. What they don't know is that it cures salmon.
  2. Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Smoking bacon will cure it.
  3. Smoking will kill you ...
    Bacon will kill you...
    But, smoking bacon will cure it.
  4. Why do people in Beijing smoke so many cigarettes? To get a breath of filtered air.
  5. My girlfriend's such a bad cook, she uses the smoke alarm as a timer.
  6. What do ducks smoke? Qwack
  7. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down.
  8. What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke? Yours.
  9. Quitting smoking is the easiest thing I've ever done. I've quit hundreds of times.
  10. If your girlfriend starts smoking.. Use some lubricant.
  11. Doctor: You don't look too good. Do you smoke or drink alcohol? Me: I drink it.
  12. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and possibly use a lubricant.
  13. How did Elon Musk celebrate 420? With SpaceX going up in smoke.
  14. My wife made me stop burning clocks She was worried about all that second hand smoke
  15. Today I decided I won't smoke anymore I won't smoke any less either though.

Smoked Salmon Jokes

Here is a list of funny smoked salmon jokes and even better smoked salmon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Smoking is a scientific wonder! It kills people, but cures salmon.
  • If smoking is so bad for you How come it cures salmon?
  • If smoking kills... Then why does it cure salmon?
  • Everyone thinks smoking will kill you But how can they say that when it cures salmon?
  • Everyone tells you that smoking causes cancer… What they don't tell you is that it cures salmon!
  • I've heard people say that smoking will give me diseases But what they don't know is it cures salmon!
  • People say smoking can cause diseases But then how does it cure salmon?
  • People say smoking will give you diseases… But how can they say that when it cures salmon?
  • People always say smoking will give you diseases... Then how come People use it to cure salmon
  • They say smoking causes cancer But it cures salmon

Smoked Meat Jokes

Here is a list of funny smoked meat jokes and even better smoked meat puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was grilling yesterday but then the meat started smoking Stakes were high
  • What does Snoop Dogg eat when he visits Montreal? Smoked Meat Every Day.
  • Your mama's mouth is like a smoke house. Everyone is always hanging their meat in it.
  • Simple recipe for making your own naturally-smoked, organic meats... Start a forest fire.
  • Dating fact 101 Ladies, if all he does is smoke and give you the meat then you're dating a BBQ Grill.
  • It's important to smoke out your meats. The steaks have never been higher.
  • What is the favorite Pokémon of a smoked meat sandwich? Raichu
  • I smoked meat yesterday... I think that's how I got salmonella.
  • Why shouldn't you eat meat from p**... smoking cows? Because the steaks are too high.
  • If I smoke some strong w**... and beat my meat... Am I a chronic masturbator?
Smoked joke, If I smoke some strong w**... and beat my meat...

Smoked Turkey Jokes

Here is a list of funny smoked turkey jokes and even better smoked turkey puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • This year, I tried to smoke a turkey. But I rolled it too tight and couldn't get the end lit.
  • My wife threw a pack of turkey and a lighter in the cart and my God the temptation was strong... It was just last week that I quit smoking cold turkey
  • I quit smoking cold turkey Now I just eat it like everybody else
  • I quit smoking cold turkey. I now let it sit at room temperature for 30 minutes first.
  • Today I quit smoking cold turkey Turns out hot turkey is much better for smoking.
  • What happens when Turkeys get the common cold? They quit smoking.
  • What's the hardest thing about smoking your Thanksgiving Turkey? Getting the zigzag to seal?
    ... or keeping it lit?
  • My dad asked me to smoke the turkey after I got off work so it would be ready for dinner. I still can't fit it all in my pipe.
  • I've been smoking w**... for most of my life, and today I quit cold turkey. I'll make do with the much cheaper chicken cold cuts and put the extra money towards buying more w**....
  • As a pack a day s**..., instead of quitting cold turkey, I decided I'd only smoke when I drank So I became an alcoholic
Smoked joke, As a pack a day s**..., instead of quitting cold turkey, I decided I'd only smoke when I drank

Fun-Filled Smoked Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about smoked you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean smoking meat jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make smoked pranks.

Obama smoked w**... growing up, and now look where he is today

Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted

A midget once smoked a lot of w**......

He got medium.

Two mexicans are stranded in the desert for days....

... and they're at death's door....
They stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something, they suddenly spy through the heat haze a tree off in the distance.
As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with s**... after s**... of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.
"Hey, Pepe" says the first hombre. "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"
"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.
His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"
With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run,amigo, run!! ees not a Bacon Tree".......
"ees... a.... Hambush"

What happened to Mr. Potato Head when he smoked w**...?

He got baked.

Do you know what happens when...

... You get Grav Lox, Smoked Lox, and Nova Scotia Lox together?
You get combination lox!
... via my Dad just now.

Smoked some w**... the other night with some foreign dudes, massive language barrier...

We got Rosetta s**....

What kind of cheese is best to watch Lost with?

Smoked Muenster.

A racehorse once smoked some w**... just before the race was about to start.

Once it started, the jockey couldn't control it as it veered off track. So the crowd started calling him arrogant as he couldn't get off his high horse..

What do you call a low priced burritos with lots of smoked jalapeno chillies in them?

A Cheapotle

A man dies in an accident

He never drank, nor smoked. He never had s**... and never indulged in anything unhealthy.
The Life Insurance Company refused the claim on the note that 'How can someone have died if he had never lived in the first place?'

There was a fire at the supermarket I work at today.

We now offer a large selection of smoked goods.

I had a friend who smoked cigarettes like it's water.

Everyone tried to help him quit the habit. He told everyone, "don't worry. When and if I die, you guys will have a laugh." He passed away eventually. All his friends were at the f**.... On his tombstone was engraved, "finally quit smoking."

A man always smoked two cigarettes at a time

When people asked him why, he answered: i'm smoking one for myself and one for my brother in jail.
One day he was smoking only one, so people gladly asked "is your brother out of jail?"
He answered: "no, I quit"

What happened to the muslim who smoked w**...?

They got s**...

What does Michigan State football and m**... have in common?

They are both green and get smoked in bowls!

Someone asked me if I smoked

I said sodium Bromate
Cuz NaBrO
Hope you liked my joke! Let me know if you think you've seen it before. I thought I came up with it but these Jokes are common and I'm not clever enough so I possibly read it somewhere
Either way hope you liked it!

World peace (how to)

If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least two hours...followed by a global food shortage.

What did the egg say after he smoked a blunt?


I lost my job painting casino game tables because I smoked some w**......

I just wanted to be a high roller!

What's a monk's favorite kind of cheese?

Smoked buddha.

My date asked me if I smoked after s**....

I told her "I dunno, I've never checked."

It's 3 am. Just smoked a fatty. Just trying to make up new material with my parrot. I think i just thought of a good one but I may just be...

Too s**... with one bird.

Football game between Jamaica and Ethiopia. Final result?

Half the grass eaten, half the grass smoked.

How do you know if Jeffrey d**... smoked?

They found butts behind his couch.

Smoked a joint with royalty ...

Finally understood why people called him "your highness".

What is Lil Jon's favorite flavor of BBQ?

Mesquite squite squite.
...Forgive me I'm freshly smoked.

I once asked a girl if she smoked after s**....

She said "I don't know, I've never looked"

What does a religious fisherman eat on Sunday?

Smoked Psalmon

What's the end result of a soccer game between Jamaica and Ethiopia?

Half the grass is smoked and the other half is eaten.

I finally smoked some of this drug that's in the news all the time, but I wasn't impressed.

Crystal Meh.

To try something different, my wife smoked a chicken drumstick instead of a joint..

She got completely basted.

Did you hear about the fight club where cows smoked m**...?

The steaks were high.

Those studies that say people often die from smoking are b**....

My uncle smoked. He died only once.

If you had to choose...

Between eating bacon everyday or being skinny for the rest of your life, would you choose applewood or hickory smoked?

I fell out of a tree today.

I wasn't that high but still, I probably shouldn't have smoked that joint.

Three moms are talking and having lunch together...

One mom had black hair, the next was brunette, and the third was blonde.
The black haired mom says "You guys won't believe what I found in my daughters room yesterday. A cigarette! I've never even smoked."
The brunette mom says "You won't believe what I found in *my* daughters room yesterday. Whiskey! I've never even drank."
The blonde mom says "Well guess what I found in *my* daughters room yesterday. A c**...! I've never even had s**... before."

I smoked w**... with a couple of cows near a police station.

The steaks were really high.

A man goes golfing

And he hits the most incredible drive, an absolute rocket. 100 down range a bird flies into the middle of the fairway, gets smoked by the ball and drops down dead. The man walks up to the bird and sees that the ball has gone right through!
This begs the question, is it a birdie or a hole-in-one.

There was a young boy who failed school,

Acted a bit of a fool.
Went out to Iraq, smoked a whole lot of crack,
And his legs ended up in Kabul.

If you smoked so much w**... that you died,

did you get tombstoned?

So a psychic midget smoked some w**......

He was a short high medium.

I snorted coke and m**..., smoked four blunts, and injected h**... today...

...and this guy at the auction house is STILL saying im not the highest bidder.

I just smoked a ligament..

I'm not that big of a fan of joints

What happened when the guy drank alcohol and smoked w**... at the same time?

I don't know, but he seemed to be in high spirits.

An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor.

The doctor says, 'We have three possible donors.
One is a young, healthy athlete.
The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.'
'I'll take the lawyer's heart,' says the patient.
'Why?' asks the doctor.
The patient replies, 'It's never been used.'

Smoking a cigarette

Have you ever smoked a cigarette in your car and tried to throw it out the window and a minute later you smell something and turn around to find your grandma f**... herself in the back seat?

I'm opening a Russian/Asian fusion restaurant.

It's just Asian food but halfway through your meal you get smoked with nerve gas.

I have a confession. I smoked over the weekend.

In my defense, it was the best chicken I've ever tasted.

What's 7 inches long and hasn't been smoked in 2 years?

Carrie Fisher's c**...

Never fight someone who recently smoked w**....

They tend to have the high ground.

Friend: Have you ever smoked Smarties?

Me: Is that when you shoot up a grammar school?

There was a football match between Colombia and Jamaica in 1967

It didn't go well, the Colombians sniffed all the white lines and Jamaicans smoked all the grass.

I've only smoked crack once...

For 5 years!!!

I met Snoop Dogg last night and he said that I roll the best blunts he's ever smoked.

That's high praise.

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

The egg, then it rolled over and smoked a cigarette, leaving the chicken quite dissatisfied...

Mom, how did I come to this world?

A kid asked his mother:
\- Mom, how did I come to this world?
\- Me and your father planted a seed together - began telling the story the mother.
\- From that seed - she continued - we grew m**... plant, then smoked some w**... and had s**... on the washing machine...

My friend accidentally discovered a foolproof method of getting instant long lashes.

He smoked a joint in Saudi Arabia.

When I was a kid, my teacher told the whole class to go home and smoke or drink. Get it out of your system. After that, you will never feel like doing it again. Thanks to him, I never smoked or touched alcohol after that night of trying.

I moved to bigger things. I am a crack addict now.

Whats green and gets smoked in bowls?

Notre Dame

"Hmm," I said to the fishmonger, examining the selection. "I've got the munchies, I will eat any of these."

"Smoked trout?" he asked.
"No," I replied. "Just a little bit of w**...."

The army smoked w**...

And forcibly seized power
This is a haiku

When I was a teenager I had two habits: smoking and m**...

I was a 20-a-day lad and I smoked like a chimney.

What does Notre Dame and m**... have in common?

They both get smoked in a bowl

If you took ecstasy and smoked p**...

You'd be a rolling stone.

Smoked p**... in my car and a cop arrives......

Cop : How high are you ?
Me : No officer! It's hi how are you ?

UK POLITICS- How do female staffers in the SNP get inducted?

They've got to have smoked Salmond for breakfast.

I couldn't afford a nice television, so I just smoked a ton of w**... and read the dictionary.

High definition.

Somebody make this joke

Something about a girl who smoked and got high
Something about s**...
Punchline: I left her high and dry

Ever notice that regular gouda is square, yet smoked gouda is circular?

Smoking really does take the edge off.

I'm from Jamaica and if I got a dollar every time someone asked me if I smoked w**....

I'd have enough to buy a $50 bag every time I run out.

Why did the duck become broke and homeless?

Because he smoked to much quack

A man noticed that his friend only smoked two cigarettes at a time.

He asked him about it and his friend said: "one for me and one on my imprisoned brother's behalf. He told me to smoke for him too"
Years later, the man saw his friend smoking only one cigarette, he told him: "I'm guessing good news! Your brother finished his sentence?"
His friend said: "No, I quit smoking"

Two guys lighting up a joint.

After an hour the one is high and the other feels like a seven.
>!Because the one feels numb and the other feels number.!<
There was also another guy with them who smoked way more that day. >!He felt like an eight. You could say he felt even number.!<

A bunch of hippies just overthrew the government, smoked w**..., and read a poem.

It was a high coup.

"I've never smoked or drank anything in my life..." claimed Gary

"Quit your b**... Gary I've seen you smoke." Said his friend
"That one doesn't count I was drunk that day"

I dispute those studies that claim people often die from smoking.

My uncle smoked, and he only died once.

The first time I smoked w**... I was in the back of my brothers truck,

we drove around for miles laughing at the dumbest things.
It was a great time but I must have been really high because I don't have a brother.

Why was the duck arrested

He smoked quack

My girlfriend asked me if I smoked after s**....

I said 'Dunno. I've never looked'

drunk guy goes into a library

the librarian says "Sir this is a library!"
So the guy whispers: "sorry, gimme a smoked cod n chips"

When I first met my girlfriend…

I asked her if she smoked after sex.
She said, I have never looked.

Smoked joke, When I first met my girlfriend…

jokes about smoked