The Best 10 Smirnoff Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Smirnoff jokes. There are some smirnoff whisky jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these smirnoff gin puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Smirnoff Jokes and Puns

Whata country..

You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores.

He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice -- you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, "What a country!"

Wife: I'm going shopping, do you need anything?

Husband: I'm looking for inner-peace and happiness, an answer to my doubts, a sense of fulfilment, a medium through which I can transcend consciousness and reach true spirituality, calmness and...


Wife: Be specific; Smirnoff or Absolut?

A man gets pulled over for swerving

Officer says, "sir do you know why I pulled you over?"

*"I have no clue". The man replied.*

"Have you been drinking, sir?"

*"Not any alcoholic drinks, officer".*

"Then what is that in your cup holder?"

"*that's a half-drank Smirnoff Ice.*"

"I thought you said you didn't drink any alcohol tonight?"

"*No, officer. I said I haven't had any "alcoholic drinks". All of my friends are alcoholics and not a single one of them drinks that shit."*

OC

A short joke.

If a former 80's Russian comedian went out and bought some off-brand vodka. Would that be Yakov Smirnoff buying knock-off Smirnoff?

How do you fix a bottle of vodka?

Turn it Smirnoff and on again.


Cocktail

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "bartender, got any specials today?" Bartender answers, "yes, as a matter of fact we have a new drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka." The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?" The bartender replied, "It's a "Pabst Smir.

The official bad Yakov Smirnoff punchline thread about the Sochi Olympics

You have been warned...

In Russia, yellow water is not dirty, it's colored that way by Russian government so we don't mistakenly drink water instead of vodka!

Why does Peter Dinklage drink Smirnoff?

Because he can't reach for the Grey Goose

My favorite Yakov Smirnoff joke about the good old USSR.

In America you find the party. In Russia the party finds you.

What do teenage terrorists drink?

Smirnoff ISIS

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the smirnoff whiskey jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working smirnoff yakov smirnoff piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes