Smash Jokes

Chuck Norris is a coward!

If that s**... was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my keybakwue hr<awjd <akreu<an<awlkuhnc<a kjdqw;eoim

A geologist, physicist and an economist are marooned on a desert island with nothing to eat.

A can of soup washes ashore. They ponder how to open it. The geologist says, 'Let's smash it open with a rock.' The physicist says, 'Let's heat it up and blow it open.' The economist says, 'No, no. You guys will lose most of the soup. Let's just assume we have a can opener.'

What do you call it when you bang a vampire?

A graveyard smash!

Whats the difference between a watermelon and a baby?

One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer and the other one is a watermelon

Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.

"Can you go and get me another one please?" asked Freddie.

"Why?" asked the waiter.

"I want to break three."

(Don't think it's been posted before,recieved it in an email and thought it was worth sharing.)

A man is driving his car when suddenly the door of a parked car is swung open in front of him.

He proceeds to smash into the door of the car, ripping it off. He stops to see another man, in a very expensive suit, jump out of the car and scream at him "you just ripped the door off my lovely Porsche!".

The first man says "You are so materialistic...you didn't even notice that you left arm was ripped off in the accident".

The second man looks down for a second, then screams "my Rolex!"

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? (Kinda dark)

One's fun to smash with a hammer, the other is a delicious snack.

Playing 8-person smash was one of the deepest and most thought provoking experiences I've ever had...

I spent the whole time trying to find myself

A physicist, a chemist, and an economist are stranded on an island with nothing to eat

A can of soup washes ashore.
The physicist says, "Let's smash the can open with a rock.
The chemist says, "Let's build a fire and heat the can first.
The economist says, "Let's assume that we have a can opener."  (Paul Samuelson)

I swear if I hear Uptown Funk one more time...

I will smash my radio. Don't believe me? Just watch

Apparently The Hulk's blind date went well.

I asked him about it today and he just said "Hulk Smash."

What do you get when you smash two old protons together in the large hadron collider

a muon.

Hear about that 70s date r**... band?

Cosby Pills Smash and Run

What's the most popular game to play in jail?

Smash Brothers

Two pilots are landing a plane.

Two pilots are preparing to land and they're coming in hot. The wheels touch the tarmac and before you know it they're off the other end. 100mph through the grass, the fence and they smash through the gates. Glass and bags go everywhere.

When they finally come to a stop the pilot looks at his co-pilot and says "That was the shortest runway I've ever seen!"

The co-pilot says" Yeah, but wasn't it wide!

How did I win a Super Smash Bros. Brawl Tournament?

I met a knight

My wife keeps telling me she can't sleep

And asked me to stop typing or She will smash my face on the keybodjeysdhvcjkdjwj827fhejwi46wixjj

Do you have home insurance?

'Cause I'm going to smash your back door in.

I just smashed into a Smart Car...

It's totalled. But at least my bike is fine.

I s**... identify as a mosquito...

... Because everyone wants to smash me.

What do you call two gay r**...?

Super Smash Brothers

My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my smash mouth obsession

But then i saw her face...

My father grounded me...

He said if he ever saw me in front of the computer he'd smash my face in the keybouvuvwevwevwe Onyetenyevwe Ugwemubwem Ossass

Yesterday my dad told me if he saw me on the computer latenight again...

He would smash my head into my keyHDJbdvxhjJDKLXUXBgshdjcmcnGxcNdnckcoNcbcjxndbcjcjkxndJdhhshdbdn

I put your name on my alarm clock...

every time I wake up I get to smash you

I told my friend that I heard Smash Mouth is coming to town.

He asked me where I heard that, and i said *Somebody once told me*

Hey, girl, do you believe in Santa...

Or should I smash through your chimney dressed as something else?

My mom gave me her credit card to buy her a gift for mothers day

She said if I buy anything expensive on eBay she'll smash my head on the keyboarkqkrjfhufjffitufltudduyldrysgldzkteydculfdylyxdhdyd

What's it called when Shrek gets a b**...?

Smash Mouth

My girlfriend asked me to stop singing Smash Mouth songs.

I said Hey Now...

My girlfriend told me if I didn't stop singing "I'm a believer" by smash mouth she would dump me...

I thought she was joking
But then i saw her face

I like my women like I like my apples...

Rotten to the core and easy to smash

How does Smash Mouth read the gospel?

He turns it to Psalm : BODY ONCE TOLD ME

mum said if i dont get off my computer..

..she will smash my head on the keyboard nice try moitrfjbc4fbfewfjrfn cvrjekf dmjfewjrbvjrwvkwwovfvewn

What's the most effective way to get rid of c**...?

Shave half your p**..., light the other half on fire and smash them with a hammer when they come running out.

What do you call a religious Super Smash Bros Brawl character?

Menno knight

How many CNN panellists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2 - one to screw in the bulb, and one to unscrew it and smash it on the floor in the interest of balance.

Me and this girl would smash all the time, but eventually we broke up. Why?

She never let me pick luigi

A manager was told by his doctor to take up some sport for exercise, so he decided to play tennis. After a couple of weeks, his administrative assistant asked him how he was doing.

"It's going fine," the manager said. "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says, "To the corner! Backhand! To the net! Smash! Go back!"

"Really? What happens then?" the woman asked enthusiastically.

"Then my body says, 'Who? Me? Don't talk nonsense!'"

What is the best way to smash a feminist with a buzzcut?

Smashing light bulbs is, among other things, unchivalrous.

It's no way to treat LED.

When Titanic came out, I went to the premiere wearing a iceberg costume

Needless to say, it was a smash hit.

I wish next door's dog wouldn't do his business in my garden.

I've got a good mind to go out there and smash his laptop to pieces.

A man gets mad at his wife

for using the computer to much. she posts "my husband is mad at me, he said if I use it any longer he will smash my head across the keyboard. Yeah righdfjklhgfguhgcgj.n vcxft"

A New Prison Band coming soon....

Cosby, Pills and Smash

What did the Hulk say when he first saw Wonder Woman?

Hulk Smash!

I smashed a thousand albums yesterday...

I think I broke a record.

The new Super Smash Bros comes out on December 7th

Japan must just love dropping bombs that day

I smashed a CD in half...

Bits flew everywhere.

I smashed a sheet of glass on the floor and I can't find the last piece....

It's a bit of a pane.

The manager of my local Walmart brought me to court today

He won by a long shot, I'm not that great at basketball, but Ive challenged him to a rematch in Smash wish me luck!

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend.

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend. His wife's not home; the past few nights she's returned past midnight with increasingly elaborate alibis. He's getting frustrated; he loves her, but he's not sure he can keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. His friend asks what he's going to do when she shows up. His face contorts in frustration. "When I see her face..."

He softens.

"Imma believe 'er."

Hey girl are you a smoke detector?

Because I want to smash you.

Two atoms are driving together, lose control and smash into a tree...

ATOM #1: are you ok?

ATOM #2: oh my god, no! I think I lost an electron!

ATOM #1: are you sure?

ATOM #2: yes, I'm positive!

Since Luigi died in the Smash direct, what do we have to use to contact him?

A Luigi board

What did Kraid say to Ridley when he was revealed playable in Smash.

Cmon, Ridley, that's Norfair

My wife left me because of my obsession with Smash Mouth.

But then I saw her face.

Now I'm a believer.

If you have s**... on Halloween, is it a monster mash or a graveyard smash?

Well it's only a graveyard smash if she's had a abortion

Did you see the new Bowsette?

No, but from peoples reaction it sounds like she was confirmed for smash.

my girlfriend left me over my obsession with smash mouth

At first I didn't believe her, then i saw her face

If I smash a bottle of coke on your head...

It won't hurt because it's soft drink

Some bloke just said he's going to smash my head in with the neck of a guitar

I said "is that a fret?"

What do you call s**... with a girl who has recently left an abortion clinic.

A Graveyard Smash

Modern Technology

Guys and gals. Think about it. While walking on a treadmill you could play Super Smash Bros Ultimate. Don't you love modern technology.

Is Waluigi going to be a DLC for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate?

No

'I beat my kids"

"In smash bros."

I want to create a machine that would smash two b**... together at nearly the speed of light.

I'll call it the Large Hard-on Collider

Did you hear about the vandal who broke into the greengrocers to smash a single piece of fruit?

He got arrested for breaking a nectarine.

Who is the most misogynistic Super Smash Brothers character?

Inceleroar.

I smashed up my keyboard and couldnt find the last key

I lost Ctrl

What's the difference between a watermelon and a babys head?

One's fun to smash with a hammer and the other one tastes good

Wife's complaining

I spend to much time online.

She is threatening to smash my head onto the keyboard if I don't stop.

I don't think ejangvpleakdjsibsvpm,\]al;kv

Why are minecraft players virgins?

It would be wrong to smash a miner

What is Hulk's favorite band?

SMASH MOUTH!

All this talk about John Cena

I have heard so much about how much of a 'hard man' John Cena is! Honestly if he's so hard, why doesn't he come smash my head on this keyboarddhjfiefkejfjl

What's an Alabama girls favorite game?

Smash Bros!

What do you call two nintendo fans doing i**...?

Super smash bros

[OC] Hey girl, are you a keyboard?

Because you're something I might just smash out of frustration.

What did the meteor say to the planet?

Lemme smash

My wife wanted to have s**... in a cemetery tonight.

It was a graveyard smash.

My wife said that the next time she sees me browsing Reddit, she'll smash my head against the keyboard

Hehdjeiwnbxkakanbciejsnakxc

I found a hammer behind McDonalds that I use to smash coins with

I nicknamed it Big Mac but it's really more of a Quarter Pounder.

Went to the off license on my bike last night and bought a bottle of v**...

Just before I was to leave I thought, what if I fall off my bike and smash it, so I drank it right there. Turned out to be a good decision as I fell off my bike seven times on my way home.

What does Fiona let Shrek do on Valentine's Day?

Smash Mouth

What do Smash Mouth do in Physics class?

Sum bodies

My wife is mad at me.

She said if I don't get off the computer she will smash my head into the keyboard. I think it might just be a joke thobfufjebwhhwhf8djfnrk727gdbd eu27y d bc uuehwjw 7 8j

What is Alabama's most popular video game?

Super Smash Brothers

Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.

"Can you go and get me another one please?" Asked Freddie.

"Why?" Asked the waiter.

"I want to break three."

Hey girl are you a piñata?

Because I'd need a blindfold to smash that.

I'm fed up with all these Chuck Norris jokes on this Sub!

If he's such a tough badass, I dare him to come over here and smash my face against my keybhrbhdbvdggdvrvvhdhdbsbhdhebb