smart dog Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious smart dog puns

How many sheep?

A blonde woman is tired of people assuming she's stupid and dyes her hair red. Feeling empowered, she goes for a car ride down a country road. Soon she sees a farm with hundreds of sheep. She walks up to the owner of the farm and makes this proposal: "These sheep are adorable, if I guess how many there are, can I keep one?" The farmer agrees, surely out of all the sheep this woman can't guess the number exactly. She looks around and replies "There are 593 sheep" The farmer is awe-struck, the number was exactly right. So the woman picks her sheep and is getting back in the car when the farmer runs up to her and yells "WAIT! If I can guess your natural color can I have him back?" The woman smiles and agrees, she already proved she's too smart to be called a blonde. The farmer replies "you're a blonde, now can I have my dog back?"

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What's the difference between a dog who can do tricks and a dog who sniffs his own butt?

One's a smart fella and the other's a fart smella.
Of course, many dogs are both...

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Three men were in a cafe, talking about their dogs..

First man says: "My dog is so smart if I give some some money he can go the nearest supermarket and buy me some drink.

Second man says: "My dog is so smart that if I give him money, he will buy whatever I want from him and he will return with the change and the receipt.

Both the first and second man turn their head to the third man, who was quiet and was grinning.

Third man says: "My dog works as cashier there."


^^Note: ^^Sorry ^^for ^^the ^^grammatical ^^errors

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A smart man was walking his dog, when he noticed a bar and wanted to have a drink...

At the entrance there was a sign though which said: **No animals. Service dogs only!**

Considering that his dog was a Chihuahua, the guy thought of a genius idea...

He walked in the bar and the moment he entered, the bartender said "uh excuse me sir, service animals ONLY!"

The man responded "Yes, this is a seeing-eye dog."

Bartender replied "You really expect me to believe a Chihuahua is a seeing-eye dog lmao?! Gtfo!!"

Man responded "WHAT?! THEY GAVE ME A CHIHUAHUA?!"

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Smart Dog

A man absolutely hated his wife's dog and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the dog was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the dog 40 blocks away. He put the dog out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the dog!

He kept taking the dog further and further and the dog would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the dog there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Hi, is the dog there?"

"Yes", the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone! I'm lost and need directions!"

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The smartest dog

One day, two women were arguing about whose dog is smarter.

The first woman says, "My dog's so smart, every morning he waits for the paper-boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me."

The second woman replies, "I know.."

The first woman, surprisingly ask, "How do YOU know?"

The second woman says, "My dog told me."

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Smart dog

A man walks into a bar, after buying a beer he looks around the bar and sees three men and a dog playing cards. Amazed, the man wanders over and starts watching the game. Aftere watching the game for ten minutes, the man leans over to one of the other player's and whispers " Wow, that's a really smart dog!".
The man whispers backs "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail!"

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What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull?

A dog that is smart enough to bury the bodies.

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A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender

"Give me two beers. Rough day at work."

And the bartender says, "Oh? what do you do?"

The guy says, "I take care of the Corgis - you know, the dogs that the royal family owns."

The bartender says, "Tough job, huh?"

The guy says, "Well, all that in-breeding has led to low intelligence
and bad temperament. And the dogs aren't that smart either."

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A guy moves to a new neighborhood and sees his neighbor playing chess with his dog

A guy moves to a new neighborhood. The next morning, he sees his neighbor playing chess with his dog. Tries to be friendly, he asks: wow you have an incredibly smart dog, he can even play chess, how'd you train him?. Bothered, his neighbor replies: Nah, not that bright, we've been playing 10 games, and he lost like 7 of them!

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Two guys debating about whose dog is smarter

Guy 1: "My dog is very smart, every morning he always fetch my newspaper"

Guy 2: "I already know that"

Guy 1: "What? Who told you about that?"

Guy 2: "My dog"

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Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter...

First Woman : "My doggo is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me. Second Woman : "I know..." First Woman : "How?" Second Woman : "My dog told me."

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A drunk guy was walking on his way home from the bar..

Along the way, he came across a man and his dog..

Drunk Guy: "Hey there! That's a nice monkey you got with you."

Confused, the man replied, "Uhm, sir, you might have had too many drinks for the night. This is Scotty, my Labrador."

Enraged, the drunk guy replied, "I wasn't talking to you, smart ass!"

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A man walks into a bar

And sees two men playing poker with a dog at the corner table.

The man, shocked by what he's seen, turns to the barman and says "holy shit, that must be a really smart dog."

The barman nonchalantly replies "you would think, but every time the fucker gets a good hand his tail starts wagging."

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The Blonde that wanted to prove she wasn't dumb.

A blonde woman kept getting told she was dumb because she was blonde.
She decided to dye her hair black and show people how smart she was.
She approached a farmer with a herd of sheep and asked him.

-"Sir, if i can guess how many sheep you have there, will you give me one?"

-"Well ma'am, i suppose, if you guess the exact number i'll let you have one".

-"Alright, you have 134 sheep".

-"I'll be damned, that's exactly right, well, pick the one you like".

-"THIS ONE!"

-"If i guess the natural color of your hair, can i have my dog back?"

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A man walks into a bar and sees a man playing chess with his dog.

"Dear goodness! I've never seen such a thing in my life. That dog must be incredibly smart."
"Not really. He loses 9 out of every 10 games."

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Miniature schnauzer joke

My miniature schnauzer is smarter than most people I know.

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Invited to a private poke game...

A man was invited to a private poker game. When he arrived he saw that the game had already begun. Sitting at the table were four guys and a dog. More than a little surprised, he said, That must be a pretty smart dog to play poker. He ain't so smart, one of the guys said, Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.

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A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog.


He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
β€œI can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”
β€œNah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. I’ve beaten him three games out of five."

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There were once these two blondes who were sitting around bored and alone one day.


They noticed an article in the paper where they were selling bird dogs.
Well they had heard that dogs make excellent companions so they went out to buy one.
They brought the dog home and fell instantly in love with him.
They had heard somewhere that bird dogs were smart and good at what they do.
So the two blondes decided to take the dog outside and watch him do what he is was so good at doing.
They tried it out a couple of times, but the blondes came off more disappointed than amazed at what the dog could do.
Finally one of the blondes was sick and tired of waiting, she suddenly shouted out: "THAT’S IT! We’ll give this dog one more chance. We’ll throw him up in the air one more time and if he doesn’t fly we’re taking him back to the STORE!"

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What are the most funny Smart Dog jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Smart Dog? Well, here are the best Smart Dog dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Smart Dog pick up lines to share with friends.

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