Smirked Jokes
18 smirked jokes and hilarious smirked puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about smirked that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Smirked Short Jokes
Short smirked jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The smirked humour may include short smirks jokes also.
- A midget was escaping prison... A midget was escaping prison. I watched him as he climbed over the fence. On the way down he smirked at me.
I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending". - My daughter asked me, "Dad, why is your nose in the middle of your face?" I smirked and replied, "Because it's the scenter."
- My middle school chemistry teacher once told us... "Alcohol is not a solution, it's a distillation" \*smirks\*
- While I was watching the prison wall, a little midget starting climbing over it and smirked at me And I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending".
- If you put a picture of yourself in a locket... Could some say you are, independent? :D
(Don't look at me like that. You smirked, at least. haha!) - An english professor said to his students there is no way to use two positives to express a negative One student smirked to his friend "Yeah right."
- So two Catholic priests are hanging outside Toys R Us and an eight year old boy walks by The first priest smirks and whispers to the second priest, I bet he looked good in his prime.
- Dad joke 101 What's the difference between 1 h and h ?
There is no difference, they are both 1 h!
(Got a few smirks and groans when I said this one) - Why the long face? "A horse walks into the bar and the bartender comes over and says, 'Why the long face?'" - Not my original for sure, but always makes me smirk.
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Fun-Filled Smirked Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about smirked you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean winked jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make smirked pranks.
I wanted to buy a drink from a vending machine, but there was a guy in front of me.
I tried to wait my turn patiently, but he just kept buying soda. I stood there for a while just watching him put in some money and take his drink, over and over until he had a whole bag of soda cans. He showed no signs of stopping, so I asked him, "Why do you keep doing that? Are you ever going to give anyone else a turn?"
He smirked and replied, "You're just jealous because I've won every time!"
h**... went to see a fortune seer
h**... went to see a fortune seer. He walked in and demanded to know on what day he would die.
The seer replied "You will die on a Jewish holiday"
h**... wanted more in information than that, and asked "Which holiday?"
The seer just smirked and said "Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday"
An American and a Russian were talking in a bar
The American began to boast about his country, claiming it's the land of the free.
"I could walk straight up to the White House and shout "Death to the American President" and nothing happens to me."
Hearing this the Russian smirked
"I too can walk up to the Kremlin and shout " Death to the American President", nothing bad happens to me either"
A Scottish priest finds a dead pig.
A Scottish priest is driving home when he comes across a dead pig lying on the side of the road. So he calls the police to inform them.
A c**... sergeant answers the call.
"Did ye read him his last rites?" the sergeant smirked
"Naw." replies the priest. "I thought I'd inform his next of kin first!"
Final exam
My psychology professor wrapped up the class and dicussed the final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up, barring a health trauma or death in the immediate family. My friend Johnny smirked and asked, "What about extreme s**... exhaustion?"
After the chuckling died down, the professor replied, "Nope, you can use your other hand to write."
A 90 year old woman is getting married for the fourth time.
A news crew is there to document the story. The reporter asks the woman about her odd marital past. "Let me get this right," he says. "Your first husband was a banker. Your second husband was a clown. Your third husband was a doctor, and you're about to marry a mortician. Why the menagerie of different men?" She smirked and said "It was one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go."
So, A Man Breaks Into a House...
He begins looking for valuables and such when he hears a voice.
"Jesus is watching you."
The man looks around for the source of the voice. It speaks again.
"Jesus is watching you."
After a few moments, the man finds a parrot in a cage.
"Jesus is watching you." It says.
The man smirked. "Hey there, little guy. What's your name?"
"Moses."
"What kind of people name their parrot Moses?"
"The same kind of people who name their rottweiler Jesus."
In class, my statistics teacher said, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math."
I shrugged and said, "h**..., anybody can win the lottery."
My statistics teacher smirked, folded his arms and asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?"
I said, "Yep. 100%. A person always wins."
I walked into the dentist's and whispered, I think I'm a moth. The dentist frowned, looked at me and replied, I don't think you should be here. You need to see a psychiatrist.
I smirked, I am seeing a psychiatrist.
Exasperated, he pleaded, What are you doing here then?
The light was on.
So, my friend bought a cute baby donkey
First, he taught it to walk and run. It grew up to carry anything and still run at great speed. After that, he taught it to be friendly to everyone. It grew up to be a great emotional support animal. He taught it to study and read. It grew up to advance animal consciousness research.
So, after getting myself a donkey of my own, I had to ask him what he did to teach anything and everything to his donkey. He smirked, and simply replied that his donkey was just a smart a**....
A guy asked a girl in a university library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you?
"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" the girl shouted. All the students in the library started staring at the guy; hunching his head and ducking away, he retreated to a table in the corner of the library.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and smirked. "I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?
$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S WAY TOO MUCH! the guy shouted. All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy stood and whispered in her ear, "I study law. I know how to screw people."
A man is bragging to his coworkers
"I may be old but I've still got it! Last night, my wife and I went six-rounds! This morning we woke up and she said to me, 'honey you were amazing!'"
Another, roused by competition, said:
"Well last night my wife and I had fifteen-rounds! This morning she said to me, 'honey, I'm never leaving you'".
The last man didn't really speak all this time, so they looked at him asked "well, how many rounds did you go for last night?"
"Just one"
They smirked and sneered, "well, what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop"
Cop: Is that a radar detector I see?
A cop pulled me over the other day for speeding.
After giving me the ticket, he teases me a bit about my out of state plate and the fact that I'm driving a car that's in my Dad's name.
He points to my dash and asks, "Is that a radar detector I see?"
Me: I don't know.
Cop: Is that a radar detector I see?
Me: I don't know it's my Dad's car. It's just always been there, but it does let me know every time I pass a Krispy Kreme.
He smirked, said, "Good one. Now slow down."