Smirks Jokes
18 smirks jokes and hilarious smirks puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about smirks that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Smirks Short Jokes
Short smirks jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The smirks humour may include short smirked jokes also.
- A midget was escaping prison... A midget was escaping prison. I watched him as he climbed over the fence. On the way down he smirked at me.
I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending". - My daughter asked me, "Dad, why is your nose in the middle of your face?" I smirked and replied, "Because it's the scenter."
- My middle school chemistry teacher once told us... "Alcohol is not a solution, it's a distillation" \*smirks\*
- While I was watching the prison wall, a little midget starting climbing over it and smirked at me And I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending".
- If you put a picture of yourself in a locket... Could some say you are, independent? :D
(Don't look at me like that. You smirked, at least. haha!) - An english professor said to his students there is no way to use two positives to express a negative One student smirked to his friend "Yeah right."
- So two Catholic priests are hanging outside Toys R Us and an eight year old boy walks by The first priest smirks and whispers to the second priest, I bet he looked good in his prime.
- Dad joke 101 What's the difference between 1 h and h ?
There is no difference, they are both 1 h!
(Got a few smirks and groans when I said this one) - Why the long face? "A horse walks into the bar and the bartender comes over and says, 'Why the long face?'" - Not my original for sure, but always makes me smirk.
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What funny jokes about smirks you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sneered jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make smirks pranks.
A Chinese guy buys a well from a Jewish guy
The next day the Chinese walks up to the well; when the Jew runs up to him and shouts, "STOP! I sold you the well; not the water!"
The Chinese guy smirks and says "That's exactly why I'm here. How could you store your water in my well and not pay rent?!"
A Scottish priest is driving home when he comes across a dead pig lying on the road.
So he calls the police to inform them.
A c**... sergeant answers the called. "Did ye read him his last rites?" smirks the sergeant.
"Naw." replies the priest." I thought I would inform his next of kin first!"
A brunette gets a bouquet of flowers for valentines day.
The other office women are admiring the flowers as they are delivered to her.
She then smirks and says to the crowd of women gathered around "I guess this means I will be spending the night with my legs in the air."
The blonde then says "Don't you have a vase?"
A cop pulls over a reverend
The Reverend rolls down the window and asks: What's the problem Officer?
The cop replies with: Reverend have you been drinking?
The Reverend is fumbled and says : No Officer, just water.
Cop smirks and says : Why do I smell wine?
The Reverend exclaims and says: Good Lord he's done it again!
For my 3rd wish, I wish for infinite wishes
"Wish granted," says the Genie.
"Really? I thought it was impossible. I wish for infinite riches now." responds the man.
The man waits for a few minutes as nothing happens.
"I thought you said you granted my wish for infinite wishes!"
The Genie smirks and responds "I said I would only GRANT three wishes. You have infinite wishes as you wanted now, except I just won't grant them. You should have looked at the dictionary definition for wish first."
Three vampires enter a dim bar in Kent.
The barmaid asks "What'll you have gentlemen?"
Flashing his best spooky grin, the first vampire says "I'll have a glass of blood" When she asks second vampire, he says,"Glass of blood please" She looks at the third vampire and he smirks and says, "I'll take a glass of plasma"
She shrugs and yells down the bar "Two bloods and a blood lite".
A police officer arrests a drunk man
After minutes of hassle getting the man in the police car, they're finally ready to go.
The officers turns around and says "Please fasten your seatbelt".
The man smirks and says "It's ok. Nobody will pull us over"
A boy goes up to his father and asks...
- Hey dad, can i date with the neighbour's daughter, Alice?
+No, because i am her dad, the father answers.
-Okay then i will date Olivia.
+Nope, she is also my daughter.
-Charlotte?
+She too.
-Then what about Emma???
+She too.
The boy goes crying to his mother and says, "I can't date any of the girls around because my dad said he is all of their father!"
The mother turns to the boy, smirks and says "No son, you can date any of those girls, because that man in the other room is not your real father."
*not my joke, found somewhere*
My wife made grilled cheese for dinner 4 days in a row
I come up to her and say "What's up honey, don't you have enough time to make dinner?"
She nonchalantly replies "No, I do"
Surprised, I quickly say "Then how come you're not taking the time to make a better and more nutritious dinner?"
She smirks and replies "The last 4 nights in bed, you had plenty of time, but you decided to finish quickly."
A bear and a rabbit are walking trough the forest, when a genie shows up
The bear and the rabbit each get 3 tree wishes.
The bear goes first: „ I want that every female bear wants me!
Then the rabbit says: „ I wish for a save place, where no one can find me!
Of course the genie grants their wishes.
Second the bear wishes: „ I wish there are many female bears in my forest!
The rabbit says: „I want a super fast bike for my second wish!
The genie grants their wishes again.
For his last wish, the bear says: „ I also want to be the only male bear!
The rabbit looks at the bear, smirks, and says: „ You know what? I want that the bear was gay! as he drives away on his bike.
A wolf, a lion and a little pig are having a discussion
The wolf proudly says : I am the scariest animal of the woods. When I howl, you can hear me from miles away and it will send a shiver down your spine.
The lion smirks and says : do you think THAT is scary, little wolf? I am the true king of the jungle ánd the most scary. When I roar, all the animals flee into the jungle.
The little pig shivers a bit and says :
I don't want to say too much, but when I sneeze, every human around me gets himself vaccinated.
Little Johnny catches his parents having s**......
He shouts out "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
Flustered his dad replies: "Uhhh...I'm playing poker."
Not knowing what poker is Johnny is about to shrug and walk away but then he asks "But then what's mom doing?"
"Uhhh..she's my wild card" his dad replies
A few months later Johnny's dad walks in on him m**.... His dad shouts "What are you doing?"
Without missing a beat Johnny replies "Playing poker."
His replies "But where is your wild card?"
Johnny just smirks and says "With a hand like this, who needs a wild card?"
So a Man's VERY Liberal Neighbors Adopt a Young Child.
One day, the man goes to their house with a warming gift, and says to the little girl-
"What would you like to do when you grow up?" The child responds that she would like to help the homeless. So the man says-
"Alright, how about this. You mow my lawn a and ill give you $12. You can give that to a homeless man."
The Child thinks for a second, and says to the man-
"Why can't you get the homeless man to mow your lawn?" To which the man smirks, and replies-
"Welcome to the Conservative side."
-Sry i'm new this is my first and favorite joke so ya thx.
Three men are drinking in a bar
A Italian, Frenchman and Estonian gentlemen are drinking in a bar arguing who's the best lover.
The Italian goes: "Last night I made love to my woman for 2 hours, she kept screaming for 5 minutes when I was done!"
The Frenchman smirks at that and goes: "That's nothing, last night I made love to my partner for 8 hours, she screamed for an hour after it!"
The Estonian looks at the other two, wipes beer foam from his mouth and says: "You guys really do not know what you are doing in bed, do you? Last night I made love to my wife for 2 minutes and cleaned myself in the curtains. She is still screaming!"
A pastor is finishing up his sermon on sunday morning...
"In preparation for my sermon next week, I want you all to read Mark chapter 17. You are dismissed." So next week everybody comes back to church. After singing a few hymns, the pastor comes to the pulpit.
"How many read Mark chapter 17 like I said last week?" Everyone raised their hand. The pastor says "and it's a great chapter, amen??" There are shouts of "amen!" from the congregation. Then the pastor smirks.
"Well, Mark only has 16 chapters. I will now begin my sermon on the terrible sin of lying."