Smarter Than Jokes
98 smarter than jokes and hilarious smarter than puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about smarter than that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Smarter Than Short Jokes
Short smarter than jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The smarter than humour may include short stronger than jokes also.
- My friend told me that beer would make him smarter. But I don't think that anything would make my Budweiser.
- A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
- If your crush is single... It is 1v20
If she is taken...
It is 1v1
Work smarter not harder - The stomach is smarter than the brain. Because the stomach warns you when it is empty, the brain does not.
- Why are Chernobyl residents smarter than the average person? Because 2 heads are better than one.
- U.S. vending machines to begin displaying calorie information to encourage smarter snack choices. Machines' reflective glass surface not doing the trick.
- Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
*-Anthony Jeselnik, Shakespeare* - If we truly become what we mock... ...I think I'm going to start mocking some smarter, more successful people, for a change.
- A 17 in blackjack is like a mother in law Sometimes you want to hit it, but it's probably smarter not to.
- You have to wonder about a country where the bombs ... are smarter than the high school graduates. At least the bombs can find Iraq on the maps.
(quote by
Alan Whitney Brown of SNL fame)
Share These Smarter Than Jokes With Friends
Smarter Than One Liners
Which smarter than one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with smarter than? I can suggest the ones about brighter than and tougher than.
- What's smarter than the average bear? 50% of all bears.
- I am smarter than George Jetson Because unlike him, I wasn't born yesterday
- What's smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee
- You know beer actually makes you smarter? It made budweiser
- There's only one 5-letter word stopping me from being smarter. Stupidity
- Who is smarter, a robot maid or a robot MD? A robot maid, because she's got her AI.
- Why are newer lightbulbs smarter than older lightbulbs? Because they're brighter.
- Miniature schnauzer joke My miniature schnauzer is smarter than most people I know.
- Why are men smarter than women? Two heads are better than one!
- The great thing about narcissism is that it makes you smarter.
- I hate people who are smarter than me. That's why I hate everyone.
- What vegetable makes you smarter? Stephen Hawking
- My boss told me to work smarter so I went home.
- Why is it smarter so smoke herb than drink brew? 'Cuz bud wiser.
- Phones are getting thinner and smarter.
People, not so much.
Smarter Than Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about smarter than you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cooler than jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make smarter than pranks.
A man once insulted Chuck Norris by saying he was smarter than him.
That man was Stephen Hawking.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three blondes are stranded on an island.
A fairy comes along and says that she will grant each person a wish.
So the first blonde says she wants to be really smart so she digs and finds a cell phone and calls the Army.
The second blonde says that she wants to be even smarter so she finds a flair and sets it off.
The third blonde says that she wants to be even smarter than both of them, so the fairy changes her hair color to black and she says,"Let's go over the bridge."
How is education going to make me smarter?
If I was smarter, I would know so much more stuff.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Retirement bonus
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points of his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes.
He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,'From the tip of my w**... to my t**....' It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to
go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's w**... and began to work back.
"Dear Lord!", he suddenly exclaimed, ''Where are your t**...?''
The old Chief calmly replied, ''Vietnam''.
This husband wins the fight every time.
A newlywed couple are having their first big fight since being married. Things start getting heated when the husband angrily says "You know I'm right, I'm twice as smart as you!" Furious, the wife asks incredulously "What the heck, how could you say that!" The husband responds, "Well, just look at who I married compared to who you married, and tell me who is smarter!"
Use this one with caution in your own marriage :-)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
9% Smarter
Why are men 9% smarter after s**...?
They were plugged into a Genius.
Smarter Generation
"The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my students took over. ""Your hard drive crashed,"" he said.
I called the computer services office and explained, ""My computer is down. The hard drive crashed.""
""We can't just send people down on your say-so. How do you know that's the problem?""
""A student told me,"" I answered.
""We'll send someone over right away."""
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
To a hockey player the world is a puck, soccer players are smarter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kids are smarter than adults
I believe that kids are much smarter than adults.
Why?
Because I don't know one kid who has a wife and a family.
John Oliver interviews Stephen Hawking. John Oliver: "You've stated that you believe that there could be an infinite number of parallel universes. Does that mean, that there is a universe out there where I am smarter than you?"
My little girl is officially smarter than GabeN...
cause she can count to 3 now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and a cat
Why women are smarter? cause they pick on the perfect gender. And the l**...? they pick the smarter!
Guy selling apple seeds at street...
Police officer came and asked him what is he doing..
man: I am selling apple seeds which make you smarter if you eat them.
PO: Really? do they really work?
man: well buy some and try...
PO: okay, give me 5 seeds
man: That is 10$ sir
PO gave man the money and ate the seeds and 2 min after that he said:
PO: wait a minute, I could have bought like 10 apples for that money and get like 20-30 seeds.....
man: see they already work :)
PO: Wow, give me 5 more!
Sry for bad english
How does Mike Tyson get smarter?
By taking a math gainer.
Which beer did the flower drink that made it realize that it was smarter when it was young?
Budweiser
Blonde goes to market
She sees old man selling apple seeds for $5 a piece, so she asks why these seeds so expensive, to which old man replies that the seeds make you smarter if you eat them.
So blonde buys 5 seeds and eats them, than thinks for a moment and says: I could have bought 5 pounds of apples for that price.
Old man replies: see, you are already smarter.
Blonde: OK, give me 5 more.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... Joke
h**... is smarter than you. At least he knew when to kill himself. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
3 blonde girls is at the side of a river
And they're trying to get to the village on the other side
1 blond girl ask god to make her smart,so god turn her into a brunette and she swims across the river
the other girl ask god to make her smarter than the girl that just swam,so god make her into a redhead and she built a raft and paddle across
The last girl ask god to make her smarter than the other two girls,so god make her a man and he uses the bridge
Cats are smarter
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
paid a compliment
By a coworker, "every time I talk to you, I leave a smarter man."
I asked where he left him.
why is a mechanic smarter than a doctor?
Because a mechanic washes his hands before he uses the restroom.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's smarter than a dog, but dumber than a cat?
Their owner.
During my school days I was living on baked beans.
A house would probably have been a smarter option.
The smartest dog
One day, two women were arguing about whose dog is smarter.
The first woman says, "My dog's so smart, every morning he waits for the paper-boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me."
The second woman replies, "I know.."
The first woman, surprisingly ask, "How do YOU know?"
The second woman says, "My dog told me."
Someone told me that to be successful in my business, I should hire people smarter than me...
Others said I'm setting the bar too low.
What is smarter?
What is smarter, longitude or latitude?…Longitude, because it has 360 degrees.
Why are dogs smarter than people?
Because dogs can understand English, can you understand Dog?
Someone told me that wearing glasses would make me look smarter.
No one told me you had to wear clothes too.
Cats and Dogs
Did you know cats are smarter than dogs? Dogs can't take x-rays, but cats can.
My dog understands several human words...
Yet i dont understand anything my dog barks.
He may be smarter than me.
As soon as I find a girl that is wealthier, prettier, smarter, funnier, better connected, into physical deformities, and more than willing to take care of a grown adult.
I'll move out of my moms
Alcohol and life
Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 blondes trying to cross a river
3 blondes are trying to cross a river.
The first blonde prays to god and asks to be more intelligent so she can cross the river. God agrees and makes her a brunette so she swims across the river.
The second blonde prays to god and asks to be even smarter than the last so she can cross the river faster. God agrees and makes her a redhead so she builds a row boat and crosses the river.
The last blonde prays to god to be even smarter than the last so she can cross the river even faster.
God agrees and turns her into a man and she uses the bridge.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whales are smarter than most teenagers, new study finds
needs cetacean
Smart Potion
A kid is on his lawn, playing with mud. A man walks up to him and asks, What are you doing? The kid says, Making a smart potion. Would you like some? So the man says, Sure. I'll try some. So the kid gives the man a bit of the mud in a cup to drink. When the man drank it, he yelled, Blech! This is mud! So the kid says, See, getting smarter already.
Two boys are walking through the woods and one of them gets an idea of a funny prank.
He picks up some rabbit turds and after a few minutes of walking, stops, and says, "want some smart-pills?" The other boy said "sure" takes a couple, and swallows them whole.
"I don't feel any smarter."
"Take a couple more." And he does.
Moments later, eyes coming to realization,"Say, if I didn't know any better, I'd say those were rabbit turds."
"Now you're getting smarter."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Are fat people or thin people smarter?
It depends--thin people are generally sharper, while fat people are more well-rounded.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a blonde smarter than your average blonde ?
A bottle blonde .
You know, zombies would be smarter than we think.
They would have more brains in their stomachs than we do in our heads.
Father and son are having discussion who is smarter
"Dad, do you know who invented AC motor?"
"Of course I know! Nikola Tesla"
"Yep Dad, Nikola Tesla, not his father."
People tell me to learn from my mistakes
But honestly I think I'm a lot smarter than any of my children.
Why are horses smarter than the U.S. Senate?
Because Kavanaugh would get a Nay...
What do you call a friend who gets smarter as they drink?
\~Budweiser\~
I hate when people use 'whom' in a sentence to make them seem smarter.
I mean, whom would do that?
Newton knew about the laws of motion when he was 33, while we knew them when we were 14.
I guess that makes us smarter than him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two s**... guys...
Two s**... guys were riding a car when a policeman stopped them. The driver told his friend keep quiet, you will get us in trouble if you speak, I'll do the talking ! The policeman knocked lightly on the window motioning to them to role it down and said good evening gentlemen the driver exclaimed which w**... you are talking about ?!
Edit : English is not my first language so be kind please.
Edit 2: changed smarter to driver.
I have been living with two horses and three cows for a while now and I am much smarter than all of them.
You could even say I'm a stable genius.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two dudes are smoking p**...
One tells another:
-Dude, I think this p**... is making me s**..., I should quit.
Second guy responds:
-No, dude it's the other way round, you're becoming smarter and realising that you're an idiot.
The joke is originally in Georgian, this is a translation.
Not my joke but my 5 year old sister's
Mom is cooking up some mac and cheese for my little sis and says," Come get your macaroni and cheese."
To which my sister replies," I said I want mac and cheese, NO Caroni!"
My 5yr old sis is smarter than me
A policeman walks by a street vendor
Policeman: What are you selling?
Vendor: Apple seeds... $5 a pop!
Policeman: What???Why would anyone want to eat apple seed?
Vendor: They make you smarter!
Policeman: OK, give me one (swallows it)... wait a minute? For $5 I could have bought a pound of apples and got myself at least 20 seeds!
Vendor: See!!! You're smarter already!
Policeman: WOW, you're right... Give me two more, quick!
People refuses to wear a mask is actually making the humankind smarter
By nature selection
Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.
FO: My dog is so smart that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.
SO: I know.
FO: How do you know?
SO: My dog told me.
A man is sitting in a train
and watches the guy on the other side of the aisle take an apple out of his pocket, cutting it open, picking out the seeds and chewing them.
Why are you chewing the seeds?
They make me smarter
Really? Could I have some?
Sure, dollar a piece
The man agrees and gets three apple seeds for three bucks. He chews them for a while, then says Wait a minute, for three bucks I could've bought two pounds of apples!
See, it's already working
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's smarter than the average bear?
50% of all bears, and the same applies to mean bears.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I read that machines will be smarter than humans.
h**..., I already have screw drivers that are smarter than some humans.
A smart guy and a fast guy walk into a bar.
The bartender asks: "Is it better to be smarter or fast?"
The fast guy says, "Fast because if you are working at a nuclear power plant and there is an accident, you can run away."
The smart guy says, "It's better to be smart because then you wouldn't be working at a nuclear power plant."
My kindergarten daughter asked me a question,
so I answered her back In confidence with the correct answer. She asked me how I knew that , so I answered her that I knew everything. This infuriated my daughter and she told me there were people out there that knew more than me. I was shocked and told her I didn't know anyone smarter than me. Then she just looked at me and said Then you don't know everything .
True Story