The Best 35 Smart People Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Smart People jokes. There are some smart people dumb jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these smart people peoples puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Smart People Jokes and Puns

99.9% of people are dumb

Fortunately, I belong to 1% of smart people

What do we call smart people in the US?


I before E, except after C.

We ***feign agreeing***, but this ***foreign poltergeist*** of a rule is ***neither efficient*** nor smart- and ***therein*** lies the ***height*** of the issue. It's as if an ***ancient deity*** has influenced the ***zeitgeist*** of the people. We must remove the ***weight*** of this ***veil*** from ***their*** eyes, and ***forfeit*** the ***leisure*** of this ***weird*** and ***heinous*** rule from our ***science*** and ***leisure*** alike.

Since people are translating their native jokes, I hope no one has posted this yet

There were 3 boys who were being chased by the police. John the wise, Peter the smart, and Jose the dumb.

As the police were gaining on them, they each decided to hide in a box in an alley way.

The policeman ran up to John's Box and kicked it.

Thinking quickly, John said "Woof woof"

The policeman shrugged and said "Ohhh, its just a dog"

He then went up Peter's box, and kicked it.

Peter followed John's example, "Meow meow"

The Policeman shrugged again and said "Ohhh, its just a cat"

He then went to the last box, which hid Jose and kicked it

"Potato Potato"

How many sheep?

A blonde woman is tired of people assuming she's stupid and dyes her hair red. Feeling empowered, she goes for a car ride down a country road. Soon she sees a farm with hundreds of sheep. She walks up to the owner of the farm and makes this proposal: "These sheep are adorable, if I guess how many there are, can I keep one?" The farmer agrees, surely out of all the sheep this woman can't guess the number exactly. She looks around and replies "There are 593 sheep" The farmer is awe-struck, the number was exactly right. So the woman picks her sheep and is getting back in the car when the farmer runs up to her and yells "WAIT! If I can guess your natural color can I have him back?" The woman smiles and agrees, she already proved she's too smart to be called a blonde. The farmer replies "you're a blonde, now can I have my dog back?"

What are smart people in America called?


Moses, Jesus and Mohammed were selecting their followers...

Moses looks at all the women from whom to create his chosen people, picks out all of the smart ones and tells them to follow him. Jesus' turn comes, he looks at the remaining group, picks all of the most beautiful ones and tells them to follow him. Mohammed takes a look at the remaining group, sighs and says "cover yourself up"

I hate it when people try and sound smart by using big words.

It just makes them look ambidextrous

If vegans are so smart...

Then why do we call brain-dead people vegetables?

p.s. Im sorry.

A plane was going down

and there were 4 people aboard: The president, the smartest man in the world, an old man, and a little girl. However, there were only 3 parachutes. The president said, "I'm too important to die," and took a parachute and jumped. The smartest man in the world said, "other people will need my smarts," and he also jumped off. The old man said,"you can go, my life is almost over anyway." The girl said," no, we can both go. The smartest man in the world took my Dora backpack."

My favorite joke of all time.

A man calls information for a phone number (this happened before smart phones)

Anyway, the man asks for Derp Smith in Derpville, California.

The operator says "I have many listings for Derp Smith, do you have a street name?"

The man thought for a moment and replied

"Well, some people call me Iceman."

You can explore smart people millennials reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean smart people person dad jokes. There are also smart people puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My father always told me to be around smart people.

One day, My father and I were having a convo, he said totally committed to his words, "son be around smart people, if you are the smartest in the room you are in the wrong room."

So I got up and left the room.

Why do smart people wear glasses?

Because as resolution goes down performance goes up.

This is a little bad but....

Why they hire idiots in Russian military intelligence?

Well, they used to hire smart people, but those would go to Great Britain, capitulate and stay there to live.

Many people don't think I'm very smart...

but I'll have you know that I almost got a perfect score on the IQ test. I almost made 100!

Why are smart people socially anxious?

Because they have a strong nervous system.

Why do people like self-deprecating humor so much?

I just wish I was smart enough to tell you.

Miniature schnauzer joke

My miniature schnauzer is smarter than most people I know.

I remember this one time in high school I pulled out my MP3 player and people started making fun off me for not having a smart phone

At least the quiet kid was there with a MP5

Dad, what is evolution?

Dad: it's when smart people get fully vaccinated before the big delta wave

I think gays are pretty much all smart people.

They're a homo genius group.

Light is faster than sound.

That's why some people look smart, until they speak.

Somebody told me I need to give my new Smart Car a name.

So I called it 'Octomom' because even though I can technically fit 8 people in there, it doesn't mean it's a good idea.

We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.

Smart people aren't born there made

In China....

Why do people buy smart cars?

Because opposites attract.

Why are smart people so smelly?

Because genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.

(My son made this up)

Apparently people are using smart phones instead of credit cards now.

I tried this but my cocaine was very lumpy.

Sound is slower than light...

That's why some people appear to be smart before they open their mouth

A joke my dad told me many years ago when I was young.

Me: Dad, why are some guys bald in the front and some on the back of their heads?

Dad: They're caused by different things. You see, people who are bald on their foreheads are thinkers. And people who are bald on the back of their heads means that they're really smart.

Me: What about those guys who are bald in both sides?

Dad: It means: they think that they're smart.

Two smart jokes

What does a scientist call it when they're A/B testing and they find a third variable?
An emergent C

What element do British people like early in the morning?

Why are Japanese people considered very smart?

Because of their haΓ―ku.

TIL dolphins are so smart that if you put them in a library, they would impress a great many people

However, this kills them

Women and minorities feel betrayed by Trump being elected...

Now they know how smart people felt with George Bush.

Books are just TV for smart people.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the smart people nigerians jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working smart people users piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes