I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter.
Cause you're annoying and won't shut the fuck up.
Mariguana.
Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions.
I was the best teacher ever.
They throw one cigarette over board in order to make the boat a cigarette lighter.
To get a breath of filtered air.
I asked them if they had papers. They immediately ran off.
she uses the smoke alarm as a timer.
Qwack
because you're really fucking loud and annoying
Yours.
An oxymormon.
Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.
The chief walks in on two of his firefighters having vigorous sex.
He shouts: Hey what the hell are you two doing?
One of the firefighters: Chief, you don't understand, he suffered some serious smoke inhalation.
Chief: Thats not how you treat smoke inhalation. The first step is mouth to mouth.
Firefighter: How do you think all this started?
Man: Doctor, how can I live to be 100 years old?
Doctor: Well, do you smoke cigarettes or do any type of drugs?
Man: Nope
Doctor: Do you eat a lot of junk food?
Man: Nope
Doctor: Do you sleep around without using protection?
Man: Nope
Doctor: Then why the hell do you want to live to be 100 years old?
...do they get high, or do they just get medium?
A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"
He's probably part of an extreme mist group
Until I asked her for some papers and she ran off.
- Do you drink?
- Never, only water.
- You smoke?
- Oh no, my body is a temple
- Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing cocaine and coming back home to have unprotected sex with multiple partners?
- Never, I'm single and abstinent.
- I see. So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old?
And when they say "did she smoke her whole life" I say "no, but she was real good at minding her own business"
I won't smoke any less either though.
Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
But when I asked if anyone had papers, they all ran off.
An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth."
Reflecting on his life, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom."
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
"that's a horrible habit" says the non smoker.
"My grandmother lived to 94" he replies.
"And did she smoke?"
"No, she minded her own fucking business."
Simple, you get stoned twice
The answer was an emphatic No!
Later, when he sees an older priest puffing on a cigarette while praying, the younger priest scolded him, You shouldn't be smoking while praying! I asked the bishop, and he said I couldn't do it!
That's odd, the old priest replied. I asked the bishop if I could pray while I'm smoking, and he told me that it was okay to pray at any time!
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said You know you wanna . Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
Use contraceptives kids.
She's up to three packs a day.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tend to avoid high maintenance women.
A catholic school catches on fire and two priests first notice the flames & smoke.
"We gotta get outta here!" Says the first one.
"What about the kids?" Asks the second.
"Fuck the kids!" The first exclaims.
"But, do we have time?"
I used to smoke pot and arrive late for class. Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to god nobody asked me any questions. I was the best teacher ever.
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